A/N: Hello again. :) Big thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. It's greatly appreciated. :) I finally finished and edited the next part so here it is. Just to avoid any possible confusion, October is the name of the song not the month. I don't know what's up with the spacing in the first part of the lyrics. I tried to fix it but it's being stubborn. :P

I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter up. I hate to say that it probably won't be for another few weeks. :( My professors are bombarding me with tests and term papers, so the next couple weeks are going to be insane. I'll try to get it out before then but I can't make any guarantees.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and the lyrics in this chapter belong to Evanescence.

That night, like every night, I had my usual nightmare. This time it was a bit different. I was still wandering through the forest, desperately searching for something. I felt completely lost and trapped as I spun around looking through the thick trees. Searching, always searching. I still had no idea what I was after, but I knew I had to find it. I began running at full speed as the forest around me turned into a dark green blur and branches reached out to grab at my clothes and hair. Usually this was the point where I awoke, screaming and gasping.

But this time I made it out.

I slowed to a walking pace and pushed the last few sweeping branches out of my path. Blinding lights greeted me and stung my eyes as they soaked up the electric glow of an enormous, sparkling city. Dumbfounded, I began to slowly walk along a sidewalk in front of numerous shops. The people inside stared at me in a strange way as I glanced into each passing window. I found this a bit odd but chose to ignore it. I was hit again with the strong urge to look for something, just like in the forest. I began to panic and run in a frenzy down the streets and alleyways. My attempts were useless though. I couldn't find what I was searching for. It always seemed to be just out of my grasp and nothing I did could bring me any closer to it.

My eyes flew open and I lurched forward, screaming aloud. I was still in my room Charlie didn't bother to come in and check on me anymore. He was so used to my nightmares that they had become routine. I looked out my window and realized that it was morning. Charlie would already have left. I was grateful for that; I knew how much my habitual nightmares hurt him and how helpless he felt when he saw that there was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do.

xxxXxxx

Each night before bed I wrote in the journal for hours until my body was so exhausted it demanded rest and shut down. I had the same peculiar, terrifying dream every night and I still wasn't able to figure out what it meant.

Within a week I had filled nearly half the journal with my poetry. I was astonished at how therapeutic the process was. It slowly grew easier every day. I could even think of his name without feeling a pang of sadness rip through me. Edward. At night, I could look over at my window and for once not picture him crawling through it. I was able to look across my room at the empty rocking chair and not imagine him sitting there watching me as I slept. What did this mean? Was I finally starting to let him go? No, of course not. I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I would never get over him but I could at least come to terms with the fact that he no longer wanted me. I could come to accept it and hopefully stop beating myself up over something I couldn't change. He didn't love me anymore. I was just another one of his "distractions", something to amuse him.

Not all my poetry was depressing though. I began to think of how I felt before, when we were together. I brought myself back to the place where I had before the birthday incident. I let the remembrance of Edward's love surge through my veins. The joy of feeling first love, true love. So few people ever felt something like that in their lives and even though mine had ended badly, it didn't change the fact that I was so overwhelmingly grateful to even have had it in the first place.

Angela had helped me so much throughout the whole situation that I felt it was only appropriate to share some of my poetry with her. I honestly wanted to share it with her, yet at the same time I felt nervous about having someone else read my most intimate thoughts. After returning home from school one day I called her.

"Hey, Angela."

"Bella, hi, I was just getting ready to come over."

I hesitated a moment, biting down on my bottom lip. "Actually, do you think it would be all right if I can over to your place instead?"

"Sure Bella, it's no problem. Come right over whenever you're ready."

Fifteen minutes later my truck roared into Angela's driveway. She lived in a lovely two story white house located a few blocks away from the school. I tucked the journal under my arm and climbed out of the cab. Angela, obviously hearing my truck, opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch with a cheerful wave.

"What's up?" She asked as we entered her room. I handed her the journal before sprawling out on her bed. Angela stared at the journal in her hands and looked at me questioningly.

"I'd like you to read it, if you don't mind."

