Chapter Seven

The next morning, Olivia awoke with Elliot on the couch. They had apparently fallen asleep. The twins were up and moving around in the kitchen. She climbed out from underneath Elliot and headed off to the spare bedroom, to check on Eli. He was gurgling away. She picked him up and took him over to the changing table, which thank God Elliot had remembered to bring. She changed his diaper and dressed him, since Lizzie had bathed him after his nap the day before. Now that she was over the initial shock, she had been a big help. Olivia took Eli in the kitchen so she could feed him a bottle.

Dickie and Lizzie were finishing their breakfast. Luckily, she'd had some kind of sugary cereal that they would eat. That was all thanks to Elliot when he had gone shopping the other day. Dickie rinsed his bowl out and put it in the dishwasher. ''So, who's taking us to school? We go in Queens.'' He said. Olivia was thankful to notice that there was no sarcasm in his voice.

Olivia said, ''Well, what time do you have to be there?'' She got out one of Eli's bottles from the fridge and sat down to feed it to him. Lizzie got her one of the baby cloths, explaining to her that sometimes he spit it up. Olivia thanked her sheepishly. She knew that.

Dickie replied, ''In about an hour. We could take the subway.'' He said hopefully. He was trying to help, and he and Lizzie hadn't been on the subway that much. It sounded exciting.

Olivia, to his great disappointment, said, ''No, why don't you go wake your father up and he can take you. He has to go and talk to your Uncle Don at work, anyway. Are you guys ready to go?'' She asked.

Dickie nodded. ''Yeah. I'll go wake Dad up.'' He headed into the living room. Olivia wondered where the sudden turn around had come, but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Lizzie said, ''We know we could stay home today, but we need to feel as normal as we can. Mom would want us to go.'' She managed to keep the tears off her face as she said this.

Olivia said, ''Whatever you want, Liz, is fine with me. I'm sure it'll be fine with your father, too.'' She checked Eli's bottle. He was finished, so she put the bottle in the sink to rinse out, burped him, and then took him into the living room to put him in the playpen Lizzie had put in the middle of the floor.

Lizzie came out into the living room with her. ''He likes it when you put on the Disney channel.'' She said, as she turned on the tv and effortlessly found it and put it there. ''Is there anything else you want to know?'' She asked Olivia.

Olivia said, ''Yes, actually. Write it down for me. What time does he take all of his naps, what his favorite foods are, what he's allergic to, and anything else specfic to Eli you think I might need to know.'' She got Lizzie a pad of paper and a pen.

Elliot came back into the room. He had quickly showered and put on some jeans and a blue tee. His eyes were still a little red. ''So, after I drop the twins at school, I'll check in with Cragen, and then I've got to meet the real estate agent. Do you feel up to going with me for that?''

Olivia thought maybe she should go, make sure that she liked the places that they saw. ''What about Eli? We'd have to bring him with us. I don't have to go. I know I'll like whatever you look at. If you chose a place today, make sure that you ask yourself, 'Would Olivia and the kids like this place?' I know it sounds silly, but this way, I can just stay home with Eli.''

Elliot looked weary. ''OK. I guess that's fine. Maybe I'll see Cragen after I'm completely done in Queens. Or go there real quick before I take the kids to school.'' He seemed to be thinking out loud, so Olivia didn't say anything. ''Come on, guys, let's go.'' He grabbed the one jean jacket of his that Liv wore the least, and gave his youngest son a kiss and then Olivia. ''I love you, babe.'' He told her.

Olivia kissed him back and told him she loved him too, and said bye to the twins as they grabbed their bookbags and they left. She was surprised a couple of minutes later by the knock on the door. She opened up to reveal Casey. ''Hi, Case. What's up?''

Casey said, ''I wanted to check on you before I went to work, to make sure that everything's going OK. I have to go and interview some of Harris' other guards friends at Sealview, see if they've heard from him. Munch and Fin are checking out Harris' partner's old work buddies.'' She realized that she had wanted to say that it was Rook. She'd almost forgotten that Olivia didn't know. She'd have to watch it. She knew that Elliot didn't want Olivia to know. She'd want to help.

