Disclaimer: Until the day comes that you see Harry and Severus or Draco frolicking around, it'll be safe to assume that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters.

"You Can Ride My Broomstick Any Day, Harry"
by juxtaposed

Chapter Three: Conversation with the Headmaster, Part One

The crashing of the bottle of Firewhiskey did nothing to soothe Severus' nerves. If anything, it only served to aggravate him further, because now not only was he dealing with a rather tiresome problem with no discernable answer and a pounding headache, but now…now there was no alcohol.

Goddamnit.

Severus stared sulkily at the puddle of liquor that was steadily spreading across the hard dungeon floor, bits of glass sprinkled throughout. He flicked his wand at it and it immediately all vanished, and his scowl deepened.

This is all… he paused and growled, remembering that he still had no clue as to who he could possibly lay blame for his current condition upon. Well, its someone's fault. Someone who will subsequently suffer a slow, painful death. Oh, yes, a long, torturous death is definitely required. A grim, wicked smile crossed Severus' lips. Now he just had to figure out who…

And how…

And when…

Goddamnit. I need more alcohol.

Severus glared at nothing in particular, channeling all his anger into that one harsh look.

Across the room, a rack of small vials exploded. Lucky for Severus, they were still empty, so he had avoided a nasty potions disaster, but he scowled heavily anyway as he recalled that those were new vials, a special order from the apothecary.

Damn it. Impervious to even the strongest shattering curse, resistant to the harshest blow, withstands even the most volatile potions…and I blow it up with an angry look. Either there's a serious production flaw, or I really must learn to control my temper better.

He paused to think for a while, and his characteristic smirk flitted across his lips.

It's a production flaw.

After all, he, Severus S. Snape, had perfect control of his emotions. He simply needed to…redirect them.

And when he discovered who was behind his two days of hell, there would be copious amounts of redirection.

Yes, yes, that's a viable plan.

Now, armed with a malevolent sort of determination, Severus began to thoroughly reexamine his activities of the past week or so, trying to discern any clues and recall any information he might have not thought of, in hopes that he might perhaps reach a conclusion to his 'problem'.

Meeting with Albus, meeting with Filius, breakfasts and dinners in the Great Hall, Potions classes, yelling at some fourth years, yelling at Potter…

Potter.

Severus snarled at the thought of the boy, but forced himself not to go on another tangent, and instead refocused himself on his puzzling predicament.

Tea with Minerva, tea with Draco, detentions with some third years, detention with H - Potter…

Potter again!

Severus tried to ignore the throbbing vein in his temple – and other places, and focused on recollecting his thoughts once more.

Experimenting with new potions, having one of those potions explode because of that damned House-Elf, the old Malfoy one that Har - Potter freed…

Harry-fucking-Potter.

He's everywhere! Like an overgrown weed, or a very cumbersome rash. Can't even give me some peace in my own goddamn thoughts.

Severus felt mildly better thinking those thoughts. As long as he thought about the brat as exactly that – a brat – the easier it was to ignore the fact that he was a very attractive brat.

Or pretend to ignore, anyway.

He returned to recounting recent events.

Images began flitting through his mind; of the past few days, of his behavior, of the words he had said to Harry-bleeding-Potter…

Harry.

Dear Merlin. He's not a disease, he's a bloody epidemic.

His scowl deepened as the name sprang, unbidden, into his mind once more. And he was most displeased to find that in it, he had referred to the brat by his given name.

Now, why am I thinking about the damn brat? By his godforsaken name, no less?

None of the thoughts that he got as a reply to this self-posed question was at all acceptable.

No, no, no!

There had to be a good reason for it. Because otherwise, Severus would surely not care at all to indulge in less-than-pure thoughts of his student.

He was saved from his own scathing thoughts by a sudden flash of light, temporarily blinding him. Then a single phoenix feather floated down onto his lap, a note attached to it. Severus stared at it for a long moment, unable to contain the groan that escaped his lips.

Oh, great. The old man has something to say.

With some trepidation, Severus removed the note, and with a flick of his wand, sent the phoenix feather off into his storage for possible future use; then he unfolded the parchment to see the Headmaster's loopy scrawl:

Severus,
Do come up to my office for some late night drinks.
Albus

Severus rolled his eyes at the use of the words "late night drinks".

