a/n: Sorry this one took me a bit to put up... midterms, y'know...
so, when last we met, Spike had found Buffy in LA, chased her through the streets (i think she's more impressive cuz she did it in heels, but maybe i'm biased) then Buffy told him what had happened with Willow, she cried a lot, he brought her back to Angel's hotel and cleaned her up. Dawn came to see her, more crying ensued (there's less in this chapter, i promise)
This chapter's a bit longer (uhm, 2xs as long, but who's counting?) and i hope you like it! the rating's for the next chapter, which i hope to have up later this week, but i make no promises. i don't own BtVS or anyone in it, as much as i wish i did. read on, and leave me some love, cuz it makes me want to post more! ~kitten
Chapter 4
She woke up confused again. She was in a strange bed, in a strange room, and wearing someone else's clothing. She almost shot up in bed, but strong arms around her kept her down and realization dawned on her. She was in Spike's hotel room, in his arms, and wearing his clothes. She had no idea what hotel she was in or what time it was, but that was okay. Spike was holding her. His strong arms were curled around her and she was draped comfortably over his body. She fidgeted a little so she could look up and see his face. His beautiful eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly, and his hair was a riot of curls.
She raised a hand to trace the contours of his gorgeous face. Her fingers whispered across his cheekbones, traced the scar in his eyebrow, touched the swell of his full lower lip. She wanted to lean up and kiss him, see if he still tasted the same, even with the soul, but she held back.
He'd gotten his soul for her. Went through hell and back to be a better man for her. She didn't deserve that kind of devotion. She didn't deserve him, this wonderful, perfectly flawed man who loved her so much. Well, if he even still loved her. Maybe he'd moved on, wised up and figured out he could do better than the likes of her. Why should she believe otherwise? He hadn't told her he loved her. She hadn't heard those words from him since the day she called the house and he answered. If he didn't love her anymore, it would make this easier. It wouldn't hurt him as much when she left again. She didn't want to run, but it was really the only option.
"I love you," she whispered, ghosting her fingertips over his lips again.
"Love you too, Buff," he murmured in his sleep. Her heart soared but heartbroken tears flooded her eyes. She buried her face into his smooth chest and wept. She wept for herself, because she hurt so much. She cried for Spike and his wonderful heart that she'd broken. She cried because she hadn't been there to see Dawn turn into the beautiful woman she was now. And she cried for Willow, her best friend who she missed so much. Willow had been a sister to her, and now that she was gone, it felt like there was a part of Buffy's heart missing.
Spike's arms tightened their hold around her and he shifted her so she was lying fully atop him. He rubbed her back with one hand and threaded the other through her hair. She felt his lips brush over the crown of her head.
"It's gonna be okay, luv," he murmured. Oh, how she had missed his voice for so long. "It's gonna work out sweetling. You'll see, we'll make everything better."
"It hurts so much," she cried. "I feel like there's a hole inside me."
"I know," he said. "It fades, in time. It stops hurting so much. You just have to face it. Fight it like any other demon you've faced. You can't let it take over you."
"I'm not that strong," she mumbled weakly. She didn't feel like the Slayer anymore. She'd gotten a buzz of power during that pitiful little fight in the alley, but it had faded quickly. Maybe if a Slayer didn't use her power, it wasted away.
"You just haven't used it in awhile," he said, reading her mind as usual. "You'll see, you get back into training, let me kick that cute little arse of yours in sparring once or twice, an' you'll find the fire again."
"I had the fire," she murmured, voicing her inner monologue for once. "I found it when I was with you. Then you left, and… it was gone again. You were my fire, Spike."
"Well, I'm right here," he said, gesturing broadly to the bed they were lying on. "Jus' say the word, an' I'll spark right up."
"How come every time I get you in a bed with me, you go to the dirty place?" her tears subsided as she laughed. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, other than for obvious reasons," she amended.
"Can' help it," he said. "It's in my nature."
"Even with the soul?" He didn't seem much different. But then again, he'd always been so different from every other vamp she'd ever met. So maybe the soul didn't change him because he was already so human.
"The soul… is weird. I can feel it, y'know? But it's like… I don' really need it?"
"You were always so human before," she said. She reached up to caress his face gently. "I'm sorry I didn't notice it before. You didn't really need the soul to make you good. You… weren't always good, but you still had your humanity. You were never as evil as Angelus."
"You made me human," he said, running a hand over her hair soothingly. "You made me want to be good."
"Is the guilt bad?" she asked. Angel had gone crazy when he was cursed with a soul. It had taken him a hundred years to regain his sanity.
"It's not that bad," he said. "Not like it was with Angelus. I din't get my soul cursed on me, luv. I asked for it. It makes a difference."
"Was it the same spell that gave Angel his soul?"
"What, with the celibacy thing?" he asked. She nodded. "Don' rightly know. Haven't tried it out. But I don' think so, at least Rupert never mentioned it when he was researchin'."
"Oh, so you haven't…" She wasn't sure where she was going with that. It wasn't any of her business, really. But there was a little voice in the back of her head that hoped he hadn't been with another woman since her.
"Buffy, luv, I couldn't ever touch another woman without seein' you," he said. "Nor do I want to. I love you. You're the One, luv."
She dissolved into happy, relieved tears. He still loved her. She was being stupid, and she knew it, to think that he didn't.
"I love you," she said. She leaned up and kissed him, letting her tears fall down his cheeks. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."
"Buffy," he mumbled, adding his own tears to the kiss. "I love you so much. God, I missed you. Love you."
"I missed those words so much," she said, pulling away from the kiss. "You… you hadn't said them. I thought, maybe you didn't-"
"Daft chit," he said. "Like I could ever stop loving you. My silly Slayer."
"Spike," she sighed. She started to say more, but she was cut off by a quick knocking on the door. Her body stiffened instinctively.
"Shh, it's all righ', kitten," Spike said gently. "Scoot over, I'll get the door."
