When they arrived back at Mieza, in the early evening, Lysias was waiting for them. He walked over to Alexander, holding Bucephalus while he dismounted.
"Did you find your seer?" he asked.
Alexander nodded.
"And?"
Alexander took Bucephalus from him, walking him to the paddock, seeing Hephaistion had already released his horse in the other. "The things he said are between him and me."
Lysias nodded, stepped back and went over to Hephaistion. He placed his hands on Hephaistion's waist and leaned forward to claim a brief kiss. "And what did he tell you, my love?"
"I did not speak to him," Hephaistion replied, he put his hands over Lysias' and brought them away from his waist, looking over at Alexander, then back at Lysias, signalling it was not appropriate.
Thespis appeared. "Did the day go well for you?" he asked
"We found the seer, and spent some time at Lefkadia. It was a good day," Alexander said, as Thespis took the tack from him, then took it from Hephaistion. "Can Meda hold back the supper? I would like to bathe in the river before we eat."
"Good idea. I'll come with you," said Lysias, smiling at Alexander.
OOXXOO
Much as Hephaistion wanted to bathe in the river, he did not want to have Lysias touching him in front of Alexander. So he declined and said he would wash and change in his room.
Thespis fetched a jug of warm water, appearing to innocently talk on the subject of the mistakes of youth, regrets he had of the past while he did so. Meda, who was cutting up some bread watched him as Thespis spoke as if to gauge his reaction.
He made his way to his room, carrying the jug, his mind too confused , not sure of Alexander's feelings now, or of his feelings for Lysias.
He thought that he loved Lysias. When they were together at Methone, he had wanted to spend every moment with him. He found comfort in his presence, peace in his arms. But Lysias, his Lysias, seemed to have changed. Or had he changed? He could not tell, perhaps it was being free of Methone that made things so different now.
When he walked in to the quiet room, he noticed the flowers scattered on his bed. They would be Lysias' doing, a signal that he hoped to be with him tonight. Why not? Lysias had waited long enough. it would be the easy choice to be with him, no complications when you thought about it all.
He sighed. That morning he had been so full of hope that there was an attraction between Alexander and himself. He had never felt such a connection before, as if they were meant to be together. But Alexander's feelings had cooled since Lysias' arrival, in the entire day together he had offered nothing but friendship and Hephaistion began to wonder if Alexander had meant to kiss him or if he had imagined it.
He poured the water in a bowl. He would go with Lysias, the love he had felt before would surely return.. He would be a friend to Alexander, he would save himself the hurtful comments and jealous remarks from people at the palace, and just be a friend.
His mind made up, he began to wash.
OOXXOO
Alexander studied Lysias as he waded into the water , as he turned to smile and encouraged him to hurry up. If Hephaistion could love him, he must have some redeeming qualities.
He undressed and stepped in to the river, lowering himself down until his shoulders were covered.
"When did you first befriend Hephaistion?" Lysais asked, swimming over to him.
Alexander recalled seeing Hephaistion in the stables, of their brief conversation. "The day he arrived," he answered.
Lysias laughed. "There is something about him, isn't there? He is extremely handsome, but his heart is also good and true."
"How long have you known him?"
Lysias shrugged. "Long enough. A couple of years maybe. He was there when I arrived, so yes, a couple of years. I spotted him straight away, he was coming down some steps, with some other soldiers, his friends. He was laughing with them. I had never seen anyone so handsome." He shook his head, then scooped some water up with his hands and washed his face.
"And yet you went with Onatas," Alexander said, turning to look into Lysias' blue eyes. "You betrayed him; betrayed his trust."
Lysias looked suitably ashamed. "I love Hephaistion. I do." He smiled. "I longed to have him, but he was slow to submit to me. Perhaps if I had waited a little longer, been a little more patient. Then Onatas made his move, and how could I refuse…he was the garrison commander after all." Lysias' hand brushed against Alexander's thigh, under the water. "If you asked me, Alexander. I could not refuse you."
