A/N: No, I haven't gone!
Hey everyone! I am so sorry about the very late update but a load of stuff caught up with me that I had to get finished!
Hope I don't disappoint
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter! I can't actually describe how happy I am to get them!
Lanekimfan
Dark Inkling
GeoJany
Lailah Hoshi
All right then, better get on with the story! Merry Christmas everyone
Saz xxxxx
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Spinelli stirred the limp pasta around on her plate, sighing gloomily at the trails of shiny butter it left on its way. Dinnertime was not fun, no matter what mood she was in, and adding that her mind was tangled and full of anxiety, her mother's constant questions just annoyed her even more.
'Ashley? I'm talking to you!' her mother said angrily, leaning over the slippery contents of her plate until her necklace was drowned in a sea of sauce and cheese. Spinelli screwed up her face and shuffled in her seat, miserably muttering 'sorry' into her lap. Her mother's face relaxed as she slowly lowered herself back into her chair, continuing her droning rant on dinner table etiquette. Spinelli looked out onto the garden behind her, wishing that the next hour would speed along so she could go meet her friends in the park, while at the same time trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach at the thought of TJ.
Spinelli laughed.
'Ashley? What's so funny about napkin folding?' Her mother asked, returning to her leaning position and allowing her necklace again to be dunked in sauce.
'Nothing,' she replied, still smiling and spinning the fork between her fingers. She laughed at the thought of her mum knowing about TJ and her, how she would react to how she felt about him, and how she would try and turn her into a real 'girl' because that's would TJ would want-.
Wait.
Spinelli dropped her fork onto the table with a crash, her stunned and vacant expression looked like she had seen a ghost. As her mother scurried around her feet picking up the splattered pasta, all she could think about was what she told him at recess.
'Did he say he'd think about it because…I wasn't girly enough for him?' her mind wondered. It seemed her own paranoid thoughts were arguing with her as well.
'Of course he did, why would he ever want to go out with you?' they said, pounding each word into her head.
'You're ugly, and stupid, and you're NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM' they shouted, louder than she ever heard. They repeated themselves over and over again, steadily getting louder and louder until she realised that she was shouting them herself. She clenched her hands over her ears and with a realisation that felt like fire on her skin, she believed that that was the reason.
'Ashley stop it!' her mother cried shrilly, shaking her daughter with a trembling hand.
'IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM' she cried, until they came out into nothing but muffled sobs, buried under her mother's jumper. All at once the pain of the last 2 years came crashing down onto her, and a belief that she really had a chance was squashed. She listed in her mind all the people that she knew he had liked, all of them girly, all of them pretty, and she was..
'…not good enough for him,' she said finally, coughing out the final word with dire relief. Her dad stood over her, awe-struck at the emotional scene that had just occurred. As he stooped down to her level, his soft eyes staring into her watering ones, he patted her knee reassuringly, as it was all he knew how.
'Maybe you shouldn't go to the park now,' he said gently, tucking a loose strand of hair around her ear. Spinelli smiled at the gesture and waved it away, suddenly aware that her parents were seeing her crying.
'I'm fine, it's just probably hayfever or something,' she stuttered, wiping her raw cheeks with her sleeve. Her parents looked at her oddly and cleared her path, dumbfounded at their daughter's confidence and attitude. She marched briskly towards her bedroom; her steps only heard as simple thuds on the stairs followed by silent sound of her parent's exchanged glances. As she reached the door she saw the pictures that she had taped onto it, from holidays and birthdays to…TJ. She picked it up and rolled the corners between her fingers. She wasn't going to change, no matter what he wanted. He can either take it or leave it, no matter how painful it might be. Nodding slowly to herself, she sighed away the tears and grabbed her coat. She ran for the door, only shouting quick goodbyes to her parents who were still standing awe-stricken at the table as all they saw was her silhouette framed by the door and a quivering hand jamming a small picture into her coat pocket.
A/N: R&R people!