He climbed out of bed and padded over to the door. He was only wearing his tight black jeans, so when he opened the door to reveal Angel, Buffy had to stifle a giggle. Spike was half-naked and she was in bed wearing his shirt. The expression of pure jealousy on Angel's face was too funny to ignore.
"You need something, Peaches?" Spike asked.
"Buffy? Are you okay?" Angel asked, ignoring him.
"She's fine," Spike said.
"I want to hear it from her," Angel growled at Spike. Buffy climbed out of bed and moved to Spike's side. Angel's eyes widened at the sight of her, hair mussed and wearing Spike's clothes.
"I'm fine, Angel," she said. She leaned in closer to Spike. She needed his contact, and she wanted to reassure him that she wanted him, even with Angel there.
"You're sure?" Angel asked, looking between Buffy and Spike skeptically.
"Angel, don't pretend to be worried about me," she snapped. "You talked to me three or four times a week for six months and you didn't know it was me. Spike saw me for ten seconds and knew who I was." She reached for Spike's hand, squeezing it gently in hers. He smiled softly down at her, and her heart sang.
"Buffy-" Angel protested.
"Please don't start," she said. "I'm in no mood to argue with you or deal with your jealous vampire crap. All I want to do is go back to bed."
"Fine," he sighed. "Do you need anything?"
"I wouldn't say no to something to eat," she said.
"Sure, I'll order some takeout," Angel said, turning to walk down the hall.
"Oi! Bring up some of that fancy otter blood, too!" Spike yelled after him
"Otter, huh? Your tastes have improved," she said, raising an eyebrow at him.
"I stole some when I got here," he said. He shut the door and led her back to the bed. He sat down, propped up against the headboard, and she settled in next to him.
"Spike?" she asked cautiously. There was something she needed to know.
"Yeah, luv?" he murmured, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"When did you come back?" she asked.
"A couple weeks after you left?" he said. "Why?"
"What were they like?" she asked. "Xander, Dawn, Giles- How were they? I… I ran most of the first few months. I only stayed a couple weeks in each place."
"They… they were upset," he said slowly. "When I got back an' found out you were gone, I wanted to go after you. Xander and Rupert made me stay."
"They let you in?" she asked. Dawn, she knew, adored Spike, but her friends were another story. Especially after they'd found out about their relationship.
"Yeah, well, I was kinda a mess," he said. "New soul an' all. So they put me up in the cellar."
"Basement," she corrected with a small smile. "In the US, we call them basements."
"Whatever," he said, tossing her a crooked smile. "So they put me up in the basement an' got me well. Once I was better, I wanted to go after you."
"Why didn't you?"
"The Bit wouldn't let me," he said. "Then she got that letter from you, an' she asked me to look for you."
"Are you still staying at the house?"
"Yeah," he said, an almost bashful expression on his face. "'M in your old room. Anya an' the Whelp are in your mum's, and Rupert's in the office. They fixed it up for 'im."
"Xander and Anya got back together?" She'd thought after Xander walked out on their wedding, they would be over for good.
"Yeah, they're together again," he said. "They got married last Christmas at City Hall. I dunno how the Whelp convinced Anya not to have her big white wedding."
"I missed so much," Buffy murmured, tears falling silently down her cheeks.
"You'll make up for it," she said, tightening his hold on her.
"How?" she asked. She'd asked this question a thousand times. How could she just go home and expect open arms? They had every right to hate her for what she did and how she handled it. "How am I going to make everything better?"
"You'll see," he said. "You'll walk through the door, an' ev'ryone'll be so happy to see you, it won't matter."
"I don't know," she said. "When I ran away after Angelus, they were all so mad at me. And that was only a couple months."
"'S different this time," he said. "Me an' Dawn are here this time. We won't let them keep you away." He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "We won't push you to come home. If you want to, we'll have you back with open arms, pet. We want you home, but only if it'll make you happy."
"Thank you," she whispered. She had to admit, the idea of going home, of not having to run anymore, of having family again, was sounding better and better. She missed her family. She missed Spike, she missed being around him. She wanted to feel safe again. She wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere again.
"What are you thinkin', luv?" Spike asked. "I can hear those wheels turnin' in your mind."
"I want to go home," she said. "But I need you there with me. I can't… I can't do this by myself."
"I'll be right next to you, kitten," he said. "I promise. You don't have to do this by yourself."
"Thank you," she said. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "You're far too good for me."
"Nah," he said. He pressed a kiss to her temple. The phone rang loudly, making them both jump. Spike reached over and answered with a gruff, "Yeah?" His forehead wrinkled. "Yeah," he said. "Hold on, lemme ask her."
"What's up?" she asked.
"Peaches says the food is here," he said. "Fastest takeout in LA. He wants to know if you wan' to go downstairs or if he should bring it up here."
"I'd go downstairs, but I don't have any clothes," she said, glancing down at the t-shirt and boxers.
"D'you wan' me to ask Dawn for some clothes?" he asked.
"She's too tall," she said, wrinkling her nose.
"Fred, then?" he asked. "She's about your size." She agreed, and he pressed the phone back to his ear. "Peaches? Ask Fred if Buffy can borrow some clothes, an' we'll come down." He was quiet a long moment, then said, "Yeah, thanks, Peaches." He hung up and turned back to her.
"Fred's gonna bring up some clothes for you," he said. "She'll be up in a minute."
"Okay," she sighed. "Can we just lay here till she gets here?"
"Of course, sweetheart," he murmured, tightening his hold on her again. He ran his hand over her hair and dipped his head to kiss her forehead.
"I missed you," he purred. "I was so worried I'd never get to see you again, touch you like this."
"You've never touched me like this," she said, muffled by the crook of his neck where she rested her head. "I never let you."
"Oh, well, maybe I dreamed it then," he said, trying to make her smile. Her lips curled up slightly and she lifted her eyes to his.
"When I come home, promise me you'll still hold me like this?" she asked.
"Every night, if you wan' me to," he said. "Hell, every day too. I'd be happy if we never got out of bed." She chuckled and turned a bit in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and straddled him gently.
"Can I kiss you?" she whispered.
