Lulu woke to arms wrapped around her tightly and a man looking down at her with love and adoration. In that moment, she snapped back to reality.
Johnny was holding her. Johnny. The same Johnny who had lied to her repeatedly, kissed Maxie and landed her cousin in a coma. This was not a good place to be.
She felt Johnny put his hand on her stomach and she looked at him warily. Obviously noticing her uneasiness, he removed it and loosened his grip around her waist.
"What's wrong?" Johnny asked with concern.
"I just…I…why are you here?" Lulu stuttered.
"What do you mean? I told you that I'm here for you and our baby," Johnny answered defensively.
"And, what? I'm supposed to believe you? Pretend like the last few months didn't happen and that a baby will magically make me want to be with you again? That isn't going to happen, Johnny," Lulu shouted.
The worst look of hurt was on Johnny's face. Worse than the night she left him at the apartment. He was obviously not expecting this and Lulu honestly wasn't either. She didn't know what it was that made her snap at him, but there had been a strong warning sign in her head telling her to find a way out of this situation.
"Lulu, I…I know that…I'm not expecting this to happen over night," Johnny started. "After everything that has happened, I don't care if it takes me the rest of my life, I'm going to find away to earn your forgiveness and to make things right."
"There is nothing you could ever do. I am not going to forgive you. I am not going to have my baby grow up with a father who is in and out of its life like mine was. You need to leave," Lulu said sternly.
Johnny looked stunned and Lulu couldn't blame him. She was the liar now because she had already forgiven him and she didn't think for a second that he wouldn't be there for his child.
Johnny got out of the bed and walked toward the door. He looked like Lulu's words had destroyed him. She almost stopped him, but she held her tongue.
"I love you, Lulu. I love our baby and I haven't even held it yet. But I would understand if you don't want to give me the chance. I have done everything wrong in our relationship and you've never been able to count on me. Why would you expect that to change now?" Johnny said, his voice laced with sadness.
Lulu's heart was breaking all over again. He was going to leave again because she had asked him too. He was blaming himself again for mistakes as if he was the only one in the world who made them. Why couldn't she find it in herself to stop him?
"If you ever change your mind, I will be here in a heartbeat," Johnny said and chuckled a little. "That's not the best word choice. I am already here with every heartbeat. You are my heart, Lulu. You and this baby that we created together. I will love you both forever, even if you choose to never see me again."
Johnny gave her one last look and walked out of the door and seemingly out of Lulu's life forever. She watched him go and she didn't cry. Not this time. Instead she brought a hand to her chest in an effort to cover the gaping hole she was sure was there. Johnny was her heart, too.
And her heart had just walked away forever.
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Johnny had never been more hurt and confused in his entire life. Last night he was sure that he had a chance to work it out with Lulu. A chance to live again. But now it seemed as though he had been wrong. There was no reunion with Lulu. No being a father. No happily ever after. Not that he deserved any of those things, but he had wished for them with everything inside of him.
Last night when he kissed Lulu to calm her down he had expected her to pull away, but she hadn't. She kissed him back. She clung to him and she allowed him to hold her all night. He thought that had meant that she had found a way to forgive him, but that apparently wasn't the case.
He was walking on the docks and Lulu's words were ringing in his ears. He wasn't watching where he was going and he collided with someone.
"Sorry, I wasn't-" Johnny stopped his apology mid sentence when he realized who he had bumped in to. Ethan Lovett. "Never mind. I should have hit you harder," Johnny said angrily.
"Sorry, mate. I don't know what your problem is, but I would love to see you try to take it out on me," Ethan replied, practically goading Johnny into rearranging his face.
"Don't tempt me," Johnny countered.
"Wait a minute. I've seen that angry look before. Did Lulu dismiss you again? Good for her. She is-" Ethan's words were cut off by Johnny's left fist connecting with his face.
Johnny looked down at Ethan who had fallen after taking the hit. He wanted him to get up. To try to fight back. After everything that had just happened with Lulu he had enough frustration to end this guy's life with a few punches.
"So I guess I'm right then, mate? After being shot, she still didn't want you. Pity for you, but not for me," Ethan said.
