How to be Human
Lesson Seven: How to Pick a Name
Shera's View
I spent the whole day following Master Zel around the building. It was strange, because after Mr. Vincent left our company, he got really quiet and kept looking at me over his shoulder. Every time I tried to make eye contact he quickly looked away, embarrassed.
I think I make him uncomfortable.
He cringes every time I call him Master, too. Is there something wrong with that? If there is, he hasn't said, and it's confusing me. I mean, I certainly like him more than I did my old Master. And I certainly prefer Master Zel to the creepy President.
I mean, sure he owns me now, but it's not all that bad. At least he's nice. So is that why I want to make him happy?
But…how do I do that? Something tells me the things that made my old Master happy wouldn't make Master Zel to pleased with me…
I think he likes it when I smile, though. I have noticed that, when I am smiling, he smiles too.
I like his smile…
About half way through the day, we ran back into Miss Lilith. She took one look at me with Master Zel and started to chew Master out. I mean, she was loud. I think everyone on the floor heard us, maybe everyone in the whole building. Zel tried to explain about what the creep President was going to do to me, but she wouldn't listen. Not until she was finished...
So, after about thirty minutes of being lectured, Zel finally got Miss Lilith to be quiet enough to let him explain. Then Lilith got mad again, but this time she was mad with the creepy President.
She stormed down the hall, off to go yell at the President (I guess she's allowed to do that), leaving me and Master Zel just standing there, with everyone still watching us.
I think Master Zel is afraid of attention. Or it makes him uncomfortable, because as soon as he noticed people were watching us, he took my hand and led me to a more deserted floor.
The whole day was like that. I don't think Master Zel got any work done. Or, if he did, I didn't notice. But now I sat on the back of Zel's motorbike (he doesn't have a car) while he looked for a helmet.
"I don't think they have helmet small enough for you," he was saying, digging through a closet. "And I don't trust my driving to let you ride without one…" He continued to dig around for awhile before finding a helmet to fit me.
Okay, it was still a little big, but I wasn't going to say anything.
"It'll have to do," Zel said, sighing. "Note to self, get helmet…" He put the keys into the ignition of the bike. "Hold on, okay?" As he ordered, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his back. He was stiff under my grasp but finally relaxed enough to go. Soon we were flying down the streets of the city (called Midgar, according to Zel) towards what I expected to be Master's home.
I just hopped it wasn't anything like where I came from…
We finally stopped in front of an apartment complex. Master parked his motorbike and helped me off. After setting me on the ground, he took my hand and led into the building, up three flights of stairs, and finally stopping in front of a door, with the numbers 117 on it.
"Home sweet home," Master Zel said, digging in his coat pockets. After two minutes, he checked his back pockets, his pants pockets, and his shoes. "Oy…how could I…they're on my desk, aren't they?"
"Master?" He cringed. "Did you forget something?" He looked at me and sighed.
"Left my keys at the office…hang on, I can pick this lock…" He bent down and pulled out two pieces of thin metal (Lock picks, I later learned), and began to pick the lock. I stood next to him, watching with interest.
"Zel! Did you lock yerself out again?" a voice laughed behind us. I jumped and hid behind Zel, waiting.
"Yes, Miss Helen, I did lock myself out again…" Zel replied, not looking up from the lock. "Unless you count this as breaking and entering into my own apartment." The woman, Miss Helen, laughed again.
"Cripes, child! I don't know how you do it. How many spare keys have you gone through already? And you've only lived here a few months!" Zel smiled childishly at her and shrugged. Then Miss Helen caught sight of me.
"Zel, who's that?" she asked, pointing. Zel looked up so fast that he hit his head on the doorknob he was trying to open.
"No one!" he shouted, pushing me behind his back. I giggled, Master was funny.
"Oh really? Zel, you better not be bringin' your work to my apartments! I know what you do, boy, and I don't want to be caught up in any of your crazy nonsense."
"Not work, I swear!" Zel said quickly, smiling innocently. "Really, don't worry about it."
"Sweet, where are your parents?" Miss Helen asked. Without thinking, I answered.
"I don't have any parents…"
"ZEL!"
"I DIDN'T DO IT!"
"WHAT'D YOU DO TO THE GIRL'S PARENTS?!" Miss Helen scolded. Once again, we were the subject of everyone's attention.