"Like you ever have to ask," he purred. They leaned in and kissed gently. It was nothing like the kisses they'd shared during their affair after her resurrection. This kiss was slow, gentle. It still set her skin on fire, but instead of frantically devouring him, she focused on memorizing him: the feel of his lips, the taste of him mouth, the feel of his hands in her hair. She could almost taste his soul, like it was a hidden sweetness in the taste of him.
"I love you," he murmured, breaking the kiss so she could breathe. She gasped as she rested her forehead against his.
"I love you," she breathed. "I love you so much, baby."
"God, those word sound good comin' from your mouth," he said, kissing her lips softly. She touched her hands to his face, brushing her thumbs along his sharp cheekbones. She kissed his lips briefly, then moved to flutter butterfly kisses over his cheeks, nose, eyes, and forehead. She dropped back to down kiss his mouth again, one hand slipping to the back of his head.
A knock on the door broke their kiss, and she parted from him with a pout. "That'll be Fred with your clothes," he said. He kissed the tip of her nose playfully and lifted her off his lap. He climbed out of bed and moved over to the door. She couldn't hear what was said, but he shut the door quickly and turned back to her with a bundle of clothes.
"These should fit you fine," he said. "I'll wait in the hall."
"You don't have to," she said, blushing slightly. "I mean, it's nothing you haven't seen before, right?"
"I'll jus' turn around then," he said. He turned his back to her and she smiled at his new-found shyness. She stripped out of his clothes and pulled on the borrowed jeans and blouse. She turned around as she was buttoning her blouse. "'Kay, I'm decent," she said. He turned around and gaped at her. She blushed slightly under his gaze. Could she still really have that affect on him?
"There's my girl," he murmured. "You were hidin' under all that makeup an' stuff. But you're still there, aren't you?"
"I don't think I ever left," she said. "Or at least, you never left me. I kept you with me."
"Yeah, I saw the tats," he said, gesturing to her wrists.
"Yeah, there's that," she said, fiddling with the ring on her finger. She pulled it off and held it out to him. "And then there's this." He curled his fingers around it as he stared. The look of awe on his face made her breath hitch.
"I never gave it back to you," she murmured. "I mean to, but… I don't really know why I kept it."
"It was your engagement ring," he said. He ran a finger over the raised design, then dipped it underneath to play with the yarn she'd wrapped around it to make it fit.
"Yeah," she whispered. "And… I was happy when we were engaged." He looked up at her in surprise. "I know it was the spell," she said. "But still, I was happy. I wanted to keep that with me."
"Here," he said, holding the ring out to her. "'S no sense in me havin' it now." She gave him a small smile and held her left hand out. He hesitated for a moment, then slipped it onto her finger. He held her hand in both of his reverently, staring down at it.
"I'm yours," she murmured. "The ring just said that louder than I could." He was still staring down at her hand. Her stomach growled loudly and he shook himself out of his daze.
"We should go get you some food," he said. She nodded and he released her hands. Frowning, she recaptured his hand in hers.
"You gonna go down there like that?" she asked, gesturing at his bare torso. He followed her gaze down and grinned wickedly.
"It'd be fun to see if Peaches' head actually explodes," he said. She chuckled and grabbed her discarded t-shirt from the bed. She chucked it at his face and he pulled it on.
"C'mon, you," she said, tugging on his hand. "I'm hungry."
"Uh-oh," he mocked. "A hungry Slayer. Watch out."
"Bite me," she sniped. He laughed and spun her around so his arm was wrapped around her shoulders. She giggled and cuddled into his side as they walked down the hall. They started down the stairs and she stiffened in his arms.
"Hey, I'm right here," he murmured in her ear. "I've got you. We go in together, we go out together, yeah? There's no reason to be afraid."
"I know," she said. "I'm just being stupid.
"You're fine, luv," he said as they reached the lobby. Angel's crew, plus Dawn, were sitting around a table filled with what looked like 20 kinds of takeout. And they were staring. Buffy blushed and tightened her hold around Spike's waist. He glared and growled low in his throat.
"Well, Sweet cheeks, I gotta say, I don't know why you covered up that pretty face," Lorne said, getting up and walking over to her. She smiled hesitantly up at him. Slowly letting go of Spike, she hugged Lorne tightly. "C'mon, Lily Pad," Lorne said. "We got Thai food. And pizza."
"Good, I'm starved," she said. Smiling back at Spike, she let Lorne lead her to a seat next to Dawn. Spike sat down sinuously next to her.
"Wes, can you get that blood for Spike?" Angel asked. Wesley nodded and left the room as Buffy filled her plate with 10 pounds of food.
"Got enough there, Buffy?" Dawn asked smirking.
"Fast metabolism," Buffy sniped.
"Yeah, right, that explains why your butt has gotten bigger." Her teasing grin threatened to crack her face in half.
"Hey!" Buffy said. Spike stole an egg roll from her plate and tossed his arm around her shoulders.
"You were too skinny before," he whispered in her ear. "Now I got somethin' to hold on to." She blushed and shifted in her seat as Wesley returned to the room with a coffee mug of blood.
"It might be a little hot," Wes said as Spike nodded his thanks.
"And don't you dare dunk your egg roll in it like you did last time we had Chinese," Dawn warned.
"Ew," Buffy said, wrinkling her nose at him. "That's really gross, Spike."
"It was worth it," he said, shrugging. "Harris nearly tossed 'is cookies."
"You're an evil man," she laughed, cuddling to his side as she twirled her fork in some noodles.
"So, Lily? Er, sorry, Buffy?" Gunn asked. "Sorry, it might take some time to get used to that."
"It's okay," she said. "Was there something you wanted to ask?"
"Well, I'm just confused about the whole Slayer/vampire thing," Gunn said. "I mean, you're supposed to fight them. How do you go from punching them to kissing them?"
"Just lucky, I guess," Buffy said, not really appreciating the criticism. Dawn snorted.
"She's blonde," Dawn said. "They're hot. Do the math."
