Monsters In Wrong Places

As soon as I tell you the location you'll probably know what joke is coming up. WARNING! THE CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL LANGUAGE. Well, not much more foul than having Cid and Barret in the same room with no kids around

Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, but I do own my Plot Bunny cheat device (tm). Not available from local electronic retailers

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"Shit, now what?" Cid cursed, stubbing out a cigarette before searching his pockets for a new one.

"Well we saved Corel from the Shinra train, I guess we go to Fort Condor now to collect the next piece of huge materia." Red XIII suggested.

"Alright. Kid, you know where we're going?"

"Yes sir mister Highwind."

"Less talk, more steering away from the mountains." Cait Sith said nervously, as they just missed the peak of the west side of the Corel Valley.

As the Highwind was successfully steered away from the mountains of Corel the team of AVALANCHE (Minus Cloud and Tifa who were in Mideel) something strange happened. For no explainable reason they were hurled directly into a random battle.

"Cid! Didn't you protect this place against monsters?"

"I fucking did! Its got missiles and shit!"

"Then why is there a Midgar Zolom on deck?" Vincent asked, his tone calm in contrast to the general sensation of panic.

"I dunno, just kick its ass off deck then."

While the Zolom had proved a tougher opponent when they had the buggy, now with a large variety of materia at their disposal it wasn't that much of a big deal to kill it. A few rounds of gunfire and a spear through the neck later and Barret was having to toss the thing off the side.

"Well that's do-" Red's victory statement was cut off by yet another random battle, 2 Midgar Zoloms this time.

"Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking airship! Everybody strap in!" Barret cursed, causing blank looks from Cait, Vincent Cid and Red.

"To what dumb ass? We're on the top deck, no seats, nothing to strap in to."

"Just shut up and throw dynamite at them." Barret yelled over the hissing, prepping his gun-arm he fired a laser cannon obliterating both the overgrown snakes.

"Can we please go to Fort Condor now?" Yuffie asked, she was still lying on top since they had… acquired the airship

"Fine. Hey Junior! Try not to steer into any snakes this time will ya?"

"Yes sir." The red-shirt trainee pilot said in a squeaky voice. However when they were off the coast closest to the fort they were hurled into another battle.

"You know what, fuck this. Anyone wants me, I'll be falling into the ocean." Cid groaned tossing another stub away before heading to the emergency exit. Anything to get away from random battles.

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I told you the joke was obvious. And now that the pop culture reference quota is filled I can get back to normal.

Oh, and who would win. Poison Ivy or Black Cat?