Strange Attraction

Law & Order: SVU

by RoadrunnerGER

Disclaimer: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

8

Temptation

Surprised by his own words Elliot caught his breath. His skin still tickled where Mike had kissed his temple. There he was, just in his briefs, lying on his back and holding on to the forearm of Mike Logan whose muscles twitched under his palm.

Sheer exhaustion made him collapse on the couch. He could not remember when his emotions had poured out of him like that, and he still could not believe that he had allowed it to happen in front of Mike.

And above all he desperately tried to process that he actually had enjoyed Mike's intimacy. For just a few seconds his homophobia had appeared to have vanished. Then everything bubbled over and he backed off.

Now, too confused to catch a single thought, he just held Mike's gaze, waiting for him to make the next move.

For a long moment, Mike stared into the sapphire blue eyes feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Then he let a lazy smile grow across his face. Having Elliot cling to him and ask him to stay was more than he could have expected and exactly what he had wanted.

After the conversation we just had, I can't believe he's still interested in what I had in mind, he thought. As he gazed mutely into the other man's bright blue eyes, something he saw there set off some alarm bells. He is interested, isn't he?

Then he realized what was troubling him. Elliot did not look aroused. He looked needy. It was an effort not to sigh out his frustrations. Instead, he kept a compassionate smile on his face and spoke kindly as he caressed the stubbly cheek, rubbing his thumb over the curve of Elliot's cheekbone.

"I won't go far," he promised, still astonished that Elliot granted him the contact, "but I think we both need to step back for just a bit."

"But, Mike, I…" Instinctively his hold on Mike tightened.

"Shhh," he interrupted. "If you need me to just sit with you for a while, I'll sit with you when I come back. If you want something else… well, we can do that, if you want. Or, if you decide to just go, there will be no hard feelings. But before we do anything more, I think you need a moment to figure out what you really want."

"But I already know…"

"That's great," Mike said even as he drew away, finally freeing his arm, "but I'm going to give you a minute anyway, just to be sure." Then he left for the bathroom without giving Elliot the chance to say anything else.

When he closed the door behind him he took a deep breath.

That was your chance, Mike Logan, he thought. And it was the only one you're ever likely to get. Still it was a nice and quite interesting evening. Maybe we can play pool again. I'd like to be his friend.

He washed his hands and dried them on a towel, then brushed his teeth and washed his face. Then he just stood there and stared at his reflection in the mirror for a few minutes. He sighed.

You're getting old, Mike Logan. Damn! My hair's getting thinner, he huffed, reaching up to let his hand run through it. Then he brushed over his stomach with the other hand. Not to speak of the love handles… and these circles under my eyes, they were not as dark when I was Elliot's age. I guess I'm still pretty fit, but it's becoming more difficult to chase down a perp on foot.

He paused for a moment, still staring at the man looking out of the mirror at him whose appearance did not seem to fit to what he felt.

There's no denying it, Mike. You gained weight and there's silver in your hair, too. Once more he sighed. How could you ever think that Elliot might be interested in you? Look at yourself! You wouldn't want to sleep with yourself either! Damn! Elliot's about ten years younger than you are. What the hell came over you that you thought he might agree to make love with you?

He had come in her to kill some time and give Elliot a chance to evaluate his feelings and figure out what he really wanted. Now he realized that, even after Elliot's initial positive reaction, the younger man possibly was disgusted by the thought of fooling around with him. Suddenly Mike was not as eager as before to return to the living room.

Well, he knew that there was a good chance Elliot would be gone by the time he got back anyway, but he did not regret his decision. The worst thing I could possibly do would be to give the man sex when all he really wants or needs right now is someone to tell him that he's an ok guy and everything will be all right.

xxx

Now Elliot had no idea what to think. Hell, he did not even know what to feel. In the short couple of hours that they had been in the apartment, he had been through every conceivable emotion. Then, just when he realized that he really wanted to experience the companionship that Mike was offering, Logan had backed off.

He just vanished in the bathroom! Elliot turned on his side, then he sat up. Even though emotionally exhausted a sudden agitation forced him to his feet.

Why? He wondered as he paced back and forth between the sofa and the armchair, listening to the water running in the bathroom. What did I do wrong?