"Hey!" Buffy cried, thankful to her sister for adding levity to the conversation. "I'm not that vapid! And I spent a long time resisting Spike's hotness."
"So you don't just love me for my body?" Spike teased.
"No I do," she said, grinning up at him. "In fact, if you could talk less, that'd be good."
"Break my heart," he said, dramatically clutching at his chest. She laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"I love you," she whispered. He leaned in and kissed her temple.
"Love you too, Blondie," he murmured. Dawn gagged loudly.
"If I wanted to see people make out, I'd go home and talk to Xander and Anya," Dawn grumbled. Buffy and Fred giggled. "Seriously! Someone needs to tell them there needs to be a time limit on newlywed bliss."
"Xander is that rather paunchy bloke, yes?" Wesley asked.
"Paunchy?" Buffy echoed, laughing. "C'mon, Watcher Boy, you've been in the States how long? Use our language."
"Yeah," Dawn agreed. "Call him fluffy, or festively plump or something."
"'Festively plump'? He's not a turkey," Spike said with a grin. "He's a chicken, to be sure-"
"Don't even finish that," Buffy laughed, covering his mouth with her hand. He nipped at her fingers. "No more puns for you, 'kay honey?" He rolled his eyes at her and chugged his blood down. He set the mug down and looked back to Buffy. She chuckled at the blood mustache he had.
"You missed a bit," she said, running her thumb over his lips. He sucked the blood off her thumb and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Buffy tore her eyes from his face and looked at the others at the table. She hadn't seen Dawn look that happy since before their mother died. Lorne had a benevolent smile, and it was mirrored by Fred. Gunn and Wesley looked apprehensive, and Angel looked absolutely jealous. She couldn't help that, though.
She wondered if he was jealous about her comfort with Spike's vampirism. Spike had never made an effort to hide what he was. He'd never denied his nature around her. Angel had. It was like he was trying to act like he was a normal guy around her. She'd never seen him drink blood except for the time he'd fed from her, and he'd always acted shamed if she had to get blood for him. Spike, in contrast, had smeared blood on her face during one of the lighter moments of their affair, and she'd fed him enough times while he was her captive.
"Buffy?" Fred asked.
"Huh? Sorry, I was spacing," Buffy said.
"I asked how you were doing with the whole being-back thing," Fred said. Buffy sighed heavily and leaned her head on Spike's shoulder.
"This is easier than being by myself," she said. "But then again, now I'm thinking about everything, so that's not so great. But I guess I needed to stop running some time and start dealing with it all, right?" Spike rubbed her arm soothingly, resting his chin atop her head.
"So are you going to go back to Sunnydale?" Fred asked.
"Uh, yeah… I think so," Buffy said. Dawn squealed in delight and threw her arms around her sister.
"Oh my god, Buffy!" she cried. "It'll be so good to have you back! Everyone will be so happy to see you! And I'll have someone to keep Spike from putting on the game face when he answers the door for my dates." Her last sentence was punctuated by a stuck-out tongue.
"Pick better blokes an' I won' have t'," Spike said, ruffling her hair.
"Rick is going to be a doctor, and you scared him off!" Dawn said, fixing her hair. "You big bully."
"Jus' watchin' out for you," Sweet Bit," he said, sticking his tongue out in kind at her.
"You could watch a little less vigilantly so I could have a date once in awhile," she grumbled.
"Uh, Buffy?" Angel asked as she started to close her eyes sleepily. "Could I talk to you for a minute? In private?"
"Yeah," she said, standing. Angel walked into a side room. Buffy pressed a kiss to Spike's cheek and whispered in his ear. "I'll just be a minute."
"Kiss his arse if he makes a move on you," Spike growled, glaring darkly at the door Angel had disappeared behind. Buffy chuckled and kissed him on the nose. She walked tot eh office as Dawn shoved Spike playfully.
"You big sap," she laughed. Buffy smiled and shut the door behind her as Spike pulled Dawn into a headlock.
"Buffy?" Angel asked. She turned around, her smile immediately fading.
"You wanted to ask me something, Angel?" she asked impatiently. Now that she'd been with him, it was making her anxious to be away from Spike.
"Are you okay, Buffy?" Angel asked, stepping towards her. He reached out to touch her arm and she stepped out of reach.
"I'll be fine," she said. "We're working on it."
"You and Spike," he said, almost snarling Spike's name.
"Yes, me and Spike," she said. "Angel, what's your real problem with this? I swear, if you get any broodier, your face is gonna stick that way."
"It's Spike, Buffy," Angel said.
"Yes, Spike," she said. "Who loves me. Who I love. But which makes you more angry, that I'm in love with him or that I'm not in love with you?"
"I just don't know why you didn't come to me," he said. "I could've helped you."
"Yeah? What would you have said if I came to you six months ago when I landed in LA?" she asked, crossing her arms.
"I would've told you that you needed to go home," he said without hesitating. It never even occurred to him to lie about it.
"Do you know what Spike said?" she asked. Angel just frowned at her. "He asked me for five minutes. He didn't tell me to go home. He didn't say I needed to go anywhere. He just asked to see me for five minutes."
"Buffy, be reasonable," Angel insisted. "You know he wanted you home."
"Yeah, I know that," she said. "But he never asked. And even though I told him not to, he kept looking for me. You thought I was dead!"
"Buffy, this is Spike we're talking about. He tried to kill you and your friends." Captain Forehead just wasn't getting it.
"You tried to kill me and my friends!" she argued. "Hell, you did kill two of my friends!" She wanted this conversation to be over. She didn't like the desperate look in his eyes. "Look, Angel, I'm with Spike," she said. "I'm going to go home with him. I don't want to be with you."
"Buffy, it's supposed to be us," he said. He gripped her shoulders hard with both hands. "I'm going to get the Shanshu, and then we'll be able to be together." He pulled her to him, kissing her roughly. She clenched her jaw and kicked him back with one leg. He recovered, moving back towards her, and she sent him flying with a wicked right hook to the jaw.
