A/N: Weak
Warning; this chapter contains some soft yaoi.
As far as spoilers go…spoilers on the player behind Haseo. I suppose that's it for this chapter, heh. Enjoy, and thanks for being patient with the Atoli files.
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SELFISH
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They were in a dungeon; a deep forest set one, with low music and steady drums like heartbeats. Haseo blinked, looking around him judgingly, then turned his eyes to the man that had warped them there.
"Ovan." he said, and the reality of the situation hit him suddenly; Atoli was angry because of them – because of them together – and he had comforted her instead of denying it. Not to mention Sakaki had seen Ovan…he remembered that brief flicker of fear…and Ovan had warped them there to start with…how had he known the location? How had he known Atoli was in danger? How had he known how to hack?
He peered up into the half-masked eyes and found no answers lying there; only a hint of partly concealed fascination and control. "Why are you doing this?" Haseo asked slowly.
"Why…." Ovan repeated thoughtfully. "Why indeed?" he concluded, avoiding the answer shamelessly.
"How did you know Sakaki?"
"We've crossed paths in the past."
"And how did you know how to – "
"Haseo."
Haseo looked up at him impatiently, his heart beating loudly in his ears, feeling himself blush. Atoli's words kept playing in his head like a broken record; you love him! You do! I can tell by the way you say his name!
Love?…it wasn't true. At least…it wasn't supposed to be love. Love had a shape in his mind, and that shape wasn't this. Love was an alien thing to him, something he assumed he'd know exactly what it was when it came, but this…this wasn't what he had imagined at all.
And then there were lips on his and he was too exhausted to protest. Ovan kissed in a gentle, reassuring sort of way that made him want to give up for a moment and let himself be cajoled back into a something more simple, that there was no such thing as love and this was just…
Just what?
"Marry me." he breathed when he pulled away at last, leaving Haseo gripping unto his shoulder, fingers partly tangled in his scarf. He ignored the flush that rose into his face once more, and the slight imploring tone the older man allowed himself this time.
I don't love him. He doesn't love me. This is all a game….
"Do you really…" he began awkwardly, and glanced up to see Ovan watching him patiently. Carefully, he continued; "Really 'love' me or are you just…?"
He stared at the ground, his face burning red. "Give me a straight answer or I'll leave." he finished dully, attempting to stay in control as best he could as far as their word games went. Ovan made an accepting sound that could be called a laugh in one light, but it was too easy, and somehow, too conflicting at the same time.
"You are one of the most important prospects of my life right now."
One of the most? the words stuck out to him far beyond the intended message. He took a deep breath, his heart feeling heavy.
"Do you doubt me?" Ovan whispered gently.
"You'd better be able to handle it if I…" Haseo began hotly, then trailed off, unsure of what he intended to say.
"Yes?"
"…if I say that I'll be with you." 'love you' was just too strong a thing to vow, especially when he still wasn't sure what it was.
He smirked, leaning down again. "I can handle you." he said simply, and then, unexpectedly, his hands found his smaller chest and rested there, unmoving, but posing a possibility. Haseo didn't jump, only stared, his mind slowing down momentarily.
"Ov-"
"You're complicated." Ovan admitted, and the hands on his chest idly traced the blackened armor, each touch leaving a strange, echoing sort of sensation he had never experienced before. "And yet you're very easy to read." One hand reached the armor around his throat and slipped past it, gloved hands brushing against the naked skin there. Haseo shivered and forced himself to stand still.
"Somehow you get what you want, even though you let your emotions show on your face." he observed. "…like you are now." he added slyly, grinning a little.
This time he did jump, realizing how hot his cheeks had gotten and how stunned his expression had become, and did his best to re-arrange it to blankness again. "Don't tease me!" he hissed between clenched teeth.
"Is that what you'd really like?" The hand crept up his cheek, beneath his untamed hair, long fingers caressing with something like affection and something like amusement, intermingled. "I wonder, what is it that you'd really ask for if you had the chance…?"
The hand that remained on his chest snaked around his waist. Haseo breathed deeply, telling himself to stay in control, and closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation in spite of himself. Ovan's fingers were rough, but they moved with deliberate care, past his lower back, then resting on the armor around his hips. He chuckled lightly, then leaned in and took the rogue's lips once more.
This kiss was different by far. Ovan was demanding, but somehow, strangely…romantic, experienced, and…different. Giving and taking, but taking all the same, coaxing his mouth open slowly. Haseo let the arm on his shoulder slide around his neck and hold on, his stomach full of butterflies, half-expecting, half-unsure, but not scared, just waiting….
And then he stopped, and Haseo was reminded of their day in the field, Ovan drawing back and silkily declaring; "That's enough for today, don't you think?"