"I will not be asking," replied Alexander, ducking under the water to wet his hair, then standing up, the water running, in rivulets, down his body. "If I were you I would stay true to Hephaistion," he advised, before heading to the bank, picking up his discarded chiton and heading indoors.
Lysias frowned. It was worth a try. He suddenly smiled. "So you want Hephaistion, do you?" He nodded. "Then you shall have him, Alexander. You shall have him."
OOXXOO
Alexander found Hephaistion at the paddock, talking to his horse. "Aegae tomorrow," he was saying. "All these new places. Where would you rather be?"
"Hephaistion," Alexander said, walking up to him and smiling, "I just wanted you to know that I was here. You were talking to the horse, I was afraid you might say something that nobody should overhear."
"You remembered what I said," laughed Hephaistion, patting the horse's neck as it turned to graze. He bit his lip, and sighed, then turned towards Alexander. "I never thought that I would have a prince for a friend, let alone some one so good as you." He paused, and looked down. "I will always be glad I came to Pella, although I was not so keen at first."
Hephaistion leaned forward, Alexander felt his right hand move gently around his waist and he echoed the move, feeling Hephaistion's body against his own and hope surged hrough him him once more. Hephaistion's eyes closed as he found Alexander's lips and pressed against them, and Alexander responded, feeling as if he were in some wonderful dream, parting his lips in a slow invitation. An invitation that was not accepted as Hephaistion broke the kiss and moved back, a mixture of yearning and confusion in his eyes.
He struggled for words and Alexander fought with his feelings, not to pull Hephaistion back in to his arms.
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to know what it would have been like," he said, looking deep in to Alexander's eyes. "But people judge, and people talk, and the price is too high for loving you, Alexander."
He hurried away, before Alexander could reply.
Alexander watched him go, then turned back to watch the setting sun. "But I need you," he said, "however long it takes, Hephaistion, for with my heart and soul, I love you."
OOXXOO
Thespis and Meda had prepared the dinner and taken it to the dining hall.
When Alexander walked in Lysias and Hephaistion were already there, Lysias' arm wrapped around Hephaistion's waist. Alexander forced a smile of greeting, then sat down at the head of the table, Lysias sat to his right, Hephaistion to his left.
"Mutton," said Lysias, sniffing the meat and pulling a face. "Is this what you were fed when you were here, Alexander?"
"Pretty much," Alexander replied, looking on Hephaistion, who looked at him and Alexander fought the urge to tell Lysias what he meant to him and list the reasons why he deserved him more, he could think of a lot of reasons why Lysias should not have him.
They helped themselves to food and wine, and Lysias began to talk about the garrison at Methone, that he felt the city could rebel, that more men were perhaps needed. He spoke as if he were an expert on the running of a garrison, that if he were given command of one tomorrow he would manage it easily enough.
Alexander knew that Lysias was repeating what he had heard from Onatas, no doubt as he lay in the man's arms. Lysias had not waited for Hephaistion, but he could. He had waited twenty years to find him. His Patroclus. He just had to show him it did not matter what people thought, he was not in favour, and as his mother reminded him constantly, his father now had another son who could rule one day. There was always gossip in the court, in time Hephaistion would realise that and they would laugh at his hesitation then and he would lie in Hephaistion's arms and know he had come home.
"So what do you say, Alexander?"
Alexander looked at Lysias. He had not heard a word.
"Who was the greatest hero?" He nodded towards Hephaistion. "He would tell you it was Achilles. He reads a lot, Hephaistion would have liked it here, I suppose."
"I'd agree. Achilles," replied Alexander.
Lysias laughed. "No wonder you are friends," he said.
"Lysias would choose Herakles," Hephaistion said, sipping at his wine, he had pushed his dinner away, half of it uneaten.
"I am related to him, through my father," Alexander replied, his mind replaying Hephaistion's kiss, wanting more.
Lysias nodded his head. "I heard. The messenger, who fetched me from Methone, he told me your family history….aren't you related to Achilles by your mother?"
Alexander smiled, he was proud of the connection to Achilles. "Yes, you're right."
