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Hisoka x Illumi
NOW AND FOREVER
by SEMON
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5.
Just a week away from Valentine's Day, the representative of a record company showed up at the bar and approached Hisoka's band, offering to sign a contract. Hisoka assumed an air of nonchalance; he openly eyed the feminine charms of the attractive rep, ignoring the excitement and nervousness of his band mates.
Negotiations went surprisingly smoothly, in just a few days, all the conditions were finalized and they only needed to sign next to the X.
The night before the contract had to be signed; the rep treated the band for a meal at an expensive hotel, after their wonderful dinner and drinks, the group headed off in high spirits to sing karaoke. Hisoka's arm was caught by the rep, under the dimmed lighting the woman's eyes discreetly flirted, her scarlet lips lightly brushed past his ear and she pressed a hotel key into his palm.
Hisoka's scoff of amusement became a wide smirk as he accepted the key.
---
Early the next day Hisoka returned to his apartment where he hesitated at the door feeling the slightest twinge of guilt, but reasoned that Illumi would be at work by then, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.
In the faint dawn of late winter, the room was very dark, so Hisoka switched on the light and right away he saw the eyes of that black haired youth sitting quietly on the couch, gazing at him. The sudden harshness of the bright lights gave Illumi's eyes a pained and disoriented look.
Illumi looked around, and then looked at Hisoka, as if confirming something; he bit down hard on his lips, and stood up.
"I'm going to work now."
"What? Oh."
"Later."
"Yeah, later."
Without any expression, Illumi walked past Hisoka and out the door, he didn't look back.
For awhile, Hisoka just stared at the retreating back, before he turned and noticed a table laden with dishes of fine food and a bottle of champagne; he violently recalled that yesterday was February the 14th.
Hisoka suddenly felt very irritated, an emotion akin to rage felt bottled within and finally erupted. He pushed everything on the table onto the floor, smashed whatever he laid his eyes on, destroyed it, broke it. His tongue went dry, his whole being felt inflamed by a hate that found no outlet.
Illumi always stared at him so silently, he never speaks and has no expression, he neither cries, nor does he laugh. His pair of pitch black eyes was forever so pristine and pure, but he doesn't reflect anyone's existence, including himself.
Hisoka found everything so laughable, he felt he was a rotten puppet on the verge of disintegration, performing solo on a childish and pretentious stage, he was utterly cheap and dirty, he felt empty and bored, yet had no way out. Meanwhile Illumi stood far away, silently looking at him as if observing an amusing play, even at the climax of the show; he would never be as generous as to grace him with a single clap.
Finally, after the last song finished and his fans had scattered, his wasted figure would decompose on the stage, while Illumi too, would make his lofty and elegant departure.
Hate slowly penetrated through Hisoka's heart, for the first time he realized just how much he depended on Illumi, yet couldn't even catch a hold of a single scrap of his shirt.
---
That day, Hisoka refused to sign on with the record label, and his band members nearly went berserk. One of them grabbed him by the collar and punched him, a bruise quickly appeared.
"Hisoka! I don't care if you're a bastard most of the time, but you can't do this to us!"
Hisoka hit back. "Fuck you! If anyone of you fuckers want to sign on, go for it! But not me, I'm not signing!"
"Alright then, why?" An older band member asked with relative calm.
"Because I feel dirty! Like a dirty whore! Like a dirty rat in the sewer!"
"So what; that's who we are."
Hisoka was shocked, his lips moved, but could not speak.
His hate seemed to have found a channel; it slowly seeped across his mouth. Yes, that's exactly who I am…
Why the hell am I pretending to be some prince, some paragon of civilization, he smirked sardonically and signed his name on the dotted line.
He felt something within his body completely collapse.
---
That night, they fucked in a frenzy.
Hisoka brutally entered Illumi's body again and again, forcing their flimsy wooden bed to creak with agonized shrieks. Next door, someone banged on their wall in complaint. Those repeated knocking sounds only provoked him further; they tumbled from the bed onto the floor. But Hisoka was still unsatisfied, he wanted to enter the deepest part of Illumi, to pluck out a piece of his pristine soul, but he never even touched it.
In frustration he thought, cry for me, or at least a moan, however, Illumi only silently knitted his brows, a lost look swimming in his black eyes.
