Fever Dreams (written for scribeprotra; pairing is Crocodile/Luffy; prompt is "dream"; spoilers for Alabasta arc)

They were running down a long, long tunnel. One sign pointed left and the other pointed right.

We're pirates! said Luffy, We gotta follow the pirates sign!

Don't be stupid! screamed Nami, We're going to the VIP room!

Luffy turned left and everyone else turned right because Nami was so scary when she screamed.

The door led out into the open desert but it wasn't too hot. A minute later they saw Luffy fall out of the sky into a big cage made of seastone. He gripped the sides of the cage but had to let go because it was making him so weak. Aw man! he cried, This is like the second time I've been in here!

Crocodile came out from underneath the sands - he couldn't swim because of his Devil Fruit but he could swim in the sands just like a bananacroc and he swam right up into the cage with Luffy.

At least he's helpless too said Zoro.

Yeah but he's still got that hook said Usopp.

Shh said Nami, I've bet Franky 500 Beli that Crocodile will kiss Luffy.

That's disgusting said Usopp.

Luffy and Crocodile were both wearing big fur coats. Crocodile was all bloody. Luffy's coat was too big for him. Luffy and Crocodile circled around each other in the cage. Every once in a while one of them would brush up against the bars accidentally and when that happened he would lose a piece of his clothing until finally Crocodile was just wearing his vest and Luffy just his sandals plus both of them were still wearing the coats.

The fight wasn't really going anywhere and Luffy was getting bored so he pursed his lips and drawled, Hey I'm Sanji: Get away from the meat you shithead. Outside of the cage Usopp burst out laughing and inside of the cage Crocodile burst out laughing and he rushed forward and swung his hook and for a minute it looked like he'd impaled Luffy on it but he really only thrust it under his armpit like they do in the theater and Zoro rushed forward and sliced at the cage because he could cut through steel now and a corner of it came sliding off but as it did something slid off his hand as well and he looked down to see his pinky finger falling off his hand into the sand because it turned out every time he cut metal with his swords he'd lose a finger and when he lost all his fingers he would start losing teeth.

Get me out of here Zoro! yelled Luffy so Zoro had to slice at the cage again. The pinky finger on his other hand fell off so now he only had eight fingers.

Suddenly they were all in the men's bath at Alubarna Palace, even Nami. Nami was wearing the bikini she wore on Sky Piea. Luffy and Crocodile were wearing nothing but towels underneath their fur coats.

I challenge you Crocodile said Luffy to Rock-Paper-Scissors whoever loses has to leave the country forever.

I won't lose Mugiwara said Crocodile not to an annoying little runt like you.

I'm the guy who's gonna be the Pirate King! shouted Luffy and a piece of the ceiling fell in.

Crocodile laughed. What you want to be is me.

No I don't!

Yes you do Mugiwara or else you wouldn't be wearing my coat. If you get to be the Pirate King, you'll end up just like me - a hero to the little simple people who have no idea what pirates are, who love you because you're so brave and strong and romantic and all the while you'll know like a crocodile swimming across your brain that you did it for your own selfish reasons -

Shut up -

- and you'll be a king with a crown and a kingdom and some underlings and a castle and subjects and laws you'll have to enforce and heads you'll have to behead and gold you'll have to count and praise you'll have to accept and enemies you'll have to crush and it'll all feel so so so good because that's what a king is Mugiwara or did you not know? a king is someone who is powerful through the weakness of millions that's what a king is that's what I am that's what you want to be isn't it isn't it -

All this time Crocodile was twining his body around Luffy's like a crocodile - or was it a snake? - until their fur coats melted into one and Crocodile's greased head was right next to Luffy's under his straw hat and his hooked hand was right next to Luffy's hand so that it was impossible to tell where the bad man ended and the good man began and Crocodile turned his face right while Luffy turned his left and

Shh, I've got a bet riding on this

They said you couldn't die in dreams but Zoro felt like he was dying his heart was splitting so far in two but he couldn't hold it together with just eight fingers and

"What the crap was that!"

Usopp paused on his way across the deck as Zoro sat bolt upright.

"Er - what was what?" the sniper asked tentatively. Sometimes, with Zoro, it was better not to know.

After a few shudders, Zoro related the whole thing, stealing furtive glances down at his hands to make sure he still had all his fingers. "And Crocodile was just about to kiss Luffy and that's when I woke up," he finished.

"That's disgusting," said Usopp when he finally recovered his voice.

"I know." Zoro leaned back and closed his eyes.

Usopp gaped. "What're you doing!?" he squawked. Sure, Zoro liked his naps, but he couldn't possibly go back to sleep after that...could he?

"Going back to sleep."

He could.

"But why?"

Zoro shrugged. "Wanna see what happens next." Ignoring his crewmate once and for all, he dropped back into the dreaming world with the ease borne from long years of practice. And by some stroke of luck, things picked up right where they'd left off.

--End--
notes: The idea came quickly but the fic turned out...weird OO I literally could not wrap my mind around a Crocodile/Luffy pairing; this was the best I could do without it getting ridiculous (in my mind) or massively long. So this was another fic where I felt like I shortchanged the requester. I do like that Zoro feels the urge to see what happens though. I do that all the time, no matter how messed up the dream is XD