All righty! This chapter is kind of a filler for what's going to be happening next and it's also giving a breather. Since this entire story is supposed to be intense, I felt that something like this would be appreciated while keeping everything fresh and believable. As usual there will be foul language, but that's about it for this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy!

As I sat on the couch watching some late night shit I made an important discovery.

I had always been stronger than Mello; he had just been smarter than me. It was like vampires vs. werewolves. Since the vampires couldn't match the werewolves in strength, they tricked them into servitude. Then the werewolves would faithfully serve their blood-sucking masters until one day they realize that they are strong enough to be the masters. Once that realization sunk in, the vampires were screwed.

Well, more than being smarter than me, he was far better at manipulating than I was. Mello had always used his words and charm to get what he wanted and I wasn't any different to him than all the others he used. I was stupid enough to fall into servitude and even stupider for not noticing it. Near never fell for those deceitful words and that's probably why he was first and I was third. L had seen what I had blinded myself to and had named his successors accordingly. What if he could see us now? Would I be number one for surviving enslavement and overcoming it?

The sound of Mello slinking to the kitchen like a dog with its tail between its legs broke my train of thought. It was pretty annoying actually. For the past few days Mello had been swinging through the whole fucking spectrum of moods. It was as if he couldn't decide who he was anymore, and it was really grating on my nerves. Where did my hot-headed dominatrix go?

"Mello, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked in annoyance, referring to his mood.

"Getting chocolate," he grumbled.

Looking over the back of the couch, I narrowed my eyes at him.

"We're out."

For a moment, I thought he was going to take the bait. I saw the flash of anger, the familiar desire to tell me to get my ass up and get him some chocolate. The funny thing was that I was hoping that's what he would do. I wanted to go buy him some chocolate, to do something to get him out of this little funk. Now that he was going to stay with me, I didn't really mind if he tried dominating again. I wasn't going to allow him to beat me up ever again, but I did want to hear him bitch every once in a while.

"Oh."

He looked down and began making his way back to the bedroom and I could only sigh. If he wasn't going to be bitchy Mello anymore, he could at least be happy wife Mello. I'd like that a hell of a lot too.

"Hey, I was just kidding, there's still some in the 'fridge."

I could almost hear his teeth grinding in frustration at me, but he kept unnaturally silent and just slunk over to the kitchen again. In a few seconds I heard the brand new refrigerator open and then close almost immediately. Like a 40-year-old ghost haunting my house, he once again made his way back into the bedroom. And "click", the door was closed.

Sighing, I shut off the television and made my way to the bedroom. With all of my injuries, it was too much pain to put clothes on, so I was more than happy to walk around the house in nothing but my boxers. Unfortunately, my lover didn't feel the same way. With all his powers of stubbornness, he would pull on a pair of my skinny jeans and one of my less worn checkered shirts. Although he looked utterly delectable, his sharp glare let me know that he wasn't ready to make love again.

Once I entered the bedroom, I saw Mello sitting on the edge of the bed with his chocolate bar in one hand and a newspaper held awkwardly in the other since it was held against his body in a sling. He ignored me even when I gently eased next to him. Glancing over his shoulder to look at the newspaper, I was pretty darn surprised to see that he was reading the comics. Gaping, I looked up at his face to see him staring at the comic strips with serious intensity. After recovering from the initial shock, a smile broke on my face.

"Why so serious?" I asked in a bad imitation of the Joker from the Dark Night.

Sheesh, it's been a long time since I saw that movie.

"Leave me the fuck alone," he hissed, turning his back to me.

Ok, this was not the bitchy Mello I liked. Grabbing his shoulder, I turned him to face me.

"Don't fuck with me Mello, I'm not taking it!" He opened his mouth to yell back, but a sharp slap across his face shut him up. "This is all your fault, you know! I'm trying, but you don't want to even put forth any effort at all! I've helped you and done so damn much! The least you can do is pretend to be happy with me!"

Grabbing his chin, I forced those breath-taking eyes to look into my own blue eyes. There were no goggles to block the view, no bangs pulled forward. Just naked eyes and naked eyes.

