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CHAPTER TWO
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In a large clearing not far from Goku's swamp, a gathering of villagers, anime characters, and soldiers could be seen dwelling about. Most of the anime characters were either in chains or cages, or being loaded into carts to be shipped off somewhere unmentionable. The rest of the creatures were standing in a long line with various villagers waiting to claim their reward. At the head of the line, a large oak table was set up, surrounded by armed guards. At this table sat Juunanagou, captain of Lord Darien's army. He was a shrewd, handsome young man, whose piercing blue eyes glinted more ferociously than his polished sword ever could.
At the moment, he was bored out of his skull. He stifled a yawn as the guard beside him called up the next villager. He really found the whole ordeal tiresome... Lord Darien insisted that all the anime characters be removed from his lands because, as he put it, they 'shed their annoying antics all over his perfect world.' He rolled his eyes and handed the man in front of him twenty pieces of silver for the Vash the Stampede.
The man walked back down the line with a scowl on his face. "Lousy twenty pieces," He grumbled as he passed by an old woman and her catch.
Her captive was a white cat, the size of a small lion, with a crescent moon on it's forehead. The cat turned to the woman that he had served since he was a child and begged her once more.
"Please, don't turn me in, I'll never be stubborn again, I can change! Please, give me another chance!" He bit his lower lip as the old hag turned hateful eyes towards him.
"Oh, shut up!" She hissed, lifting a hand to strike him.
Artemis backed down with a defeated sigh. He watched as the line got closer and closer to the table, till he was only one person away.
"Next," Boomed the captain's voice. "What have you got?" He raised an eyebrow in question as a young boy with bright blue eyes and black hair tied in a pigtail was set down in front of him.
The man who had put the boy down smiled at him. "This boy becomes a girl."
Before Juunanagou could respond, the youth turned to him and stated firmly. "I'm not a girl, I'm a real boy!"
His words would have been believable if it were not for the cold water that was suddenly poured on him, indeed turning him into a red-haired girl. Juunanagou stared at the boy as though this was the stupidest thing alive, then flippantly remarked to his guards.
"Five shillings for the half-boy. Take it away."
The hefty old man took his money and walked away, ignoring the cries of the young boy as he was lifted and carried off. "No, wait! Father, don't let them do this!"
Artemis was horrified by the whole situation, but he suddenly heard the words of his own doom. "Next.. what have you got?"
The cat glanced frantically around for an escape as his former mistress smirked at the captain. "Well, I've got a talking cat."
Her confidence grew as Juunanagou smiled blandly at her. "Right," He began cheerfully. "Well that's good for ten shillings," His voice then lowered to a deadpan. "If you can prove it."
Artemis was then struck with a flash of brilliance; the only way they could tell he was a anime character was if he talked. He kept his mouth shut as the old woman turned to him. "Go ahead, big fella, talk for the nice man."
She frowned as Artemis gave her an incredulous look.
The captain raised an eyebrow; he didn't hear any talking from the cat, who was wisely keeping quiet.
"Well?" He inquired. The woman smiled nervously.
"Oh, ha, he's just, uh... he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a talker." She growled at Artemis. "Talk, you bone-headed dolt!"
Juunanagou rolled his eyes. "All right, I've heard enough. Guards."
The woman frantically waved her arms as the knights approached her. "No, no! I swear, he's an anime character, he is!" She grabbed Artemis' head and waved it around in a weak act of ventriloquism. " 'I can talk, I'm the damn most talking cat you've ever seen!' " She gave them all a weak grin.
Juunanagou was less than convinced. "Get her out of my sight," He ordered.
The old woman put up a good struggle with the guards, grabbing onto Artemis and trying desperately to prove her story. There was a resounding 'whack' as her hand hit the top of his head.
"Ouch, that hurt!"
She smirked as everyone around her gasped. Artemis covered his mouth. "I can talk!" He yelped in false surprise.
A small child laughed and yelled. "He can talk!"
Juunanagou wasn't concerned with that though all he was worried about was the fact that, "He's a anime character!"