Olivia said, ''I'm OK. It's just going to be me and Eli today, because the twins decided to go to school. I think that's pretty brave of them. But they're like El that way. They must just want to bury themselves in school so they can take their minds off the fact that they no longer have their mother.'' She paused, and then added, ''Oh, yeah, and they're actually being really great about the situation. I was prepared to have to deal with attitudes this morning, and there was none. Lizzie actually helped me by writing out a list of things I need to know about Eli.''

Casey smiled. ''Well, that's great, Liv. Has Elliot set a date for the funeral yet?'' She knelt by the playpen to smile at Eli. He really was a cute baby. She thought he looked like Elliot, and she hoped that that didn't seem to be too rude to Kathy's memory.

Olivia said, ''I don't know. He hasn't said much about it yet. All he said was that he was waiting to hear from Mel before he made a decision. He might have called already. He cried last night, and I comforted him, but other than that, he hasn't really said much about what he's feeling. He's been making all the necessary arrangements that he needs to make, but he hasn't really said anything to me about how he's handling this. I just hope that he's not going to unload without warning.''

Her best friend stood back up and said, ''You'll just have to wait until he wants to talk to you. You can't make him talk, Liv. And you've got to remember, he didn't open up to Kathy for years because he was in love with you. Now, he actually has you. Maybe he's having a rough time actually talking to you about stuff because it's not what he's used to. Just give him some time. He'll come around, I'm sure of it.''

Olivia said, ''Thanks, Casey. That helps. So, I'll let you know if I need anything. Don't you have to get to work? I don't want to get in trouble for being late to work.''

Casey smiled. ''Well, just get rid of me, why don't you, Livvy?'' She laughed at the look on Liv's face. ''I'm kidding. I actually do need to get going. I have to get to Sealview by ten, and it's already almost nine, and I still need to have a quick bite of breakfast. But yes, call me if you need anything. Fin and Munch will call, and Fin's sending a unie to be here while El's gone. He said that Elliot told him to do it, so you aren't allowed to send the guy away. They both just want you to be safe. We all do.''

Olivia thanked her, gave her a hug, and saw her out. True to Casey's word, the unie showed up a few minutes later. She got him some coffee, and asked him if he needed anything else while he was standing outside her apartment door. He just asked her for a folding chair, which she gladly got him. Since he was taken care of, she sat down on the couch to start writing some thoughts in her journal. She had some stuff to work through, and she thought that might help her.

Elliot remembered after dropping the twins off at school that his meeting with the real estate agent wasn't until the afternoon, so he decided to just head back to Manhattan so he could talk to Cragen. He entered the squad room cautiously. He was hoping that no one was going to stop him and give him their sympathies. As nice as he knew they thought they would be being, he didn't want to have to make small talk. He just wanted to talk to Don, and then check in with Munch and Fin if they were there, and then head to Melinda's to see how the testing was going.

Luckily, Cragen was in his office. ''Hi, Cap. I need to talk to you. I know you know about Kathy. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to be taking more time off than I wanted to. I need to make sure that I sell the house in Queens and get another one, and there's just a lot of stuff to deal with.''

Don nodded. ''I know. I didn't expect you back any time soon. I don't even want to see Olivia back here until she has been cleared by a doctor, and even then, no field time. She'll be on desk duty. As long as she's carrying that baby, she'll be safe.'' He surprised Elliot, who hadn't known that Cragen had known that information.

Elliot said, ''On that note, I have a ring I am planning on giving Olivia in the near future. We want to make sure that the kids handle Kathy's death OK before we add anything else shocking. Not to mention, we aren't telling them about the baby any time soon, either. I know you wanted me to make an honest woman of Livvy.'' He smiled weakly.

Cragen said, ''Go ahead and sit down and shut the door, Elliot.'' He waited until Elliot had done so before he continued. ''Is there anything you want to talk to me about, son?''

Elliot could feel tears pricking his eyes. He really did want to open up, but he was willing himself not to. He had to tell Livvy. He didn't want to unload on Cragen before he had told her. ''No, I'm OK. I just want to be there for my kids and Livvy. She's taking to the mothering thing pretty well. I am glad I have her to help me through this.'' He blinked harder than necessary, trying to keep the tears from escaping.

Cragen looked at him. ''Listen to me, El. I know that you're trying to be strong for Liv and the kids, but you have to talk about this stuff. It's fine if you don't want to talk to me about it, but at least go home and tell your girlfriend. You have to talk about this to someone. Let it be Liv. Don't hold it all in. Just because you're feeling sorry about Kathy's death doesn't mean that you love Olivia any less.''

