Chapter Three
It took me approximately two seconds to come up with fifty thousand jokes.
"The Yeerks are starting a dating service?" I asked. "What's it called? Slug Love?"
"Marco..."
"Meet the slug of your dreams! Date a Hork Bajr! Make out a Taxxon—I understand they like kisses with extra tongue!"
"Marco..."
"I know what this is. It's their secret plan to find Visser Three a girlfriend in hopes that will make him mellow out."
"MARCO!" Jake shouted.
"What is it?"
"Shut up!"
"Can't I make just one more kissing joke?" I asked.
"No."
Cassie, ever the peacemaker, got us back on track. "How did you find out about this?" she asked.
"Tom mentioned it at dinner last night," Jake said. "The Sharing is hoping to expand its influence, in the dating scene."
Tom is Jake's brother. He's a Controller. The Sharing is the Yeerk front organization that Chapman is in charge of blah blah blah blah blah. Seriously, do I need to write this backstory all the time? You guys have read the other Animorphs books, right?
((Why?)) Tobias asked.
"It's obvious," Rachel said. "That way, they can sucker dateless losers like Marco into joining the Sharing."
"Um, excuse me?" I asked.
"Not only that, but they can make sure that every date goes perfectly," Jake said. "Hard not to when they control everything their hosts do."
"Dateless loser?" I asked.
"It's brilliant," Cassie said. "If they do this correctly, they could get every single man in town to join the Sharing."
((I have heard of this dating before,)) Ax said. ((The couples on The Young and the Restless engage in this dating-behavior quite often. I believe they find it to be quite enjoyable.))
((You're right there, Ax,)) Tobias said.
"Is anybody paying attention to me?" I asked.
Jake rolled his eyes. "What is it, Marco?"
"Rachel just insulted me, and we're just going to skip over it?" I asked.
"That's not an insult," Rachel said. "It's true. When's the last time you've ever been on a date?"
"Not in a while," I admitted. "But girls still love me! Just today, I heard a girl say I was cute!"
"That wasn't a girl; that was you talking in a girl voice," Rachel said.
"Marco's voice, a girl's voice, what's the difference?" Cassie asked.
The two of them cracked up.
"Jake, help me out here, buddy," I said.
Jake grinned foolishly. "Sorry, Marco. The only reason Tom told me about the dating service is because he thought you'd be interested."
((If I may interrupt,)) Ax said. ((From what I have gathered from The Young and the Restless, I believe Marco would not be able to engage in this "dating" activity. He does not have the necessary level of..."hotness", I believe it is called.))
That did it. I can expect Rachel and/or Jake to make fun of me, but when someone like Ax starts dissing your mojo, you know you've got a big problem.
"Fine!" I said, getting up and leaving the barn. "If you all think I'm a loser, you can have your stupid meeting without me!"