Hang on

The last few days were tortuous. Every waking moment I thought I was having a panic attack. Bella has talked to Edward everyday, getting updates about Nessie. It seems she is spending a lot of time at the beach. Just today, she got her license. That's a scary thought, Nessie driving? Why did she not want to talk to me? Everytime I asked to talk to her, she wasn't there. She never brought her cell phone with her. What is she doing? How much torture can I possibly take? Then I got the news.

"Jake, we're going home tomorrow."

I was so excited I almost jumped to the ceiling. I gave Bella a big bear hug.

"Thank, god!"

"I know you have been anxious, Jake. We'll be in New Hampshire by tomorrow night."

"Anxious. I was about to have a heart attack."

This is great! I can see my Nessie again, and I will make it up to her, the best way I can. I will love her, and show her that we can be together as humans. I will make sweet passionate love to her, and she will be mine completely. The thought of her in my arms naked, writhing beneath me, moaning my name, excited me a little. Damn, why do I do this to myself? I took another cold shower.

I rested better, thinking about how my reunion with Nessie will turn out.

The next day, I got ready to pack my things for our trip back home. 12 hours to go, until I see Nessie's face. I ate a hefty breakfast made by Esme. She was a better cook than Edward, but not by much. Then Blondie came in to spoil my appetite.

"Well, look who's here. You're still moping around?"

"Rose. I'm not in the mood to deal with your crap today."

"Oh, I see. Well, I do have to say, you smell better. But that is all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I glared at her.

"Well, if she takes you back, it won't be because you're good looking or anything. Maybe she'll just feel sorry for you, now that you're a mere human."

"You know what, Blondie? You are pitiful. The only reason you have a boyfriend is because you saved him from a bear." There take that, Blondie!

She took off in a huff. I wasn't going to have her spoil my good mood. But then Emmett was there in my face. Damn, now what? Did Blondie go tell her boyfriend to come beat me up?

"What did you say to Rose?" I could smell his sickening sweet breath, in my face.

"I was not in the mood for her crap today. I may have jabbed her a liitle."

"She's very upset."

"Sorry, Emmett. I am in too good of a mood to be brought down by her amateur digs." He seemed more relaxed.

"You're going to see Nessie today?"

"Yeah, finally."

Emmett looked over to Rosalie who was peeking around the corner fuming. "Whoops, gotta go. I'll deal with you later!" He played that one up to make himself look good to Blondie. The two of them bounced off together, arguing, from the sounds of it. I just smiled.

5 o'clock couldn't come soon enough. Bella and I went to the airport about 3:30 to check in our bags, and then we went to our terminal to wait to be seated. I kept looking at the clock, hanging on the wall near the gate door. Bella lightly patted my arm in sympathy. A few moments later we were boarding the plane. We set our bags over the seats in the over head compartments, and sat next to each other. I took the window seat. I put my headphones on and listened to my ipod. I watched the plane as it taxied the runway, and took off. I saw the houses and buildings getting smaller, until we were in the clouds. As soon as the plane leveled off, the airline attendants served drinks and a bag of almonds. I opted for water. I snacked on my almonds, and ate Bella's bag as well. I then settled down for the 5 hour plane ride to New Hampshire. I closed my eyes and started to drift off.

The dark figure appeared again, holding Nessie in her arms. She was naked! He was with her, lying on a bed with her. He was having sex with my Nessie! I could see them, but couldn't get to them. It was like I was watching through a two way mirror. I yelled at them and hit the window. They were writhing and moving together in a way I wanted her. I couldn't look away, though. I was watching them together. Her face contorted in ecstasy as he violated her. Then the room went dark, and I could only hear the sounds of them moaning and crying in pleasures I have not had with her. I kept yelling for her. I was lost in the dark.

I woke from my dream, sweating again. I jerked awake, and almost forgot where I was. I looked next to me where Bella was sitting. She patted my hand.

"You were having a bad dream."

"I'd say so."

"You were saying Nessie's name."

"Oh, really? Was I loud?"

"No. Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"I don't really remember it." I was lying. I remembered every horrible detail, except for his face. I never did see his face.

Then the pilot came over the speaker and announced we will be rerouted to Boston, due to the snowstorm.

"Oh, no." Bella said. She grabbed her cell phone and called Edward it seemed.

"Hi, Edward. No, it looks like they are re-routing us to Boston. The airport must be closed there. We could rent a car and drive down from Boston. Okay, if you think that is best. We're on flight 252 arriving from Seattle. We should arrive around 10. I will see you soon. I love you, Edward."