"Are you sure Bella? You really don't have to share this with me if you don't want to."

I smiled at her. "I want you to. It was your idea after all. I want you to see how much you've helped me."

Angela went over to her desk and sank down into the chair before opening the journal. I waited in anxious silence as she read. I took the time to gaze around her room. It was larger than mine and quite a bit neater, yet it was just as simple as mine. It had a bed, a dresser, a desk with a computer and a door that I could only assume led to her closet. Upon a second glance around I noticed an acoustic guitar in the corner.

"You play?"

"Hmm?" She lifted her gaze from the journal. "Oh, I do sometimes. It's just a hobby really, but I hope to get better at it. Maybe I'll play you something."

"Sounds good," I murmured as I continued my examination of her room. I had no idea she could play guitar. It seemed the more I came to know Angela the more I liked her. I could hardly believe that there was a time when I chose Jessica over her.

At last Angela finished reading. She looked up and her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. "Oh, Bella, your writing is so beautiful. It flows just like a song."

"Thanks. I really owe it all to you though. It was just the kind of thing I needed and somehow you knew that."

She smiled. "So, are you ready to hear a song?"

I sat up and rested my head against my knees. "That'd be great. What are you going to play?"

"Oh, just a little something I wrote myself." Angela walked over and picked up the guitar and then came over to sit on the bed next to me. I watched as she began strumming the chords on the guitar. I marveled at the beautiful melody that began flowing throughout the room. She was much better than she gave herself credit for. Suddenly, she stopped, a look of surprise on her face.

"I just thought of something." She hurried over to the desk and picked up my journal. Her hands briskly turned the pages until she found was she was searching for. She began mouthing the words on the page while tapping her palm against her thigh. "Perfect. Bella, I want you to sing this first stanza here."

"What?" I gasped. There was no way she was serious. I couldn't sing; I couldn't do much of anything except fall down. I definitely got the short end of the stick when it came to talent.

"Come on, let's just give it a try." She sat back down next to me. "Now, I want you to put a little bit more emphasis on these words." She pointed to the ones she was referring to. My face flushed with embarrassment. I sighed and nodded. The least I could do was try and I really did feel indebted to Angela for helping me get through the worst time in my life.

"If you can, try to match my rhythm." She slowly began playing and looked up at me, indicating that I should I begin. I breathed in deeply and shut my eyes.

I can't run anymore.

I fall before you.

Here I am.

I have nothing left.

"Keep going," Angela prompted when I stopped.

Though I've tried to forget,

You're all that I am.

Take me home,

I'm through fighting it.

"Bella!" Angela suddenly cried as she stopped playing. Startled, my eyes flew open in surprise at her sudden outburst. I had never seen her get so animated before. "You've got a fantastic voice!" I flushed again. She had to be joking.

"I want to try something," she said, picking up my journal and a pencil. "Do you mind?" I shook my head and she began annotating my poem. I watched as the pencil clutched between her fingers rapidly scratched at the paper. "There," she breathed, sounding pleased with herself as she placed the journal between us. I glanced over at work, not really noticing at first what she had done.

"This part here would make an excellent chorus, but it's a bit too wordy for just one person to sing." My stomach twisted into knots. What in the world was going on with all of this singing business? "So," Angela continued, "I think the lines here I've put parentheses around would sound great being sung softly in the background, harmonizing with your voice."

I had to stop her before she got anymore carried away. "Angela, would you be so kind as to tell me what the meaning of all this is?"

"We're just having some fun, Bella. Don't worry so much. It's not like I'm planning on asking you to perform in front of the entire school or something." Horror washed over me at the thought. Seeing the look on my face, Angela laughed. "I'm just playing, Bella. Now let's try out the chorus." She positioned the guitar in front of her body once more and began playing the sweet, beautiful melody. I swallowed but kept my eyes open this time.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)

I was taken aback when I heard Angela's soft voice join me. I hadn't expected her to sing so beautifully, but considering the way she was playing I really shouldn't have been surprised.