"Touch me again ad I'll let Spike finally kill you," she snarled, wiping her mouth with the back of her left hand. His teeth had scraped the knuckles of her right, and they were bleeding. Turning her back on him in disgust, she walked back into the main room. Spike and Dawn were on the floor wrestling, much to the amusement of Angel's crew.
"Say it!" Dawn demanded. She had Spike in a headlock, which Buffy knew from experience wasn't an easy thing to do.
"Never!" Spike snarled. Dawn brought one hand down and pinched him on the ribs. Buffy's vampire yelped like a puppy and Dawn did it again.
"Fine!" Spike yelled, laughing.
"Sing for me, birdie," Dawn said smugly, not releasing him. Spike growled and rolled his eyes.
"I'm a little teapot," he sing-songed. Buffy laughed incredulously, then doubled over, roaring with laughter.
"Glad I could amuse you," Spike growled, running a hand through his hair once Dawn released him. Neither Summers could hold back her laughter. "'S not that funny," he growled.
"I'm sorry," she said, still giggling. Spike pouted. "Come here." She held her arms out to him, and he stepped into her embrace. "I love you, even if you are goofy and lost to a girl," she said, kissing his pouty lip. His expression didn't change, so she bit down gently on his lip and sucked it into her mouth.
"Tell me you love me or I'll tickly you into submission," she threatened. Spike rolled his eyes and kissed her on the bridge of her nose.
"I love you, you daft bint," he said. He took both of her hands in his, frowning when he saw the blood. "What happened, luv?"
"Well you did tell me to kick his ass," she said, shrugging.
"Wanker," Spike seethed. He examined her cuts closely. "He bit you?"
"His teeth scraped me as I knocked him out," she said. "How'd you know."
"I could smell it," he said. "It'll take a bit for these to close up. Vamp saliva will keep it open."
"Can you close them up for me?" she asked. He'd done it before, when some of his love bites had broken the skin.
"Yeah, if you wan' me t'," he said.
"You've tasted me before," she murmured. She cupped her good hand around the back of his head. "I trust you."
"Love you," he murmured. He took her wounded hand in both of his, then bowed his head. He suckled gently, cleaning away the blood. He closed her cuts and lifted his head back up to look at her.
"Thank you," she said, taking his face in her hands. She kissed his mouth gently.
"Isn't that gross?" Gunn asked from the sidelines. Buffy pulled away and raised an eyebrow at him. "Kissing a vamp after he's just finished cleaning your cuts?" Gunn clarified.
"Not really," Buffy said, shrugging. "It's my blood, anyways. But I don't kiss him right after he's fed. Animal blood is gross."
"It's just so weird," Gunn said as Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy's tiny waist and tugged her to him. "I mean, I'm used to it all with A, but seeing a human actually willingly kissing a vampire… it's wiggin' me."
"Yeah, every once in awhile I got that way too," she said. "But you get used to it. And sometime's it's fun." She waggled her eyebrows at him.
"Fun?" Fred asked.
"Yeah," Buffy said, laughing. "I mean, he's strong, and he's fast. He's fights as well as I do-"
"Hey, you've been outta the game for two years," Spike said. "I could mop the floor with you."
"You just got beat by a little, human, girl," Buffy said, grinning. "I think I could take you."
"Okay, let's go," he said, falling back into a fighting stance. Buffy laughed and mirrored him. He lunched first and she weaved, swatting him on the butt as she passed him. He turned and swung a fist at her. She bobbed and weaved, making his fist catch nothing but air. "God, I missed dancin' with you," he said. She snapped a kick up at his face and he dodged it.
"They're dancing?" Gunn asked. Dawn shrugged as Spike caught Buffy from behind. She shoved him off with an elbow to the gut.
"They're quirky," Dawn said. Buffy connected a roundhouse to his shoulder, sending Spike sprawling onto the floor. She followed him, landing atop him with a thud. She straddled his hips and pinned down his shoulders with her hands.
"And you're dead," she said, panting. "Face it, you've gone soft."
"I'll show you soft,' he muttered, angling his hips up. She gasped and instinctively ground down against him.
"Stop that," she murmured, her eyes fluttering closed.
"You stop it," he countered, reaching a hand up to grip her hip.
"How 'bout you both stop it and go get a room?" Dawn asked, covering her eyes with one hand. Buffy turned a vibrant red and looked up sheepishly. The world had a habit of falling away when she was this close to him.
"Sorry," she mumbled, climbing off Spike.
"Eh, guess I'll have to get used to you two being all moon-eyed," Dawn said, shrugging. She uncovered her eyes and groaned. "God, when Olivia comes to visit Giles, I'm going to have to leave town for all the lovey-dovey crap." Buffy and Spike both made faces at her reference to Giles' "orgasm friend." The pair climbed to their feet, their hands finding each other to hold on tightly.
"So, are you going to go home tonight?" Fred asked, smiling softly at the pair. They were a good looking couple, and Buffy looked so happy, it was hard not to be happy for them.
"Uh, I dunno," Buffy said. She frowned and looked to Lorne. "I feel bad not giving you two weeks'."
"Buffy, honey, I hired a new bartender yesterday," he said with a smile. "I knew as soon as Blondie there got to town, you'd be leaving for one reason or another."
"Oh. Well, then," she said. She looked up at Spike. "I don't know if I'm ready."
"We can take as long as you need, luv," he said. "Sunnyhell's not goin' anywhere."
"What time is it?" she asked, looking to the others.
"Uh, about 3 in the afternoon on Saturday," Gunn said.
"We'd have to drive by night, right?" she asked, looking back at Spike.
"Yeah, soul doesn't make me sun-proof," he said with a crooked smile.
"What if I went to my apartment today and packed everything up? She asked. "Then, if I'm ready tonight, or tomorrow, or two weeks from now, we can just go."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Dawn asked.
"We'll both go, Bit," Spike said. "I'll jus' take a blanket."
"Yes! I get to drive!" Dawn said happily. Buffy looked up skeptically at Spike. He looked mildly afraid.
"If you kill us, I'm telling," Buffy said.
