This chapter isn't really angsty or gory, but it's supposed to be setting the stage. If any of you have suggestions for a dark and depressing song, please let me know in a review! These damn Christmas songs and movies aren't doing anything for my angsty creative juices. Also, I do not own Avril Lavigne's song My Happy Ending I just used some of the lyrics and used it as the inspiration for this chapter. Seriously, I need something angstier than Avril...

My heavy panting echoed in the room as I tried to calm myself down. Everything seemed to be spinning around, making me feel even sicker than I was. The strong scent of blood drowned all other smells and I heaved for a few moments. I was still trying to register what had happened, but my brain still wasn't ready to accept the facts.

Looking down, I saw my bruised fists were dripping with still warm blood and Mello was lying on the ground unconscious. That golden crown of his hair was streaked with crimson and the cheap carpet beneath his face was slowly drinking up his life-blood. Seeing so much red scared me, but at the same time it fascinated me. I, the weak puppy, had dared to bite at the master and I bit freakin' hard. However, the taste of human flesh was still in my mouth, and I would never, could never, forget it.

Chuckling quietly, I studied the strange sensation still tingling through all of my limbs. I've had an adrenaline rush before, but this was so much more than that. This feeling made my adrenaline rushes feel like nothing more than cheap meth. A few minutes later I came up with a hypothesis: I was having a power trip. For the first time in my life I had hit back and I liked it. Was this how Mello felt when he hit me? Was this why he couldn't stop hurting me?

A small moan came from the huddled form on the floor, forcing me to look over at him. Being careful to stay quiet, I walked over to him and knelt down. He was so skinny that even his leather clothing was beginning to sag on him. Bruises peeked out from under his vest, a stark contrast to his unhealthy pale skin. My shaking bloody hand brushed back the blond hair to reveal his lovely face. Blood still trickled down from his nose and the perfect visage was marred with the marks from my hands.

At first, it made me sad to see him lying there helplessly, but the more I stared, the angrier I became. All I wanted was for Mello to be healthy, to love me, to stay with me. Was that so much to ask for? I had left any hope of a normal life for him, had murdered for him, had put my very life on the line for him!

"It's not too much," I whispered through gritted teeth. "Mello, it's not too much."

If I let him leave me this time, I might never find him again. No, it was a certainty that I would never find him again and we both knew it. This time, I wasn't going to sit back and take it in the balls. I wasn't ever going to let him leave me again. Pressing my lips against his, I tried to put in all of my heartfelt feelings into it. The taste of his blood in my mouth did nothing to deter my stolen kiss. It only spurred me forward more, dragging my swollen tongue across his chocolaty broken lips. Oh, what I wouldn't do to get those lips to kiss me back with fervor, even if it was like the kiss we shared before our certain doom. I could handle being hurt again if it was just for that damning kiss.

Pulling back, I looked down at him again with uncertainty shining in my eyes. Although it was going against years and years of behavior training, I was getting ready to stand up to Mello. Well, I was going to do more than that, but it was all in the name of love and concern. I just loved him far too much to let him go.

~_~_~_~_~_

Steaming water bit mercilessly at my back, turning all of my tender skin bright red. Forcing my clenched eyes open, I glanced at my bruised and swollen knuckles. Heh, Mello was a tough fucker even when it came to beating him up. Taking a deep shaky breath, I decided that my body had endured enough punishment. Yes, even though I'm committed to turning a new leaf and keeping Mello no matter the cost, it didn't mean that I was going to let myself off the hook for hurting him. I had lifted a hand against my beloved one, and I needed to punish myself for that.

Stepping out on the cold tile, I shuddered before rubbing a towel against my scalded skin. The pain made me hiss, but it made me happy too. Glad that the punishment had been dished out, I went in search for my much needed hair product. Looking under the sink, I pulled out my green hair dye and set it on the sink counter. Darn, I was going to have to buy some more at Hot Topic real soon.

"Matt?"

The hoarse voice called out from the bedroom not sounding at all pleased. He sounded more confused than anything, but I knew that confusion would soon give way to fury. Sighing softly, I wrapped the towel around my waist and entered the room.