"So Edward is picking us up in Boston? Is Nessie coming to meet the plane too?"

"I don't know. He didn't say."

"Oh."

We arrived in Boston earlier than we thought. Good, the sooner I saw Nessie the better. We arrived about 9:30. The airport was covered in a layer of white, and it was still snowing. I braced myself for a tricky landing. We arrived, and pulled up to the gate. The airplane let us off slowly. I was getting more anxious. Just a few moments longer. Will she be here with Edward? I thought. We exited the plane and I saw Edward ahead in the crowd. He was standing half a head taller than most of the people. Where was she? Did she not come? I didn't see Nessie. We approached Edward, and Bella and his hugged and kissed, like newlyweds again. Get a room, would you please. They stopped kissing, realizing I was still there.

"Oh, sorry, Jake." Bella said, composing herself.

"Where's Nessie?"

"She decided not to come."

"Why?" I was anxious again.

"She is still thinking things through, Jake."

"Great. Well, then, let's get going."

We gathered our bags from baggage claim, and headed to the car. As we were leaving a police officer stopped us.

"Folks, if you are traveling outside the Boston area, the roads are closed until morning. You will have to stay at a hotel for the night. Sorry for the inconvenience."

I was panicking.

"What? Why? This is just great!" Just top off my crappy day.

"Jacob, I'll call Nessie and let her know."

He didn't talk to her. She wasn't answering.

"She didn't pick up. She may be sleeping or something."

What is she doing? Why isn't she answering her phone, it is her father, after all?

We got in the car, and drove to the hotel. The snow was heavy, and difficult to drive in. When we reached the hotel, Edward got us a suite with separate bedrooms. We got settled in to the room and Edward's phone rang.

"Not really. We're socked in here with snow. The roads won't be clear until morning… Yes, just an hour ago. Will you be okay by yourself?... Jacob is anxious to see you. Just to warn you."

"What's that supposed to mean? Why are you warning her."

"I just was preparing her. That's all. Don't read anything into it."

"What aren't you telling me, Edward?"

"Jake, she will talk to you when we get home."

"Fine! I'm going to go to bed, then."

I stormed off to my little bedroom, and threw my bag on the floor. I plopped myself down on the bed, and I laid with my hands behind my head. I was afraid to fall asleep. I wanted to call, Nessie. Would she be sleeping too? I put my headphones on again and drifted off to sleep.

Nessie appeared in my dream. We were arguing. Then she was leaving. I reached to her and grabbed her hand. I felt like I was falling off a cliff, and holding her hand. I was slipping from her, and I couldn't hold on. I started falling into darkness.

It was morning when I woke. The sun was shining in my room. I jerked up out of bed, and realized where I was, and knew I would see Nessie in a few hours. I got a quick shower and changed my clothes I had slept in all night. We left right after we were all ready. I was so anxious to see her again. I couldn't wait.

The drive was long, and I was on the edge of my seat. I thought I would ask Edward and Bella for a favor. I wasn't sure if they would go for it.

"Edward, Bella, I was wondering if it weren't too much trouble, if I could have some time alone with Nessie when we got home."

"Right, without my mind reading. What are you up to, Jake?"

"I'm not sure yet."

Edward leered at me through the rear-view mirror. "I don't think that is such a good idea, Jake."

"What? It's not what you think I'm thinking."

"I am not condoning this, Jake."

"Condone what, Edward? Would you mind filling me in?" Bella asked.

"If you could only see what is in his perverted mind, Bella."

"Oh, oh!" Bella looked over her shoulder at me and sneered at me.

"Oh, come on, you guys. Give me some credit, please. I'm just going to talk to her, and then see what happens. I am asking for your benefit too. Just in case something were to happen."

"I don't know Jake." Bella said.

"Please. You know it's only a matter time."

"I don't know about that, Jake."

"Well, I'm hoping."

I tried not to think about it around Edward. His grip was tightening on the steering wheel.

"Sorry, Edward. I can't help it."

"Jake, I suppose we could stay at the Bed and Breakfast for the night. But we are not supporting this plan of action, Jake. You know how we feel. This is not the way to win her heart." Bella looked to Edward in support.

"I'll remember that."

I started thinking about Nessie in my arms again, taking each article of clothing off of her, and kissing every bare inch of skin…

"Jake, that is enough! Could you please think of something else, like baseball or something." Edward was about to rip the steering wheel off.

"Oh, sorry."

