"How old are you, Hephaistion?"
They had finished their supper, and now lay naked in each other's arms. Hephaistion lay on his back, his head supported by the pillows, his body warmed by the furs around him. His right arm held Alexander close. Alexander lay on his left side, propped up on his left elbow, his right arm draped casually over Hephaistion's waist, as Hephaistion's left hand held it in place.
Hephaistion smiled, gazing at Alexander. "I was twenty-one just a short while before I left Methone."
Alexander returned the smile. "You were?"
"No, I'm actually fifty years old, but I bathe in milk to keep my looks," teased Hephaistion, kissing Alexander's nose.
"I should give you a gift."
Hephaistion sighed and raised his left hand to caress Alexander's cheek. "You are a gift, Alexander." He lifted his head off the pillow and kissed Alexander's lips gently. Tonight they would make love. He wanted nothing more. By the feel of Alexander's semi-erect penis against his thigh, he knew Alexander wanted the same.
Alexander broke the kiss. "Twenty-one. Have you never been with a man?"
Hephaistion laughed softly. "I have been with girls. Until I met Lysias, I did not look at men. Until I met you, I never wanted to bed a man, and now when I might be thought too old...."
Alexander grinned. "You want to take me?"
Hephaistion nodded. "It would be easier if you were a goatherd, and not a king, Alexander. But, yes, I do. In return I would offer myself to you."
"And that is how you imagine it? You take me, and I take you?"
"Yes," whispered Hephaistion.
"Then you will be mine…and I will be yours." smiled Alexander, his hand reaching down under the furs.
Hephaistion moved against Alexander's touch, biting his lip, to stop himself gasping from pleasure. He would be with Alexander any way he could. "Where did you put the oil?"
"Oil?" Alexander asked, innocently.
"The olive oil the servants brought at supper. I saw you pick it up when we came to bed."
Alexander brushed his lips against Hephaistion's throat. "You do not miss a thing," he murmured, reaching down to pick up the jug of oil. Sitting up, he poured the oil in to his hand, kicking back the furs, leaving Hephaistion exposed. His oiled hand caressed Hephaistion's penis, as he leaned down to kiss Hephaistion's lips, gaining entry with his tongue. "Consider it a birthday gift," he breathed, moving to lie down on his stomach.
Hephaistion moved with him, covering him. Alexander sighed with delight to feel Hephaistion's warm breath upon his neck, he felt secure having Hephaistion's body wrap itself around him.
"You will be mine, and I will be yours," swore Hephaistion as he slowly entered Alexander's body. "My, Alexander," he gasped, as he finally came home.
00XX00
Ptolemy groaned as he stretched himself out in the chair. He had not meant to fall asleep. A cloak fell from his knees as he moved, and he realised Cleitus had taken time to wrap him in it before he had taken himself to bed.
Yawning and stretching, Ptolemy stood up, brushing at his chiton to straighten out the creases. He had left a bag, with clothing in it, at the stables, what else he needed had been left at the barracks, at Pella. Ptolemy stretched again, he would have to charm a servant girl to clean his clothing.
He walked over to a table, looking for a jug of wine, finally finding one he poured some in a cup and drank until his mouth no longer felt dry. He looked over in the direction of Alexander's room, wanting to see his friend and find out where he would be lodged. Cleitus had said the place was still full of ambassadors, but surely a room could be found for him.
He walked over to a window, the sun had not long risen. Looking over the courtyard he could see the servants hurrying with food and water, soldiers going to their posts, a dog was chasing its tail.
Ptolemy heard a door open, and footsteps on the stairs leading to Alexander's room. He brushed a hand over his chin, realising he needed to wash and shave, checked his chiton, it would have to do, and stepped forward in eager anticipation of seeing Alexander, his king.
"Ptolemy! How long have you been here?" Alexander greeted him, hurrying over to embrace him.
"I got here last night. Cleitus said you were not to be disturbed."
Alexander looked over his shoulder, at a very handsome man, with long dark hair and expressive blue eyes. When he looked back his face was flushed, but he held out his hand to the man, encouraging him to step forward. "Ptolemy. This is Hephaistion, General Amyntor's son and lately come from Methone."
"Joy to you, Ptolemy," Hephaistion greeted him.
"Joy to you," Ptolemy replied.
Alexander looked at both men, gauging their reaction to each other. He frowned a little. "We were going riding, to get free of the palace for a while, Ptolemy. Will you join us?"
Ptolemy smiled. "My horse should be rested enough. If you promise a large breakfast after, I will go with you. It's good to see you, Alexander. I missed you." Ptolemy reached for Alexander and embraced him, once more. "I was sorry to hear about your father. I wished I could have been here…"
"There was nothing you could have done," Alexander said, looking at Hephaistion again.
