Author's Note:

Wow, it has been yonks since I've added to this, but right now at school, it's exam time so since I cant be bothered to study I'm gonna be writing instead so HOORAY!!!!!!! Anywhoo, this next chapter is in Edward's chapter and the song is Lost without You by Delta Goodrem and I feel that it really captures how Edward feels. But yes I hope you enjoy and next chapter is back to Bella, right before you over doses so YAY! Not about Bella over dosing though that's sad, it's just nice to finally get there. Any ways ENJOY!!!

Chapter Four:

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud

"Oh, why did I let Edward talk me into leaving?" I heard Alice thinking. And truthfully I don't know how I did it. I don't know how I managed to pull myself away from Bella, my sweet glorious Bella. Well she isn't mine anymore hopefully she has moved on. So I should be happy for her shouldn't I? But I don't. The thought of her being with someone else makes me ache, as if I'm going through the transformation all over again.

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

"Edward please, try to control your emotions, I can barely be in the same room as you now don't make it harder to be in the house all together." Jasper moaned, clutching his head and he lay curled up in a ball.

"I'm sorry Jasper, but I can't help it. I just miss her so much, I love her." I had broken down, soon I was in the exact position as Jasper and we both sobbed together.

"Come on Edward we're going to school." Rosalie called, annoyed that I was mourning over Bella.

"NO! I don't want to go." I yelled sounding like a child who hadn't gotten its way.

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

"Well your going! I've had enough of this stupid bloody depression. GET OVER YOURSELF!"

"Why can't you leave me in peace?" I yelled at her my anger threatening to boil over, if it wasn't for Jasper pouncing on me attempting to calm me.

"Do not yell at me Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" Rosalie screeched, breaking a few windows with her voice." YOU are the one who made ME move. It is your fault we are here so don't be yelling at me, because of your stupid mistakes." She huffed and walked away.

"Come on Edward could you at least make an effort." Alice asked me calmly.

"Why bother, I don't care about anything if I can't be with her." I sniffed, the hole in my dead heart threatening to tear open.

"Then go back to her Edward, before the damage is to much for both of you to bear." Alice was trying to reason with me again, she had tried on numerous times, this time though she was coming close to accomplishing it.

"But don you see Alice? I'm saving her by being here. For once in my whole undead life I'm doing something and right and completely unselfish." She needed to understand, why couldn't any of them understand. I was doing this for her. I don't care about me. This is all for Bella. Though as much as I said that my heart wouldn't take it as a good enough excuse as to why it was broken.

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues
baby I'm so lonely all the time
everywhere I go I get so confused
your the only thing that's on my mind

I had found a quite area, where no one could bother me. A place much like my meadow but one thing was missing Bella. Even as the sun warmed my back, it couldn't warm my heart as Bella used to when she said she loved me. Oh how I longed to hear her say those words again, to have her take my hand in hers and just spread warmth throughout my whole body with a single mind.

Suddenly being here with the sun shining down on me, making my skin glitter just how Bella liked it, didn't seem that warm at all. The thought of leaving her behind and her crying, plunged me into icy water, leaving me gasping for air. I wanted to get up to run, to find my way back to her, back into her heart.

No, I scolded myself, if by you being here hurting like crazy means Bella is safe then you will lay here and take it.

I forced myself to lay still and think of all the things that Bella could be doing right now, all the people she could be talking to, seeing all the laughs she's sharing with someone other than me. And I forced myself to think that she no longer loved me, that she moved on, something that shattered me to my very core.

If I could only hold you now
make the pain just go away
can't stop the tears from running down my face

My body rocked as Bella played across my mind, all the times that she said she loved me and how I wished I could still claim her heart as mine.

Maybe, I said thinking to myself, if I wish it and dream it and think it hard enough, I'll get to see her one last time, if only it was possible. The very thought sent my body through another wave of grief.

After hours my body lay still, the first time in my vampiric life, I felt tired, almost as if I was human. I could feel my eyes closing almost on their own accord and soon I stopped fighting it.

Maybe if I feel asleep, if God could be so kind to let me so then I'd dream of Bella.

A smile on my face, I did just that.

I'm lost without your love
I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is
I'm lost without you