Chapter 9 – Everything Old is New Again
Lulu took the final turn and her breathing began to speed up. Johnny was less than a mile away. Or at least she hoped. She hadn't allowed herself to actually consider the possibility that Johnny might have already left the cabin. Their cabin. He went to a place where they had gone together. She smiled, knowing in her heart he was still there. The closer she got the more she could feel Johnny's presence. He was there and she was going to reunite her family.
She pulled up to the cabin and saw the familiar yellow car already parked there. Her heart was beating a million times per second and she couldn't steady herself. The affect Johnny had on her was amazing. He was inside and she was about to faint. Suddenly the doubt started to creep into her mind again. What if it was too late? What if Johnny had decided that he didn't want to be a father? Was this a mistake?
She put her hand back on the key to start the engine. She was shaking and she couldn't bring herself to turn the key. She took a deep breath and collected herself. All the what ifs didn't matter. Well, one did. What if she never took the chance to talk to Johnny? The worst that could happen was that he had changed his mind. She could live with that. She could not live with never knowing.
She pulled the key out of the ignition and took one final deep breath before exiting the car. She couldn't help but to wonder how Johnny had gotten in the cabin. Was he breaking and entering again? She smiled at the thought.
She found herself at the door and didn't know whether to knock or just go in. She settled on knocking. She raised one hand and put the other on her stomach in an effort to calm her nerves. She knocked on the door and waited. It was probably only a few seconds before he answered but it felt like years.
He pulled the door open and he was wearing the jeans she thought he looked best in. His shirt fit him tightly and showed off his marvelous physique. Lulu forgot to breathe.
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Johnny looked around the cabin. He had owned this place for awhile, but had not been back since the day he bought it. That day, he thought he would never see Lulu again and he wanted to have a place to remember her by. Now that he knew he would never see Lulu again, it was logical for him to come here to clear his head. He was supposed to be running far away, but he couldn't. He needed to feel close to Lulu. He wasn't ready to let her go just yet, even if he should.
He considered going to find something to eat, but he wasn't hungry. He decided to lie down on the couch and attempt to sleep. He had just drifted off to sleep when he heard a knock on the door. He got up wondering who could possibly be there to see him. He assumed someone who lived nearby was coming to investigate the new neighbor although he had not seen any houses.
He wiped the sleep away from his eyes and opened the door. He was face to face with Lulu and she looked amazing. Her hair was in the soft curls he loved so much and her clothes hugged her in all the right places. Johnny forgot to breathe.
He stood there looking at her for a few minutes and finally realized he was dreaming. Lulu wasn't really there. He ran a hand over his eyes and when he opened his eyes again she was still there, staring at him just the way he was staring at her.
"Are you real?" he asked, not thinking he said it out loud.
Lulu smiled and nodded her head and Johnny realized that he had asked the question out loud. He moved out of the doorway and motioned for her to come in. He had a million thoughts running through his head, but he kept coming back to the same one. He decided to just ask her.
"Why did you come here?" he asked looking into her eyes.
"I thought you would want to know how I knew where you were," Lulu replied. Johnny didn't miss the way she avoided his question or the way her eyes were wandering the room.
"I have a lot of questions, but the one I need you to answer is the one I asked," Johnny started. When Lulu didn't answer, he repeated himself. "Why did you come here?"
"I needed to talk to you," Lulu answered.
"Well I figured that," Johnny said starting to get frustrated.
She was dancing around his questions. As if she wasn't torturing him enough by asking him to stay away from her and their baby. He took her in again and noticed she was still touching her stomach. She hadn't moved her hand since she came in and he was suddenly overcome with worry.
"Is the baby okay?" Johnny asked.
"Yes, we're both fine," Lulu said with a smile.
Johnny's relief was replaced by a burning curiosity. Why else would Lulu be here? He wanted to ask her again, but doubted she would answer. Maybe he should try a different approach.
"I assume Spinelli helped you find me," Johnny commented.
"Yeah, he is amazing with the computer. I have no idea how he does it," Lulu said.
Lulu's eyes were all over the room and Johnny knew that the reason she came to find him was important to her.
"I would think he did it because you asked him to. That was probably more than enough motivation for him," Johnny said carefully. He wanted to find out why Lulu was here. For him? Definitely not, but for some reason and Johnny intended to figure it out.
"We aren't as close as we used to be. A lot has changed, but he still did it for me," Lulu responded.
"What's changed? I think him doing this is proof that it hasn't changed as much as you think it has," Johnny said.
"He did it for the baby more than for me I think," Lulu said and then looked to the ground as if she'd said something she didn't mean to.
Johnny was trying hard to read her, but she was being impossible as usual. The mention of the baby just confused him more.
"What does you being here have to do with the baby? Lulu, please just tell me," Johnny begged.
Johnny saw tears form in her eyes and it almost killed him. Something was wrong and he was once again making it worse. He wanted more than anything to hold her, but he imagined that would only make things harder for her.
"I'm here because you left," Lulu started. "And of course it took you leaving for me to realize what an idiot I was. How could I have asked you to not be a father to your child?"
Johnny was reeling. He had left for her and she had come for him. But not because she wanted him as anything more than a father. He was filled with mixed emotions. Elation because he was going to get to father his child. Devastation because he had still lost the love of his life.
"You want me to be a dad?" Johnny asked.
"Yes. I want our child to know how amazing you are. I want you to be there every step of the way," Lulu explained.
"I would love that, as long as it wouldn't make you uncomfortable," Johnny said.