Ptolemy was a little uncomfortable. The last time he had seen Alexander he had no interest in anyone. He never had shown any interest. His mother and father had to force him to spend time with girls. Cassander's none too subtle advances had always been rebuffed. Yet, here he was, obviously lovesick over Amyntor's son. Perhaps joining them on a morning ride would not be such a good idea. "Perhaps I better stay here, I need a wash and shave," he said, not knowing what else to say as an excuse.
"You two go," said Hephaistion. "I have things I need to do and you have a lot to catch up on." He stepped away.
Ptolemy looked at Hephaistion. It was obvious he was making excuses now. Alexander seemed to realise, but accept it.
"I will not be so long. I have more meetings to attend." replied Alexander.
He seemed to want to embrace Hephaistion, but remembered Ptolemy. Hephaistion took another couple of steps back, before turning and going back in the direction of Alexander's rooms. Alexander watched till he had gone, and then turned to Ptolemy.
"He shares your room?" Ptolemy asked.
"Until we return to Pella. He will have his own rooms then." Alexander looked at Ptolemy as if daring him to say anything else.
"Let's go and fetch the horses," Ptolemy said, avoiding any conflict.
Alexander put his arm around Ptolemy's waist. "It's good to see you."
Ptolemy put his arm around Alexander's shoulders. "It's good to be back."
00XX00
Hephaistion wanted time to write a letter to Lysias' parents. Tomorrow his body would be burnt on the pyre, his ashes returned to them. He wanted the letter to go with them, to offer what comfort he could give.
He had never met them, but Lysias had always talked fondly of them. He hesitated, staring at the blank page before him. He could not say he had loved him. He wondered if Onatas would write his own letter - maybe not. He wished he had been educated at Mieza, perhaps Aristotle's tutoring would have given him the words he sought now.
He took a deep breath. He should write about what a good soldier and friend he was, then talk of their time together in the Royal Bodyguard, as if it was a dream they both had shared, then paint a picture of Lysias as a hero, the first man to try to stop Pausanias' plan.
He began to write. They were Lysias' parents, sometimes a small lie was better than the truth.
00XX00
Alexander was listening to a delegate from Athens, when Ptolemy appeared by his side, looking tidy in a fresh chiton, newly washed and shaved and with the smile of contentment that Ptolemy only got when he had been well fed.
Alexander smiled in acknowledgement, then turned back to listen to the speech drone on. He had just informed Ptolemy, when they were riding, that he would be King's Companion, that Seleucus and Perdiccas would be among them too. If they arrived tonight, then they would share a quiet supper with him in his rooms.
Tomorrow his father's pyre would be lit. So there would be no banqueting. No music.
He missed his father. Only in his quiet moments with Hephaistion could he talk of it. When amongst the court, the ambassadors, he had to act like a king; to think like a king. He had been kept busy, with questions and requests to think of, he had discussed with Empedocles, how his father's funeral should be organised, what he wanted to do to honour him, but only when he was alone with Hephaistion could he talk freely about his loss, only in Hephaistion's arms, he felt someone understood.
Ptolemy came over and sat close, but not beside him. The speech went on. What could have been said in a thousand words was taking ten…twenty times that amount . Alexander already knew that as soon as the funeral was over tomorrow, the ambassadors would hurry home, bringing the good news, the details of Philip's death, the boy now on the throne, Macedon's power ready to be taken.
The power - the Macedonian army - had been ready to march into Persia. Well-trained, veterans in battle, confident and proud. Why had none of the ambassadors realised that this army, which had already won Greece, could do the same again? Alexander answered the question himself. Because they did not think he could lead the army; they did not think he was as capable as his father. Did they not know that both he and his father were lions? That the cub now had his claws?
He needed to go and be with Cleopatra, he should go to the temple with her. Antipater had asked him to go to Eurydice, to assure her of her safety and the safety of her children. He did not see the need to go, he had already given his word. Although he could even see it in Antipater's eyes, that the sensible thing would have been to order the baby boy's death. Then there was Amyntas, who his father had always kept close, when perhaps he should have killed him, he had never been a threat, and was one of the first to swear allegiance to him.
The Athenian ambassador finished his speech, looking around the room for approval, and getting it from the ambassadors, not his hosts. Alexander stood up, a clear signal that he was done with the speeches for the day.
Ptolemy came to his side. "They think they no longer need Macedon," he murmured. The Athenian had not said it straight out, but Ptolemy too had been reading between the lines.