"NOTHING! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEM! I MEAN, WE NEVER MET…THEY WERE DEAD BEFORE I MET HER!" Zel defended. I noticed the door to his apartment was open, so we could go in. I pointed this out to Zel, who nodded, never taking his eyes off of Miss Helen.
"Master didn't kill my parents, Miss Helen. He saved me, yes he did…" I said proudly. For some reason, Miss Helen didn't calm down with my statement, like I thought she would.
"DID SHE JUST CALL YOU MASTER?!" Zel grabbed me and dragged me into the apartment.
"NO! YOU'RE JUST HEARING THINGS! TALK TO YOU LATER, I'LL PAY MY RENT NEXT WEEK!" he yelled, before slamming and locking the door behind us. He then turned around and leaned the back of his head against the door, breathing hard. "Great, my landlord now things I'm a kidnaper, a murderer, and a child molester…oh well. I've been called worse…" He then remembered I was in the room. "My landlord's crazy," he stated, smiling at me.
She wasn't the only one, Master.
"So, what do you want to eat? I can actually cook with out burning things, so…um, yeah…" he said, scratching the back of his head and leading me towards the kitchen.
"Shouldn't I be cooking for you, Master?" I asked when we arrived. It was a small kitchen, but fully equipped with everything needed.
"It's Zel," he corrected.
"Master Zel?" I asked again, smiling. He sighed and shook his head.
"My, you're stubborn," he stated, taking off his suit jacket and hanging it on the back of a one of the two mismatched chairs at the small dining table. I found myself staring at him. Again.
Well, not exactly at all of him. Just his neck.
"What happened?" I asked without thinking. I then mentally scolded myself for asking a personal question, which you're never supposed to do.
"Huh?" he asked, rubbing his neck like it hurt.
"The scar…" I said, before I could stop myself. He stared at me for a moment and then followed my gaze to his neck.
"This…oh, it's…nothing…just…blotched suicide attempt…" he said quickly. Wow, Master was a horrible liar...
I didn't press it, though. He didn't want to talk about it, so I wouldn't bring it up again.
"Um, okay…so…you're not a vegetarian, right?"
"I'm not a what?" I asked, looking at him. What was a vegetarian? Sounded like some type of bird.
"Do you like meat?" he asked, smiling slightly.
"Yes."
"Okay, so then you're not a vegetarian."
"Do vegetarians not like meat?" I asked. He looked at me then burst out laughing. What was so funny?
"Vegetarians…only eat vegetables…" he said, laughing. "They never eat meat." Oh, I get it. Vegetarian, vegetables…
Wait, what?
"So just take a seat. I'll get us whipped up something in a jiffy," he said, pointing to the chairs. I sat down on the one he'd hung his jacket on, watching as he rolled up his sleeves and begun pulling things out of the cabinets. "Man, it's a good thing I went shopping yesterday…" he muttered. I looked at his arms, noticing more scars trailing up the length of both of them.
And I noticed that the darkest ones were on the undersides of his wrists.
Dear Gaia, was he really suicidal? But why? To think…a suicidal angel…
"What's your name, little Princess?" Zel's voice broke my contemplation. I looked at him, silence being my answer. "Won't tell me? I promise I'm not a creepy as Akito…er, President Shin-Ra…" I still remained silent, even though ever fiber of my being was telling me to answer him.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking away. I expected him to be angry, or at least annoyed.
"It's okay. You've been through a lot…I was a fool to expect you to trust people again, after what's happened to you."
He understands?
"But I can't keep calling you little Princess…" he sighed. He then seemed to get an idea. "Can I give you another name?" he asked, looking excited. His excitement was contagious, I noticed, because I suddenly felt happy and giddy too. I nodded, watching his eyes light up.
"What's the name of your favorite princess?" he asked, smiling broadly.
"Cinderella," I answered. Zel stopped what he was doing and turned to face me. His eyes looked soft, but his expression was that of astonishment.
"Really?" he questioned, blinking. When I nodded, he said, "Ironic, no?" I didn't answer. "I mean, you and Cinderella…both started out as slaves, ya know? 'Cept, Cinderella got saved by a Prince and lived happily ever after, and you got stuck with me…"
"But I'm happy with you, Master Zel!" I said quickly. He looked startled at that comment.
