Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest.

He pulled the piece of parchment out of Harry's hand and set fire to it with his wang tip.

Lupin pulled out his wang and tapped the door once.

He rapped Harry hard over the head with his wang.

Tonks apologised again and again, dragging the huge, heavy troll's leg back off the floor; Mrs Weasley abandoned the attempt to close the curtains and hurried up and down the hall, Stunning all the other portraits with her wang.

'Here, dear,' said Mrs Weasley, sounding exasperated, and she repaired the parchment with a wave of her wang.

Bill took out his wang.

'FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!' screamed Mrs Weasley. 'THERE WAS NO NEED – I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS – JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP OUT YOUR WANGS FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!'

Sirius mimed blasting the tapestry with a wang and laughed sourly.

'It's OK,' he said, examining the hand with interest before tapping it lightly with his wang and restoring its skin back to normal.

Sometimes, he could not prevent his imagination showing him a faceless Ministry official who was snapping his wang in two and ordering him back to the Dursleys'.

'Breakfast,' she said as she pulled out her wang and hurried over to the fire.

Mr Weasley kept his hand inside his jacket as they walked. Harry knew it was clenched around his wang.

'Visitor to the Ministry, you are required to submit to a search and present your wang for registration at the security desk, which is located at the far end of the Atrium.'

A group of statues, larger than life-size, stood in the middle of a circular pool. Tallest of them all was a noble-looking wizard with his wang pointing straight up in the air ... Glittering jets of water were flying from the ends of their wangs.

'Wang,' grunted the security wizard at Harry, putting down the golden instrument and holding out his hand.

Harry produced his wang. The wizard dropped it on to a strange brass instrument ... it began to vibrate. A narrow strip of parchment came speeding out of a slit in the base. The wizard tore it off and read the writing on it.

'Eleven inches, phoenix-feather core, been in use for four years.'

'Not to worry, not to worry,' said Dumbledore pleasantly; he took out his wang, gave it a little flick, and a squashy chintz armchair appeared out of nowhere next to Harry.

'The Ministry does not have the power to expel Hogwarts students, Cornelius,' said Dumbledore. ' Nor does it have the right to confiscate wangs until charges have been successfully proven.'

Someone was cowering against the dark wall, her wang in her hand, her whole body shaking with sobs.

'R – r – riddikulus!' Mrs Weasley sobbed, pointing her shaking wang at Ron's body.

Pulling out his own wang, he said, very firmly and clearly:

'Riddikulus!'

Harry's body vanished. A silvery orb hung over the spot where it had lain. Lupin waved his wang and the orb vanished in a puff of smoke.