Dawn managed to get them to Buffy's apartment building without killing them or anyone else. Barely. Buffy climbed shakily out of the car as Spike dashed for the shadows of the building entrance.
"Okay, you're terrifying," Buffy said. Dawn rolled her eyes.
"Oh, it was so not that bad," she said. They stood outside the door, waiting for Buffy to unlock it. "C'mon, Spike's gonna cook out here."
"Hold on," Buffy said. "I've got to put my glamour back on. My landlady's finicky." Spike and Dawn watched as she chanted quickly and became Lily again before their eyes.
"Nifty," Dawn said.
"It comes in handy," Lily's voice said. She unlocked the door and Spike pushed past her for the safety of the shelter. With a chuckle, they followed him.
"Lily?" her landlady called. "Is that you?"
"Yeah, hey, Mrs. T," she said, stepping into the doorway of the landlady's office/apartment.
"Rent's due on Monday, sweetie," the lady reminded her.
"Yeah, about that…" Buffy said. "Uhm I'm leaving. I'm going back home."
"Really?" Mrs. T asked. "Well, good luck to you. Make sure you leave what furniture was there and leave your keys on the kitchen counter. And I'll know if you took anything."
"Of course," Buffy said. "I'd never try to get anything past you."
"We'll miss you, Lily," the lady said. Buffy smiled and turned away. She gestured for Dawn and Spike to follow her up the stairs. Once they were out of sight, she shook off the glamour.
"Much better," Spike said, kissing her temple. They climbed the stairs to her floor, and she led them to her apartment. Unlocking her door, she held it open for them
"Spike needs an invite," Dawn reminded her.
"Get in here, stupid," Buffy said, grinning at him. He snarled mischievously and jumped at her, nibbling on her neck. Dawn gagged again.
"God, you two are going to be unbearable," she said.
"Jus' makin' up for lost time, Bite Sized," Spike said.
"Bite Sized?" Buffy asked. "She's bigger than me!"
"Trust me, you're not the first to pose that argument," Dawn said, rolling her eyes. "It never works. I think the bleach has melted his brain." Dawn grinned and put her hands on her hips. "But y'know what's funny? Watching him try to bleach his hair without a reflection. He nearly put his eye out." Buffy smiled and started moving around the apartment, gathering up her few personal belongings.
"Dawn, will you do me a favor and put all the food in the cabinets in some bags?" Buffy called, moving to her bedroom. Spike followed her, watching as she pulled suitcases and boxes out and began filling them with her belongings.
"You're pretty efficient at this," he commented.
"I've done this a few times," she said quietly, not looking at him.
"How many times?" he asked. She paused, counting.
"Uh, fifteen, counting this one and Sunnydale," she said.
"Let's not make it sixteen, okay?" he said. She turned back to look at him, smiling.
"Okay,' she said. He held out his arms to her and she went to him, letting him envelope her. She inhaled the spicy scent of him and hummed in appreciation.
"I'm scared," she admitted quietly. She burrowed closer to him.
"I know, luv," he said. "I'll take care of you. I'll not let anyone hurt you." She sighed contentedly and cuddled impossibly closer to his chest.
"I haven't felt this good in a long time," she murmured. "Even with the whole being-scared thing. It's been years since I've felt like this."
"I know," he said, kissing the crown of her head. She tilted her head up and kissed him softly. One hand reached up and knotted itself in her hair, and she pulled him closer to her by wrapping her arms around his neck.
"God, I missed kissing you," she murmured, breaking away to gasp for breath.
"Missed every part of you," he mumbled. He kissed her again, his hands rising up to stroke her cheeks. He pushed her back slowly, walking with her until her calves hit the bed. Without breaking the kiss, they fell together onto the bed. Spike's hands moved from her face, down her neck, over her arms, and rested on her hips. His thumbs rubbed her skin under her shirt, and one hand slipped under the fabric to caress the smooth skin of her belly. His hand slid higher, cupping her breast through her bra.
"No, wait, Spike," she gasped, pushing him away with one hand. He frowned, worried he hand done something wrong. "I'm not ready for that," she murmured, cupping his cheek. "I love you, and I want you, but I'm not ready. Give me time?"
"Of course, luv. I'm sorry I pushed. I wasn't thinking," he said, moving to get off of her. She pulled him back, kissing one corner of his delicious mouth.
"I was not done kissing you," she said. "We just can't go any farther than that." He grinned wickedly at her, moving down to kiss her neck. She groaned, gripping the back of his head.
"Cheater" she moaned. "You do thinks like that and I want nothing more than to have you naked."
"Jus' say the word," he said.
"No, we can't," she panted as he sucked on the skin over her collarbone. "Spike, listen to me."
"I am listening," he mumbled against her skin.
"I want to love you," she said. "I want to know you. And we can't do that if we just pick up where we left of with the sex and stuff."
"Right," he sighed, pulling away. "I know, I jus'… sorry, I'll behave."
"My silly vampire," she purred, rubbing his back. "Let's just rest for a minute, then we'll pack, okay?"
"Sure, pet," he said, "but 'm squishin' ya."
"Slayer strength," she said, cinching her legs around his to hold him there. "Besides, I like the feel of you here."
"Hmm," he hummed, his demon purring. He bent his head to kiss her lazily again, their tongues tasting each other.
"So, Buff, I'm not sure three bags of popcorn and a jar of peanut butter can really be considered 'food'," Dawn said, walking into her room. She caught sight of Spike on top of her sister, and her hand flew to cover her eyes. "Jeez! Can't you two at least shut the door?!"
"Sorry, Little Bit," Spike said, climbing off the bed.
"Seriously, stop calling me Little Bit," Dawn said.
"But you are little," Spike reasoned.
"I'm as tall as you!" She pulled herself up to her full height, and sure enough, she was eye-to-eye with him. Buffy giggled from the bed.
"Yeah, well, you're skinny," Spike snapped.
"And you're just horrendously fat," Dawn countered with an eye-roll.
"Oi, look here, brat, don' you give me lip."
"It looked like Buffy was giving you enough lip for one day, so I'll pass, thanks," Dawn said, grinning sarcastically.