The sound of metal scraping against metal filled my ears as I came in on Mello testing the handcuffs against the bars of the headboard. His breath-taking eyes glared at me, outshining the bruises and cuts on his face. I just smiled weakly at him.

"Yes, Mello?"

"B-bastard!" he hissed as he tugged on the handcuffs once more. "Take these things off of me now!"

Out of sheer habit, I headed over to the bed to do as he commanded, but I caught myself in time. Staring down at his expectant face, a mixture of anger and sadness filled me. I refused to be the bitch anymore, and he was going to have to learn that.

"Sorry, Mello," I said as nicely as I could, "but I'm not taking your damn orders anymore."

His eyes widened as he stared at me in shock. As expected, he recovered quickly and began thrashing around.

"You son of a bitch! You can't do this to me! I'll fucking kill you! You better take this shit off me now!"

It hurt to see him like this, but I knew that it was for the best. It was going to take some time, but he was eventually going to appreciate what I was doing for him. He would learn to love me, and I was patient enough to wait. I had waited all these years, so a few more weeks, month, years, none of that mattered. It was just time.

On top of that, I had a lot of growing to do myself. I was still acting like the cowering bitch even though I was the one giving orders now. Even as he cursed me in his native tongue and a few other languages I didn't know, I found myself itching to uncuff him and just call all this off. Those two desires, of being stronger and of just giving up, fought mercilessly in my mind which just made me shuffle out of the room with my head hung down. I didn't want Mello to see any weakness or he would be sure to take advantage of me. Again.

~_~_~_~_~_

By the next morning, Mello was still stubbornly cursing at me. He refused to eat, drink, or sleep, and was making every attempt at trying to get free. I used to think that I had eternal patience, but by this point I was tired of it. Grabbing a handkerchief, I sat next to him and struggled to gag him. His teeth snapped angrily at my fingers, his head tossed back and forth, and his body continued thrashing around. The sharp smack of my gloved hand slapping him across the face startled me as much as it startled him. Recovering faster, I quickly tied the cloth around his mouth. A hurt look flashed in his eyes but I ignored it. I was doing what was best for the both of us.

Since the gag was finally in place, I headed to the kitchen. Pulling out one of the sharp knives, I swallowed hard before pressing it against to the flesh above my wrist. Slowly, I etched a cross into my arm, the punishment an irony. The blood beaded quickly on the white flesh before spilling to the cheap linoleum floor. At once, I set the weapon aside and added the pressure to the wound. I wasn't suicidal, so I was being careful with my self-inflicted punishment. It needed to hurt, but not be lethal. If I was going to keep and protect Mello, I couldn't get bothered with being sick or mortally wounded. After a few minutes, I dressed the wound with some gauze and bandages. Eh, it would heal soon enough.

Going back to the room with a cup of water, I was determined to get some of the liquid down Mello's stubborn-ass throat. As soon as he saw me, his bare legs began thrashing and those aquamarine eyes shot daggers at me. Carefully holding on to those perfectly shaped legs, I eased on the bed, cursing lightly as a few drops of water spilled on the soft covers. He was obviously cursing me through the gag, but I stroked his cheek lovingly.

"There, there, just calm down."

He made an unhappy grunt and flipped me off. Patting his leg affectionately, I held his chin firmly and slowly dribbled water down his throat. He choked and sputtered before closing his throat. Shrugging, I made sure to moisten the handkerchief so that he could at least keep his mouth wet. At least that would keep him sort of kind of hydrated.

"Mello?"

I stroked his thigh carefully. I wanted to let him know how much I loved him, adored him, but before any of those words could pass my lips, a well placed kick to my still sore shoulder knocked me and what was left of the water to the floor. The glass shattered pretty easily, digging into the soft skin of my palm.

Normally, I would have laughed something like this off. Mello was Mello, right? Why should I expect civility or at least some fucking decency? Mello was motherfucking Mello, and he couldn't be bothered with something as menial as thankfulness.

Anger was pumping through my veins as I stood up slowly. My habitual patience tried its damnest to keep the unfamiliar emotion at bay even as I pulled the thick shard from my palm. I was going to need stitches.

"I have tried to be patient," I hissed at the now-wary blond.