Alexander looked back at the ambassadors, now huddled together in groups, no doubt passing messages, agreements, between each other. "I could not have gone straight to Persia, anyway," he replied. "I would have had to wait to see what would happen. It looks as though I shall have my answer, sooner than I expected. I have to prove myself."
Looking around the room for Antipater, Alexander saw that Hephaistion had been in the room. Instead of coming to him he had stayed, leaning against the wall. Hephaistion saw him looking, he smiled and began to walk over to him.
Ptolemy put his hand on Alexander's shoulder. "See, who's here!"
Alexander turned. Seleucus and Perdiccas had just entered the room, covered in dust and sweat from their journey to Aegae. He called out their names and went to them, embracing them. "It is good to see you both," he greeted.
"We are sorry about Philip," Seleucus said. "He was always good to us."
"At least we are in time for the funeral. We haven't stopped so that we might be here in time," Perdiccas added.
"I'm glad," smiled Alexander.
Ptolemy embraced his friends. "I missed the two of you," he said.
"You should have come with us," smiled Seleucus.
Alexander looked for Hephaistion. "There is someone I want you to meet." He looked back at his friends to see a look pass between Ptolemy and Seleucus and Perdiccas. It unsettled him for a moment. Looking around the room again he saw Hephaistion. Antipater was talking to him.
Alexander led the way over to them. "Hephaistion, I would like you to meet Seleucus and Perdiccas, two more of my friends returned from exile."
Greetings were exchanged. Seleucus glanced at Alexander, as if expecting him to elaborate on his friendship with Hephaistion. He didn't.
"I have to go and spend time with Cleopatra, go to the temple, and see Eurydice," Alexander said, smiling at Antipater as he spoke of Eurydice. It would please the man. "Seleucus and Perdiccas, go and find Empedocles, he will find rooms for you. Then come to my rooms tonight, with Ptolemy, and we will have supper together." He turned to Antipater. "Tell Cassander and Philotas they are invited too." He stepped away, intending to go. "I'm glad that you are here."
He looked at Hephaistion, but said nothing before heading for Cleopatra's rooms. He needed time with his sister, alone.
OOXXOO
"Where are you from, Hephaistion?" Perdiccas asked, the moment Antipater had taken his leave of them.
"I was at the garrison at Methone," Hephaistion replied.
"Who is in charge there?" questioned Ptolemy.
"Onatas," Hephaistion replied.
"I never heard of him," Seleucus said, looking to Ptolemy and Perdiccas as if they might have. "How did you come to Pella?"
"I was sent as messenger. Philip made me a Royal Bodyguard."
The look that passed between the three men before him, made Hephaistion uncomfortable. They were judging him; everyone knew what it meant if Philip made you a Royal Bodyguard. The three turned and looked him over, judging him. Alexander had judged him too, he had to remember that.
"How long were you at Pella?" Ptolemy asked.
Knowing they were wondering how long he had lain with Philip, Hephaistion wanted to tell them he never had. "A few weeks," he replied.
"And now you are a friend to Alexander," Ptolemy stated.
Seleucus looked at Ptolemy, as if only just understanding who Hephaistion was to Alexander. He looked over Hephaistion again, but said nothing.
"We better go find Empedocles," said Perdiccas. "I could do with a bath and some food in my stomach. Hephaistion, we will see you at supper no doubt."
Ptolemy went with Seleucus and Perdiccas, leaving Hephaistion alone. He watched them go. He had seen the love of friendship they had for Alexander. They would have been the boys he met at Mieza. He felt himself strongly regretting his father's decision. They would have accepted him more readily then, now they were thinking of Alexander as king, protecting him from those people who would seek to profit from a friendship with him. It was good that they thought to shield Alexander. Hephaistion headed outside the palace. They did not want him as a friend, that much was clear.
OOXXOO
Alexander returned to his rooms, to find Hephaistion waiting for him. He closed the door, leaned on it and let out a long sigh. The afternoon had been emotionally wearing. Cleopatra had not stopped crying. His uncle did not know what to do to comfort her. Only his mother would have calmed her, but she was in Epirus.
She had accompanied him to the temple. They had gone to be with their father, his body now prepared for the pyre. Prayers were said, the gods invoked, sacrifices made. All meant to soothe, but it did not bring their father back.
After seeing Cleopatra back to her rooms, he had gone to see Eurydice. She was crying too, hugging the baby to her breast, fearful of Alexander, calling Europa close to her as if he might strike out with his dagger at any moment.
Alexander spoke of Philip, spoke of his love for the man, assuring Eurydice that he would not harm what his father loved. This stopped her tears. She seeked more assurances from Alexander that her son would not be harmed. Only when she mentioned Attalus did she see death in Alexander's eyes, but she had accepted it, she must have expected it. Her children were safe, that was all that mattered to her now.
