The Cerebral Coordination of Ginny Weasley

Rating: T

Author: ValorOrgulloso

Chapter XIV: In Which Shit Sits

Harry and I left for detention half past eight. The castle was empty for the most part, but occasionally we would run into a frazzled first year or group of older students. It was almost curfew, after all.

"So what d'you think we'll be doing?" I asked Harry. I'd never actually had a detention before. I was kind of like this seemingly goody-two-shoes girl who never got in trouble for anything. Not that I shouldn't; I just never got caught. Like what Harry and I were up to a few weeks ago? Yeah, we could've gotten into some deep shit with that.

"Hmm…" Harry pretended to ponder for a moment. "Well, I went into the forest first year with Hagrid, but I doubt we'll be doing that, seeing as Voldemort was in there killing all the unicorns… McGonagall's no Umbridge, so there won't be any blood quills…"

"What?" I interrupted. I knew Harry had had detentions with Umbridge, but I thought he just had to write lines. With ink. But blood quills? I had no idea. I stopped walking and Harry stopped with me as his arm was wrapped around my shoulders in our usual position.

"What's what?" Harry asked in confusion. I ignored him and pulled his arm off of my shoulder. And there it was. In a thin, white scar were the words I must not tell lies along the back of his hand. How could I not have noticed it? Yes, it was faded, but one would think a girlfriend would know about her boyfriend's atrocious detentions with the evil defense teacher if it was this serious.

It also bothered me that Harry didn't tell me it was happening. What else could he be hiding from me?

I looked up at his face, and he quickly pulled his hand away and hid it in a pocket, his expression resembling a kid who had been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. But it was too late. I saw the scars.

"That bitch!" I shrieked loudly.

"Shh!" Harry shushed me quickly, looking around as though someone might hear. We were in an abandoned hallway, and we were several turns away from McGonagall's office.

"Oh, no one's going to hear us, Harry!" I reprimanded Harry incredulously. "When did this happen?" I pulled his hand back out of his pocket, ignoring his indignant protest. I traced the thin lines, not letting him pull out of my grasp.

When he didn't answer me I narrowed my eyes and asked again, in a deadly quiet voice, "When did this happen, Harry?"

He hesitated, and I grabbed his face to look at me. "Harry," I almost begged. "When did she hurt you?"

His eyes were resentful as he looked at me and said quietly, "Last September."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Well, you know… we weren't really… together then. Ron and Hermione know!" he added as though it was alright since Ron and Hermione knew.

"You could have told me once we were together!" He sighed and looked as down as he could, considering I basically had his face in a headlock. He mumbled something incoherently which was quite a feat since he was only an inch or two taller than me and his lips were close to my ear.

"What's that?"

"I said it's not a big deal," Harry mumbled. My face screwed up in frustration. Not a big deal!

I voiced my concern: "Not a big deal!" I finally released my hands from either side of his face, giving him some room to breathe.

He turned slightly to look down the hallway and not at me. "No. I took care of it. It's done. Why dwell on it?" He hadn't been well cared for – just like Sirius said. His conditions weren't the worst, but he didn't grow up in a loving environment. I took a moment to look at Harry before choosing my answer carefully.

"You were hurt. You were deliberately being tortured by a teacher. She's supposed to help us, not hurt us! People care about you, and we don't want you to suffer. I don't want you to. I love you."

He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He looked up at me, and I could tell he was searching my face for sincerity. He looked away after a quiet minute and just asked, "Can we go now?"

I sighed, knowing Harry wouldn't apologize anytime soon for not telling me about the blood quill. He liked to keep his pain to himself, not liking others to know as not to hurt them too. I wished he told me more, though. I mean, I told him everything important in my life.

"Fine," I said in a way that suggested this conversation wasn't over, but I knew that may not be the case. Harry could be more stubborn than even me.

We entered the ancient office, and McGonagall was sitting behind her desk formidably. Filch was standing next to the mahogany piece of furniture with what could only be described as an evil smirk spread across his bristly face.

"Now, seeing as you're finally here, we can finally address the subject of your detention," McGonagall said.

Filch held up two rather large sticks with rubber bowls stuck to the end: plungers. What the fuck? Unclogging toilets? Didn't Hogwarts have a charm that kept them from getting stuffed with shit?

"Here's a list of all the toilets in the public areas of Hogwarts that need to be fixed. I trust if you work hard, you'll be finished by midnight." I suppose the supposed charm I always assumed existed was nonexistent.

Harry and I exchanged a disgusted look. A plunger was shoved into each of our hands suddenly. Great. "Attached to the list is a hall pass and a note explaining why you must be out after hours. I'll know if you don't finish. And if you choose not to, you'll receive another detention to complete the job." I closed my eyes for a brief moment. I'd rather be scrubbing the floor of Filch's office than go and make other people's shit flush down a toilet.

"Wands," McGonagall ordered. I sighed sadly but handed her my wand. Harry did as well.

We were given some rubber gloves and the list before we were pushed out of the room. I looked down at the cream paper.

Girls' bathroom, sixth floor: fourth stall, sixth stall, ninth stall

"This is total shit!" I moaned as Harry and I walked into the sixth floor lavatory.

"Don't I know it," Harry chuckled. "I have to clean up crap in the girls' bathroom. It's every boys' dream."

Not appreciating his cheek, I waved my plunger threateningly in his face. "Don't make me use this!"

He dodged my swing and said, "I'm afraid you'll have to, dear."

"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to too, love."

"Touche," Harry agreed as he bravely opened stall four. I heard a noise of disgust followed quickly by, "I didn't know it could even be that color!"

Taking Harry's encouraging words to heart, I took a deep breath and stormed through door number nine.

It was a gross process. It was far too long by my standards. We had only gotten through eight bathrooms by ten o'clock. There were thirty.

The night that followed made me so thankful that half the population at Hogwarts seemed to take shits bigger than Alaska.

A/N: I'm immature, but I still occasionally find potty humor hilarious.

"Do I have a girlfriend? Technically no. Would you be my girlfriend? I'll make it so."

Oh, John Legend.

I don't respond to all reviews; only the ones that tickle my fancy. Tickle my fancy, please. Lovely people leave reviews no matter what. Be lovely.

PS: I've started looking up Roman Numerals for the beginning of my chapters like I thought I'd have to.

PPS: Has anyone ever heard of the fan fiction The Nymphrodite Story? Or any related title? I can't remember the exact name, but it was a HarryRon fiction. Harry as half girl (yeah, strange, but it was a really good story!). It was in my favorites, but I can't seem to find it now. Does anyone know where I might find it? I know it wasn't very popular as it had like 15 reviews and 40 chapters (which I never really understood because it was so well-written), so you probably haven't heard of it. It'd be helpful if someone told me another place it might be.