Artemis finally uncovered his mouth and turned to smirk at the captain. "That's right, fool! I am a pure anime character. You may have seen a house cat, maybe even a alley cat, but you ain't never seen a talking cat!"
His smirked faltered as the guards walked towards him. "Uh-oh."
He turned to run just as Juunanagou yelled out. "Seize him!"
The soldiers pounced on him, but he managed to throw them off and break away into the forest. His breath came in short pants as he ran, his pulse pounding as loudly at the sound of the armored foot steps behind him. He turned his head to see just how close the guards were when he ran into something solid, and rather furry.
He let out a startled 'oof' and fell to the ground. Artemis blinked up at a tall, furry, pink saiya-jin, with sharp eyes and an unhappy frown. He was about to speak in surprise, but the sounds of the guards made him duck behind the impressive saiya-jin instead. Goku narrowed his eyes as the troop of knights thundered into the woods.
The knights clambered to a halt at the sight of the beast, and the captain cleared his throat and spoke nervously. "You there, Saiya-jin."
Goku crossed his arms over his bare chest. "Aye?" He raised an eyebrow as the captain rambled on in a tremulous manner.
Juunanagou pulled out a scroll with a large blue D on it, displaying it for the large saiya-jin as he spoke to him. "By the order of Lord Darien, I am... authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated...free settlement... facility."
He gulped as the tall, hairy beast looked him right in the eye as he spoke, and smirked down at him. "Oh, really? You and what army?" Goku asked smugly, as the captain finally noticed that his men had all left him. He let out a small cry and ran back the way he had come...after all, a level four saiya-jin was not something that was to be messed with alone.
Goku snorted as he turned and walked past the awe struck cat. Artemis cleared his throat and smiled at the furry back.
"Can I.. can I say something to you? Listen, you was really something back there," He remarked as he ran to catch up with his rescuer. He kept the big saiya-jin's back in front of him as Goku tried to turn and look at him. "Incredible," He continued.
Goku stared around in a bit of confusion.. every time he tried to see the face that went the voice, he was met with scenery. He scratched the back of his head. "Are you talking to... me?" He shrugged his shoulders when he got no reply and turned back around to walk right into a body. He let out a startled yelp and jumped back from the grinning Artemis.
"Yes I was talking to you. Can I just tell you, that you was really great back there, man. Those guards, man they thought they was all of that! Then you showed up and, bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. See that, that really made me feel good to see that," He rattled on, unaware of Goku's wide eyes.
The taller saiya-jin had never met anyone that could talk so fast or so much before. He nodded somewhat uncertainly. "Oh, that's great," He remarked, annoyed when Artemis spoke up again.
"It's good to be free," He sighed happily.
Goku turned and rested a hand on the cat's head. "Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?" He hinted, hopping the white cat would get the idea and go away.
Artemis looked thoughtful for a moment as Goku walked on. "But, uh, I don't have any friends, and I am not going out there by myself!" He grinned and ran after Goku. "Hey, wait a minute, I got a great idea! I'll stick with you! You're a mean, lean, fighting machine. Together, we'll scare the spit outta everybody that crosses us." He smiled at Goku, even though the taller saiya-jin was clearly unimpressed.
Goku turned to Artemis suddenly, and roared in his face as loud and as menacingly as he could. Artemis stared at him with his mouth hanging open, his eyes bugged and his head tilted back for a few, quiet moments. Then he grinned again.
"Oh wow! That was really scary! And if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work your breath certainly will get the job done. 'Cause you definitely need some tic-tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!" He made a face and then ran to catch up with his new pal, jumping up onto a tree and hanging over the edge so he was face to face with the annoyed saiya-jin.
"Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose. Just like the time--mmff umph mnnff." He continued to talk as Goku covered his mouth with his hand, desperate to shut him up. When he saw that wasn't going to happen, he sighed and removed his hand. Artemis was still going. "..and then I ate some rotten berries, man I had some strong gases eking outta my butt that day." He grinned at his companions vexed expression.
Goku raised his voice a bit. "Why are you following me?!" He cried as he pushed past the smiling cat. Artemis hopped off his branch and trotted after him.