He had never seen my full fury unleashed before but he knew by the look on my face that this was not going to be good for him. I was showing him another face, one that I had never imagined would have bubbled up since my father stabbed my mother to death in front of me.

"You just have to make everything so fucking complicated, don't you? You have to push me to the edge because that's who you are, right Mello?" Stepping over the glass, I leaned over to hiss in his confused face. "Well guess what, bastard? I'm sick of it."

Then I did it again. Bruises blossomed across his pale skin, the blood from broken vessels rushing to the surface. The skin broke in a few places, releasing the crimson rivers but that didn't stop me. The sound of a breaking rib is what did stop me.

We were both panting for air, but his breaths were more shallow and with pained whimpers breaking the breathing pattern. I could tell that he was stubbornly keeping any cries of pain inside, trying not to give me the "pleasure" of hearing him break. My hands were burning with more pain as I slipped off the bed and proceeded to pick up the broken pieces of glass. Carrying them to the trash in the kitchen I just shook my head, trying to force down my rage. Turning on the cold water in the sink, I let it run over the swollen flesh of my hands, entranced by the red tint swirling down the drain. Adding soap, I barely registered the sting from my cut. It took longer for me to ride out the high this time, but I did come crashing down.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I muttered as I turned off the faucet. "No, it's not me. It's Mello. If he wasn't so…gah, he's such an ass. All his fault, all of it."

I took a few more minutes to stitch my right hand up and wrap it before going back to the bedroom to patch Mello up. When he heard me coming in, he tried to curl in on himself without much success. I could easily see the damage done to his wrists from trying to escape and I just shook my head with a sigh. Being careful to stay on alert lest he kick me in the face this time, I pulled away the blankets and set down my personal first aid kit.

"I know it's hard for you to quit being such a bitch Mello, but at least try." I continued to talk even as I cleaned the wounds up, if only to block out his pained sounds. "It's not like you're a prisoner or anything. As a matter of fact, if you behave like a good boy, I'll release you from the handcuffs."

Upon hearing that, he forced his eyes to stare at me. I could tell that he was studying me, trying to see if I was being serious or not. Honestly, I probably would uncuff him if I was guaranteed that he wouldn't try to run away. Maybe I could put him on a leash until he learned to behave himself once more. That included not hitting me anymore.

"Yes, I'm being serious, Mello. If you're going to be civil, I'll take off the gag right now. Will you be good?"

He nodded slowly, so I reached over and pulled off the gag. He worked his jaw a little as I continued to clean up the cuts. I was trying to work up to the broken rib, but he kept trying to edge away from me. Feeling bad, I gently stroked his cheek to try to comfort him. He just jerked his head away from my hand.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. Just let me clean you up."

"Let me fucking go, and I'll clean my damn self up!"

Sighing, I shook my head.

"Mello," I replied sternly. "I'm not going to let you run away from me."

I could see his own rage burning fiercely behind his eyes, but he was no fool. He had already seen what happened when he pissed me off and the fact that he was at a disadvantage made him double think everything.

"I'm not going to run away," he said calmly, swallowing hard to keep his temper in check. "These da-, I mean, these cuffs just hurt like hell."

He was testing me, seeing if I would really just take his word for it. It was like in a game where you throw some weak magic at the boss to test his weaknesses. Did I look that stupid to him? No, he knew that I would see right through that. His aim definitely was to find the weakness in me so that he could exploit it.

"Please Mello, don't insult my intelligence," I responded flatly as I took a firmer grip of his hip to keep him still as I applied more alcohol to the open wounds.

"Don't you trust me?"

Ah, now trying to appeal to my oversensitive and erratic emotions.

"Why do you want to leave me?" I shot back, turning the tables on him. Before he could reply, I continued. "Am I not good enough for you? I mean, I think that us being together for as long as we have has got to mean something, right? Who was the one who fucking cleaned up after your messes? Who was the one who held your head out of the fucking toilet while you puked away your worries from the damn Kira case?! Why doesn't any of that count?!!"

"It does!" he replied, worry creasing between his brows. "Mattie, this is fucking insane! I nearly killed you!"

"But I didn't die, and neither did you!"