"It's too early for you to say that," he said darkly. I wondered if he was referring to "Dark Zel" when he said that. He then returned to happy Zel and said, "Cinderella, huh? Hmm…Can I call you Cinder?"
Cinder. It had a nice ring to it…I liked it, surprisingly. Unlike when Master Kriev had named me Shera, without even caring what I thought. Yes, Master Zel could call me Cinder…for now, at least.
I made it my resolution to learn to trust Master Zel enough to tell him my real name…maybe he'd let me get rid of it and keep Cinder…
"I like it," I said, hopping he could tell I was being honest.
"Truly? You're not just saying that because I like it, are you?" he asked, staring at me again.
"Yes! I really like, more than Sh…my real name," I said, almost slipping. Zel smiled.
"Fine, then it is a pleasure to meet you, Cinder."
Zel's View:
I made it through dinner without much trouble. I didn't burn anything, the food was edible (Vincent said I was a good cook, but if his only comparison was Dad's cooking…and anything was better than Dad's cooking), and Helen didn't kick down the door and beat the shit out of me.
All was well.
Or, it should have been. But now it was time to put Cinder to bed, and I had one small problem.
Well, I only had one bed…And she certainly wasn't sleeping on the couch.
"Okay," I said, standing in the door to my bedroom (okay, it was her room now) awkwardly.
I'll admit, I've had girls in my room before. And yes, I've had girls in my bed before too…
But I swear to Gaia, they were all older then twenty!
Which was a big difference (and the source of my discomfort) when I thought about the age of the girl standing next to me. Staring at me.
Eleven years is a lot of time.
"This is where you'll sleep…" Thank you, Captain Obvious! What else would a nine year old do in a bedroom?
"So I'm sleeping with you, Master?" Cinder asked…was it hopefully?!
"No!" I just about shouted, jumping away from her like her red hair was made of snakes or something. She looked at me, hurt. "I mean, no, this is your room and I'm sleeping on the couch."
"But Master Zel, that's not fair. This is your house, so you should sleep in your own bed. I'm fine with couch," Cinder told me. Gawd, she was so innocent.
"No, Cinder. You're sleeping in here…" I ordered, a little more forcefully than I intended.
"Of course," she answered without hesitation. I gulped. Okay, mental note: she's painfully obedient.
Well duh! She's only been a slave for her whole life!
She walked into the room and sat on the bed. I mentally kicked myself for not cleaning up before going to work…what was it, a week ago? Crap! That means all the stuff in the fridge is probably rotting…
It was then I noticed she was staring at me again.
"Do you require my services Master?" I chocked on thin air at her statement. What did Kriev do to this kid?!
"N-no…I'm…Goodnight, Cinder…" I said quickly, ducking from the room.
"Master?" she called. I gulped and looked back in. Please be clothed, please be clothed. "May I use this as nightclothes?" She was holding one of my tee-shirts. It would probably be gigantic on her…I wasn't much when in came to muscle, but I was tall and lanky…
"Yeah, sure," I said, smiling. I hoped I wasn't hurting her feelings by freaking out every time she…well, every time she…said something kind of perverted. Okay, some things she said were really perverted.
It wasn't her fault anyway.
I turned away and stood outside the door while she changed. She alerted me when she was done and I walked back in and proceeded to tuck her in, like Dad did to me way back when.
Sheesh, Zel. It wasn't that long ago. What…eleven years, right? Damn I miss those days…
"Goodnight," I said again, patting her head. I stopped at the door to turn off the lights, knowing she was watching me exit. I really didn't want to order her around or anything, but would it kill her to stop staring so much? I turned off the lights and headed out of the room, closing the door behind me. But not before I heard
"Goodnight, Mr. Angel, Master Zel."
What was that about? I stalked back to the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting at the kitchen table, contemplating the change of events.
A week ago, I sat at this very table, drinking with my fellow Turks and smoking. Vincent had been yelling at us, telling us not to get stoned, high, or drunk. We all had to go back to work the next day.
Vincent was the only one clean, as usual.
Then we'd gotten the call that Lilith hadn't shown up. Then we'd gone on that frantic seek and find. Then I'd met Cinder…
Cinder…
What was wrong with me? There are millions of names out there, and I name the girl saved from slavery a synonym to ashes. Of all things!
