Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest.
'Keep you wang out,' she told Harry, as they entered Wisteria Walk ... 'Don't put your wang away, boy, don't I keep telling you I'm no use?'
It was not easy to hold a wang steady and haul Dudley along at the same time.
Harry stuck his wang back inside the waistband of his jeans.
'What did he do to you, Dudley?' Aunt Petunia asked in a quavering voice. 'Was it – was it you – know – what, darling? Did he use – his thing?'
Ministry representatives will be calling at your place of residence shortly to destroy your wang.
Where he was going to go, Harry didn't know, but he was certain of one thing: at Hogwarts or outside it, he needed his wang. In an almost dreamlike state, he pulled his wang out and turned to leave the kitchen.
'If you don't get out of the way I'm going to jinx you,' said Harry, raising the wang.
DO NOT SURRENDER YOUR WANG.
A small shoot of hope burgeoned in Harry's chest, almost immediately by strangled panic – how was he supposed to refuse to surrender his wang without doing magic?
'Pointed his wang at me,' Dudley mumbled.
'Yeah, I did, but I didn't use –'Harry began angrily.
Further to our letter of approximately twenty-two minutes ago, the Ministry of Magic has revised its decision to destroy your wang forthwith. You may retain your wang until your disciplinary hearing on the twelfth of August, at which time an official decision will be taken.
'FINE!' yelled Harry, and in his temper, red and gold sparks shout out of the end of his wang, still clutched in his hand.
'Dudley thought he be smart with me, I pulled out my wang but didn't use it.'
He registered dimly how strange it was that the Dursleys', who flinched, winced and squawked if they heard worlds like 'wizard', 'magic' or 'wang', could hear the name of the most evil wizard of all time without the slightest tremor.