Chapter 8: Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me

The Isla de Engano was a treeless strip of sand and rock, barely worth the name island. It was a traditional spot for pirate parleys, being far from any port and too barren to conceal an ambush. Today, the sea around her shore teemed with vessels. Tall and stately galleons wallowed beside nimble little sloops with triangular sails. Vast zeppelins, their anchor lines tethered to rowing boats, floated above dhows and junks from distance seas. There were also many gummi ships, splashes of garish colour amongst the wood and canvas.

Mickey brought the little hire-ship down on the very edge of the assembly. Their ship resembled a giant flying pea, fitted with two stubby wings. It was, however, perfectly buoyant and Mickey, Hercules and Tarzan were soon striking out for the island in an inflatable dinghy.

"Remember fellas," said Mickey, "don't speak unless you're spoken to, and don't do anythin' that might attract attention."

They had once again adopted the mismatched disguises they had used in Tortuga, taking care to select the hats with the broadest brims.

The shore of the Isla de Engano was already thick with rowing boats and dinghies. Waiting for them at the top of the beach were two tall humanoid robots in brass casings.

"Halt!" one commanded, "Pre – sent – token – of – ident – ifi – cation."

Mickey held out the coin Foulfellow had given Kim and Darkwing in Tortuga. The robot snatched it out of his hand and fed it into a slot beneath the grill that served as its face. There was a whirring sound and then it spat the coin back into its hand.

"Token – vali – dated. Proceed," it said, handing the coin back to Mickey. The League members passed the robots without a word, taking care to pull their hats low over their faces.

A round wooden platform had been set up at the widest part of the island. On top of it was a round table, surrounded by chairs and shaded from the sweltering tropical sun by a sail. More of the brass robots surrounded the foot of the platform, preventing the great crowd of pirates from getting too close. They were a dirty, stinking mass of cutthroats, buccaneers and corsairs. Every manner of ne'er-do-well seemed to be present. The smell of rum was heavy on them and they were clearly growing impatient. Mickey, Tarzan and Hercules took their place at the rear of the crowd and did their best not to attract anyone's attention.

The line of guard robots parted and 'Honest' John Foulfellow climbed onto the platform. He looked extremely nervous, fiddling constantly with the buttons on his coat. Mickey glanced round. Every single person in the crowd was armed.

"Gentlemen!" Foufellow shouted, hopping onto a stool, "Gentlemen, your attention please!"

The crowd rumbled. A few empty bottles were thrown at Foulfellow but it was more for sport than anything else.

"Gentlemen," he repeated, ducking the bottles, "the votes have been counted!"

The pirates roared happily.

"About time" they cried.

Foulfellow produced a scroll from his sleeve and unrolled it. He began to read aloud, very slowly, pausing at the longer words:

"In accordance with the Code of Morgan and Bartholomew, the following captains have been elected to speak for the assembled crews by fair and impartial ballot."

The pirates laughed heartily at this but no more bottles were thrown.

"The first representative," Foulfellow continued, "is James Hook of the Jolly Roger."

There was a murmur of discontent on the far side of the platform as someone forced their way through the crowd. A few moments later a tall pirate in a red greatcoat and cavalier hat had climbed onto the platform. He gave the crowd a lazy wave with his prosthetic hook hand, then took his seat at the table.

"Next," said Foulfellow, "Don Karnage of the Iron Vulture."

Karnage turned out to be a wolf with orange fur, wearing a blue double-breasted jacket. He ignored the crowd and simply took his seat.

"Davv Jones of the Flying Dutchman."

This captain was carried onto the platform in what looked like a cross between a sedan chair and a bath tub. Jones, who resembled an old sailor crossed with a squid, did not leave his bath even after it had been set down.

"'Long' John Silver, of the Hispaniola."

A big, rotund man with tanned skin, Silver would have looked fairly unremarkable had it not been for his cybernetic arm and leg. His right eye was also cybernetic, flashing gold in the sunlight.

"And finally," said Foulfellow, "Balthier of the Strahl."

In such a remarkable gathering, Balthier was remarkable by his normality. He was young, with a delicately handsome face, and dressed expensively, in a fancy gold waistcoat and silk shirt. He looked quite bored as he took his seat.

"Now, are you going to tell us what you mean by dragging us all out to this God forsaken spit of sand?" Hook asked Foufellow, pointing his hook at him.

"Aye, what's this proposal ye have for us, Mister Foulfellow?" asked Silver. There was a rumble of agreement from the assembled pirates.

"I was just getting to that, gentlemen, have no fear," said Foulfellow hurriedly, rolling up the scroll and replacing it in his sleeve. He took a stance like a ham actor launching into a soliloquy and announced:

"May I introduce the author of this most auspicious, this most audacious, this most…"

"Get on with it!" snarled Don Karnage. A bottle whizzed past Foufellow's ear.

"The Emperor Zurg!" said Foulfellow, diving from the stool and vanishing into the crowd.

There was a great commotion as two files of brass robots approached the platform, pushing the pirates aside to make room. Between them moved a towering figure, resplendent in a purple robe. A dark cape flared out behind him. His head was hidden beneath a purple helmet, resembling a snarling, horned skull. He glided along the sand, before levitating onto the platform.