"You owe this to me," I said forcefully.

Pulling the paper from his hand, I took his good hand and tugged him further on the bed. Careful not to agitate his fracture, I pulled him under the new covers with me. He didn't resist as I wrapped arms around him and I planted soft kisses on his forehead. His eyes were darkened with a troubled look, but I was too tired to worry about that.

~_~_~_~_~_

I had been so worried about Mello trying to run away again that I hadn't really been able to sleep the past few nights. I would wake up every 30 minutes and would stare at him for at least an hour before I was satisfied that he wasn't going anywhere. Because of this, when I groggily woke up to see the clock reading 10:00 AM instead of 2:30 AM, I freaked out. On top of that, the bed was empty.

My heart pounded painfully in my chest as I ran out of the room hoping against all hope that he wasn't gone.

Thump.

I couldn't live without him, not Mello! My wide eyes scanned the rooms in a panic as I headed towards the back door.

Thump, Thump, Thump.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Mello!

Thump. Thump, Thump. Thump, thump, thump.

Hearing something move in the kitchen, I made a beeline for it. Was he trying to get some more painkillers before once again making a break for it? He said he was going to stay with me, damn it! He was a fucking liar! Charging around the doorway, I was greeted by the sight of Mello awkwardly cooking. He was scowling at the egg he was trying to flip with his left hand.

At first I wasn't sure if I was in some weird dream or not, but a pinch to my arm let me know that this was indeed reality. He didn't leave, he was just hungry. As relief flooded through my body, the aftershocks of terror hit me hard. When he turned to say something to me, the crack of my fist connecting with his bruised jaw replaced the words. Before he could fall back into the counter, my arms were wrapped around him and my face was buried in his neck.

"Holly shit, Mello!" I sobbed with tears of relief. "Don't leave me like that! Don't fucking leave me like that!"

He didn't say anything and just remained in my arms as I struggled to pull myself together. That was one of the scariest moments of my life, and I never wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to be sure that he was going to stay with me; I didn't want to doubt anymore, but it was so hard! After a few minutes of gathering my wits, I realized that he was gasping in pain; that's when I noticed his broken arm pinned between out bodies.

"Oh shit! Sorry, baby, I didn't mean to hurt you!" Doing the only thing I could do to apologize, I pressed kisses all over his face. "Just don't scare me like that. Alright? Just stay in bed with me, ok?"

Kissing his lips once more, I couldn't help but push it. Mello was my drug and I was hungry for it. I wanted to taste that forbidden fruit, to hold my fist out and scream a huge "FUCK YOU" to whatever god was out there. Mello was my only god and we killed Kira to make sure it would stay that way. My tongue teased his lips, hoping to gain permission for entrance. I wanted it so bad, it hurt, but it hurt worse when Mello turned his head away. Thoughts of forcing him to kiss me flashed through my mind, but I really didn't want to hurt him. Instead I just turned my attention to the burning egg.

"Sorry about the egg," I apologized as I scraped it out of the pan and into the garbage. "Wanna have some hash browns with your egg?"

"That…wasn't for me," he sighed, stroking his bruised cheek.

My hand paused over the pan as I turned to face him. The egg plopped onto the hot oil before a smile spread across my face. The spatter of hot oil on my skin didn't even bother me.

"You were trying!" I exclaimed happily. "See, we don't fight when you try!"

Love bubbled in my chest as I pulled him into a gentle hug. He made sure to move his broken arm out of the way and I nuzzled against his neck. Even if it did hurt that he wasn't ready to love me back the way I loved him, the fact that he was beginning to try to work this thing out was comforting. I was sure that if we gave it a few more weeks everything would be ok.

"Matt, your egg."

I was so happy that Mello was finally coming around that I made him some breakfast too and we ate it in the kitchen. Reaching my hand out, I stroked his hand as gently as I could. Maybe my happily ever after wasn't so far away.