It had to be something he had done, because just moments before, Mike had been kissing and caressing him. How do I convince him that I want this, that I'll never be comfortable enough with another man to try again, that I'm too afraid to try it with anyone else?

That's it! I'm too afraid. He thinks I'm a coward. How do I prove to him I'm not?

Hearing the water stop running, he realized Mike was coming back. Since he was closest to the armchair, he plopped into that, turned sideways so he could see the bathroom door, and waited.

And waited.

Fear!

Yes, it was undeniably building up inside of him. Or was it anticipation? He remembered Mike's touches and at once his skin tickled where he had been held by him.

Then he thought of the kisses.

It had startled him when Mike's lips brushed over his own. But when the first shock subsided he noticed that it did not feel different from any other kiss he had shared.

And he wanted to be kissed again.

Elliot was just beginning to wonder what was taking so long and to worry that Mike would not want him anymore when the bathroom doorknob started to turn.

xxx

When Mike returned to the living room, Elliot was sitting sideways in the easy chair, his legs dangling over the armrest. Obviously he had not moved more than that, because he still was without pants.

So Mike grabbed the pair he had chosen for him, picked up the shirt from the floor and strolled over to him.

"You okay?" he asked, holding the clothes out at him. The pure incredulity on Elliot's face astonished him.

"Now you are backing out?" Elliot asked back.

Mike was so stunned that he did not realize what Elliot said at first. He still is into it. At least he gives the impression that he's ready to go on…

He was tempted to try it, but then he thought better of it and placed the bundle in Elliot's lap.

"I don't want to take advantage of your emotional state," he said. "It would be unfair."

Elliot frowned. "My emotional state…"

"Yeah. You're upset. I don't want to take advantage of that to coax you into something you wouldn't otherwise do."

You didn't care about that before you knew my story. Elliot could not help but feel betrayed. Mike had started something that had always been out of the question for him. Getting intimate with Mike went against everything he believed in. It questioned a whole lifetime of Catholic faith. What is about him that's getting to me that way? He huffed. I'm too damned straight to even think about it… but yet I let him touch me, kiss me… Why? Elliot knew why, he just was not ready to admit it. Mike made him feel special and woke a desire Elliot did not know he might have. That was what made him panic. He had pushed Mike away, and Mike did not leave but comforted him instead, waking new rushes of longing.

And now he just stops? Elliot was confused. He turned in the chair to sit up, putting the clothes aside.

In the meantime Mike sat down on the sofa and watched him furtively. What's he doing now? What is he expecting me to do?

"Now you're being unfair," Elliot said.

"I am?" Now it was Mike's turn to be confused.

"Yes, you are."

"I'm just trying to respect you. I don't want to end up being arrested by you for molestation or something." He chuckled. "I mean, that's what you specialized in, right?"

Elliot looked hurt. "You don't think that I'd tell someone about tonight, do you?"

The smile fell from Mike's face. The guy had probably just shared his deepest secrets, stuff he had never told anyone else, and here he was making a joke. You're an ass, Logan.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "That was inappropriate. I just… I don't want you to feel hurt or used, and I'm afraid if we do this now, after what you told me, when you are so obviously hurting, that you won't be able to forgive me in the morning."

For a long moment, Elliot looked at him with those soulful blue eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. He licked his lips, and that gesture made Mike want to kiss him so badly he could taste it, but he held back. Then Elliot opened his mouth again and spoke, his confusion clearly audible.

"What are we doing here?"

"I don't know," Mike said, rubbing a hand over his face. "But we're sure as hell not in synch. To be honest, all I wanted was sex."

Angrily Elliot huffed and was about to respond when Mike, suddenly realizing how his words sounded, hurried to cut him off.

"I don't mean that in a dirty way," he said. "I'd never use you. I mean I didn't go out tonight with the intention to find someone to have sex with." He paused for a moment to arrange his ideas. "The plain truth is that I've always thought that you're hot… and when the opportunity offered itself… I just wanted for us to be able to enjoy each other, that's all."

Hot? He thinks I'm hot? Stunned Elliot could not answer at once.

"Hot?" he gasped and saw Mike nod. "And what do you mean with always?"

