"I don't understand! Where have they taken him? I need to be there!" Gibbs raged at the young doctor while Tony and Ducky tried to calm him down, gentle restraining hands on his arms.

"I'm sorry Sir. We suspect something went wrong with the surgery so they have taken him back in to investigate. His condition deteriorated rapidly and we didn't have the time to call you. His heart stopped and he went into cardiac arrest but they were able to revive him. That is all I know at this stage. As soon as we know more someone will come and get you."

Gibbs suddenly sagged as he realized the futility of yelling at a young man who couldn't tell him what he needed to know. He couldn't tell him that Timothy McGee would be fine and he would forgive him.

His Timothy wasn't fine.

Gibbs blinked rapidly at the pain in his chest and sank down into another crappy plastic chair the hospital had so thoughtfully provided.

Tim's heart had STOPPED.

Gibbs couldn't imagine Tim lying pale and still, frozen eyes still open wide as the silent nurse pulled the white sheet up over his face. Eyes eternally locked watching the doorway he hadn't stepped through in time to tell him…

Why? Why was he always too late? Why hadn't he been brave enough to simply tell him? And now it was too late.

"Breathe Jethro. Just breathe. He's going to be fine. He's a lot stronger than everyone thinks, you know that. Breathe"

Ducky's voice penetrated the murkiness and the warm hand on his head pushing his head down helped clear the spots from his eyes.

What was happening? For fucks sake he was hyperventilating!

Gibbs cursed himself and tried to slow his breathing down, taking slow deep breathes, quickly dashing away the tears with the heel of his hand that had started trickling down his face. A rush of noise burst through the silence and Gibbs heard his own harsh sob choked breathing fill the hallway.

Ducky crouched in front of him like a stable center point in a collapsing universe of cheap linoleum, disinfectant and endless insurance forms.

Gibbs placed his hand on Ducky's shoulder and just held on for a minute, savoring the warm solidness of the contact. Ducky smiled softly at him and then cleared his throat giving Tony a quick glance.

Shit. Tony.

Part of Gibbs had forgotten he was even there.

"Jesus Duck, what am I a Probie? I know how this works. Stupid hospitals won't tell you anything. He's going to be fine. Dammit Tony here gets hurt all the time. He should have some sort of frequent patient miles or something"

Gibbs anxiously tried to joke and Tony simply nodded and gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes, too shaken by Gibbs' almost collapse to comment further.

It scared him. Gibbs was fraying at the seams like an old well worn knitted sweater. It had started at the scene with small bits coming off the sleeves but now it seemed like huge chunks of the strong man he knew seemed to be coming undone leaving beige, brown and blue streaks on the floor.

It was like McGee had snagged something on Gibbs when he was shot and as McGee was whisked away in the ambulance he had held tightly onto it, slowing pulling Leroy Jethro Gibbs apart.

Gibbs wasn't allowed to unravel. It wasn't fair. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. The team needed him. They needed Gibbs to be strong and to shake his fist at the world and defy medical science. They needed him to insist that McGee would get better with that look in his eye that dared anyone to question him. Not to sit hunched and crying and pale like some broken old man.

Tony looked around. It was all wrong. A bad dream. McGee wasn't supposed to be in surgery again. McGee was the Probie, the computer expert. He wasn't meant to be the one that got shot. They all had very clear roles that they needed to play to make this team work damn it! Didn't they know that? This was all wrong. The …the damn script was all wrong!

Tony straightened his shoulders. Ok fine. Well his team needed him. He could play outside his casting criteria when he wanted to.

"Ducky? How about you get Gibbs a big decent coffee? We could be waiting a while and the coffee here is enough to make anyone sick. Gibbs you just wait here and let me know if you hear anything ok? I'm going to make some calls to Ziva, Abby and Vance so they know what's going on"

Tony strode off trying to feel confident that everything would be fine and tried not to pay attention to how his heart lurched when Gibbs simply nodded despondently, his eyes never leaving the floor. Ducky though looked up and gave Tony a warm smile and a little nod of the head before hurrying to do his bidding.

Tony flicked his eyes down the endless long white corridor where Tim had been rushed before being swallowed by the mighty O.R. He found himself taking a second away from Gibbs' devastation and Ducky's concerned gaze as he tried to center himself. Closing his eyes he leaned his forehead against the flat cold glass window. He found himself savoring the chill against his skin as he whispered, his breath leaving the briefest mist on the glass.

"McGee you better get your ass up and about soon buddy, because we ALL need you. I don't think any of us can loose one more person we care about. I'm sorry but we have reached our limit and you're it. So no excuses McHero. You let them fix you up and you get back into recovery and start flirting with those nurses you hear me? I will even give you lessons since you're bound to screw it up."

Tony smiled at himself and found he felt better after the pep talk he had mentally given McGee. He took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders before pulling out his phone. Tony turned as the phone started to ring to see Gibbs, leaning elbows on knees, with his hands clasped together staring out into space.

What the hell was the Boss thinking about that put that strange sad little smile on his face?

"You learn by doing Tim…."

Gibbs remembered climbing astride Tim as he lay on the floor at the crime scene on Halloween and showing him how a sentry would snap a neck with a sharp twist. He had his strong rough hands around the back of his neck and firmly on Tim's jaw as he sat on his stomach. But it was the way Tim's eyes had burned into his, suddenly unreadable as Gibbs looked down at him that had bothered him when the case was closed. The way Tim had taken a moment to get his thoughts back together to continue the lesson. Later Gibbs had lain awake at night and wondered what it was Tim was trying to tell him with his big expressive pretty green eyes.

Months later it had been Tim who had climbed on top of a naked Gibbs and with a teasing smile started to kiss his neck.

"You learn by doing Jethro…"