"Oh, I'll tell you why." He jumped in front of Goku and blocked him, posing as he began to sing. "Cause I'm all alone, there's nobody here beside me! My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me!" He grinned again and started to dance." But ya gotta have friends--!"
Goku let out a short cry of anger and picked Artemis up by his neck, lifted him up to his face and snarled at him. "Stop singing!"
He dropped the large eyed feline off to the side and shook his head at him. "Well it's no wonder ya don't have any friends!" He exclaimed.
Artemis flashed him that impish grin again. "Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest," He replied.
Goku moaned in dismay. He tried once more to make the smaller cat understand. "Listen, little fella, take a look at me! What am I?" He waited, as Artemis looked him up and down.
"Uh, really tall?" He tried, scratching the back of his head and grinning once more.
Goku growled at him. "No! I'm a level four super saiya-jin! You know, 'Grab your torch and pitchforks!' Doesn't that bother you?" He asked.
Artemis shook his head. "Nope."
Goku was taken a back by this and blinked a few times before responding. "Really?" Artemis continued to grin.
"Really, really."
"Oh...," Goku shrugged, and turned to walk away
The white feline smirked at him. "Man, I like you, what's your name?"
Goku stared at him for a moment, then offhandedly spoke as he continued to walk on. "Goku."
Artemis made a face. "Goku?" He shook his head at the strange name and ran after his new friend. "Well, you know what I like about you, Goku? You got that, 'I don't care what nobody thinks of me' thing. I like that, I respect that. You're all right." He turned his attention to a large, run down looking house near a lonely swamp. "Woo, look at that! Who would want to live in a place like that!?" He exclaimed.
Goku gave him a meaningful look. "That would be my home," He said as he walked down the hill.
Artemis blushed as he followed behind Goku; he had to say something to make up for his rude outburst. "Oh and it is lovely! Beautiful! You know, you are quite the decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget! I like that boulder, that is a nice boulder." His grin faded as he passed by some very unfriendly looking 'keep out' signs.
"I uh, guess you don't entertain much, do you?" He asked.
Goku cast a glance over his shoulder at him. "I like my privacy," He commented.
Artemis grinned again. "You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face, and you're trying to give 'em a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big, awkward silence, you know?" He could feel the sweat drip down his neck as Goku gave him another meaningful look, feeling that very same awkward silence; he tried to change the subject quickly with a direct question.
"Can I stay with you?"
Goku stuttered in surprise. "Wha..what?!" He raised an eyebrow as Artemis repeated himself.
"Can I stay with you? Please?"
Goku smiled warmly at the white cat. "Of course!" He said.
Artemis blinked a little. "Really?" He asked hopefully.
Goku frowned at him. "No."
There was a sudden flash of white hair and Artemis had Goku pinned to the front door. "Please!" He begged. "I don't want to go back out there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!"
He paused and looked over Goku's Pink, hairy body, then continued. "Well, maybe... you do, but that's why we have to stick together! You gotta let me stay, please! Please!!" He cried.
Goku couldn't take anymore. "OK! O.k., but one night only!"
He pushed Artemis off and opened his door, letting out a yelp as the cat rushed past him with a cry of, "Oh, thank you! Oh, this is gonna be fun!"
Goku stared at him as he jumped onto the reclining chair. "What are you---no, no!" He cried.
Artemis just went on talking, as usual. "We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!" He nodded proudly as the saiya-jin growled. At Goku's' silence, he turned his head and looked around.
"Where do, uh, I sleep?" He asked.
Goku glared at him and pointed a finger out the door. "Outside!"
Artemis tried not to show his hurt feelings in his voice. "Oh, uh, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess, outside is best...." He slid off the chair and trudged past Goku. "Here I go. Goodnight," He sniffled, as the door was slammed shut behind him.
Goku sighed and finally relaxed in his moment of peace and quiet, then Artemis voice echoed in through the door. " I mean, I do like the outdoors -- I'm a cat, I was born outside."
Goku threw his hands up in defeat and walked away from the door as Artemis continued to ramble on. "Just by myself, outside I guess..." He then started to sing in a sad voice. "I'm all alone, there's nobody here beside me..."