Elliot nearly lost the battle with his tears when Cragen said that. He was quiet for a moment while he composed himself. ''I know, Cap. I'll talk to her, I promise. There's just a lot to do.'' He ran his hand over his face.

Cragen said, ''Before you do anything else, talk to Liv. I know her. She's probably waiting for you to say something to her. Tell her how you feel. It'll feel much better, I promise.''

Elliot nodded, and left Cragen's office. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked around for Munch or Fin. He didn't see them, so he decided to head to the lab to talk to Melinda before he headed back to the apartment. He knew he needed to talk to Liv. He didn't want to get into it before he went to meet the real estate agent. He hated for anyone to know that he had been crying. He would most surely cry when he talked to Liv. His father had always taught him that crying was for pussies, but ever since he had lost it a couple of years ago at Rebecca Hendrix's place, this psychatrist that he and Liv had worked with, he hadn't felt so bad about crying. He still didn't like people to see him doing it, but he didn't think of himself as less of a man if he did.

The lab was quiet, and only Melinda was there. He took a deep breath and said, ''Hi, Melinda.'' He walked over to her, hoping that she was finished with the body, because he really didn't want to see her like that.

Melinda turned around. ''Elliot. I take it you're here to see if I'm done with Kathy.'' She could tell he was really upset. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he looked like he hadn't slept that well.

Elliot nodded. ''Yeah. I don't want to..'' He stopped. He couldn't finish that sentence. It was too much. He clasped his hands behind his back and had to work at keeping the tears at bay again.

Melinda said, ''Well, you're in luck, because I am. I just got done telling Munch and Fin the official cause of death was blood-loss from a stab wound.'' She stopped for a second. ''Do you want me to tell you anything else?''

Elliot closed his eyes for a moment. ''No, Mel, that's OK. I don't need to know. I'm going to have it arranged so that the funeral home can pick her up tomorrow.'' He thanked Melinda and left to go back home.

Olivia was napping on the couch when he got there. He took off his jacket and went to check on Eli. He was in the bedroom, in his crib. He kissed his son and went back into the living room. He still had about four hours before he had to be back in Queens to meet the real estate agent. He had called Fin and had asked him to pick up the kids from school. Fin had agreed.

He watched Livvy sleep. She looked so peaceful. It was the first time in two days he'd seen her without any worries. He hated what this had done to her. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. She woke, yawning. ''Hi, baby.'' He said, as she sat up and pulled him next to her on the couch.

Liv asked, ''So everything go OK?'' She took one of his hands in hers and ran her other hand in his hair. He looked so exhausted and worried. She hated that he had to go through this, it just made her want to get Harris even more.

Elliot sighed. ''It was fine. I dropped the kids off, I talked to Cragen, and Melinda said that she was done with all the tests she was doing on Kathy.'' He sighed and buried his head in her neck. Tears started to fall from his eyes and fell on Olivia's shirt. ''I hate that this is happening. And the twins are taking it too well, it's worrying me.''

Olivia put her arms around him. Remembering what Casey had said, she didn't push him. ''We can't make them talk to us.'' She said, instead of asking him how he felt.

Elliot pulled his head up to look at her. She wiped a few tears off his cheek. ''Cragen told me to talk to you. I don't want you to think that I don't want to tell you things. This is just too much for me to handle by myself. She was the mother of my children. She had nothing to do with any of this. Harris just wanted to get to me. It's all my fault that she's dead.''

Olivia kissed him lightly as more tears fell down his face. ''This is not your fault. This isn't either of our faults. This is Harris and his mystery partner's fault. They killed Kathy. And it doesn't matter what their reasoning was. You just worry about making sure the kids are OK and let me help you through this. You've just got to talk to me.'' She kissed him again and he buried his head in her neck again, letting the tears fall. She wasn't sure how to help him with this, but she was going to be there for him in any way he needed. He had been there for her, time and time again.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and sobbed on her shoulder. This was too much. He had thought that Kathy would be around for a long time. Her death had pushed himself, Liv, and his kids into something that he wasn't sure they were ready for. And Liv was being so great. It just made him love her more. He sighed as the tears stopped. He snuggled in tighter to Livvy and turned his head, laying it on her shoulder. ''Are you hungry? I'm starved.'' He said.