Hephaistion handed him a cup of wine. A bath had been prepared. Low tables had been brought in to the room, food placed upon them. The supper. He had almost forgotten it.
Hephaistion helped him to undress, massaging his neck and shoulders while he lay in the bath. He tried to coax Hephaistion in to it, but he only smiled and said that he had already washed and shaved.
Alexander noticed then, that Hephaistion's hair was braided, so handsome, he stole a kiss.
"You need to shave," Hephaistion said, kissing him back.
Alexander turned, lifting himself up from the bath, reaching for Hephaistion.
Hephaistion stepped out of his reach, handing him a sharp blade. "Shave, Alexander. You will have company here soon enough."
Alexander took the blade, Hephaistion held a mirror for him while he shaved, then watched while he dried himself and dressed. He was about to try another advance when he heard the door in the other room open and Ptolemy, Seleucus and Perdiccas walked in.
Alexander touched Hephaistion's arm and then walked in to greet his friends, embracing them once more.
"It's like old times," said Ptolemy, seating himself on the bed, taking a cup of wine that Perdiccas poured for him. He nodded a greeting to Hephaistion.
A knock came on the door and Cassander and Philotas came in.
"I might have known you would be here already, Ptolemy," Cassander said, slapping him on the shoulder, then sitting down beside him.
Alexander looked at Philotas. "Did Cleitus tell you?" he asked. "I want you to go to your father, Philotas. Leave when you are ready, but I hope to see you again soon."
Philotas smiled. Alexander was showing trust in him; but more importantly trust in his father. He was a useful hostage, but Alexander was letting him go. The knot in his gut dissipated. He had heard the news from Cleitus but had not believed it. "Thank you, Alexander," he replied, earnestly.
Alexander smiled and nodded. "Sit where you can. Eat," he ordered.
They gathered around the low tables, where there were no chairs or stools, they grabbed cushions and sat on the floor. Reaching for the food they filled their plates.
"Are you ready to lead your own troops now?" Alexander asked them all. "You are all my companions now, I will want you in battle with me."
Cassander looked over at Hephaistion. "Do we all get our own troop?"
Alexander had not missed where Cassander's gaze fell. "Yes. We do."
Cassander looked at Alexander. "What if we are not capable?" he asked.
"It's what we have been raised for," Perdiccas argued. "Philip brought us to Pella to learn to fight. To be with Alexander."
"That's true," Cassander replied, looking at Hephaistion again. "How many years have we known each other now?"
"I remember you as a snot-nosed child, trying to give me orders because your father was a general," laughed Seleucus, dodging an apple that Cassander threw at him.
"Pella seems like the only home I ever had," said Ptolemy.
"I want to return to Pella as soon as I can," Alexander said, eating some bread and drinking his wine. "The ambassadors will be leaving, we must be ready for battle. I need you ready to lead your men."
"We'll lead them and make you proud of us, Alexander," Perdiccas assured him.
"That's what I wanted to hear," smiled Alexander.
"So tell us about Methone, Hephaistion," Cassander said.
"There is not much to tell," Hephaistion replied.
"Onatas is here, is he not? I'd have thought you would be spending time with him. My father says he seems to think well of you. Will you not miss him when he goes back to Methone?"
"Cassander," Alexander said, a warning in his tone.
Shrugging his shoulders, Cassander tried to look innocent,. "I only asked a question. We have all grown together, Hephaistion is new to our company. Onatas' eromenus has been killed," Cassander informed the group. "I think he would have liked Hephaistion, to replace him, but he has gone past a general's reach."
"Cassander….you go to far." Alexander's temper was roused.
Holding his hands up, Cassander smiled. "Then I apologise. I mean no harm," he smiled. He had intended to insult Hephaistion, he was not a part of them and never would be. He should go back to Methone.
"Ignore him, Alexander. He always did say too much. Never got himself exiled, though. Antipater's son will always be protected," said Ptolemy, raising his wine cup in a mock toast to Cassander.
"I can understand you wanting us to lead," said Perdiccas, biting into some chicken. "I understand you are fond of Hephaistion. But you have only known him a few weeks, Alexander. Have you seen him in battle? We have been educated with you, raised with you, for all your feelings for him, what do you know of his capabilities, except for…." Perdiccas looked to the bed, then to Alexander who was glaring at him. "We were always taught to speak our minds, Alexander. Do not think badly of me for doing it now."
"He has a point," Ptolemy added.
Cassander laughed.
"Hephaistion is a soldier," Alexander said.
