Writing has always been a secret pleasure for me; never before have I shared my own words. This was a huge step, really.
It's never easy to put your 'work' to people's judgement, but it's thrilling nonetheless and YOU, yes you, reading this right now are the one who is making this special!
This is the last chapter of my first story. I am conscious that there are infinite twists I could have introduced, but that's how it came out.
I have started another story, concerning Jasper especially this time, which I hope to post soon.
For now: THANK YOU!!!
Read and review…enjoy!
Chapter 5
BELLA'S POV
Ok. No panic. I have been alone with Edward before. I have spent many nights with him laying by my side on my bed, caressing my head and kissing my jaw. This cannot be so different…
I tried to calm down, but nothing seemed to work. At all.
True, I spent most of my time alone with Edward, but he had never been half-naked and I had never felt the urge to rush to him and kiss away every single drop of water caressing his face, his body...
"Hello…" he whispered, slowly swimming towards me. He looked like one of those models ready to shoot a perfume commercial.
"I missed you!" I said. I had never spoken truer words. Having him near me, but not near enough to smell his scent or to touch his face, was pure agony. Every Edward-free second was a waste of time to me.
"I wasn't very far away, you know? Just being drowned by Jasper and Em…" his eyes were melted gold, his smile sweet. I felt myself lost.
"Yeah, but I was starting to feel a bit too warm without my favourite iceberg!" I teased. Honestly, having him closer made me literally boil, rather than cool down.
He put his arms around my waist once more. I could have died right there and it would have been fine by me.
"Better?" he asked, his voice like lush velvet.
"Not really…" I moved closer to him, letting my hands slide onto his strong shoulders. He caressed my back ever so lightly, making me shiver of pure pleasure.
Then he cancelled the space between our two bodies in a second, holding me close to him. I could feel every muscle, every single movement and his irregular breath tickling my neck. I leaned my head onto his left shoulder and breathed in, only to get dizzier.
"And now?" he asked in a whisper.
I could not answer his question. I was too afraid that he would let go.
We stood silent for too short a time and then he spoke, without releasing me. "I am sorry about Alice, really…She's overenthusiastic at the idea of acquiring another sister to spoil."
"And to use as a mannequin!" I added.
Edward chuckled.
I shivered, but in truth I felt dangerously close to self-combustion. The last three weeks before our wedding could never pass quickly enough.
"You are shivering, love! I am sorry…" he said, moving away and staring into my eyes. The sudden absence of his skin on mine felt like a slap.
"I am not cold…" I managed to whisper, somehow.
"Oh, Bella…" he moaned.
I barely had time to breathe before his lips crushed on mine with a new fire. Nothing mattered anymore. The world disappeared around us. I was in a bubble, in my perfect bubble.
Only, in my prefect bubble he would not be pulling away like this again and gently grabbing my face in his cold hands.
"Edward, please!" I moaned, closing my eyes and refusing to acknowledge another refusal.
He brushed his fingers onto my cheeks and then grabbed my hands, still entwined behind his neck.
"Bella…Bella, love, look at me, I beg you!" He insisted, his voice sweet and pleading, his breath still uneven.
"No! No, I don't want to. I already know what you are about to say! 'We can't; it's dangerous; you don't understand…'" I did not want to hear that again. I was on the verge of tears.
"Bella, – Edward spoke with difficulty, and for once I felt him waver and plead – please…You've got to help me."
What? Edward had never asked me something like that before. He needed MY HELP? This was a first: I was the silly, helpless, troublemaker human. I was the one who usually needed help. Not him, not my strong, patient, immortal, awesome vampire of a boyfriend.
I opened my eyes, warily. He was watching me, as if it pained him to.
"Edward, what…I…" I did not know what to make of it.
"You really have no idea, do you? You seriously do believe this does not affect me?" he asked, gesturing to my body, his voice just a tad more controlled than before.
He shook his head and continued. "Bella, do you think it pleases me to say 'no', whenever you get too close? Don't you think I am always on the verge of throwing all caution away? Uh? Do you think it's something I do just out of fear rather than out of love?"
"No…" I whispered.