Neither of us were very good at talking about those damn feelings fluttering about our nearly frozen hearts, and this whole conversation carried on like a freakin' soap opera. Seriously, this stuff was rich.

"Matt…Mail…" Another twinge shot through the said heart. "We both know that I can't just sit on my ass. I'm leaving to keep you safe, and you know it! Just let go!"

I shook my head, swiping the first aid kit clean off the bed. It crashed into the wall with a clatter before the contents spilled over the cheap and fucking ugly carpet.

"If I gave a damn about my safety, I wouldn't have stuck with you as long as I have," I hissed as I stared into those steely eyes. "I wouldn't have spit in Kira's face along with you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

He actually looked down to hide his feelings from me.

"Matt, it only means that you're fucking stupid." A silence hung heavily between us for a long moment before he continued slowly and softly. "If I don't stop you now, you'll never stop. You can't see what's fucking in front of you because you're too distracted with me."

"What am I supposed to do?!" I cried as I held my head in my hands.

I couldn't understand all of this! When you loved someone, weren't you supposed to stay with them forever? Weren't you supposed to live happily ever after? I couldn't do that with anyone but Mello, I just couldn't. No one else had such depth, such a demanding demeanor. I had become completely addicted to him, every bit of him, and I was helpless. I couldn't quit him as easily as I could drop all those other drugs. None of them could even compare to the look in Mello's eyes as he swelled up in total badassness. Just one taste of his cold lips and I would die without it ever again.

"Matt, you're making this so much more difficult than it has to be," he tried. "If you would just let me go, then you would recover faster. You always wanted a nice normal life, didn't you?"

My head jerked up at his mentioning that. It was rare that I had ever mentioned my secret dream to him and on all of the occasions where I shared it with him I was sure that he wasn't paying attention.

"Yeah, you want a nice quiet life where you can buy one of those ugly little lap dogs and just cuddle on the couch with the person you cared for! You know I can't do that, Mattie, I never will. It's best to find someone who can."

"Why can't you do that for me, Mello? Damn it all, Mihael! I murdered for you! Why can't you just stay with me and be like that?"

"I just can't!"

"Bull shit. Fucking bull shit." Ripping some of the hair from my scalp I looked up and gave him a scalding stare. "You can and you fucking will. I've had to live with your bitching and commanding for long enough. I was even happy to live that way! But no more, not when you just want to leave me."

Mello's tightly controlled tempter seemed to flare out of the control at my ordering him around. He was never one to take any kind of orders and I knew that. He couldn't help but lash out at me for daring to push his buttons.

"Who the hell do you fucking think you are, you worthless piece of shit?! You can't make me do jack!"

"Do you really wanna bet?" I asked darkly before straddling over his hips. Grabbing a fistful of that glorious blond hair, I jerked his head back so that he could stare right into my icy blue eyes. "If I'm a piece of shit, then you're lower than that, bitch. You're nothing more than scum. You're going to learn to properly respect me, and we are going to be happy together."

We were nothing more than terrible victims of circumstance. Mello and I, two peas in a pod. We might have been very different kinds of beans, but we were in a fucking pod. It might have been the effects of several stressful years chasing after Kira, it might have been nothing more than me being an ass, or it might have even been a buried part of me that finally decided to rear its ugly head. Regardless, some kind of breaking point had been reached and I couldn't stop. I was in a car that was headed for the edge of a cliff and all I could do was push harder on the gas pedal. To my fuddled mind, it made perfect sense. I would break Mello, I would make him love me just the way that I loved him. I didn't want to hurt him, but he would hurt himself if I didn't warp him into the perfect loving doll that I wanted. As I sat on the edge of the bed panting from beating the shit out of him again, it was funny how I never noticed that those happy memories were slowly melting away. That golden smile was fading and was being replaced with something else far less desirable. I didn't notice, couldn't notice…

You were everything, everything that I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be

But we lost it

All of the memories so close to me just fade away…

Ok, so this chapter officially sucks. -headdesk- I'll definitely do better on the next one! Also, sorry for the long wait on this one! The rest of them should come out sooner than that. Thanks for all the reviews and don't forget to give me some more! XD