It was just another reminder of how far gone I was. I could already smell the brimstone and feel the heat from Hell, why not drag another there with me?
I scowled at the beer in my hand, before walking to the sink and dumping the whole thing out. I then proceeded to find every bit of cocaine, marijuana, and any other drugs the other Turks liked to hide in my house and threw them all out the window.
Some Slum Rat just witnessed a miracle.
I sat down at the kitchen table again, putting my feet up and staring at the ceiling. Somewhere, I could imagine Akito Shin-Ra laughing it up with his buddies (Basically, Professor Hojo of the Science Department and a few other creeps that worked at Shin-Ra) about the stupid Turk who was trying to make someone normal when he wasn't even normal himself.
I sighed, reaching into my pants pocket and pulling out a knife. How easy would it be to end it all?
Apparently, not very. At least for me. I couldn't swallow pills to save my life (or take it). I've tried slitting my wrists (which, undoubtedly, Cinder noticed), but at the sight of my own blood, I get sick and faint (Not other people's blood, mind you. Only the sight of my own blood, because I'm selfish like that). Jumping off high places doesn't help either. The worst thing I ever turn up with is skinned knees or a sprained ankle. I'd tried hanging myself, but the rope snapped and I'd been in so much pain afterwards that I didn't try again. (That's not where the scar around my neck came from, but I often lied and said it was.) It was impossible to smother oneself, I had learned, and you couldn't tell yourself to drown. In the last (and most recent) attempt, I'd tried to blow my brains out, but Vincent had caught me, taken the gun, and then proceeded to beat me senseless. It was then we'd both figured out the gun wasn't loaded and the safety was still on.
That was the other problem. Besides the fact that I was completely hopeless, someone always caught me in the attempt to take my own life. Most of the time, it was Dad, Helen, or Vincent. But recently others had started getting involved, even going to Lilith, who'd tackled me and sat on me for eight hours before I swore never to try again.
I lied.
I found it funny. The more I tried to die, the farther away I got from actually dying. Yes, oh so hilarious…the Spinners of Fate probably gave up on me so long ago, deciding I'd eventually succeed in offing myself.
So, now I sat, staring at a knife, thinking about killing myself again, though I knew I wouldn't be able too, and wondering what the hell I'd ever account for.
Nothing, naturally.
Because I wasn't gifted with genius or good looks, like Vincent was. I wasn't funny and sociable, like David. Unlike Riley, I couldn't always have the upper hand in any situation. River would always be better at fighting and being with people. The Twins were always on top of things, and never got overwhelmed. Even Lilith, the world's greatest work-a-holic, had her motherly personality that attached everyone to her.
The more I thought about it, everyone I knew had some promising trait. Even (and I shudder as I think this) Hojo had brains, though he didn't always use them and was creeper than a field of gore.
So what did that leave me?
Oh yeah, a guy who couldn't even kill himself. Wow, don't I sound promising?
I ran my hand through my short, always messy blonde hair, sighing again. I picked up my jacket and was about to put it back on when I heard a small thump. Looking at the ground, I saw Cinder's fairytale book, with one of the pages marked.
Being a Turk, I was curious and decided to pry. I picked up the book and opened it to the marked page.
To no one's surprise, I opened the book to the story of Cinderella. But something was different. I looked down the page, noticing that about halfway down there were markings, in what I guessed was Cinder's handwriting.
Everywhere the story mentioned Cinderella, she'd put the word "me" in parentheses. And everywhere the story mentioned the Prince…
She's marked it out. The Prince didn't exist anymore. She'd replaced the Prince with another name.
My name.
And at the end of the story, she'd written a little note.
The name of my angel is Zel. The angel, the one who prayed for me, and today, saved me from a demon. I did not believe in them before, but now I do. The name of my angel is Zel.
I stared at the note.
It didn't change.
It stayed there.
In her handwriting, in her book.
With me staring at it.
It was then, for the first time in eleven…wait, no, nine years…that I, Zeliki Norumik Strife (yes, Strife, because what other last name would fit a fool like me so well?), member of the Turks, the assassins of Shin-Ra, with all the blood on my hands and holes in my soul, began to cry.
No, crying wasn't the word for this. I was all out sobbing, the choking-on-tears-and-hyperventilating-type sobbing.
Because I knew, no matter how hard I tried, that I was going to let her down.