Afterwards, Hisoka caressed the person in his arms, he tangled his fingers in the long black strands, but even though they were right there in his hands, he couldn't feel the warmth they had once possessed. He watched Illumi's tired face, he slowly traced his fingers down his smooth, gentle contours, when suddenly, Illumi widened his eyes, covered his mouth over Hisoka's arm and bit down.
His bite was heavy, fresh blood welled up between the edges of his teeth. Hisoka did not flinch, he didn't even seem to feel the pain, he stood like an outsider observing the wound on his arm, and suddenly chuckled.
"Do you hate me too, Illu-chan?"
"Or maybe, have you hated me right from the start?"
He hugged Illumi tightly, so very tight, and kissed his beautiful black hair, but could no longer hear the heartbeats of his partner.
The whole time they were together, he never said those three words "I am sorry", because Hisoka was a man who felt such words were beneath him.
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6.
Time, like the bite mark on his arm, quickly disappeared.
Hisoka began drinking again, sleeping around, although he didn't do the drugs he once did, after all life was complicated enough now that his band was commercialized. As long as Hisoka didn't get himself in major trouble, the money let him be as artistically debauched as he wanted. This way, he has even more of the charisma of a rock star, a rep from his record company once said, with an ambiguous smile.
Maybe because they've known him for too long, none of Hisoka's buddies expressed any surprise when he reverted back to his former ways.
But some friends did make it a point to remind him. "Hey, aren't you being a little unfair to Illumi, look at how expressionless he's been lately, I think he's hurt." Hisoka merely smirked, kissed the woman in his arms and impatiently replied, "Isn't he always like that?"
---
"Actually Hisoka, I don't think you know what you really want." Bar owner Kuroro once observed meaningfully. He was another black-haired youth, but his knowledge far surpassed his true age, he could often be heard dropping pearls of wisdom, which no one could really dig.
At his words, Hisoka merely crinkled his eyes, as if life was just a game and he had nothing to lose.
"The only things that I want, are the things that I can see."
Kuroro just laughed, shaking his head regretfully.
---
Hisoka knew that Illumi had been hurt, even though his expression did not change. From that day that Illumi had bitten his arm, he already knew that something between them had changed.
Illumi's disagreements were always silent, he never yelled or punched. He still kept to the same routine as before, went to work at the same time, got home at the same time, and quietly stayed up waiting for Hisoka to get home. If Hisoka came home after a one-night stand, Illumi would bitterly block him from coming closer, locking himself in his room, or simply not speak to him for days at a time, his child-like stubbornness was a major headache for Hisoka.
If only he would just fight with me, Hisoka thought, he would rather have Illumi yell at him, even if he screamed like a hysterical woman that would still be a lot more preferable to the stoical expression he wore at all times.
Sometimes Hisoka also felt he had gone too far, he would approach Illumi gently, come home on time, no more girls, no more weed, but he would only be clean for a while before reverting back to his old habits.
Later on, they moved to a new place, the band's first album sold well, Hisoka found himself a unit in a classy condo, but Illumi didn't quit his job, even though Hisoka pressured him saying he was now rich enough to provide for him, but still he insisted on taking the hour-long ride everyday to his job at the café.
Then something major happened, a thief broke into Hisoka's apartment, while he was leaving he ran into Illumi who had just returned from work, at that critical moment, the thief knocked Illumi unconscious with a bat and escaped. Only until Hisoka got home the next morning did he discover that Illumi's body had been soaking in a pool of blood for god knows how long.
Hisoka nearly lost his mind, he didn't know if this was how Illumi would leave him forever, even when the medics pushed Illumi into the emergency room, he remained glued to the entrance and shouted hysterically, until the hospital had to call security to calm him down.
The operation went well; the patient was able to receive visitors only a week later.
Illumi sat on the bed, everything around him was snowy white, the color broke Hisoka's heart. Illumi was as calm as before, if anything had changed inside, they remained undetectable. Hisoka placed a large bouquet of red roses beside Illumi, and held his hands; at the first touch of the cold lifeless fingers Hisoka's heart give a lurch. And then he began to repeat the promises that he had broken time and time again.
"Illu-chan, I'll never come home so late again."
"Um-hm."
"Illu-chan, I'll never let you be sad again."
"Um-hm."
"Illu-chan… …"
"Um-hm?"
"Does it hurt?
"Does it hurt?"
Illumi did not reply, he slowly turned his head, and faced the window where a few sparrows flew twittering past.
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To be continued....last 2 chapters...