A/N: I'm really starting to have fun with this. I started this story like, sometime after Christmas. This chapter, having being finished for about a month, always gets me chuckling.

Disclaimer: South Park equals Matt Stone & Trey Parker property. They are like... Gods are something. PS3's are property of Sony, Xbox 360's are owned by Microsoft (kicking Sony and Nintendo's butts, btw). Jesus is totally boss and is owned by no one but himself. Combs are like ancient, so who can say who made them, but it wasn't me. The ring I was thinking of was found on HotTopic, but it would appear that it is no longer available on there... Or what have you. You should totally buy the mustache ring though - that thing is tight. The shirt was also found on HotTopic - one might think that I am a HotTopic junkie, but I'm really not. The boots are Doc Martens - nice boots, really expensive.

The quote is from Garfield, because he is the best cat aside from Hannibal the Spider-Cat (my cat, haha).

Buffalo wings are an act of God. Le yum.

When the World Comes Down…

A South Park Tale.

Chapter Four

"I'm in shape! Round is a shape!"

As Kenny took his fourth step towards Sophomore Hell, our fourth and final member was busy examining himself in his he-she mom's full-length mirror. Standing at a total of five feet, six inches, Eric Cartman examined his noticeably smaller stomach…

After being ridiculed for his unhealthy weight, the callous teen, referred to as both Cartman and fat-ass, had finally made a bet with Kyle over his size. If he could shave off twenty pounds and stay at a constant weight of, at most, 170 pounds, then Kyle would have to hand over his PS3, Xbox 360, and admit to being the lousy Jew-Fart-Butt-Face who killed Jesus.

With years of denial, insults, and the thought of Kyle uttering those words as sway, Cartman had proudly gone down from 198 pounds to his current weight of 176 pounds. The deadline for the bet was the end of the week – the time was chosen by Kyle so he could watch Eric frantically freak out for the first week of school, hopefully acting like a girl a week before prom – and Cartman needed to lose six more pounds – then keep it all off.

Sick of staring at his unfinished goal, the brunette stalked back towards his room with a comb in hand. He walked over to his dresser and stared at his 'pimp rings', all the while running the comb through his hair. Finally, after much deliberation, deciding on the spinner with the crosses on it, Cartman slipped the silver band onto his pudgy right ring finger. 'Very Christian, put Kahl in his place,' He thought, as if that would keep Kyle from making fat jokes. An arrogant thought he knew, but it was always nice to hope that he would be cut some slack.

"Hon? Would you like a ride to the bus stop? There are only a few minutes before the bus arrives, and I have to get to work anyways, sweetie." Leanne, still a strong going whore of South Park who thought the world of her awkward son, asked through her maple coated voice from the bottom of the stairs. She was busy trying to put on earrings while juggling a plate of low calorie breakfast – she was quite enjoying this party diet.

"Ah am so screwed…" Cartman moaned as he pinched his tum-tum for the millionth time that morning. He pushed down his 'better to be a smartass then a dumbass' shirt and fiddled with it, trying to hide what he thought was his completely obvious extra six pounds. Diets bring out the feminine side of everyone. "Ahm commin' myahm!" With that he grabbed his backpack and slumped down the stairs, huffing about stupid Jew-metabolism.

"Sweetie, even if you're trying to lose weight, you've got to eat. Although healthy dieting is a rough, slow, heart-breaking life choice, it's much healthier than anorexia. If you don't eat breakfast, your metabolism goes down and causes you to gain even more weight." It was perhaps one of the most motherly things she had ever said. Or maybe she was just having fun Googling more illnesses. Either way, she held the plate forward in a loving gesture, half expecting Eric to turn her down out of fear.

Cartman ate two ants-on-a-log, half of a bagel with cottage cheese, and downed one fruit smoothie. Leanne looked pleased enough.

Fiddling with the 'righteous' ring, he shoved his feet in his broken in tan Arlen 8 Eye Chukka Doc Martens, deciding that he would have just an apple for lunch and prayed that they wouldn't be serving buffalo wings.

Sok~Munki: Now I want buffalo wings. Charlie is so, Charlie is so, Charlie is so cool. (like!)

In regards to the weight loss deal, I'm hoping that that's a pretty successful trip, considering he started about a third into the summer. I'm not sure about how the male body works when dealing with weight loss, but I tried to be as accurate as possible - taking into account his height, age, likely eating habits, likely exercising habits, stress level, and my Grandpa and dad's insight - but if you see flaws let me know, please.

I noticed that a lot of my talk at the top had to do with religion-type things... I blame Cartman's religion-complex. I tried to keep Cartman as jerk-like as he is originally, but I also don't want him to be a total antagonist. Let me know what you think of this and previous chapters. For all you psychics, you can tell me what you think of the chapters yet to come.