~_~_~_~_~_

The sound of Mello screaming broke through the haze of my comfortable dream and effectively jerked me awake. The next thing I knew, I was on the floor as Mello's thin limbs flailed around dangerously. Jumping to my feet, I pulled the sheets away from him so that he wouldn't get all tangled up. Once the sheets were on the floor, I grabbed his legs to protect myself as I leaned over him.

"Mello, wake up! Fuck, wake up, man!"

Snapping his eyes open, Mello looked around in a panic, shooting off a string of foreign words. Getting scared, I pinned his arms down and began whispering comforting words to him. He struggled against me for a few minutes before he finally choked something out in English.

"I can't…can't breathe, fuck Matt, I can't breathe!"

Immediately, I let go of him and watched in sadness as Mello ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet. It broke my heart to see his body trembling like that. He had been able to fend off his night terrors lately, but I could see that there was something wearing him down.

Biting my lips I tried to think of some way to help him. Things hadn't been so bad for me because I was able to be in Mello's presence, but it was obvious that he needed something more than my presence to help him out. There was some more morphine in the drawer that I could give him and that would at least help the pain he was no doubt in. Bloody gauze and bandages stood boldly against his pale flesh making me wince. My own injuries didn't look half that bad.

Leaning over the bed, I pulled out two syringes. Frowning as I heard him heave some more, I walked to the bathroom and knelt on the cold tile beside him. Softly, I held his hair out of his face until he finally leaned away from the toilet.

Hey babe, it's ok," I whispered as I pulled him to my chest. Ignoring my own pain, I squeezed him tighter. "Here, this is just to make that pain go away," I offered, but Mello shook his head.

"I don't need that shit," he retorted tiredly.

"Come on, don't be stubborn," I tried again, a little more forcefully. I didn't want to get into another fist fight with him, but I was really worried. All of those injuries had to hurt like hell and they could make him really sick. There was no reason for him to suffer when I had perfectly good drugs for him.

"No Matt, don't," he whimpered as I ignored him and slipped the needle into his vein.

His bandaged fingers dug into my arms painfully, but I just held on. I was going to be here for him just like I always have. Even when he kicked my ass in a drunken rage I was there to clean up his mess, or when he got himself fucked up in that fire I was there to hold his hand and tell him that it was all going to be ok. One day he would return the favor and that in itself was going to be worth all this shit that we've had to go through.

"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting," I began to sing. "Could it be that we have been this way before? I know you don't think that I am trying, I know you're wearing thin down to the core. But hold your breath because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again. Don't make me change my mind or I won't live to see another day; I swear it's true, because a guy like you is impossible to find, you're impossible to find."

The rest of the song spilled from my lips easily as I rocked him back and forth in my arms. His turquoise eyes slid shut and his breathing fell into an easy pattern as I continued to whisper the song into his ear. Even when there were no more words, I continued to hum the song as I swept him into my arms and carried him over to the bed. Lying down next to him, I breathed in deeply of his scent and sprinkled little butterfly kisses all over his face.

It didn't take very long for me to relax enough for myself to fall asleep. I could feel that soft warm skin against my own skin, I could taste the sweetness of his chocolate which had permeated every inch of him. Fuck, it was almost too much not to just eat him up, swallow him whole. Was this obsession? Was it really love? This warm flittering feeling in my chest as I thought of him even in my dreams, it was beginning to burn.

The next morning was pretty quiet. Mello pretended like he was impervious of what happened last night and I was getting ready to head off to a job. With all my mad skills, I decided to pick up a freelance job legally hacking and fixing stupid people's computers. With all new technology it wasn't surprising that people were locking themselves out of their own damn computers, but my favorite shit to clean up with the viruses and spam they let on their computers. Still, with that job I was able to send out my own viruses on their computers and test it out.

"I'm going to be going out, 'kay?"

Mello just waved at me while he continued to dig through the cabinets for other clothes to wear. He was getting sick of wearing the same thing all the time, but I didn't have anything else and all he had was his leathers. For some reason, he really hadn't been able to put them on since we dodged the bullet.

"Please stay in the house," I said a little softly. After not getting an answer I decided to ask a question. "Will you be here when I come home?"