Johnny wanted to kill Ethan. His anger was at an all time high and he clenched his fist in preparation of delivering another blow to Ethan's skull when he stopped himself.
What good was it? Killing Ethan Lovett, the nothing that he was, would not help at all. The only thing that would help was Lulu and that was something he couldn't have.
"You will stay the hell away from Lulu unless she asks you to be in her life," Johnny started, voice dripping with hatred. "If I hear that you are trying to force yourself on her in any way that makes her uncomfortable, there will be nowhere you can run to get away from the wrath of the Zacchara name."
He took one last glance at Ethan who seemed to have been affected by Johnny's threat. Johnny walked away and kept walking until he got to his car. He looked over at the passenger seat and realized it would always be empty. Never again would he speed down the road with Lulu holding his hand and laughing heartily.
Never again would Johnny be complete.
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Lulu had been staring at the door for almost two hours. She was confused to say the least. After Johnny had kissed her, she had let go of all reservations and let him hold her. It was what she needed and she used him. This morning she knew it had been wrong, but she made it worse by dismissing him coldly. She had lead him on and then pushed him away.
"Johnny, why do we do this? Why can't we be happy together?" she asked out loud to herself.
What had occurred between them in the last twenty-four hours was just a slightly altered version of the same old song and dance that Johnny and Lulu always shared. Come together and then push apart.
Lulu heard the door opened and her heart skipped a beat. She looked up and was surprised by who walked through the door.
"Mom?" Lulu asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Hey sweetie," Laura answered. "I got a call saying my daughter was shot, so I got on the first flight. I'm so glad you're going to be okay."
"I'm not okay. I never will be. I have once again made a mess of everything," Lulu said sadly.
"Honey, what's wrong? Did the doctor give you some bad news today?" Laura asked concerned.
"No. I told you it was me. I did this. I ruined everything," Lulu cried.
"You're going to have to give me details, Lulu. Start from the beginning," Laura said.
Lulu relayed the details of the breakup with Johnny and the baby. She told him about saving Luke and being shot. She ended with recounting the events of last night and this morning. When she finished, Laura pulled her into an emotional hug and Lulu let go and cried.
"I know you don't want to hear what I have to say, but I think I need to say it anyway. Okay?" Laura said.
"Okay," Lulu responded.
"Johnny hurt you worse than anyone ever has. Right?" Laura asked and Lulu nodded and Laura continued. "The only reason he was able to do that was because you love him more than anyone you have ever loved. More than me, your brothers or your father. The only person you may love more is that baby inside of you. I know you were scared to love so much because you were afraid to hurt that much. But what you need to realize is that he can never hurt you enough to make you stop loving him. Because the love will always overcome the pain."
Laura's words brought tears to Lulu's eyes. Her mother was right, yet again. She did love Johnny more than anything or anyone and she knew she would never stop. As hard as it may be to find a way to fix things she wanted to. She wanted to make things right with Johnny and be a family.
"How do you always know how to get through to me? To say exactly what I need to hear to let go of my stupid doubts and just follow my heart?" Lulu asked.
"It wouldn't work if I wasn't telling you to do what you wanted to do. You just needed someone to tell you out loud that it was okay to love Johnny despite his faults and mistakes. Love will never be perfect. And honestly I can't think of a reason why you would want it to be. The little imperfections are what make living and loving great," Laura said thoughtfully.
"It's the big imperfections that I'm worried about, Mom. What if we work things out and it goes bad again? How many times can I handle the heartbreak? How can I raise a baby with someone if I don't trust them?" Lulu questioned.
"A million things could go wrong. I've always thought of you as one to be willing to take the risk. Risk trusting Johnny again and giving him another chance," Laura said.
"I don't know if I can. I think if Johnny hurt me again it would kill me. I can't risk it. What kind of mother would I be if I did?" Lulu asked rhetorically.
Lulu knew her mother was right. She wanted to forgive Johnny and be with him again. She did love him despite everything and she would never stop. But she needed more time to think. Letting her heart run her life had gotten her into trouble before. She didn't want that to happen again.
If she and Johnny were going to work it out, it would be because it was the right thing in her head and her heart.