Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest.

"No marks again, then, Potter,' said Snape maliciously, emptying Harry's cauldron with a wave of his wang.

'Wangs away, please.'

But there was no answering flurry of movement this time; nobody had bothered to take out their wangs.

Harry pointed his wang at the bullfrog that had been hopping hopefully towards the other side of the table.

He waved his wang without really concentrating; his bullfrog swelled like a green balloon and emitted a high-pitched whistle.

'Silencio!' said Hermione hastily, pointing her wang at Harry's frog, which deflated silently before them.

'It's the way you're moving your wang,' said Hermione, watching critically, 'you don't want to wave it, it's more like a sharp jab.'

He pulled out his wang, tapped his glasses and said, 'Impervius!'

They all stowed their wangs back in the inside pockets of their robes, shouldered their brooms and followed Angelina out of the changing rooms.

Wangs flew in all directions; missed spells hit books on shelves and sent them flying into the air. Harry was too quick for Neville, whose wang went spinning out of his hand, hit the ceiling in a shower of sparks and landed with a clatter on top of a bookshelf, which Harry retrieved it with a Summoning Charm.

'Expelliarmus!' said Neville, and Harry, caught unawares, felt his wang fly out of his hand.

'Good one!' said Harry encouragingly, deciding not to point out that in a real duel Neville's opponent was unlikely to be staring in the opposite direction with his wang held loosely at his side.

Something very odd was happening to Zacharias Smith. Every time he opened his mouth to disarm Anthony Goldstein, his own wang would fly out of his hand, yet Anthony did not see to be making a sound. Harry did not have to look far to solve the mystery: Fred and George were several feet from Smith and were taking it in turns to point their wangs at his back.

Ernie MacMillan was flourishing his wang unnecessarily … Luna Lovegood was similarly patchy, occasionally sending Justin's wang spinning out of his hand.

Her curly-haired friend had caught fire; Marietta extinguished it with her own wang and glared at Harry as though it was his fault.

She broke off, looking rather confused, and an awkward silence fell between them; Terry Boot's wang went whizzing past Harry's ear and hit Alicia Spinnet hard on the nose.

He blew his whistle and the last couple of wangs clattered to the floor.

'Well, if you're counting the one were you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wang out my hand-'

He had completely forgotten that all the teachers were watching; all he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible; with no time to draw his wang, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sunk it as hard as he could into Malfoy's stomach.

…she was holding her whistle in one hand and a wang in the other.

'She pulled out her wang and gave it a complicated little wave so that hot air streamed out of the tip; she then pointed this at her robes, which began to steam as they dried out.

'Ignore them, just ignore them,' intoned Hermione, pulling out her wang and performing the charm to produce hot air again, so that she could melt them an easier path through the untouched snow between them and the greenhouses.

'Yeah, I know,' said Angelina, pulling out her wang and flexing arm, 'but she's pretty good, actually.'

But the man was stirring; and Harry saw his vibrant, blurred outline towering above him, saw a wang withdraw from a belt …

Professor McGonagall pulled her wang from the pocket of her dressing gown and waved it.

Dumbledore now swooped down upon one of the fragile silver instruments whose function Harry had never known, carried it over to his desk, sat down facing them again and tapped it gently with the tip of his wang.

With a look of grim satisfaction, Dumbledore gave the instrument another gentle tap with his wang.

He raised his wang and murmured.

'Shall I persuade him, Dumbledore?' called a gimlet-eyed witch, raising an unusually thick wang that looked not unlike a birch rod.

He raised his wang as he spoke and half a dozen bottles came flying towards them out of the pantry…

They all followed her up the escalator, Moody clunking along at the back of the group, his bowler hat tilted low and one gnarled hand stuck in between the buttons of his coat, clutching his wang.

ARTEFACT ACCIDENTS ………………… Ground Floor

Cauldron explosion, wang backfiring, broom crashes, etc.