A/N: Blurry

lets see…no real spoilers in this chapter. I've been getting several questions about how far the storyline will go, so I'll make a note here that I do plan to have this reach into volume two and three. There will be lots of alternate situations though, and skipping around – tons of it will be untrue to the game situations, but that's why it's fiction, ne?

Well, the plot is carrying on, and I'm afraid there's less of Ovan in this section, but that's just the way things had to go in order to progress. Here's chapter four. Enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - -

SELFISH

- - - - - - - - - - -

It occurred to him, warping back into Mac Anu alone, that he had actually kissed Ovan.

Not that what had happened that first day at the beast statue wasn't a kiss, but this one had an entirely different feel to it. This time, he couldn't brush it off as another creepy admirer thing because he had pressed his forehead (stupidly, he thought) against Ovan's shoulder and leaned in (just a little, really, it really wasn't as if he started it, was it?) when their lips met, and the question was still burning on his mind, never fading no matter how hard he tried to shove it away;

"Does that make this…consensual?"

It didn't help that asking himself again and again and again 'what the hell did I get myself into?' was extracting no plausible answers other than an possible early death or a lifetime of embarrassment if any of his friends ever found out.

Not that they would…right? But the way Ovan talked about the…wedding he seemed so determined to get…it didn't sound as if the older man planned on showing some shame about the whole thing.

Because weddings involve other people, right?

He shivered, his face heating up. The welcome image of Shino in a bridesmaid's gown, patting his head comfortingly and giggling a little, popped into his head…and beside that, Atoli, wearing an identical outfit and looking caught between laughter and discomfort.

Haseo groaned loudly, feeling like he had just been condemned to death.

But he hadn't agreed to anything, right? He said it was just temporary, right?

Still, even as things were now, it was further than he had wanted it to go. He thought of Shino again, and Atoli, who always seemed to be connected to her image in his mind's eye now. Shino, he thought, would probably do just as he thought she would – giggle and pat his head and ask some polite questions. She'd probably be surprised, she'd probably blush a little, but she was mature – far more mature than he was, he knew deep down, and she would take the situation kindly. Atoli, however….Atoli was different.

There was an air about her that gave him the uncomfortable impression that if he didn't keep his eye on her whenever he could, someone would snatch her away, break her in half, and then set her back down in pieces without a word. The aura of fragility about her irritated him more than her pacifist nature did, but the worry overcame the irritation, and in the end he was hoping that with Kuhn, Pai, Silabus, and the others on her side now, she would have enough protection that he wouldn't have to worry about her twenty four seven, even if that Sakaki was always glued to her side.

But how would she react? Probably with a fake congratulations and nervous giggle and smile, then she'd probably leave in a run and go cry in a corner until she didn't need someone to pick her up and break her - she'd already be falling apart at the goddamn seams. He sighed loudly, a spell of guilt falling over him.

Well…damn.

Pai would scoff, he thought, but who the hell cared? She was a big girl, she could handle things. Kuhn…God, how embarrassing. He'd probably think the whole thing was cute once he got over the initial shock that it was Ovan they were talking about. The jokes would never end, he thought with a grimace….no, this couldn't go on, not so openly.

Then Yata…he shivered even harder and skipped over the images that brought. Silabus? He'd be bewildered, and surprised, most likely, but Haseo would probably receive one of those 'you have our blessings!' or something (since Gaspard was his damn shadow nowadays, anyway.) Yeah, he'd say something like that, but would he really mean it? It all came down to the fact that they were in an online game, and he never knew just how good of an actor some of these people really were. For all he knew, Silabus was three times his age and putting on a cute face in order to live in the past, or something ridiculous like that.

Then why did Ovan pick him, if this was just an online game? How did he knew that Haseo was really someone like 'Haseo' in real life? Did he just trust his instincts, or did he just not give a damn? Or maybe he had never given it thought at all – maybe that's just how into The World he was.

But Haseo doubted that.

Sighing, he began to make his way down Mac Anu's central isle, resisting the urge to touch his lips every so often. So, he thought, they kissed. Big deal, right? He had kissed girls before….

….right, girls, he had kissed girls. Only one or two – but he could still remember what it was like. Girls had soft lips, and soft hands, and soft shoulders. Ovan was tall and broad and sharp, and his kiss was far more demanding and cocky than any tentative high school one-day date who would balance on her tip toes and give him a half-second peck on the lips. He had never been kissed so that he would have to brace his body and cling the hell on to the damn guy like two actors in a movie. He had never played those word games and glares or let anyone touch his face so lovingly before. Whenever anyone touched his face, it was a tease, right before they shoved their sword through his stomach and twisted it.

He shivered again.

Damn them all, the PKs and the girls and the guild members. And most of all, Ovan, for starting this whole thing. He didn't need any of them.