Furious, Haseo grasped at the gunman's hair before he had a chance to straighten his back. "Why did you stop!?" he asked loudly, and the echo of his voice fell back to him against the dungeon walls.
Ovan's gave him a calculating look.
Haseo stared down at their feet, tracing the lines of their armor anxiously as he did his best to avoid looking up into that man's eyes. "Do it…" he commanded, impatience betraying his tone. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted, he just knew he wanted something, something more than teasing and stopping too soon.
"I won't."
He slammed his fist into the dungeon wall, and the gray stone cracked beneath his fist. "Why the fuck not?!"
"I wouldn't touch someone whose not my bride." Ovan said easily, and Haseo could have slapped him.
"I'm giving you permission." he reminded him hotly.
"Permission?" Ovan repeated, raising an eyebrow. "To do what?" he smiled a little, then leaned in, that hand still on his hip, while the other moved down from his cheek to correspond it. "Do you even know what you're asking for?"
Haseo stared at him, speechless. "….kiss me." he muttered after what seemed like an eternity of embarrassed thoughts.
Ovan kissed him shortly, curtly, then pulled away far too soon again, grinning with purpose.
It's a game. he thought. It's still a game, even though…..
"You bastard." Haseo growled.
"I love you too." Ovan said back gently, and then the hands at his hips slipped past the initial armor and brushed against the skin beneath. Haseo started, then froze, surprised, as Ovan gently ordered; "Isn't this what you asked for?"
"You won't…" Won't what? his mind supplied for him.
"No, I won't." Ovan agreed to whatever the unspoken statement might be, leaning forward and nipping at his ear slightly. Haseo shivered, frozen still, mesmerized by the hands on his hips and the lips at his cheek, gasping a little when he felt the older man's tongue touch his skin briefly.
"Why do we h-have to…." he tried to speak though the haze that seemed to have fallen over him. "M-marry? Why can't we j-just…" A sharp gasp, his fingernails digging into his skin. "…just do this?"
"Because I want to marry you." Ovan's voice was calm and even, as if they were doing nothing more than talking from a usual distance.
"But…"
"I won't be here forever." he breathed into his ear, and Haseo resisted the urge to pull back and catch the look on his face – his voice was strange, unmatched, and very abnormal. "….what?" he whispered.
"You'll still have a ring when I'm gone." he explained.
Gone? "That's…." he gasped again when Ovan found his neck and bit at it none-too-gently. "…s-stupid…."
"It's the truth." His breath was hot against his skin.
"You're…" How could he think with all this going on? Haseo swallowed deeply and tried again; "Q-quitting…?"
"No." he said simply.
"Then wh – " what are you talking about?
"Will you marry me?" he pulled away, and Haseo wondered vaguely if there was a mark on his neck now, if that was even possible in The World. How the hell should he know? He only came here to play a regular game, he would have never expected to be caught up in something more. And if they expected him to believe there was a monster living inside his character, who was to say he couldn't get marks when bitten?
"No…" he whispered at last.
"So stubborn." Ovan observed, stepping back enough so that Haseo could see his face – composed as usual. "Will you marry me?" he asked again, and Haseo watched his lips as he said those words, mesmerized.
Then, forcefully; "N-no!"
He wasn't going to be some stupid bride. He wasn't going to embarrass himself like that. He wasn't….
I'm glad…that you found someone to lean on.
"Haseo…"
"….fine." he looked down at the ground beside them, unwilling to see the expression in his eyes now. He heard his voice, softly, as if he wanted one more verification before, and one of those hands left his hip and took his hand. "What…?"
"I said 'fine.'" He jerked his hand out of Ovan's, then immediately wished that he hadn't. It felt so cold without his fingers there on the back of his palm like that. "I'll marry you. I'm not doing a stupid wedding, but I'll wear your crappy wedding ring if it's that important to you."
A tiny smile. Then; "…I don't think so."
Haseo stared at him blankly, unable to believe what he had just heard. "What?...!"
"We don't have to invite anyone, but I do want a proper wedding, Haseo." A laugh, elusive, but not cruel in the least. "That's what being married means. And just giving someone a ring is so boring, don't you think…?"
"What!" He hissed again. Then; "What the hell are you thinking?"
"Put your mind to it – what do normal weddings have? A dress – " He paled considerably "...people, gifts, the rites, the kiss – "
"Screw that!" Haseo shouted, fury pounding in his veins. "I said I'd exchange rings, and that's all!"
"Selfish…" Ovan breathed.
"Son of a bitch!" he shouted, taking a step back from him and his damn probing hands. "I'm not wearing a goddamn dress, and I'm definitely not wearing it in front of other people!"
"We'll keep it small." he said, looking somewhat amused by his reaction rather than hurt by it.
"Small!" he repeated as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Yes, small. You can invite whoever you like of course, even if it's only one or two people. Don't you think they'd be happy for you, Haseo? Real friends are there to support you, after all."
