"So Gibbs just what are you going to tell that young man when you get to see him?"

Gibbs blinked and looked up to see Ducky smiling at him with that smile that said he knew too much and he felt his guts clench.

Oh God he didn't want to be having this conversation. Not with Ducky, not with anyone. He hadn't even had this particular conversation with the man involved.

Timothy McGee.

Currently in intensive care with a huge hole in his gut because of him.

Gibbs suddenly saw Tim writhing in agony, curled up on his side, screaming in pain as he frantically tried to push him onto his back and get some compression onto the wound. Blood, there was so much blood everywhere and he couldn't stop it. A sea of red, warm blood.

Gibbs blinked rapidly and looked away from Ducky's warm eyes and wondered how long he had been in a garden? He had been sitting on a crappy yellow plastic chair in a hallway and now he was under a tree on a bench in the dark of very early morning. Did hospitals even have gardens? He supposed they would. It seemed a nice garden although there were some trees he didn't recognize. Tim would know what they were……..

Ducky cleared his throat and moved again so he was in front of Gibbs. He raised his eyebrows over his glasses.

"I'm waiting Jethro"

Gibbs felt his heart hammering and the familiar mask descended. He stood and looked down at Ducky instantly feeling more in control. Yes. He was going to be fine. He had survived worse. He was Special Agent Gibbs of the Major Response Unit. He took a knock that's all. It was always hard when a team member got hurt. But Tim…no McGee was going to fine. A few more days and everything would start going back to normal. No one needed to know.

"What do you think I'm going to say Duck? McGee saved my life. I might have a thing about apologies but I think it would be right to say Thank you to him"

And Ducky said absolutely nothing.

And waited.

Gibbs glared and took several steps before turning and coming back again, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"I mean he could have died today Ducky! McGee! Damn it. What was he doing being heroic and pushing me out of the way? If something happened to McGee, Tony would be ….well he would be a wreck. Always wondering what the last words he said to him were and if they were nice or mean. And knowing Tony's damn luck he would have been teasing him about some stupid thing. And Abby? Can you imagine what she would be like? McGee is the only one she trusts in her lab and they are so close. Ziva. Well she pretends to have it all under control but she would be crying just like the rest of them. It was stupid and foolish and IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! I've lived my life. I'm Team Leader. He is my responsibility. That was my bullet. My call, not his. Why did he do it Duck? "

And finally Ducky smiled up at him.

"Because he loves you Jethro"

Gibbs felt the world tilt as his knees nearly gave way from underneath him at this calm assured statement from his oldest friend.

"What…what are you talking about?"

Gibbs swung himself back down onto the bench heavily beside Ducky and covered his face with his hands. He didn't know if he wanted to hear this.

"Oh he has always loved you Jethro. You should know that by now? Maybe not always romantically like now but from the moment you claimed him as yours, as part of your team he cared for you. He admired you and looked up to you as a mentor, someone to teach and guide him. Then as he got to know you better he cared for you as a good friend. I don't know when he fell in love with you exactly, I don't know if anyone ever does but in some ways he has always loved you Gibbs. And he always will."

Gibbs sucked in a deep breath as his chest hurt and he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest as if he could somehow hold himself together.

You belong to me now

He had said that to Tim when he had pulled him from Norfolk onto his team. And Tim had been so happy. He had wanted to be on the team so badly. He would drive for hours back and forth to Norfolk and miss out on sleep just to spend more time with the team. Nothing was too good for him. He even crawled around on his hands and knees in the stifling heat getting their network re wired when the air conditioning broke down. It was that attitude which had impressed Gibbs at the time. That and they had a need for his unsurpassed computer skills.

Gibbs knew he was pretty green and inexperienced but at the time he had considered that a good thing. He could train him up the way he liked so Tim would know exactly what Gibbs wanted from him. So he would anticipate and learn Gibbs' way of doing things without someone else's hard learnt lessons in the way.

There had been moments though when Gibbs had rolled his eyes in frustration at Tim's naiveté. When Gibbs wondered if perhaps being a Field Agent wasn't what sweet gentle Tim was suited to.

But that had been so long ago.

And now years later Tim had learnt exactly what Gibbs liked. Almost too well.

Gibbs remembered the feel of Tim's clever hands running over his naked body eagerly and his green eyes almost wild with desire and passion. He never held anything back even when it cost him. And it was intoxicating to be loved by someone like that. There would be moments when he was in Tim's bed when their roles were reversed and it was Gibbs who felt helpless and it was Tim showing him the way.

The two men sat in the dark silence for long minutes, lost in their own thoughts until Gibbs pulled his hands away from his face and turned towards Ducky.

"You knew? How long have you known…." Even then Gibbs couldn't bring himself to say the words that put him and Tim together.

Ducky patted his knee comfortingly.

"They say love is blind. Well I suppose it's true. You did a good job of hiding it I must say but still I could tell. He would look up at the elevator every time you were out without him, waiting for you to come back safe. He would worry about you. When Vance congratulated him on the Laurence case the other week? You beamed more than he did you were so proud of him. When he helps you with your computer he always rests his hand on your shoulder as if he wants to make a connection with you. Lots of little things that if you watch them for long enough add up. You forget Jethro I have been around for a very long time. I have seen your loves and your wives come and go."