"Fuck, just leave," he replied in annoyance. "I'll be right here!"

Still, I just couldn't walk out of the house. I set my bag of techno gadgets down and walked over to him. Pulling him from the cabinet I tilted his head back and pressed a kiss to his beautiful lips. One touch is all it took to make that flame lick at my heart again. It was getting harder and harder to ignore with ever touch, with every kiss.

I knew that Mello wasn't ready to make love, but it was driving me crazy. If he didn't get ready soon, I was going to do something pretty regrettable. I've been living with this addiction, with this pain for too long and my patience had been worn to near non-existence. Even if it was back to me just sucking him off, I was fine with that! I was just desperate to feel him again. His naked hands stroked my face for a moment before pushing me away softly. There was a strange look in his eyes, but I couldn't seem to figure it out. What was he feeling? Was he just pulling my strings until I gave him enough space to run away again? Fuck, all of this was just making me feel sick again.

"I'm leaving," I echoed before forcing myself to really follow through. I really did need to go to work.

~_~_~_~_~_

Home, sweet home never felt so safe and at the same time so foreboding. Walking slowly down the cold street, I watched as flitting snowflakes made their way down to the cold ground. Floating down to be stepped on by heavy boots and to soon float down, forgotten into the drain. Meaningless. Just like me. My fogged breath rolled through the cold air, stroking my pale cheeks with the only softness I was afforded.

Headlights bounced over the small mound in the asphalt, momentarily blinding me. All whiteness like the climax of love. It was empty, lonely, and only for me. I think I stopped breathing for a moment as I stared into that light wondering if Mello saw nothing at all too. Did it hurt him the way that it hurt me? Did he look into the light and see heaven's gates, or did he see oblivion? I felt my arm stretch out, my fingers splaying open as if to reach for what I knew was impossible, but the car passed leaving me in that darkness once more. All alone on the shoulder of a dark road. Even more white powder floated down around me, burning to a sudden death as they came in contact with my warm skin.

"Hahh…" I breathed out watching my breath fade away into the darkness.

Shifting the bag on my shoulder, I continued the long walk home. I wanted to hold Klavdija, my Mello, in my cold arms and just bask in his warmth. There was nothing else out for me in this world, just those arms, those lips, those trembling thighs. A part of me was scared that he didn't stay, that he had taken the chance to laugh at my naivety and skip town, but I tried to swallow that down. If that were the case, then I would have no choice. I would hunt him down until my very last breath.

Reaching the door, I let my eyes slide shut as I pressed my forehead against the cold metal. The keys found their way into the keyhole and the soft click of the lock opening rang painfully in my ears. Swallowing hard, I pushed the door open and stepped into the warmth of my home. Light from the bedroom shone teasingly as I slipped off my heavy lace-up boots. My wet socks soon followed before I began heading towards the bedroom. The lump in my throat refused to leave and a headache was pounding against my temples violently. Hearing nothing from the room only made the ache worse, almost unbearable.

Turning the corner of the door frame, I leaned against the wood and let a shaky sigh slip past my chapped lips. Dark turquoise eyes looked up from behind a worn book and held my own blue eyes while neither of us said anything. Pages crinkled softly as the book was slid shut before being dropped carelessly on the soft carpet. I didn't even realize that I had moved until those mesmerizing eyes closed and our lips met in a soft kiss.

Breathlessness.

Those fingers that killed much easier than they loved tangled into my wet hair and the body that held all the secrets submitted to my passion. Suffocation never felt so sweet, so tender, and so very desirable. Neither of us spoke any kinds of words, instead choosing to let our hearts communicate in a way that language could not imitate. Relief from the hunger washed through my body, baptizing my very soul in worship of Mello, Mihael. Once again, there was nothing but oblivion.

Once again, thank you to all who have reviewed/alerted/favorited. Please review for this chapter and don't forget to let me know how you guys want this story to end! I really do care for your opinions and it will make it easier for me to shape out the rest of this baby. If you have any suggestions for angsty things to listen to, please let me know as well. It would be much appreciated.