Alex had wiped his tears, and stood to his feet, wondering if he would ever make peace with the fact that he was dying, that he was leaving behind the most precious thing he had ever known, and her name was Stevie. He bid farewell to Claire's resting place and headed to the main house at Drovers. So much time was lost, he wouldn't loose a second more. He wouldn't run this time, he wouldn't leave her or let her down again, not it he could help it. Upon finding the house empty he sat and waited, as patiently as he could. After a few minutes he began pacing the ground, kicking stones, wondering if he should go look for her, but surely that would confuse the situation, she would likely come back here before he could find her. He would have to wait. And he practiced what he would say, imagining it in his head.
He would hold her face gently close to his. They would sit down. He would look her in the eyes and she'd ask him what was wrong because by that time there would be tears, he wouldn't be able to find the words for a minute and then she would begin crying too, sensing something serious going on.
'I love you' He'd tell her, 'I love you I love you l love you.'
That's what he wanted her to know.
'You're so precious and I love you, and I love every minute we've had, and I'm sorry I've wasted so much time.' That's what he'd say.
She'd look confused then, she'd tell him she felt the same, and kiss him, and tell him they had their whole lives…
'No Stevie.' He'd say gently, but firmly.
'Don't be silly!' she would be almost yelling now, refusing to take it in, 'Alex you're being ridiculous, Don't talk like that.' and she'd kiss him again, and he couldn't pull away.
She'd bury herself in his embrace and they look at the stars and she'd talk about babies and grand kids and growing old together, and she'd sound happy, but there would be a tear in her eye, because she could tell from the way his body would be shaking that something was very wrong, and he'd have to grab her, and turn her to face him, and there was no gentle way to get it through to her, 'I'm sick, there is nothing they can do.' He'd tell it to her simple as that.
She'd be shocked, maybe she'd cry, maybe she'd hold him, after that he'd try soften the blow, 'Lets make the most of it, our time together.' He'd tell her. He'd ask her to be strong for him, and she would be strong, he knew it, She would do anything for him.
'I cant live without you.' She'd say
'You can.' He'd answer
'I cant.' She'd protest
'You have to.' He'd tell her. 'But I'll be watching.' He'd promise her, although he didn't know if he believed much in an afterlife.
She would be ok, much as his ego would like to think other wise, she would be fine, he assured himself.
But every moment from that point would be tainted. Every last precious moment a black cloud would hover over them, and they'd just be waiting for the lightening to strike him.
It would be better to be Claire, just gone, suddenly, no warning, no goodbye. He wouldn't tell Stevie, he couldn't. He'd just wait here for her and apologise, say it was jet lag, he was being unreasonable, he'd kiss her, take her upstairs and drive away her doubts about everything. He would suffer with this disease but he would not let her suffer too. It would be his final gift to her.
He knew she had insecurities, and he shouldn't have left her for so long, she needed his reassurance badly. And he would give it to her. He'd make the last days the best ones of her life. She wouldn't see it coming, it would be quick, and the others would help her through it, in the end. And with that decided, Alex sat on the steps of Drovers and waited. He waited for days before he finally realised, she was not coming home.