My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

"That wasn't so terrible was it?" Angela asked with a gentle smile.

It wasn't terrible at all. Once the initial shock and embarrassment of singing out loud passed it seemed to flow naturally. I was surprised to find that my poems actually sounded good when put to music. "Not as bad as I would have thought."

"I'm curious about something though," she continued. "Why did you call this 'October'?"

"October was probably the worst month for me," I replied honestly. "It was when I finally realized that Edward", my voice shook as I spoke his name aloud for the first time in months, "was really gone, that he wasn't coming back. The first few weeks I kept thinking he would change his mind. I kept hoping he would suddenly appear at my door or be waiting for me in the parking lot at school, but he was never there." I looked down at my hands. "All my hope just sort of died in October."

Angela sat down the guitar and put an arm around my back, pulling me into a gentle hug. She didn't say anything; somehow she always knew what I needed. I rested my head on her shoulder, my thoughts never straying from Edward. I glanced up at her occasionally and she wore a thoughtful look on her face.

"So," Angela said, breaking the silence at last. "Do you want to learn to play the guitar? I think with a few lessons you'd catch on quickly. I'd be happy to teach you."

Angela was so sweet. She was obviously trying to help me take my mind off Edward. I knew that would never happen, but if she was willing to teach me I would try to learn. I'd always loved listening to music. Why not try to make some of my own?

"Or I know a little piano," she was saying. "I could probably teach you that if it was what you wanted to do instead."

"Guitar would be great," I said too quickly.

"That's probably best," she said, nodding. "I'm far better at playing guitar. So, when do you want to start your lessons?"

"Would tomorrow after school be too soon?"

"No, that's fine. I think we should get started as soon as possible."

"Okay, then. Thanks for the offer, Angela. I really appreciate you doing this for me." I rose from the bed and started for the door. "I should probably get home and start cooking dinner for Charlie."

"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow at school." I nodded. "Oh, and Bella? It's nothing." Angela's smile had a hint of impishness to it that I had never seen before. I drove home wondering what it possibly could have meant.

xxxXxxx

Charlie was thrilled with the idea. When I told him Angela was teaching me to play the guitar he did something that surprised me. He motioned for me to follow him to his room. I had rarely been into Charlie's room, even as a child. I sat on his bed and watched as he dug around in his closet for a moment before pulling out an ancient looking guitar.

"You play guitar?" I stared at him in shock as if he'd just stepped off a spaceship and now had green antennas growing out of his ears.

He chuckled as he brushed the dust off the guitar. "What? You don't think Chief Swan is capable of playing a tune now and then?" He chuckled at my skeptical stare. "I used to play for Renée in the early days of our marriage." He got that look in his eye again. The look he had whenever he thought of my mom; the look that clearly showed she still had his heart even after all their years apart. I groaned internally, not liking the uncomfortable turn the conversation had taken.

I accepted the guitar Charlie held out for me. "Thanks, Dad. I promise I'll take good care of it. Though I'm not sure how long this whole guitar playing thing will last."

"It's good to have a hobby, Bells," he said. "Especially something where you won't get yourself injured in some way. I guess the worst you could probably do is drop the guitar on your foot." He began laughing vigorously at his joke.

"Not funny, Dad." I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at him.

Charlie only shook his head and laughed again.

A/N: So, good or bad? I know it seems like the story's moving slowly right now (and it is) but I wanted to explain how Bella gets into the whole music business thing. I think just putting her there at the start of the story would have been a bit unbelievable, especially for someone like Bella. I'm thinking the chapter after next will be done in Edward's POV, though I'm a bit nervous about writing him. :/

Also, if you've never heard Evanescence's "October" (it's an old demo song not found on any of their CD's) you can download it for free at fieldsofinnocence. com (minus the space). You have to register first. Don't worry, it's not illegal. There are bootleg copies out there you can buy with the older music on it but the band said they would rather you download the songs for free than pay money for fake copies. I recommend downloading all of them, expect maybe the ones with multiple versions unless you want to hear all the different versions that is. ;)