Now Mike laughed.

"Since the first time I saw you," he said. "It was at court. I was on my way to the trial I had to attend and you came out of another courtroom together with your partner… um… Rosetti, and the attorney." Once more he laughed with the memory. "I remember that I thought that the prosecution must have won the case… you all were in such a good mood. You wore this shit eating grin that makes your eyes sparkle like sapphires. I thought you were gorgeous… still do." Especially without your clothes, he added, unashamedly looking Elliot over.

Mike's confession, combined with the scrutinizing look, hit Elliot like a sledgehammer. That must have been… whoa… at least eleven years ago! Rosetti! I just had become detective and joined SVU back then and Rosetti was my first partner! And Mike remembers details

Taken aback Elliot did not know what to say. His thoughts were a whirl. What had led their conversation there? He tried to grasp it. Slowly Mike's other words took on meaning.

"Then why aren't we… what did you call it… enjoying each other now?" Elliot finally asked, sounding thoroughly befuddled.

"Because you started to freak out, Elliot," the older man explained. "It's obvious that I'm a lot more experienced than you."

Elliot began to blush a deep red and Mike hurried to put him at ease. "Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. We've just led different lives is all, and there is no way I'm going to do something that I'm not sure you're ready for. I wouldn't take advantage of anyone that way. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'm not a totally selfish bastard either."

"Well, you're being one now!" Elliot grumbled.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Mike could not remember the last time he had been with anyone who had confused and surprised him this much.

"You're treating me like a kid who doesn't know what he's doing," Elliot accused. "What is it? Are you afraid that if it doesn't go well that I'll blame you?" He waited for an answer, but did not get one. So he tried to explain, "I'm not an ass, Mike. If I don't like it, I don't like it. But that's my decision! That doesn't mean I'll think it's your fault, and you've certainly gone out of your way to keep me from doing something I'll regret. Stop trying to protect me from myself and finish what you started, damn it!"

Mike moved closer and ran a finger down Elliot's chest from his collar bone to his waistline. Elliot shivered at his touch and it made him smile. "Have you liked what we've been doing so far?"

Elliot nodded and blushed a bit.

"Does it feel good?" He rubbed circles on one nipple with his thumb.

"Yeahhh," Elliot moaned.

"How long has it been since you've felt like this?" he asked. When Elliot just glared at him, he said, "It's been a long time, hasn't it? Since your wife left, maybe?"

The blue eyes spread fire. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't want to be a substitute for your wife."

Elliot lowered his gaze and shook his head. Mike clearly wasn't getting it. He didn't want a substitute for Kathy. He wanted something different for a change. Something he'd never had before in his life. But how could he make Mike understand?

"It's just… what you're doing to me… I…"

"You're quite vulnerable, right now." Mike interrupted. He tried to lock his gaze with Elliot's, but could not because he avoided him, looking down at his chest. "You're recently divorced, old wounds caused by your father have broken open… I don't want you to agree with doing anything, if you do it for the wrong reason."

Now Elliot looked up at him.

"I'm not," he whispered. Thoughtfully he turned his gaze away again. He had to explain. He had to make Mike understand. He would never find himself in a situation like this again, and he did not want to spend the rest of his life wondering what might have happened. His mouth opened and worked, but he could not find the right words yet. His play of features was quite interesting to watch.

"What you've done," he finally started, yet hesitantly, still groping for words. "When you touched me like that, you… triggered feelings I didn't know were there. In my younger days I… never experimented. I mean, I didn't know more than what I got to know before I had to quit being a boy and to become a man."

Mike nodded. "I understand."

Looking deep into Mike's eyes, Elliot shook his head. "I'm not so sure if you do, Mike. What I mean is that, I was the captain of my high school football team, and girls were always trying to hook up with me, you know? But Kathy was the only girl I ever dated. Now, I have never doubted that she loved me. I am convinced that she still does, even if we can't be married to each other anymore, but back then, I knew that, as much as she loved me and I loved her, I was also just a status symbol. She got pregnant our first time, and it was easy to do the right thing because we loved each other; but I have never, in my entire life, been with anyone just because they wanted me."