"Bella, watching your face when I pull away from you is a punch in the stomach. But I'd rather feel this way than risk hurting you. I need you to believe that there is a serious possibility it will happen. As much as you seem to forget it, love, I AM stronger than what I seem and I AM dangerous."
"You promised we would try…" I replied quickly, afraid that he would take back his word.
"I did. And you promised you'd be patient and wait until after the marriage."
"This is ridiculous, Edward. What is the difference? I'll be just like I am now, in three weeks. Not stronger or less breakable than now! - It was my turn to moan and plead, now – You promised…"
"I did and I will hold to that, because I am crumbling down, here…But please, I need to show myself I am strong enough to say 'no' or to stop if I have to…Please, help me protecting you."
How could I ever refuse him anything I had no idea. But if this was really making things more difficult for him, then I had to try and be good for now. I would do this as my secret, personal wedding gift for him. I would follow the rules.
He had always tried to make life as easy as possible for me, no matter how much pain this could cause him, and now it seemed only fair to be the patient one and do what I could.
"Ok, ok, I'll be good. – he eyed me suspiciously – I swear, no lie. I will be good. I will not tease you…no more than necessary, I mean."
He chuckled and kissed my forehead, lingering there, as if the touch of his lips onto my head could help him read my mind.
"Thanks…No more swimming pool parties, then, ok?"
"Why not?" I asked. I wanted to hear this.
"Because I love you and I know what's good for you!" he stated, a fake patronizing tone in his voice.
"Pity Alice doesn't!" I added, chuckling.
"Oh, no. She has a fair idea about what is good for you, too! Trust me. This bikini goes straight into your wedding hope chest!"
"Will I need it on our honey-moon, maybe?" I asked, casually, hoping to worm the secret destination out of him.
"Maybe…" he answered, cautious as ever.
"Damn…I was hoping clothes would only be a hindrance there!" I teased, swimming away and getting out of the water. I turned towards him, holding a pose long enough for him to admire me.
He sighed as he came out of the pool and wrapped me tenderly in a warm towel. "We'll see... – he replied – Just three more weeks…" and he kissed the tip of my nose.
Three weeks. Ugh, they would never pass quickly enough…but after all, what were three weeks compared to the eternity I would be living and enjoying with him?
Yes, I could do this. I could be good. For him. For us.
EDWARD'S POV
All of a sudden, being on my own in the damn pool with my Bella, I realised that Jasper's remark on warm water was not entirely stupid. I felt my body go tense and warmer than usual, but I could not help swimming towards her. Ever since I had met her, she had somehow become my personal sun; someone I naturally gravitated around. Jasper called her my 'magnetic pole'. And he was absolutely right, of course.
"Hello!" I said, trying to start the conversation as easily and lightly as possible. I was not in the right state of mind to speak about serious things.
"I missed you!" she replied. I loved those words. They made me feel right, somehow.
"I wasn't far away, you know? Just being drowned by Jasper and Em…" for a second, I resented the time with her that my brothers had stolen from me.
"Yeah, but I was starting to feel a bit too warm without my favourite iceberg." I wondered if she would somehow perceive the blissful warmth forming in my body or if I would feel just as cold as usual.
Unable to keep at distance much longer, I slowly moved closer, resting my hands onto her waist.
"Better?" I teased. How could such a simple gesture be so wrong and feel so right?
"Not really…" I felt her hands roam onto my shoulders and my body get even stiffer, as soon as the space between our two bodies vanished.
This was heaven. I knew I was not supposed to experience heaven, but Bella really was my heaven on Earth and as long as she was with me, I did not care if hell was waiting to claim me afterwards.
"And now?" I asked in a whisper, trying very hard not to crush her little frame in my hug.
She did not answer, but held me as if her life depended on that hug, more intimate than anything we had ever shared before.
After too short a time, I forced myself to say something, without letting her go. "I am sorry about Alice, really…She's overenthusiastic at the idea of acquiring another sister to spoil." That seemed like an innocent enough thing to say.
"And to use as a mannequin!" she added. I chuckled lightly, always wonderfully aware of the treasure I was holding in my arms. A treasure that soon started to shiver. I had to know this would happen. "You are shivering, love! I am sorry…" I moved away, ever so slowly and reluctantly.
"I am not cold…" she whispered, while her heart quickened its already excited rhythm.