He didn't…

"Haseo!"

He looked up. Kuhn was heading toward him, looking relieved and excited, his bright mass of hair bouncing, sharp blue hues mixing with the yellows of his attire. "Haseo!" he said again. "There you are! You owe me a quest, man!"

Haseo blinked. "Huh?"

"A quest!" Kuhn repeated patiently. "Don't tell me you forgot!" He slowed his run to walk and finally stopped before him, placing one hand on his hip as he talked. His shock of blue hair tumbled over his shoulders as he stilled. "The mineral quest with myself and Atoli, remember? If I didn't know better I'd say you were avoiding us. We still haven't headed out and finished it yet."

A quest….Haseo frowned. He had accepted a quest with Kuhn at Atoli's bidding, just before Ovan had called him out…of course the others didn't know where he had been off to while he had labeled himself as busy during that time.

A quest wouldn't hurt, he thought. If he stayed away from them too long, they'd start questioning him. And he still had a duty to G.U., as far as responsibility went.

"Yeah. Let's go."

"Yes!" Kuhn cheered, grinning. "That's my man. Call Atoli and we'll be off."

"Gimme a second." he muttered, pulling up his party window, and scrolling down to find her name, he was surprised to see her labeled 'busy.'

He clicked on her name and decided to private message her. Kuhn waited patiently as he typed;

Atoli, where are you? Kuhn and I are going out on that quest.

There was a pause, and then, after a slight hesitation;

Haseo..? I'm a little busy right now, could you meet me at the dungeon? I'll only be a few minutes.

He read her message twice through, sighing. Kuhn gave him a questioning look, scratching his chin thoughtfully, but staying silent. Then, a new message popped up;

I'll be there. I promise.

"..okay, let's go. Atoli's coming in late."

"Is she okay?" was Kuhn's immediate answer.

"She seemed fine." was his only answer, and it was the truth. It was normal for Atoli to act a little flustered. In fact, he could count on his fingers the number of times she acted perfectly in control of a situation.

"Let's go."

- - - - -

The dungeon was a typical forest-based one, and Haseo was surprised to find that the two of them alone made it through the forest level of the dungeon without any healing whatsoever. Kuhn was his usual upbeat self, though the look in his eyes clearly said that he was aware of the change in the atmosphere. Guilt was beginning to eat at Haseo's insides like a parasite.

Conflicting mirrors of hope and despair.

That's…what 'AIDA' is.

It was his clue - his only clue - other than the mass of complicated riddles Ovan had been forcing upon him. Conflicting mirrors of hope and despair. Was that all it meant, that elusive thing? Or was it some sort of trigger to the real meaning behind AIDA, a meaning that he could use for his own benefit?

For G.U.'s benefit?

If that was the case….

"Kuhn." he said at last, his heart feeling heavy in his chest as he did so. The older man stopped his walking, several paces ahead, and Haseo caught a good glimpse of his profile in the moment before he turned and faced him head on.

By his face alone, he could tell that this interruption had been anticipated. The guilt in his chest expanded.

"I've been talking with Ovan recently."

The man's face contorted slightly, his eyes hardening, becoming more serious. "I see." he said – an invitation; to continue, or to change the topic.

"I've been trying to get some clues from him." he embellished carefully.

"Clues?" Kuhn repeated, lifting his chin slightly.

"'Conflicting mirrors of hope and despair.'" Haseo quoted. "That's what he said AIDA was."

Kuhn looked thoughtful. "Conflicting mirrors?" he said. "….mirrors…" he seemed to withdraw into himself briefly, considering his words.

"…thanks, Haseo." he breathed, looking somewhat relieved. "I'll tell Yata and see if he can make anything of it."

"You do that." Haseo agreed quietly, hoping Kuhn would keep the fact that he had seen Ovan to himself. And then;

"Guys!"

Atoli was running toward them with as much grace as she could muster while seeming completely out of breath and exhausted. She held one hand to her chest, while the other remained at her side, white-gloved and half-fisted. She looked up into their faces earnestly, then closed her mouth tightly and smiled at them.

"I'm here! Sorry I'm late!" She bowed deeply. "I'm so very sorry!"

"It's fine, Atoli." Kuhn said, with Haseo nodding beside him. "We're just glad to have you."

She bowed again, her face a little flushed now. Haseo noted absently how amazingly easy it was to fluster her. They began to walk, somewhat awkwardly, as the monsters on the level had been cleared out already and Atoli was trying her best to start a decent conversation without actually asking anything too personal.

At last they found some low-level monsters and began to attack. But her cries of 'repth!' did nothing but remind him of Ovan's muttered spell, an echo in the back of his consciousness, and the healing wave that overcame him afterward; so much more powerful than Atoli's…

"Hey."