"Why would it make me uncomfortable? It's the right thing for us to be a family," Lulu said and Johnny could tell she had once again said something she had meant to keep to herself.
"A family? What exactly do you mean by that?" Johnny questioned. He couldn't help but to be hopeful.
He watched Lulu take a deep breath and walk to sit on the couch. She patted the spot beside her and he obliged her request. She once again drew in a breath, but this time held it for awhile before letting it out. She was preparing herself for something and Johnny was anxious to hear what it was. Everything inside of him was praying that she had changed her mind about him, too.
"I'm in love with you," Lulu said, finally looking Johnny in the eye.
Johnny was shocked. Even wishing she felt that way after everything couldn't prepare him for her actually speaking the words. He immediately wanted to reciprocate the sentiment, but she put her fingertips to his lips so she could continue.
"I wanted to hate you for everything you did. I honestly tried because it seemed like the right thing to do. It seemed like if I could hate you, I would stop hurting so much. But I couldn't hate you and it did hurt. No matter the reasons you gave or the apologies you made, it hurt me worse than anything I had ever experienced," Lulu said. She took a breath and continued. "I realize now the pain was just part of the healing process. My mind was coming to terms with everything. Unfortunately, it took you leaving town for me to finally realize that I could never hate you. I love you entirely too much. I love you with my whole heart and I thought I had accepted that, but I hadn't.
"Loving you that much still scares the hell out of me. Needing someone the way I need you...I don't know...it's just not something I thought I wanted. I thought I wanted to be independent. To live life on my own and just take what comes, you know? But living without you has proven to be virtually impossible," she finished.
Johnny couldn't breathe. He was pretty sure he was in shock from Lulu's words. She reached up and lightly brushed his face and he realized she was wiping away tears that had involuntarily fallen down his face. She loved him. He loved her. Was it too good to be true to think they could be happy?
"Say something," Lulu begged, pulling Johnny from his thoughts.
"I don't know what to say," Johnny said and Lulu's face fell. "No, not like that. I'm just afraid to say anything that ruins this moment. I mean, I was pretty sure you did hate me and I didn't blame you at all for feeling that way. Hearing you say that you love me is like a dream come true."
He moved his hands up to grip hers which were still on his face. He brought her fingertips to his lips and kissed them tenderly. She smiled and he did as well.
"I love your fingers," he said as he moved his lips to her wrist and up the inside of her arm. "I love your arms and your shoulders. Your neck and your chin."
Johnny's lips brushed across the areas of skin he was talking about. He positioned his lips inches from hers and whispered, "I love your lips," before giving her a short, soft kiss. He pulled back slightly and stared into her eyes. He put his hands on either side of her face and closed his eyes at the softness of her skin.
"Most of all, Lulu, I love you. You are what love is to me and I will love you forever," Johnny smiled and moved one hand to her stomach. "You and this one right here. Our baby. There is nothing more in the universe I want than to be with you and our child. Forever."
Lulu smiled and placed one of her hands on his cheek and the other on top of Johnny's hand on her stomach. He was in awe of how much love he felt in that moment. The love of a perfect family. It was a completely new feeling to him, but he knew he would never let it go.
He leaned in and connected their lips once again. The kiss started slow, both of them reveling in the feeling of their lips touching once again. Soon Lulu deepened the kiss and it became more passionate. His hands moved to her waist and she gripped his back. Their tongues battled and Lulu ran her hands down his body needing to feel his skin underneath her fingertips. She scraped her fingernails against his lower back and he sighed into the kiss. She pulled back long enough to remove his shirt. He wanted to feel her lips again, but she connected her lips to his neck and began trailing kisses down to his chest. He pulled her into his lap so she was sitting astride him and pulled her shirt over her head. Their lips met again and the passion continued to grow.
His hands ran all over her back, caressing her in a way that made Lulu gasp and pull back for air. Johnny tried to assault her neck, but Lulu climbed off his lap. She laughed at the confused expression on his face and smiled seductively. She unbuttoned her jeans and the zipper came undone soon after. He watched her as she slid the jeans down her legs and was now standing before him in her underwear. He stood and kissed her quickly before doing the same to his jeans. Their lips met again and he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom of the cabin.
He laid her down beneath him on the bed and kissed her with all of the love he felt for her. She returned the kiss the same way and moved to remove his boxers. Johnny broke their kiss and his lips traveled down the length of her body, removing the rest of her clothes along the way. He found his way back to her lips and then pulled away to look into her eyes. He was relieved to see nothing but love. No trace of doubt or regret, just happiness and passion. He shifted slightly and Lulu closed her eyes in pure bliss. They made love slowly at first, savoring each and every feeling and touch. Johnny kept his lips attached to Lulu's neck while she voiced her appreciation for his touch. Johnny pressed his lips to hers as the passion climaxed and then collapsed into Lulu's arms.
Lulu held him and stroked his back lovingly while they both attempted to steady their breathing. He pulled away from her and she snuggled into his side while he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her forehead gently and she smiled.
"I love you, Johnny. I don't ever want to be away from you again," Lulu pleaded.
"You won't be. I'm never letting go of us again. I promise," Johnny said and Lulu smiled. "I love you, Lulu. I always will."
"Always," Lulu agreed as they drifted to sleep in each other's arms.
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A/N – Thank you to everyone who is reading! I love all the reviews I get and I hope to get a lot from this chapter! There is only one chapter and the epilogue remaining. It's crazy how fast this has gone!