Ok i'm not satisfied with this story.
In other words, dude i think this peice of crap stinks.
So, i'm still keeping the plot,
but i'm removing:
The mary-sue people
The script style
bad grammer
"txk tlk"
bad spelling.
yeah i downloaded spell check
So i'll keep this chapter up, but only until i get all the improved chapters in a different story thing.
hope this improves my writing skills!