Chapter Twelve

"Hello, Visser," someone said. It was kind of hard to tell who, because we were under the table, so all we could see was everyone's legs. "How are you doing tonight?"

"I hate these planning meetings," Visser Three said. Even in human morph, his voice was unpleasant. "Let's make this as quick as possible."

"Yes. Well, first up on the agenda is a recap of last month's activities," someone said. "Payne, that's your territory."

"March was a good month for the Sharing," someone—obviously Payne—said. "The book drive raised over two thousand dollars for needy children and libraries—"

"I don't care about helping needy Earth brats!" the Visser shouted. "How many people did the Sharing recruit?"

"W-we got twelve new members," Payne said.

"NOT ENOUGH!" Visser Three shouted. "Why aren't there more?!"

"I—I—I'm not the one in charge of PR for the Sharing!" Payne protested. "She is!"

"Well? Why aren't there more new members?!"

"We thought that it would be better for the Sharing's image if we focused more on public charity works, not recruiting," a woman said. "For example, the book drive got us a lot of positive press. The regional newspaper ran an article about it on the eighth page of the local news section."

"I don't care about making the human news!" Visser Three shouted. "I care about getting as many new controllers as possible!"

((I would hate to work for Visser Three,)) I said. ((He's the worst boss ever.))

"W-w-w-we're trying, Visser!" the woman pleaded. "We're trying a technique that has been very successful in human businesses—departmental slogans. In PR, we chose 'PR focuses on PRess'. We've put it on T-shirts and coffee mugs..."

"FOOLS!!!" Visser Three shouted. "INCOMPETENT MORONS! No wonder this planet hasn't been conquered yet!"

Visser Three began demorphing. Apparently, he wanted his Andalite tail blade handy in case anybody else angered him.

((What about the Andalite bandits?)) the Visser asked. ((Has any progress been made in locating them?))

"In the accounting department, we're scheduled to have a pre-meeting next month to see if we have the budget to start a focus group to look into possibility of creating an Andalite Task Force," someone said, trying to be helpful.

The Visser's tail blade snapped, and a body fell down to the ground.

((Are there any other fools want to tell me useless information?)) Visser Three roared.

"No, Visser," everyone said at once.

((Good. Is that everything, then?))

"No, Visser," Chapman said. "We still have to discuss the plans for next month."

((Very well. What is the Sharing going to do next month?))

"We are hoping to have a canned food drive," someone said. "Last year, we got about fifteen hundred cans, and we hope we can ma—"

The Visser snapped his tail, and another body fell to the ground. I hope he was simply knocking the controllers unconscious, instead of killing them outright.

((I don't care about feeding humans!)) the Visser shouted. ((What else?!))

Someone gulped. "Well...next on the agenda is the dating project. We thought the Sharing could get publicity by starting a dating service."

((This is it, everyone,)) Jake reminded us all.

((Dating?)) Visser Three asked. ((What is dating?))

"It is a form of human social interaction," someone supplied. "It is quite popular, because it helps humans locate and identify potential mates."

((You want to help humans MATE?)) Visser Three roared. ((All of the resources this facility has, and you want to waste it all on helping humans procreate? If anybody is going to do any mating around here, it's going to be me!))

((I did not need to hear that,)) I said.

((Speaking of which, how is that Andalite cloning process coming along?)) Visser Three asked. ((The Yeerk Empire needs more than one Andalite host body if it ever hopes to invade the Andalite Home World!))

"We have harvested the samples from your host body, Visser," someone said. "Our scientists are studying them, but they fear that they can't make any clones without similar samples from a female Andalite."

((Very well,)) Visser Three said. ((We can attempt to kidnap one of the female Andalite bandits and infest her. Then, you can take what you need from her in order to make a clone, and I can use my host body to impregnate her. That way, we can have two new Andalite host bodies at once! The Council of Thirteen will surely promote me!))

((That is the most perverse thing I have ever heard!)) Ax said disgustedly.

((You said a mouthful,)) Tobias agreed.

((Is that all?)) Visser Three asked. ((Is this meeting over?))

"The Sharing wants to start a volleyball league," someone said. "That's next on the agenda."

((What is volleyball?)) the Visser asked.

"It's a human sport," Chapman said.

The Visser roared in fury. ((FOOLS!!! Why must you waste my time like this?!))

"The agenda—"

The Visser's tail blade snapped, and another body joined the group on the floor.

((Listen carefully,)) Visser Three said. ((Here are your orders. You will immediately stop these foolish plans. There will be no food drives, no dating, no volleyball, or anything else you imbeciles might have thought of. Instead, you shall put the money into the cloning project. Work on recruiting more humans, and for God's sake, think of some way to capture the Andalite bandits! MEETING OVER!))

There was a loud bang, which I guessed was Visser Three leaving the room.

"Um...you heard the Visser, everyone," Chapman said. "Let's, uh, get to it."