We finally reached the house. I quickly got out of the car, and started into the house. Edward and Bella left for the bed and breakfast. I looked around in the living room. She wasn't there. Maybe she was in her room. It was so quiet I could hear my heart beat in my head like a drum. Only a few feet more up those stairs. My stomach was churning. I walked up the steps and down the hall. I paused at her door. She was just on the other side of it. I could almost hear her heart beating as fast as mine. I knocked on her door lightly.

"Come in." She said so sweetly, that angel's voice I love. Was she as nervous as I was? I opened her door. She was standing by her bed. Just where I wanted her to be.

"Hi." I finally spat out, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

I looked at her face, and it was like the first time I saw her little infant face in the blanket. I was her satellite again. She was crying. Were they tears of joy? I couldn't resist her any longer. I was pulled to her and held her to me. She sobbed in my shirt. Then she started to hit me in the chest with her fists, and trying to push me away. Was she still angry with me? Were those angry tears? I pulled her tighter to me. I'm not letting her go.

"Let me go, Jake." She told me.

"No. I can't. I need to hold you."

She hugged me back now. She cannot resist me. She smells so wonderful. I missed her sweet spicy cinnamon scent. Her hair is so soft. She was still crying.

"Its okay, Ness. I know you are still angry with me, but everything will be alright. I missed you so much. I felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest. I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack or something."

I want to kiss those soft lips of hers. I pulled her face up, looking at her tear strewn eyes. I kissed her so gently, and then I couldn't control myself anymore. I kissed her more passionately. I can't stop now. I started to undress her, but she stopped me.

"No, my Dad will know."

I grinned at my forethought plans. "They aren't here. The let us have some time alone. They're staying at the B&B up the road for the night. We won't be interrupted."

I started kissing her again, more passionately. I started to remove her clothes again. Kissing and caressing every inch of her supple skin. Her breathing was increasing as was mine. I removed my clothes and eased her to her bed. I continued to explore her body with my mouth and tongue. She clawed at the sheets as I made her shudder with excitement. She moaned with delight as I entered her gently. I pulled her legs around me and continued kissing her neck and shoulders, gently making love to her. Our movements were smooth like a dance. I was trying to contain my pleasure for as long as possible, letting her enjoy every moment. When I finally reached the top, she was moaning the loudest. I could not contain it any longer. I collapsed on top of her briefly as my energy left me. I laid next to her on her bed, pulling her to me. Her arm laid across my chest, and I caressed it. I kissed the top of her head, inhaling her sweet scent. She is crying again. That can't be good. I hope I didn't hurt her. I didn't even think about that. I pulled her face up to look at her.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No, I'm fine physically. I'm emotionally a wreck though."

What did she mean by that? Was she still mad, after all that?

"What do you mean? We are both human now, and we can live a normal life as humans. I thought that is what you wanted. I'm sorry I decided to do this without talking to you first. You probably would have talked me out of it, and somehow you would have convinced me to stay a werewolf. You would have been potentially hurt, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. Can't you see that?"

Then she sat up in bed and started to get dressed. Why did she have to ruin this moment?

"What now? What did I say?"

Why do you have to be so stubborn, Jake! Don't you get it! If you would have just waited you would still be a werewolf! Now you are merely a human! Breakable and unchangeable! Now it is too late, and everything is all wrong! You will grow old and eventually die!"

Why is she yelling at me? Why is she saying these things?

"What do you mean? You are human too. We will grow old together."

"That's just it Jake! I'm not! I'm half-vampire, and always was!"

"What?" What was she saying? How long has she known this? I quickly got up out of bed, and started to put my pants on. I was angry now. What the hell is going on?

"Yes, Jake. My powers are almost full strength again. They were never really gone, just dormant I guess. All part of my growing phase."

The fury was building in me. "When did you know? Huh? When!" Why was I suddenly furious with her? Why was I suddenly fearful for my life. "Did you know before or after I changed back into a human?"

"After. Just the last few days actually."

Why did she keep this from me? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why would it matter? You can't change what has been done. Billy told you that there was no going back once you released the wolf from you. You knew that!"

She was right. I'm an idiot. I can't go back now. So, what the hell. I don't care. "Okay, you're right! I screwed up! So what do we do now? You could have easily killed me if you wanted to. So that's a risk I'll have to take. It's my fault so let the chips fall."

Would she have killed me like a praying mantis? Bite my head off as we were done mating?

"No, Jake, I screwed up!"

Now what is she talking about? "What are you talking about? It's not your fault. I don't care if you want to tear me apart, I will do what I have to."

"You want to die, Jake, is that it!"