He stopped, realizing he had just been backed into a corner. He had said so himself, after all, and Atoli had cemented it.
If you had fallen in love with someone…I would be happy for you….
But at the same time, he was wrong. They hadn't accepted it completely. Atoli wouldn't, because…because it wasn't a normal thing. Because he wasn't running off with a woman that she could just extend her jealousy to and leave it at that, he was running off with the very male ex-leader of the Twilight Brigade.
Not to mention how the others would take it, if Atoli alone had been such misunderstanding and hurt. "It's embarrassing." He managed to choke out.
"Love isn't supposed to be embarrassing." Ovan pointed out gently.
"…why a dress then?" A final plea. "Why not just…?"
"Because." he said. "I want a flower in your hair, right here…" he touched a spot just above his forehead, and Haseo shivered a little instinctively, though he didn't step away. "And another one here…" he touched his throat, the barest brush of gloved fingers against flesh. "It's a lovely design, and you're so slim, you'd fit in it perfectly…"
"M'not slim." he protested half-heartedly. 'slim' was a word you heard when girls were describing their newest fashion fads in high-pitched voices.
"Mm." he didn't seem to be listening, hands moving to his waist. "I think they end right about here, and then it goes into a skirt." A tiny smile, envisioning. "Your hips are perfect for it." he added mischievously, tapping the armor just below his midsection thoughtfully.
"My hips." Haseo repeated flatly in disbelief.
"Yes. You have very…what's the word." He chuckled lightly. "'Feminine' hips."
Haseo felt his face redden and a frown darkening his features. "Sometimes I swear, Ovan, you'd rather I picked a female character."
"Don't be silly." he purred. "You're perfect like this."
"You'll fall so in love with Haseo you won't even care what the real me looks
like…" he found himself beginning to complain.
"Oh?" the hand on his waist pulled him closer – urged him, more like, and Haseo took one small step with masked obedience. "Do tell, then."
The blush deepened. "U-uh…"
"….your hair?" he offered kindly.
"…black."
"And here I thought you'd be the type to run out and dye it different colors to impress your friends." Haseo grumbled something about stereotypes and idiot gunners who assumed too much. "How long?"
"Like this." he touched his own – 'Haseo's' – hair. "Spiked, like this."
"So you're not so different after all." there was a lightness to his tone. "How tall are you?"
"….5'7''." he felt like he was being interrogated. "How tall are you?" he shot back, more so to redeem himself than to really ask.
"6'5''." Ovan said, looking amused.
"Holy fuck." he swore loudly. "I don't suppose you're that ol-- ...fuck it, I don't even want to know how old you are."
"I'm twenty six." he replied evenly.
Haseo groaned loudly. "My mom would kill me."
"Oh, shush." he laughed, more openly than the other small chuckles that had accompanied his words before. There was an deep, honest sound to it. "I'm not asking you to give me your address and let me meet your parents or anything of the sort…we can just keep it to Ovan and Haseo if you'd –"
"No." he interrupted. "I want to know. You'd better be honest with me, too."
"I'm all yours." he said, laughter still in his voice. "Now, tell me, your eyes…? You don't wear any red contacts around the house, do you?"
"They're brown." Haseo said stiffly.
"Weight?" he continued.
"119lb…"
"Ah, then you are slim." he smirked. "You don't sound too different to me."
"Yeah, well…" he looked away, not sure how to respond. "Neither do you, old man."
Ovan laughed again. Haseo looked up at him nervously, then down at the floor, then at the forest scenery around them, wondering why he felt so suddenly antsy. His heart sped up briefly and he willed it to slow again.
But, he thought, he still didn't know this man, even if...
There was a pregnant pause, in which Haseo guiltily tried to think of how to word his thoughts. "What's your…" he began softly. "…your real name?"
"I want you to call me Ovan." Ovan said shortly, brushing his hair back behind his ear. Haseo pushed his hand away slowly, eyes narrowing. "I will." He assured him. "But I still want to know your real name."
"I can't tell you." The hand appeared at his hair again, and this time Haseo didn't shove it away. "Not yet."
"Why not?" he muttered suspiciously. "I'm marrying you, aren't I?"
"I want you to think of me as Ovan." he admitted. "That way…"
He fell silent for a moment, and the deep jungle music continued in what would have been a very awkward silence, the drums mismatched against the heartbeat in his ears. "when I'm gone…" Ovan finished at last. "It will be the name you remember. You can curse 'Ovan' all you want. But if we meet face to face, that way…"
Understanding washed over him. That way, they could start anew. That way, nothing they did in The World would matter so much, because the slate would be clean: his name would be clean.
"….selfish." was all he could think to whisper.
Ovan smiled sadly. "….perhaps."