Lysias laughed again, pleased to be right. He stayed silent and looked over at Hephaistion, then to the door. Alexander saw it and knew what Lysias intended, but was not sure if Hephaistion would agree to it. He hoped Hephaistion would not agree to it.
Hephaistion finished his wine and stood up. "Can I be excused, Alexander?" he asked. "And Lysias?" he added.
Hephaistion had made his choice. Alexander felt a band tighten around his heart. He thought he would have more time. Hephaistion could not feel the same towards Lysias as he had. Not able to say no to Hephaistion, he let them go, saying he wanted to speak with Thespis and Meda. As soon as they had gone, he made his way to his room, reaching for a book by Xenophon, that had always brought him comfort in the past.
OOXXOO
Lysias enfolded Hephaistion tightly in his arms, the moment they entered Hephaistion's room. He buried his face in his neck, breathing the scent that he had missed. Onatas stank of stale sweat. He was always sweating. Hephaistion smelt like a summer's meadow. His body supple and well-muscled, where Onatas had been fat and old.
"I need you, Hephaistion," he murmured.
"You have me," Hephaistion replied, seeking Lysias' lips, hoping to wipe the memory of kissing Alexander from his mind. Since that kiss he had wanted more, but Lysias' kiss was lacking.
Lysias broke free of Hephaistion's lips, kissing his face, his neck, his hand reaching between Hephaistion's thighs to feel the first stirrings of passion. He did not want to think of the reason that Hephaistion was submitting to him now, he felt Alexander was connected with it and he wanted to feel pleasure not anger.
He took Hephaistion's hand and guided it between his own legs, thrusting against it. This was as far as they had ever been. Kissing and petting. "Undress for me," he whispered.
Hephaistion hesitated, Lysias saw it, but then he saw Hephaistion's hand reach to undo his belt. He was obeying him. Lysias grinned and quickly threw off his chiton and undergarments, kicking off his boots as he hurried to the bed. He collapsed back on to it, moving on to his side, watching Hephaistion strip.
"Did you like the flowers?" he asked, picking up a couple of the them, wishing Hephaistion would hurry.
Hephaistion smiled. "I knew the meaning of them."
He had undressed. Lysias was disappointed that Hephaistion was not fully erect. He watched as he came to the bed. Hephaistion smiled shyly as he lay down beside him, seeking comfort from an embrace.
"Has Alexander taken you?" Lysias asked, before he could stop the words from leaving his lips. He felt Hephaistion freeze against him. "So I am your first?" he said, then realised that Hephaistion would be thinking of Onatas. Before he could cause more trouble he moved so that he lay over Hephaistion, finding his lips, his tongue seeking and gaining entry, as his hand ran down Hephaistion's thigh.
Hephaistion held Lysias' wrist, stopping him from going further. He guided Lysias' hand to his waist, then ran his own around Lysias' back.
Lysias could not stop himself from wanting to explore what now was his. His hand left Hephaistion's waist slowly creeping down.
"No." Hephaistion sought to escape the kisses. "No. I can't" he murmured, trying to lift himself up.
"The pain isn't much," Lysias assured him, biting his neck, reaching for his erect penis, to position himself, ready to enter him.
Hephaistion felt him, and moved. Alarmed. Pulling his legs together, he tried, once again, to get up. "I thought I could, but I can't, Lysias. Let me up."
Lysias pressed down with his lips against Hephaistion's, leaning forward to hold him still. He felt an urgency, anger flaring inside him towards Hephaistion for offering himself and then refusing. He felt Hephaistion fight, to try to push away, and so he took his wrists and held him down on to the bed. "Keep still, Hephaistion," he pleaded. "When it is done, you will want more, I promise you. I was scared, the first time. It is natural, I think. Let me show you what Onatas taught me, then you can lie with Alexander. If Philip will lie with me, and I'm sure he will, then we will both benefit from it."
Hephaistion fought again. "What are you saying, Lysias? Let me up." He struggled against Lysias' grip. "I chose you, because of what we have been," he argued. "I will lie with nobody to profit from it." He twisted away, but Lysias pushed himself down on to him, pinning him.