Both faces turned to look at him. They were approaching the end of the dungeon now, and in the distance he could see the quest's treasure – the mineral vein – sparkling against the stonewash wall.

"What do you think about Ovan?"

He looked to Atoli as he said it, without even thinking why, and to her surprise, her face paled considerably. "Ovan-sama?" she asked. "He…he's very kind, I suppose." she seemed to talk herself into something, as her hands fisted with determination and she nodded. "Yes, he's very kind! And, I'm sure he would make a wonderful ally if we ever had the chance to form a party with him! Don't you think so, Haseo?" she watched his face anxiously.

"….yeah." Haseo watched Kuhn quietly lean forward and touch the item at the wall, holding it curiously in his hands. "Well, that's that." he said. "We can had back now. Nice to have a good quest and catch up once in a while, isn't it?" he smiled. Atoli nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes!"

Haseo bowed his head in what could be taken as a nod. His chest felt strangely tight. "Yeah." he said. "Wonderful."

He turned around and headed toward the chaos gate, his brain seemingly full of white static, when Atoli whispered; "Haseo…?"

He glanced at her curiously.

"….there's something important I would like to speak with you about – if you have the time, I mean." Another bow. Atoli was just full of bows today, he thought. "Would you please meet me at Halle Granz Cathedral tomorrow morning?"

"…um, yeah. Sure." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Talk? With Atoli? What could possibly…?

"Great! I'll see you then!" she smiled routinely and headed past him, hitting warp immediately. The great arcs of neon light surrounded her body, and in an instant she was gone, a tiny trace of metallic color the only symbol that she had ever been there at all.

Without thinking, Haseo opened his screen menu and began to shift though aimlessly until he reached the short messaging system.

There was somebody he wanted to see.

- - - - - -

A sense of déjà vu came over him as he entered the cathedral. Ovan was standing exactly where he stood before, seeming to glow beneath the fake light from the glass windows, only this time he was facing the entrance when Haseo walked in, and his eyes were narrowed and stranger than he remembered them behind their twin masks of orange color.

"Ovan." he said, because it was all he could think to say, and Ovan took three strides closer, closing the distance between them easily.

Everything moved very quickly. There were hands on his face, and lips on his lips, and he realized he was being kissed the very way he had promised himself early on in life he would never do – without any introduction or permission. He stood there stunned, the older man's lips warm on his own, his mind seeming to blank out during those scarce moments, focusing on nothing but the sensations. His tongue darted out and licked his lower lip once, and Haseo shivered, that shiver knocking over another domino in his head, causing thought after thought to burst into his temporarily frozen mind.

He pulled away sharply, a tiny gasp escaping him. Ovan studied him quietly, and he decided that regardless of what had happened at that field that this was way too different, way too fast, way too…

Too…

"Haseo." That voice fell over him like a blanket, and he felt the man's fingertips brush his jaw gently.

Haseo reached up to touch the hand on his cheek, and in an instant Ovan had seized his wrist and was pressing him backward, forcing him to take a step back instinctively, swaying a little, wide-eyed with surprise. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" he cried, his voice dangerously close to a shout.

Ovan gave him a blank look, then pressed him further back until Haseo felt his body begin to lose it's balance. He opened his mouth again, fiery anger sparking inside of him, I was just thinking good about you, you damn idiot, and now you're going to ruin it? But then he forgot to step and, almost in slow motion, felt his foot slide out from under him, sending him down to the floor and pulling Ovan down on top of him until the two of them were toppling down unto the reflective cathedral floor.

It was the least romantic thing he had ever experienced. His back was pressed uncomfortably against the back of one of the benches, his left foot was sliding against the shining cathedral floor, and one of the metallic tips of Ovan's armored arm was digging painfully into his bicep. He squirmed, but Ovan's larger body was pinning him down efficiently, his form solid against Haseo's smaller one, and his one free arm swept around his waist, pulling him closer in spite of the discomfort.

"Wh- " he began hotly, but then he caught sight of Ovan's face and fell silent. The older man's eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, and he looked somewhat…peaceful, as if this was a moment to be savored.

If this was what Ovan considered romantic…Haseo made an impatient noise in the back of his throat. "Ovan…" he began again, a little hesitant still to wipe that rare look off of the man's face. "What are you doing?"

"Remembering you." the gunner whispered, his voice another ghost in the still, haunting air of Halle Granz.

Haseo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"You wouldn't forget me." he said.

Things were changing, he knew. But they way he talked….it was as if he expected something horrible…like he knew what was coming.

Somehow, Haseo didn't doubt it.

Maybe that was why, in the silence that followed, a voice inside his head suggested that he do the same; that he let himself stay still and try to memorize the older man in return, if only just this once.

Haseo frowned, studying Ovan's peaceful, concentrated expression quietly.

Just this once, he thought.