Ducky settled back into the bench and rubbed his hands in the chill morning air and pulled his coat tighter around himself while Gibbs sat feeling a bit shocked.

"You don't seem to mind. I mean about me and….."

Ducky smiled and gave Gibbs a bit of a wry look.

"Well I was hoping you would come over and talk to me about it one night as you seemed to be having some concerns about it. Still do it would seem. But I waited for that knock on my door and it never came. I figured you would come when you were ready to talk to me about it. You're not exactly a man who can be pushed into talking Gibbs."

And Gibbs gave a short laugh

"Well no Duck I'm not."

"Well then…." Ducky looked across at him expectantly

"What?"

"You still haven't answered my original question. What are you going to tell Timothy when he wakes up?"

"That's just it Ducky. I don't know. Mostly right now I want to yell at him. He scared the shit out of me. And he's not out of the woods yet. It's going to be months before he's back with the team, that's if he wants to come back at all after all the shit I have put him through. I mean I've never exactly told him……. Well how I feel about him. Not in words. Trust me I have thought about it a thousand times and it always makes more sense to break it off. Maybe I hand the team over to Tony? He deserves his own team now anyway. I mean what am I going to tell Tim's family when I see them? I'm sorry your son's hurt and by the way I'm secretly screwing him? What do I tell the rest of the team? Vance? Fornell? You want me to just tell them all I'm sleeping with a subordinate? With McGee of all people? That some nights he's all I can think about? Damn it Ducky. It's just not right. It can't happen. It doesn't make any sense."

Gibbs's voice rose louder and louder as the anger replaced the fear.

"Love doesn't make sense Jethro."

And suddenly just like that all the anger was gone and Gibbs shoved the palms of his hands into his eyes to stop himself from crying.

"Who said I loved him Duck" he rasped out

"Now look whose being the fool"

Gibbs threw his head back and looked at the first streaks of morning color lightening the sky after a very long night. Pink and scarlet and purple shot through dark navy velvet. It was beautiful. If Tim was here beside him he would probably be taking a photo of it on his phone. He liked beautiful things. Then he would wordlessly slip his hand into Gibbs' and nuzzle his cold nose into Gibbs' neck. And Gibbs would laugh and push him away and Tim would smile with mischief and sneak his hand up under Gibbs' coat and tickle his ribs till he begged laughingly for mercy.

When Tim had first discovered by accident that Gibbs was ticklish, Gibbs had been mortified. Tim had been delighted. Gibbs remembered the predatory look on Tim's face as he watched Gibbs from under the large fluffy quilt on his bed as Gibbs moved about his bedroom in the cold morning darkness, gathering up his scattered clothes and belongings. He always left early, when it was still dark so no one would know he hadn't stayed at home. He had felt the hairs on the back of his neck go up as he waited for Tim to pounce on his prey. Tim would wait and watch in his warm snuggly cave with his hair all sticking up and that smile on his face until Gibbs would whirl and demand 'What?"

And Tim would smile wider and beckon him back to his side.

Gibbs groaned at the thought of it. He loved those rare stolen mornings.

"God what a mess I have made"

Ducky cocked his head to the side and looked at Gibbs appraisingly.

"I don't see what's so bad. He loves you, literally more than his own life and you love him. Personally I don't think that is something you should just throw away. So maybe you don't announce it from the rooftops just yet but I think it is something Timothy deserves to know"

Gibbs continued to look up at the cold stars still peeping out through a purple and pink canvas stretched above him. He felt old and tired under their ageless eternity.

"I don't know Duck. If we weren't…you know maybe he wouldn't have taken that bullet for me. Maybe he would be safer without me"

Ducky frowned exasperated with his friend and gave him a cross glare.

"If you think Timothy McGee wouldn't have taken that bullet for you four years ago, then you are a fool. Any member of your team would do that for you and you for them. That is not what this is about. You have already said you have tried to break it off and can't, so stop making yourself AND him miserable and just give it a chance. There are too few chances of love in this world Gibbs to simply throw one away."

Gibbs looked at Ducky as he sat there. Ducky, his oldest friend who went home now every night to a vast empty house. Ducky, a man born to love and care for someone who seemed fated to live alone and childless. It seemed fate had offered him too many opportunities to love and Ducky too few.

Gibbs turned to Ducky and tried to explain, his words creating small puffs of white in the cold crisp air.

"I'm too old for him. I'm too set in my ways. We are too different. It will never work. For Gods sake Ducky I build boats in my basement and have divorce lawyers on my speed dial. I will cost him too much. If anyone finds out it might impact on his career…"

Ducky smiled and held up his hands to stop the flow of reasons

"Why don't you let Timothy decide what he wants?"

Gibbs stopped and thought of the way Tim would watch him sometimes when he thought he was asleep with that stupid little goofy smile on his face. He was so beautiful. And sweet in a way he was sure he didn't deserve. He had a rare laugh that was almost a boyish giggle that made his heart race. And a naughty daring side to him that made him break out in a sweat.

Suddenly Gibbs wasn't sure if he was more afraid of Tim saying yes to him. Or no.