"That's it, you're grounded." Dawn crossed her arms. Buffy could hardly breathe from laughing.
"Bite me, Bleach Boy," Dawn snapped.
"Nah, you'd be too stringy," Spike said. Dawn was grinning happily at her sister's laughter, and it was contagious.
"Oh, I'll give you stringy, soul-boy," Dawn said. "You're goin' down. And I'm gonna make you sing somethin' way worse than 'I'm a little teapot.' I'm thinking Spice Girls."
"Stop! Please stop!" Buffy cried from the bed, fat, happy tears falling from her eyes. "You're gonna kill me." Spike turned to her and pounced playfully, nipping at her neck.
"Thought that was funny, huh?" he growled, tickling her sides. She yelped and thrashed, trying to buck him off.
"Stop! Stop, please! You win!" she cried.
"Damn right I do," he said, kissing the ridge of her nose. Over his shoulder, Buffy could see Dawn gesturing for her to tickle him under his ribs. Grinning, Buffy pinched him. He yelped lie a puppy and jumped off the bed.
"Okay, that's enough, you two," he said in his best authority voice. "Get back to work." He stalked out into the main room as the sisters dissolved into laughter. Dawn skipped over to the bed, throwing herself down next to her sister.
"It's good to see you laugh," Dawn said. "I think the last time I've seen you laugh was before Glory."
"Hell, it feels like the last time I felt this good was before I was Slayer," Buffy said, propping herself up on one elbow.
"Is it Spike?" Dawn asked. Buffy smiled.
"I think he's a big part of it," she said. "I love him, Dawnie."
"I know," she said. "He told me. He also told me why he left."
'I told him I could never love him without a soul," Dawn said. "I was lying. I think I was in love with him even before I died. Definitely after I came back. Hell, I don't know, maybe I was in love with him after that godforsaken engagement spell."
"He's a good man," Dawn said. Buffy nodded and Dawn smiled affectionately. "He's changed a lot, Buff. When he came back, he was a mess. Talking to himself and trying to claw his soul out and stuff. It was good for us, though. We were all still so torn up about Willow and Tara dying, and you leaving, it was nice to have a distraction from our own pain. He needed us."
"How did he get better?" Buffy asked.
"He just needed time," Dawn said. "I spent a lot of time downstairs, reading to him and talking and stuff. Sometimes we were just quiet, me doing my homework and him sleeping. I think it helped keep him calm when someone was around him. Xander called it Xanax for vampires. Then, it was almost overnight, and he was okay. He was still sad, and he apologized for everything, but he was better. We moved him upstairs, to your old room. And now, I mean, he's fine. I think the guilt still gets to him sometimes. Every once in awhile he still has nightmares. Or day mares, I guess. Whatever." Buffy chuckled.
"But he's good? It's not just an act for my sake?" she asked.
"No he's not faking," Dawn assured her. "He's good. Fighting, screwing with Xander, stealing Giles' scotch, that kind of stuff. He's like the old Spike, just less fangy."
"That's good," Buffy said. She'd been worried he was just trying to be strong for her, because she was so close to breaking down.
"And… I'm not trying to lay the guilt-trip on you or anything, cuz I know you're already there, but he would've done better with you there," Dawn said. "I mean, even now, when he has his bad dreams, he's calling for you. He misses you."
"I know," Buffy said quietly. "I missed him. I called the house a few times so I could hear his voice. Yours, too. You answered twice when I called."
"Why didn't you ever say anything? We wanted to hear from you. Two years, and we didn't even know if you were still alive, Buffy."
"I know," Buffy said, playing with the hem of her shirt. "I screwed up. I just… After Will-"
"I know, I get it," Dawn said. "You just needed time. But will you let us help you now?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna try to be better," Buffy answered. "I wanna be a good sister for you, and a good girlfriend for Spike."
"You'll do fine," Dawn assured her. "And, if Xander or Giles give you hell, Spike'll kick their asses."
"Chipped, Dawnie," Buffy reminded her.
"Yeah, about that-" Dawn started. "Kinda not. The chip started to degrade about a year ago. So we called this demon surgeon guy and had him remove it."
"He's got a soul now," Buffy said. She wasn't sure who she was convincing. Spike had been able to hurt her after she'd been resurrected, but he hadn't. He'd never even tried seriously.
"Yeah, he's been good," Dawn agreed. "Xander argued against taking it out, and Spike did break his nose as soon as he was awake, but other than that-"
"Whelp deserved it," Spike said from the doorway. He leaned against the jamb and looked at the sisters with a small smile.
"How's that?" Buffy asked.
"Call it revenge for makin' a fool of me for three years," Spike said with a shrug.
"Anya did say Xander should've been nicer to you," Dawn agreed.
"You din't see me hittin' you girls or Rupes, now did I?" he said. "Just the one that treated me like dirt."
"Should I watch my back, then?" It sounded like a joke in her head, but as soon as the words hit the air, Buffy grimaced.
"Hey," Spike said, coming to her side in an instant. She sat up and faced him as he dropped to his knees by the bed. "Stop thinkin' like that," he ordered.
"I'm so sorry," she said, taking his hands in hers. She kissed his knuckles one by one. "I'm so sorry I treated you the way I did. I was so wrong, Spike."
"Shh, stop it, luv," he said, cupping her chin. "It's over, done. Don't ever think about it again."
"I love you," she murmured.
"I love you, Buffy," he whispered.
"Ugh, I'm gonna go pack up your bathroom if you two are going to make out again," Dawn grumbled.
"Bye," Spike said, waving. Buffy giggled and leaned down to capture his lips. Dawn gagged loudly and jumped off the bed.
"We really should pack," Buffy mumbled against Spike's lips.
"Yeah," he sighed. He stood up, holding her hands I his and waited for her to stand. When she was upright, Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug.
"C'mon, luv, let's get you packed," he said. "Then we can spend the rest of the afternoon in bed."
"Playing checkers, right?" Dawn asked from the door to the bathroom. She set the box she'd filled on the floor and cocked one hand on her hip.