Makes it sound as though we're going to have cocktails, or as if I'm going to knock back a few with him.

This presented an extremely amusing visual, but his mirth was immediately suppressed as he reread the note.

Since there was no time mentioned, or even an "at your convenience", Severus knew it was Dumbledore's way of saying "Get up here right now." He groaned again. He didn't particularly feel like talking to anyone right now, and he knew what the Headmaster wanted – to discuss what exactly had been going on in Severus' head the past couple of days – as the older man had the annoying tendency to be unrelentingly nosy about matters such as this, and was no doubt slowly dying inside wanting to know what had happened, exactly.

As if I know.

Still, he pulled himself up from his chair and prepared to leave his chambers – it would be better to deal with Albus now, he figured, than to wait for the man to become even more curious. He had learnt his lesson with that one – when Albus Dumbledore put it into his head that he wanted to know the truth behind a matter, he would do whatever it took to get it, anyone or anything in his way, be damned – the hard way, and was not keen to repeat it.

Ten minutes later saw him stalking the almost-empty corridors making his way to the damned stone gargoyle that guarded the Headmaster's office. As he approached, it leapt to the side, and he was more than relieved that he did not have to spend minutes snapping candy-names at it, because he honestly could never be bothered to keep track of the names of all the different sweets that had ever existed, which the slightly batty old man seemed determine to exhaust as his set passwords.

Albus was sitting behind his desk, a pleasant smile on his lips and the most damned annoying twinkle in his eyes, his fingers interlocked resting on the table, when Severus strode in. He looked up with a wide smile.

"Ah, Severus, so good to have you up here. Please, have a seat." He gestured to a chair in front of him. "Lemon drop? Tea?"

"No," Severus said bluntly, then added a sullen, "Thank you."

The Headmaster remained unfazed. "Ah, coffee, then?" He conjured up a pot of steaming coffee and then peered at Severus in that annoying cheerful way of his, the way that made Severus want to wrap his hands around his own throat and strangle himself to death.

Or at least into unconsciousness.

"Very well, then," Severus acquiesced with a small scowl, only because that look in the other man's eyes was clearly saying 'Take some damn coffee or you wont like the consequences'.

At the Potions Master's words, Albus brightened even more and all but clapped his hands in glee as he poured out a cup of coffee. "Black, three sugars, yes?" he asked, more to himself than Severus, dropping in three sugar cubes as he did so.

"Thank you," Severus nodded stiffly as he took his cup from Albus and inhaled the rich aroma. Whatever else could be said about the old man – like 'raving lunatic', for example – there was no denying that he made a damn good coffee.

As the Head of Slytherin took his first sip of drink, Albus sat back into his chair. "So, Severus," he began conversationally.

Severus' eyes immediately narrowed as he looked up from his coffee. "Headmaster."

Albus rolled his eyes. "None of that now, Severus. We're not here to discuss work-related matters."

Severus also rolled his eyes. "Very well. Albus."

The Headmaster was delighted at this. Severus was not so much.

Could this man get any happier?

"So, Severus," Albus repeated, and again the man in question was on his guard. "I understand that for the last couple of days, things have been a little different."

Severus snorted. "That's a hell of an understatement, Albus."

"Oh, do tell," the older wizard leaned forward eagerly.

I didn't think it was even physically possible for anyone to be that cheerful.

Severus scowled. "There is nothing to tell." Off the Headmaster's look, he felt obliged to add, "I have no clue about the entire matter myself."

"Ahh, we have a mystery upon our hands!" Albus, far from being discouraged with the news, actually seemed to become even more elated.

It can't actually be healthy for him.

"I suppose we do," Severus half-heartedly humored him, his tone becoming drier with each word. "Whatever shall we do."

Albus' eyes would not stop twinkling, it was beginning to become extremely distracting to Severus.

Isn't he in some sort of danger from exploding from joy?

"What will we do? Why, we must get to the bottom of it, of course, and uncover the truth!" he said, in an excited sort of hushed exclamation.

Severus paused, more than a little stunned at the Headmaster's reaction. "We must?"