Olivia laughed lightly. ''Yeah, I haven't eaten. Eli lay in the play pen for a little while after you left, watching the Disney channel, and then he started to fall asleep, so I put him back in the crib after I changed his diaper. Then I came back out and lay down to watch some tv and fell asleep myself. So I haven't eaten today. Order some Chinese or something. I don't know about you but I don't feel like cooking.''

Elliot pulled back and got up. ''I can go fix something. I need to keep myself busy.'' He headed into the kitchen, to see what he could make. He was starving, and he hoped they had something that wouldn't take that long to fix.

Olivia heard Elliot's cell ringing from the coat rack. It must have been in his jacket pocket. She pulled it out, saw it was Fin, and answered it. ''Hey, Fin.'' She said.

Fin was a little surprised that Olivia was answering El's phone. ''Hey, Liv. Is Elliot 'round? I need ta double check th' time dat th' twins get ou' of school so I can get there on time.'' He hated lying to her, but he needed to talk to Elliot about the case. They actually had had a break.

Olivia walked into the kitchen with the phone and handed it to her boyfriend. ''El, Fin wants to talk to you about the twins.'' She figured it was about the case, but she knew it would be easier on both her boyfriend and Fin if she just played along. She had learned to pick her battles.

Elliot took the phone and waited until Olivia had gone back into the living room to answer. ''Hey, Fin, what's up? Is there a break in the case?'' He knew that Fin wasn't calling about the twins.

Fin replied, ''Yeah, we caught Harris. We charged 'im wit th' murders of Kathy and Lake, and th' attempted murder of the two of yo'. We didn' find Rook, though. He won' give 'im up. But we've got unies where we found Harris, in case Rook comes back. I'ma thinkin' I can break 'im. I just wanted to let you know. If I were yo', though, I'd still be careful, we doan know what Rook's capable of.''

Elliot nodded, then remembered that Fin couldn't see him. ''OK. Keep me posted. If you need to, tell him that I'll come in and make sure that he gives it up. If that doesn't impress him, tell him that I don't care if he stays alive or not. It might scare him into talking. Make me out to be a real badass.''

Fin laughed. ''Yeah, that won't be too hard fo' me to do.'' He wasn't completely scared of Elliot, but he had seen Elliot get angry enough that he had wondered what he was capable of.

Elliot laughed a little too. ''Shut up. I'm not that bad, am I?'' He found some spaghetti noodles and pulled out a pot to cook them in. He wondered if that was what Liv thought, too.

Fin replied, ''Naw, I doan think yo' are, but I'm on'ly me. I can' speak fo' everyone.'' He told Elliot he had to get back to Munch so they could go interrogate Harris.

Elliot decided it was cool to tell Liv that they had Harris and not his mystery partner. He knew she would feel better knowing that the pig was behind bars. ''Hey, Livvy.'' He called into the living room.

Liv came into the kitchen, wondering what he was going to tell her. She knew it was about the case. She wondered what he was going to say. She knew there was something that they were all hiding from her. She could tell, because other than when they had told her and El about what they thought Harris and the mystery man had done to Kathy, they hadn't spoken about the case to her. She had started thinking about it, and wondering what they were hiding. She wasn't going to push it unless she felt that she needed to. ''What's up, babe?'' She asked.

Elliot got out the spaghetti sauce. He always doctored it, made it taste homemade. It was faster than making homemade. He could do that, too, though. ''They caught Harris, they're charging him with Kathy and Lake's murders, the attempted murder on us, and he's not talking. He won't turn his mystery partner in. But Fin says he and Munch are going to work on him, and they've got unies where they found him. He didn't tell me where.'' He poured the sauce into another pot.

Olivia was glad to hear that. Her eyes welled up a little. ''I'm glad. I want to see him.'' She had to see him in the precinct, so she could know that he was there.

Elliot looked at her. ''Are you serious? Liv, don't do that to yourself. He's there, Fin and Munch are interrogating him. Don't worry about it. All you're going to be doing is torturing yourself.''

Olivia said, ''I'm going, El, and you can't stop me. I don't need you to go with me. I'll walk.'' She grabbed one of his jackets, and headed off, slamming the door behind her.