"Atreus is a soldier, a veteran, he has fought in the phalanx for twenty years now, but he has no rank, he cannot lead men," Ptolemy replied.
"Let us not argue the point," pleaded Seleucus. "Alexander is king. It his decision. Let us abide by it."
Hephaistion stood up and walked out of the room. Alexander got up and followed him, Hephaistion was almost at the stairs.
"Hephaistion!"
Hephaistion stopped, but did not turn back to him. Alexander hurried to him, putting his hand on his shoulder, pulling him round.
"I am sorry if they said things to hurt you," Alexander said.
Hephaistion shook his head. "They care for you."
Alexander sighed. "They will care for you too. Come back, Hephaistion. We will talk of other things, I will tell Cassander to go."
Hephaistion had not looked into Alexander's eyes, he looked down, anywhere but at Alexander. "I had not thought of this. I had thought of the comments of the court, not your friends, Alexander."
Alexander became desperate. He thought he might never have Hephaistion's love; now he had it he needed it like the air he breathed. He put his hand up to Hephaistion's face, forcing him to look in to his eyes. "They will be your friends too," he assured him.
Hephaistion gave a bitter laugh, and pulled away. He bit his lip and looked down at the floor before looking up at Alexander. "I just need some time. Give me some time," he said, softly, before turning and walking away.
Alexander slammed his hand against the wall, looking at the empty space where Hephaistion had just been. Then he looked to his room and strode back into it. His friends…companions…were there, talking amongst themselves as if they had done no wrong. He took a breath, trying to calm himself. It was his father's funeral tomorrow, this was the last thing that he needed.
"What do you know of Hephaistion?" he asked them.
"He is Amyntor's son,"Seleucus said, quietly, uncomfortable at the coming confrontation with Alexander.
"Your father made him a member of the Royal Guard," said Ptolemy, his face showing he knew the reason why.
"He has been at Methone for years," Perdiccas added.
"Pella for weeks," said Cassander.
"He defended you from Pausanias," Ptolemy added, then looked to the others, who looked surprised by his words. "Cleitus told me."
"He lay with your father, and now he lies with you," smirked Cassander.
Alexander dived at Cassander, lifting him by his chiton, pulling him to his feet, while his friends held him, tried to stop his attack. "He did not lie with my father. I assumed he did, everyone did, everyone like you, Cassander. With your snide comments and hurtful words. You know nothing but spread harm." He let go of Cassander, causing him to fall back on to the bed.
"I apologise, Alexander," Cassander pleaded.
"Would you have me alone?" Alexander ranted, looking at all of his friends. "Would that suit you, to see me alone? I cannot help the feelings I have for Hephaistion, the same as he cannot help the feelings he has for me. He was reluctant to be with me…."
"Courtesan's can play such games," Ptolemy said.
Alexander turned on Ptolemy. "You think he does this for profit, Ptolemy? Is that what you think?"
"I think he could be another Pausanias."
Alexander looked as though he might strike Ptolemy, but instead he turned away, going to the window, taking a deep breath, before turning to face his friends.
"I was so glad to see you back…"
"We are here for you now, Alexander. We will do our best to make Hephaistion welcome," Perdiccas said, looking around to see his friends were in agreement.
"If he means that much to you," Ptolemy said, "I will watch what I say around him. I am sorry, Alexander."
"I love him, Ptolemy. I thought that you would love him too."
"He likes girls," Seleucus said, unwittingly breaking the tension.
Alexander laughed, unexpectedly. "I would not force your opinion," he said. "But you never gave him a chance."
"Should we go?" asked Philotas, afraid that the quarrel might have changed Alexander's mind about him leaving.
Alexander nodded, then watched them leave. The silence of the room surrounded him. He undressed, and extinguished every lamp except for one, then lay between the furs, unable to sleep.
He watched the moon move across the sky. Named the stars he could see, remembering when Aristotle had taught him. He would have read something from The Illiad, but how could he share Achilles love of war, when Achilles had Patroclus by his side? The guard changed. Alexander's door opened. It was Hephaistion.
Alexander sat up. "I did not think you would return," he said.
Hephaistion slipped off his chiton, and climbed into the bed, next to Alexander. "You should not be alone," he whispered. He lay down beside Alexander and wrapped his arms about him.
"Just tell me where you want to be," Alexander pleaded, tears stinging his eyes. "Wherever you want to go, whichever garrison you wish to command, whatever country you wish to see. I will let you go, Hephaistion. I just want you to be happy."
"I want to be with you, Alexander. I want to go with you, wherever you go, to see the countries you wish to see. I am not going anywhere, Alexander. You are my happiness." He kissed the top of Alexander's head gently. "Now sleep, Alexander…my Alexander."