"We must!" Albus nodded happily.

"We must," Severus sighed in resignation, knowing that Albus would have it no other way now. "Very well, Albus, what will you have us do?"

His eyes never lost their damn sparkle, Severus noticed, even as they narrowed slightly in thought. "Well, the very first thing in uncovering a mystery is to decipher all the clues. What clues do you have, Severus?"

Severus bit back a snippy retort – that he obviously had no sodding clue, because if he did he obviously wouldn't be here sitting in the company of a madman, drinking coffee and discussing mysteries, he would be out seeking vengeance and wreaking havoc upon the poor misfortunate soul who had even thought to pull this stunt on him – solely out of his respect for the kooky man.

Instead, he very calmly stated, "I don't think I have any, Albus. I have no idea who did it to me, how and when it was done, or even what it was."

"Ah, but we do have a clue, Severus, my dear boy." Albus stated gleefully. He paused, obviously waiting for Severus to ask what it was, completely oblivious to the dark scowl that was being shot at him by said wizard.

Severus knew that Albus had no reason to be afraid of his all-but-patented death glare, but honestly. It couldn't hurt for him to pretend. Or even to just acknowledge it. After all, Severus had spent long days and nights perfecting the acerbic look, and here it was, being so casually dismissed. If Albus Dumbledore had been anyone else…

Albus was still smiling expectantly at Severus, who nearly growled as he forced himself to ask, "What is this clue that we have, Albus?"

"Ah, I thought you'd never ask!" Albus blatantly ignored the glare from Severus. "You see, we know the effect of whatever was done to you!" he announced triumphantly, as if he had solved a great mystery, and Severus had the distinct feeling that Albus felt he had.

But Severus merely stared blankly at the other man. "…And that helps us how?"

Aha! So he can be ruffled!

Severus suddenly felt a flash of victory as Albus' triumphant sparkle faded just a little and his smug smile faded just a bit. Nonetheless, the Headmaster's composure never wavered, and his eyes picked up their glimmer once more as he leaned forward to explain to Severus.

"You see, if we know the effect, we can work backwards from there to discover what was cast upon you, and then we can figure out how it was done, and when, and finally who!"

Severus was loathe to tell the determinedly happy man that he had already tried to distinguish which spell had been cast on him and had failed miserably, but he did anyway. "I'm afraid, Albus, that I've already thought this matter over. There is no spell that produces the exact effect, and while there maybe potions, I'm very sure I would not have been foolish enough to consume anything laced with one."

"I'm sure you wouldn't have been, Severus." Albus frowned. "Hmm. This does leave us with quite the conundrum."

And then there was that damnable twinkle again, and Severus was suddenly very apprehensive about the next words about to leave the Headmaster's mouth. Sure enough,

"Well, we'll just have to stay here and try to figure it out! The night's still young yet! Lemon drop?"

AN: Jeepers creepers and jinkies! Long wait! But only a month this time, as opposed to five weeks...sheepish grin Writer's Block struck again, but it's getting much better - I'm very fond of this (longer!) chapter, I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it, and wont you all kindly review to tell me? (grins and prods all of you) It's my birthday, be nice! And yes, I'm hoping that by shamelessly telling all of you that, you'll be more inclined to review. Is it working?

Thanks, gratitude, appreciations, love, cookies, and long nights of hot loving to:
Melie (well, Harry's still young, and it was more of a self-denial phase, but thanks for the comments, I appreciate your honesty); shadow fox12; Klover P (confrontation to come!); Marauders-Lover; enchantress646 (am I forgiven now?); ataraxis (squee! glad you liked it!); moseys-dragon; Ishy; Pris; penny; MoonSnoAngel (you sent my story to people? squee! again); Tazthedevilman; Lady Shang; Wolflady; Lain-Iris; Sara; Tigris T Draconis (squee! yet again! Thank you!); and Somnia Lustre (hehe, glad you think so.).
You guys rock my world.

I promise a shorter wait for the next chapter (three weeks this time, maybe? Heh heh.), but til then you can go to my LJ and bug me, or read up on its progress. Yep, more shameless self-promotion. (prods again) Review, then Go!