Lysias laughed. "I will still lie with you, even when Alexander takes you. He wants you, don't you see it? Father and son, they will give us gold, make us rich, we will have servants, houses, land…" He kissed Hephaistion's chest, his tongue snaking a line up to Hephaistion's neck, where he kissed and licked, in an echo of Onatas' desire. "I will be your first," he soothed, "were you not always meant to be mine, Hephaistion? My sweet, Hephaistion."
"You have it all planned out, don't you?" Hephaistion whispered.
"Only from the moment I saw you with Alexander. You said the king wanted you; if he would have me, I could satisfy him. What should we do, Hephaistion? Should we spend our youth on marches and fighting, or should we be protected and live well?"
"Alexander fights from the front, he lives like his men."
"He won't risk you."
"What if I choose to fight alongside him?"
Lysias shrugged. "Then, that is your choice."
Hephaistion looked into Lysias' mercenary eyes. Lysias grinned and sought his lips, once more, his knee pushing between his legs trying to part them, he moved his body over Hephaistion and groaned with desire against him.
Lysias was all he'd ever wanted; all he'd ever loved. Hephaistion spread his legs in invitation, his breathing growing calmer. Lysias felt him relax. He released his grip, and Hephaistion moved quickly, pushing him away and rising from the bed.
"What in…" Lysias rose up to his knees on the bed.
Hephaistion picked up Lysias' chiton and threw it at him, then picked up his boots and threw them too. "Get out," he ordered, stepping back, so as not to bar the way to the door.
Lysias sat on the edge of the bed, and slowly put on his chiton, then pulled on his boots, glaring up at Hephaistion but not speaking. He picked up his undergarments, then reached for his belt, and went to the door.
All of this time, Hephaistion stood and waited for him to go, wanting him to leave so he could move forward with his life.
Lysias put his hand on the latch, but hesitated to leave. He rested his head on the door. "Other people do it," he said, quietly.
"Then find some other person to carry out your plan. But stay away from Alexander, or you will have me to argue with."
Shaking his head, Lysias stepped away from the door and came over to Hephaistion. "I never took you for a fool," he said, "but who is Alexander anyway? It is the king you should have bedded, but you refused him. I hope I live to see you regret that."
"What happened to you Lysias? Was it so bad with Onatas? Why did he take what was good and teach you tricks only a cheap whore would know?"
Hephaistion fell back, as Lysias' fist connected with the left side of his face, knocking him to the ground, and splitting his lip. He put the back of his left hand up to his face, seeing blood, then used his tongue to check his teeth were intact. It was a cruel thing to say, he regretted it the moment the words had left his mouth, but they were done. Anything they could have been to each other was over.
Lysias gave a silent nod, in understanding that he knew it too . Then he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Hephaistion picked himself up and went over to the wash basin. Pouring out some water he washed the blood away. He was shaking. He dressed himself, then paced about his room before going to the door and quietly making his way along the hallway.
Turning right he walked barefoot to a room at the far end of the building. Knocking quietly, he waited, thinking it was a mistake and that he should not knock again, but return to his bed. As he went to leave, Alexander came to the door. A lamp was still lit in the room, a book upon the bed.
"I am not disturbing you?" Hephaistion asked as Alexander stepped back to let him in.
"No. I was still awake," said Alexander. He frowned, and put his hand up to Hephaistion's chin, turning it to see the damaged lip.
"We are done," Hephaistion said. "I just needed a friend, Alexander. Can I stay here the night?"
Alexander nodded, his face showing a mixture of anger and concern. He went over to the bed, taking the book from it and pulling back the blankets. Hephaistion went over to the bed and lay down on it, placing his head on the pillow.
Alexander hesitated. "I never shared my bed before, not like this" he said. "Did you hit him harder?" he asked.
Hephaistion smiled, then winced a little. "I deserved it. My words were not kind."
Alexander lay down beside him, pulling up the blankets and wrapping his arms around his friend. Hephaistion was still shaking. "He did not deserve you," he whispered, turning to blow out the lamp.
"I can only offer friendship," Hephaistion whispered in the dark, his arm settling around Alexander's waist.
"I understand," came the reply.