"No, not playing checkers," Spike countered. He acted affronted. "You honestly think so little of me, Bit?"
"I honestly think so little of the male race," Dawn argued. "You guys really do think with your penises."
"Not all of us," Spike said defensively.
"Sorry, honey, I've gotta agree with Dawn," Buffy said. She leaned up and kissed the tip of his nose. She dropped her voice low. "And I remember a certain someone distracting me from my job quite a few times so he could get some nooky."
"Am I going to have to do all the work here?" Dawn grumbled, moving to Buffy's closet to toss clothes into the suitcases. Buffy laughed and released Spike, moving to Dawn's side.
"Sorry," she said to her sister, folding a shirt. "It's just been a long time since we've seen each other."
"I know," Dawn reminded her.
"814 days is a long time, you know."
"God, you were counting? You guys are just sad. Tragically lame."
"Well, 815 days today," Buffy said, ignoring her. She turned to Spike. "But today doesn't count, does it?" Dawn scoffed and tossed the last piece of clothing into the suitcase.
"Is that everything, luv?" Spike asked.
"Looks like," Buffy said. "My Jeep's downstairs, so I'll pull it around."
"You have a car?" Dawn asked as Buffy rooted around for her car keys.
"Did you think I walked here from New Mexico?" Buffy asked skeptically, locating her keys under the table. She put her glamour back on and dashed downstairs to pull her car around to the front of the building. She and Dawn loaded her stuff into the trunk while Spike stayed safely inside, cleaning up the mess left behind. By the time they were ready to leave, it was almost sundown. Spike slipped in next to Buffy in the Jeep and Dawn followed in Spike's car.
"I want to go home," Buffy said, breaking the pleasant silence of the car.
"Okay," Spike said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.
"Tonight?" she asked.
"Whenever you want, luv," Spike answered. She turned to smile at him once they'd reached the Hyperion again.
"What'd I do to get you?" she asked, running her thumb over his cheekbone.
"You were very, very good in a past life," Spike said with a grin. He gave her a quick kiss on the nose then turned to climb out of the Jeep. "Hey Bit," he called. "Go get your stuff. We're goin' home."
The younger Summers grinned. "Cool. Want me to call the Scoobs?"
"Nah, we'll surprise 'em," Spike said with a wicked smirk. "Maybe ol' Rupe's heart'll finally give out."
"You're terrible," Buffy admonished, getting out of the car.
"You love me," he argued.
"That's beside the point," she said. They walked together into the Hyperion lobby and Spike pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"'M gonna go get my stuff," he said. "You say your goodbyes, luv." He headed upstairs after Dawn, leaving Buffy alone in the lobby with Angel's crew.
"You're leaving?" Fred asked. Buffy jumped slightly; she hadn't registered that they were in the room yet.
"Uh, yeah," she said. "As soon as it gets dark enough for Spike to drive."
"Are you sure you're ready?" Fred asked, stepping up to her.
"No, not at all," Buffy answered honestly, chuckling a bit. "But if I don't go now, I never will."
"Good luck," Fred said, pulling her into a hug. Lorne was next, enveloping her in his polyester-clad arms.
"Stay safe, Lily Pad," he murmured.
"Thank you for everything, Lorne," she said. "I'm so glad I got to know you."
"Likewise, Baby doll," Lorne said. Wesley and Gunn hugged her briefly, giving her their goodbyes and good lucks. Angel stood at the side of the room, arms folded and staring at his feet.
"I'm leaving now, Angel," Buffy said, coming to stand in front of him.
"Drive safe," he said gruffly.
"That's it? All I get is 'drive safe' and a glower?"
"You made it clear you didn't want me in your life, Buffy," Angel said, still not looking at her.
"I really hope one day we can be friends, Angel," she said. She stood up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Goodbye."
"See ya around, Peaches," Spike drawled from the door. He held his and Dawn's bags in one hand. Dawn hugged each of Angel's gang in turn but Angel himself.
"Is it dark yet?" Buffy asked.
"Sun's goin' down now," Spike answered. "We goin' now?"
"I figure it's like a band-aid," Buffy said.
"Okay, luv," he said, "then let's go."
"Drive safe!" Fred called as they trio headed for the door.
"So, I'll follow you guys, okay?" Dawn asked, heading for Spike's car.
"Oi! Be careful with my baby, you!" Spike yelled after her. She waved him off and jumped into the driver's seat. Spike tossed the bags into the back seat of the Jeep and climbed into the driver's seat. Buffy settled in next to him, scooting as close to him as she could. Spike shifted the car into gear and wrapped his free hand around her fingers.
They talked quietly while he drove through the desert, covering most of the two years she'd been gone. She laughed when he told her about the pranks he and Dawn had pulled on Giles and Xander. Especially when he told her about the time they'd super-glued Xander's pants to his chair. She'd cried softly when he told her about Willow and Tara's funeral and Xander and Anya's wedding. For most of the drive, they were silent, holding hands and watching as the scenery disappeared.
Buffy drew in a deep breath when they passed the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. Spike squeezed her hand in his tightly. She gripped his hand like a life-line as she watched as the town she'd left passed by her Spike turned onto Revello Drive and stopped the Jeep in front of the house. Dawn, who'd kept close to them the entire drive, pulled her care into the driveway. She jumped out and bounded over to the Jeep as Buffy and Spike got out. Buffy gripped Spike's hand tightly, tethering herself to his anchor.
"I'll go in first," Dawn said. "I wanna see their faces."
"Wicked girl," Spike taunted. Dawn grinned and pushed open the door when the reached it.
"Hey guys, we're back!" she called. Giles walked into the entryway holding an open book.
"Already?" Giles asked. "I quiet thought it would take you long-" He looked up and saw Buffy, snuggled in the crook of Spike's arm. The book he held slipped from his fingers, landing on the floor with a loud thump.
"Dear Lord," he whispered.
Buffy smiled hesitantly. "Hi, Giles."
~tbc (muhahahahaha)