She suddenly charged me and before I knew it I was on my back, and she had me pinned like when we used to wrestle. Only this time she wasn't playing. Her teeth were an inch from my neck. I could feel her breath on the bulging vein in my neck.

"Is this what you want?" She growled at me. "A swift painful death?"

Oh, God, here it comes. I closed my eyes waiting for her teeth to pierce my neck. I started panting in fear. No. I need to look at her one last time before I die. I love her so much. I opened my eyes. Okay. "I don't care." I told her. I was ready to die for her.

"You're a terrible liar, Jake." Then she let me loose. "I'm not going to kill you, Jake. I would rather die myself than have that happen."

I don't believe this. I was an inch from death.

She walked over to her nightstand and pulled out something. Her ring.

"That is why I can't marry you. I can't take that chance."

I shook my head at her. What is she doing? "You don't mean that? We made love, Nessie. No matter how dangerous that situation was, it happened. You knew what could happen. You allowed me to make love to you, knowing you were risking my life? How selfish is that?" Why is she doing this? She is breaking up with me? I don't believe this! After all I went through, she's breaking up with me?

"Selfish? I was in control of myself, surprisingly." She showed me her arm where she must have bitten herself in the height of passion. "You know I can't resist you Jake. It has always been that way. I thought I could resist you, be angry with you. Make you hate me, even."

Hate her? Why would I hate her? I love her, and she was breaking my heart. I know she loves me still. She made love with me. I held the ring in the palm of my hand.

"Why would I hate you? You're talking nonsense. If you can't resist me, then why give this back to me? You still love me, I can tell."

"That's what I'm afraid of. I was able to control myself this time, but what about the next time when I really thirst for your blood? You wouldn't be able to stop me. I may not be able to stop myself. I won't be responsible for ending your life."

She started to walk away from me, so I followed after her.

So this is it. This is the end. We're finished just like that. Damn, I'm an idiot. Why didn't I see this coming. She broke up with me. But she loves me. I don't understand. Why can't we just be together. I don't care if we never make love again. Well, maybe never, but I can try. I can't believe it's really over. So what do I do no? Drown my sorrows.

So I grabbed a bottle of champagne out of the fridge and opened it. Then I started chugging the bottle down. I looked at her, angry and hurt.

"What are you doing, Jake?" Then she tried to take the bottle from me. I dodged her. "You think that is going to help?"

Yep! "No maybe just numb me a little, because right now you are ripping my heart out. I would like to be numb for that, thank you."

I downed almost half the bottle. It hadn't kicked in yet. My heart was still aching. I plopped down on the couch.

"Nice, Jake. Why can't anything be easy with you? I was trying to do this the best way for both of us. I wasn't planning on making love to you. Don't you know this is hurting me to let you go? I've contemplated this day and night." Then she came over to me, and grabbed my face in her soft little hands. "I love you, Jake. But I can't do this to you." Then suddenly there was a flash, and a shocking image swam through my head. She was projecting her memory to me. Oh, my God! What are you doing? Where did that come from? I saw an image of her and I arguing and she was attacking me and started to tear my body apart with her teeth. Her face was smeared with my blood, and I collapsed in her grasp, dead. Then she dropped my lifeless body at her feet. She had tears in her eyes. Then she let go of my face. I could have cried, I was so shocked.

"What was that, a dream?"

"A nightmare I had. See what I've been going through day and night. I won't risk it."

Damn, why did she have to show me that. Now I'll have nightmares. Is that what she really thinks about? Subconsciously she wants to devour me. Crazy.

I continued to drink the bottle of champagne, until it was gone. I could become a vampire. I could be immortal. Why not? Bella did it. Why can't I?

"Well then." I slurred. "I'll just have to have Edward or Bella change me into a vampire then."

"Now, you're just drunk. Besides you want to become the enemy you fought against for so long, be an outcast to your family and friends. You would be banned from LaPush forever. You would be like these newborns you killed in that meadow just a few years ago. And one other thing, you would be poison to me. One bite from you, and you would kill me. Do you want to live that way?"

I imagined myself like those newborns I had killed a few years ago in that field. I remembered their ferocity and evil red eyes. I would never be able to set foot in LaPush. Dad would claim me as dead. And she couldn't even be near me anyway, because I would be venomous to her. I just can't win.

"No. I guess not." She was becoming blurry to me. Man, I'm getting sleepy. I think the champagne is finally kicking in. She was so beautiful, even out of focus. Why did she have to be so damn irresistible. "I just love you so much, Ness. I don't know what I'll do without you in my life."

She got blurrier, and then everything went black.