The hairy, pink saiya-jin sat down at his table to eat. He was only a little sorry for putting Artemis outside, but after all, it wasn't as though the feline was living with him. He shrugged off the feeling and began to eat, unaware of the lonely eyes looking in at him from the window.
Artemis sighed and stepped over to the porch, where he sat down and tried to go to sleep. Goku was about to take another bite of his dinner when he heard a rustling sound. He set his spoon down and stood up, glaring at the window. "I thought I told you to stay outside," He growled as Artemis poked his head up and cried defensively.
"I am outside!"
Goku was more than a little confused now. He turned around and saw two little Digimon on his table, picking at his dinner. He snarled as he grabbed them by their tails and lifted them up to his face. "What are you doing in my house?!" He dropped the creatures as something slammed into his back. When he turned to look down, the sight of a beautiful, dark-blue haired woman, inside a glass coffin met him. He raised his eyes to see several yellow Punchus grinning at him.
"Oh, no, no, dead broad off the table!" He started to push her off when one of them yelled exasperatedly.
"Well, where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!"
Goku looked up in alarm. "Huh!?" He marched over to his room and threw open the door.
Gene Starwind rested on the bed and glanced up at him with a wry smile. "What?" He asked.
Goku snarled and dragged the outlaw to the front door by the scruff of his neck.
"I live in a swamp, I put up signs! I'm a terrifying, level four saiya-jin. What do I have to do to get a little privacy?!" He ranted as he chucked the outlaw out of his house, but his eyes widened in sheer horror as he beheld his once calm, quiet swamp.
It was now over-flowing with anime characters of all shapes, sizes, and levels.
"Oh no, no, no! What are you all doing in my swamp!?" He bellowed. There was a sudden gasp and everyone fell quiet in stunned fear. Goku tried to chase some of them off, but they ran into his house and shut the door. "No, no, not there!" He sighed in defeat.
Artemis took a step back at the force of the glare Goku leveled at him. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't invite them!" he protested.
A familiar pigtailed red-haired girl stepped forward to explain. "Well, gosh, no one invited us," She said snidely.
Goku turned his glare onto the girl. "What?!"
Nicholas D. Wolfwood tried to explain a bit clearer than his friend had. "We were forced to come here," He said sadly.
Goku raised his eyebrows. "By who!?" He asked to pressed on.
"Lord Darien... he threw roses and he made boring speeches, and then signed an eviction notice," He mumbled.
Goku took a deep breath.
"All right, who knows where this Darien guy is?" He asked. Artemis waved his paws in the air.
"Oh, I do! I know where he lives!" He cried excitedly.
Goku pretended to ignore him. "Does anyone else know where he lives?"
Artemis tried again, waving both arms this time. "Me! Me!"
Goku cringed and tried once more. "Anyone?" He searched the crowd in vain as Artemis started to jump up and down.
"Oh, oh, pick me! Oh, I know! Pick me!"
Finally, Goku gave up and sighed. "Ok, fine. Attention all... Anime Characters. Do NOT get comfortable. Your welcome here has officially worn out...in fact, I'm going to go see this guy Darien right now, and get you all off my land, and back to where you came from," He announced to the stunned crowd.
The swamp was suddenly filled with cheering voices as Goku turned to Artemis. "You, you're coming with me." He marched off as the crowd parted for him.
They kept cheering while Goku and Artemis walked on. Artemis grinned happily. "All right, that's what I like to hear! Goku and Artemis, two stalwart friends on a whirlwind, big city adventure! I love it!" He
cleared his throat and began to sing. "On the road again-- sing it with me Goku!-- I can't wait to get on the road again..!"
Goku glared at him.
"What did I tell you about singing?" He growled. Artemis smiled sheepishly.
"Well, can I whistle?" Goku felt his eye twitch as he kept walking.
"No."
Artemis was unperturbed. "Well, can I hum it?"
He smiled as he heard Goku sigh. "All right, fine, hum it."
The humming of 'On the Road Again' echoed through the night as Goku and Artemis set out to meet
Lord Darien.
TO BE CONTINUED...