"I am the Emperor Zurg," he announced. A wall of silence greeted him.

"And?" said Balthier, placing his feet on the table, "Are we supposed to be impressed?"

"We're all pirates here, lad," said Silver, "We don't care if ye're 'lord' dis or 'lady' dat, so say yer piece an' have done with it."

Zurg grunted and sat down with a bad grace.

"Very well," he said, "I bring an offer from my master…"

"Wait a minute," said Jones, holding up his lobster-claw hand, "I thought that fox fellow said that you were the author of this enterprise?"

"I'm not talking to another go-between," said Karnage, rising from the table, "If your 'master' wishes to treat with Don Karnage, he can come see me himself!"

"My master would not deign to speak with the likes of you!" sneered Zurg, also rising. There was an angry mutter from the assembled pirates. Mickey noticed many of them reaching for their weapons.

"Sit down, Karnage," said Balthier, stifling a yawn, "and just listen to what the man has to say."

Karnage bared his teeth but returned to his seat.

"Your proposal?" said Silver.

"My master would offer you a chance to earn riches beyond your wildest dreams," said Zurg loudly, so that his voice carried to the very back of the crowd.

"Be careful, Zurg; you're talking to pirates," said Balthier, "Our dreams are wilder than most."

"Riches beyond your wildest dreams," Zurg repeated, "if you will support him in his expedition."

"Fine words," said Hook, "but they mean nothing. What sort of riches? Is it bullion, doubloons, diamonds; what?"

"In return for your help, my master will give you freedom to raid and plunder any world you choose," said Zurg.

The pirates howled with laughter. They propped each other up, clutching their sides.

"Why, that's a mighty generous offer," Silver said, wiping tears from his one good eye, "but I think we'll have t' decline.

"Ye see," he continued, speaking slowly as if to a very young child, "we're pirates. Y'know, gentlemen of fortune an' all that? We already raid where we like. That's what bein' a pirate is all about."

"Really?" asked Zurg, "You think you are free? What about the heroes who meddle in your affairs; who thwart your schemes at every turn?"

There was some muttered agreement from the crowd of pirates at this. Mickey, Tarzan and Hercules suddenly became very interested in the ground at their feet. Zurg continued:

"My master has a plan to rid the worlds of do-gooder heroes, once and for all. Then you would truly be free: free to pirate when and where you please. My master will give you new weapons and ships; gummi-ships to cross the void and reach news worlds. Imagine it: a whole universe for the plundering."

The crowd began to buzz with conversation, some interested in Zurg's proposal, others more sceptical.

"Suppose we would be interested in such a plan," said Hook coolly, "What would your master want from us in return?"

"Your allegiance," said Zurg, "For his plan to succeed, he requires a fleet, and fighting men to crew it."

"Your master is a simpleton," said Davy Jones, "if he thinks that force of arms will be enough to overcome these meddlesome heroes."

"Aye!" said Don Karnge, "If it was, we would have done it long ago."

"Fools!" thundered Zurg, "My master's vision is greater than you can possibly imagine! You are to be but one piece in his grand plan."

"So we're t' take it on faith, then, that your master, who we've neither seen nor heard, has got this big ol' plan that's goin' t' set us up for a life o' leisure?" said Silver sceptically, "Forgive me if I'm reluctant to sign up."

"Would you rather be his enemy?" said Zurg, "What would become of you when my master's vision is realised? He does not forgive easily."

Silver considered Zurg for a long moment, then sat back in his chair.

"It seems to me that what you are proposing borders on actual employment," said Balthier, taking his feet off the table and fixing Zurg with a steady gaze.

"I always understood that a pirate is free to go wherever he pleases," he continued, "Heroes? They're an occupational hazard. But we still fly free. I recognise no master, and nor will any true pirate here. I say nay."

For a moment, Zurg and Balthier held each other's gaze. Every eye in the crowd was fixed on them, waiting to see what would happen.

It was Zurg who looked away first.

"And the rest of you; what do you say? Will you serve my master?" he said, addressing the other men at the table. One by one, they raised their hands, saying:

"Aye."

The assembled pirates cheered, waving their cutlasses and firing pistols in the air. Several fights broke out where people waved their cutlasses a little too enthusiastically but in the main they seemed delighted.

"Come on, fellas," Mickey whispered to Tarzan and Hercules, "Time we were leavin'."

It was a simple matter to return to the beach, refloat the dinghy and row back to their gummi-ship while the pirates' attention was focused on the platform.

As they boarded their ship in a great hurry, none of them noticed the little white disc stuck like a limpet to the underside of the hull, or the smiling face of 'Honest' John Foulfellow watching them from the deck of a nearby ship.

Author's note: The members of the pirates' council were as follows:

- Emperor Zurg ('Toy Story 2' and the TV show 'Buzz Lightyear of Star Command')

- Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

- Don Karnage (the TV show, Talespin)

- Davy Jones (Pirates of the Caribbean series)

- 'Long' John Silver (Treasure Planet)

- Balthier (Final Fantasy XII)