Mike was stunned. He could not grasp what he just had been told.

I'd be his first! He realized at last. Not his first ever, but his first man. And not only that! He's never been with anyone but his wife, Kathy! That thought scared the crap out of him. The guy was recently divorced, and what happened between them could affect his love life and intimate relationships from here on out. Part of him just wanted to back out, but another part of him really, really wanted to do it right. Taking a deep breath, he decided to proceed with caution and try to discern what Elliot really wanted and needed. Realizing it was his turn in the conversation, he searched his mind for something neutral to say, and finally grasped on something from earlier in the evening.

"So I was right," he rasped. "You broke several hearts over the years."

Elliot saw the small mischievous smile and returned it. Once more he felt heat rise to his cheeks as he blushed… with a memory.

"Now that you're talking about it…" He looked to the side, still grinning. "I didn't pay much attention to anyone but Kathy back then, least of all the boys, but yeah, there was someone."

Mike's eyes widened. Don't ask, he ordered himself. He'll tell you. His hands ached to touch him again, to roam over the perfectly built body, the curves of his shoulders, hips and biceps, and to explore him and what gave him joy.

"He was two years older, repeated school years and so he was in another class of my grade. You can't say that he was very popular, the girls were more interested in the team captains and the best players, but Tommy never was special. I don't think that it was his looks, as much as I can tell, but rather that he kept his nose in his books so much."

And? Mike was almost bursting with anticipation. I want to know what happened! C'mon! Tell me! What did he do?

"I remember that he came to the football games." He chuckled lowly. "That wasn't anything noticeable, but I heard rumors about him and once after a game I literally bumped into him on my way back to the parking lot. We both went down on the grass and all our stuff flew in every direction. Somehow I landed on him and while I was trying to get back up, he just remained lying there. I thought that he might have hurt himself, but when I looked at him I noticed that he seemed to be quite content where he was."

"Right in that second I did not know what to make of it. Then he smiled at me… and touched my leg. He could have done it because he was groping around, trying to get up, but it was quite obvious that it was no coincidence. I remembered the rumors, jumped up, gathered my stuff and ran."

"You ran?"

"Yeah, I did. I didn't want to be grist for the rumor mill."

"So…what are you saying about tonight?" Mike asked, still not willing to make a move for fear he might have misinterpreted something.

"I'm saying, forget about whether I'll forgive you in the morning. I just might thank you."

Mike was stunned. Did I really hear what I just heard? Did he really say that? But still his doubts lingered.

Elliot got up and went to the window. The night covered the city like a soft velvet drape. High above a full moon with softly glowing halo stood over the luminous city that never slept.

Behind him Elliot heard the rustle of clothes and soft padding.

"So… you want me to continue where we left off?" Mike outright asked, his voice husky with desire.

If I only knew for sure! Elliot was about to say that he did not know or was not sure, when Mike touched his shoulder. It sent chills down his back and he sucked in a breath with the sudden sensation. He clenched his teeth, trying to control his breathing… and started to shiver.

"Don't be scared, Elliot," Mike said.

He had his hands on both of Elliot's shoulders now, caressing him gently. Then he planted kisses on the back of his neck.

"I'm not scared," Elliot said, and was relieved to find it was the truth.

"Good." And he kissed him again. "I'll take care to protect us."

Now Elliot was scared. Mike felt him tense up and knew at once what had caused this reaction: The mention of protection made him realize what Mike was thinking about.

"I didn't necessarily mean that," Mike murmured, lightly pulling him backwards against his chest. Then he kissed the side of his neck. "All I want to do is make you feel good, to give you pleasure. If you don't want to go that far, we won't.

The wiry hair of Mike's bare chest tickled Elliot's back. Reaching behind him he placed his hands on the other man's hips… and noticed that also the pants were gone. He shuddered and a low moan escaped him.

"Shh," Mike hushed.

Wrapping his right arm around Elliot's shoulders and the left around his waist, he pulled him as close as he could. Then, tickling him by drawing small circles with his fingertips, Mike moved his hand slowly up his neck and laid the palm on his cheek. Now he was playing with his ear again.

Mike felt Elliot shiver against his body and gently urged him to turn his head.

tbc…