That was all I needed to lose it all. So much for my self-control.
"Oh, Bella…" I whispered, before kissing her fiercely.
She reacted immediately, entangling her hands in my hair and tasting me with her warm lips and tongue, as if I was fresh water and she had not drunk in ages.
I felt so close to give in. I wanted to. Nothing mattered anymore, but what she was doing to me; what she surely wanted to do to me. And what I wanted to do to her. I felt powerful, greedy. I felt dangerous.
The thought flashed in my mind like a lightning, disgusting me. I had to pull away. Now. I don't know how I managed to do it, which secret strength allowed me to physically remove my lips from hers, but I did, waiting for her frustration to wash over me and punish me for my weakness.
"Edward, please!" Every time these words seemed worse. I hated them and I hated myself for forcing them out of her mouth.
I tried to soothe her, still gutted.
"Bella…Bella, love, look at me, I beg you!" How could I make her understand, without hurting her again and again?
"No! No, I don't want to. I already know what you are about to say! 'We can't; it's dangerous; you don't understand…'" Listening my words uttered by her like that made me feel even more disgusted at myself. Thank God her eyes were closed.
"Bella, please…You've got to help me." And I seriously needed her help in this. I was not going to be strong enough for both of us. I couldn't.
She opened her eyes, which looked confused, worried, hurt, helpless and also full of tears.
"You really have no idea, do you? You seriously do believe this does not affect me? - How could she even think something like that? Let alone believe it to be true! - Bella, do you think it pleases me to say 'no', whenever you get too close? Don't you think I am always on the verge of throwing all caution away? Uh? Do you think it's something I do just out of fear rather than out of love?"
"No…" her voice was weak.
"Bella, watching your face when I pull away from you is a punch in the stomach. But I'd rather feel this way than risk hurting you. I need you to believe that there is a serious possibility it will happen. As much as you seem to forget it, love, I AM stronger than what I seem and I AM dangerous." Could I ever scare her into believing it? No, I wasn't brave enough to do that. I loved her too much, but above all, I couldn't even consider losing her.
"You promised we would try…" she reminded me.
I had not forgotten that wretched promise. "I did. And you promised you'd be patient and wait until after the marriage."
"This is ridiculous, Edward. What is the difference? I'll be just like I am now, in three weeks. Not stronger or less breakable than now! You promised…"
She was perfectly right of course. But I had three more weeks and I was determined I would use them all to do whatever could help me when the time for fulfilling my promise would come.
"I did and I will hold to that, because I am crumbling down, here…But please, I need to show myself I am strong enough to say 'no' or to stop if I have to…Please, help me protect you as much as I can."
She seemed to consider that. She frowned and the her face relaxed slightly as if the battle in her head was finally over.
"Ok, ok, I'll be good. – she said, but I had already heard the same words before – I swear, no lie. I will be good. I will not tease you…no more than necessary, I mean."
I decided to believe her and to set the example I kissed her forehead, to show that I was already on my best behaviour (lingering there more than necessary, maybe). "Thanks…No more swimming pool parties, then, ok?" I said, at last.
"Why not?" What question was that? Her question always surprised me a little, so I decided to play along.
"Because I love you and I know what's good for you!" 'Do I? Then why am I still your boyfriend? Oh, drop it, Edward, trying to leave her for her own sake is a battle you lost long ago!'
"Pity Alice doesn't!"
"Oh, no. She has a fair idea about what is good for you, too! Trust me. This bikini goes straight into your wedding hope chest!" I seriously loved that bikini.
"Will I need it on our honey-moon, maybe?" Even in such a moment, Bella's mind remained quite focused, but not enough to have me spill the beans. Nope, no way, love!
"Maybe…" I answered.
"Damn…I was hoping clothes would only be an hindrance there!"
As usual she caught me completely off guard and unprepared, as she got off the pool, letting me admire her luscious body for a while.
'Three more weeks! – I repeated in my mind, following her – Just three more weeks, Ed!'
I wrapped her in my towel, trying to warm and dry her a bit. "We'll see...Just three more weeks…" I said, kissing her nose.
To think that three weeks usually seemed like a second for an immortal...To think that I was so patient and cautious once.
Before Bella, that is. Before starting to live again.
THE END