Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Through Reunion in Season 4

On the timeline: Reunion – Season 4

13 –Needed

Jennifer leaned out the door to her quarters and looked both ways, confirming that the hallway was empty. She slipped out of her room and headed out to run. She had visited with Laura for hours and then they'd gone to the mess for dinner.

Laura had grilled her about her relationship with Ronon most of the day. Although Jennifer had found it uncomfortable, she knew sharing could also be therapeutic. It actually might have been if Jenn would've shared with Laura her confusion and thoughts, but she'd chosen not to. It was just too new and bewildering to share yet.

Jennifer'd been so glad when dinner time had come and she could escape from Laura. They'd gone to the mess hall to eat and that had ended the interrogation from Laura about Jennifer and the Satedan. When dinner was over Laura had a shift to cover on the Daedalus so Jennifer was finally left alone with her thoughts.

She wasn't quite sure how to articulate her jumbled feelings. That may be the real reason she hadn't shared with Laura. Jennifer knew she and Ronon were in some type of relationship… it just seemed to be a very complicated and confusing one.

If you based it on actions… there were signs of that. Ronon held her hand from time to time. Just thinking about it made butterflies flutter through her stomach. The big man seemed quite comfortable invading her personal space at will. He found many opportunities to casually touch her, hug her even.

Jennifer found that they also spent tons of time together. Eating in the mess hall, visiting in the infirmary late at night when it was quiet. Then there was the running… they still met up and ran many nights a week. The odd part of that was it seemed to just happen. No planning, no regular time frame, just when she went out to run, he was there, usually waiting on the stairs for her.

Jennifer was perfectly happy with this "relationship" they seemed to have. She was enjoying the butterflies in her stomach over the simple things. She knew that he was enjoying them too. That is why what she heard today was so devastating and why she was out here running hoping to not run into Laura or Ronon. She needed time to think and pull herself together. She didn't want anyone to notice she was falling apart.

During dinner in the mess hall she and Laura had overheard the gossip of Ronon was leaving Atlantis. Jennifer knew he and Teyla had stumbled upon three Satedan survivors, friends of Ronon's. She even knew he was a bit bitter that Colonel Carter wouldn't ok them to come to Atlantis.

Laura tried to ask Jenn about it, but she promised her she knew nothing about it. She wished if the rumor were true, that she could've heard it from Ronon. He had stolen her heart and treated her as if the same were true for him, but now she wasn't sure.

Ronon sat on the stairs and waited. He knew she would come. Information on Atlantis traveled quickly. There was no way she hadn't heard of his leaving. He'd hoped to discuss this with her before the base was abuzz with the news, but he learned that she was with Laura most of the day.

Ronon knew how concerned Jennifer had been for her friend. She hadn't seen Laura since before Dr. Beckett had died. Ronon had kept his distance to give the girls some time alone. Eventually though, he knew that Jennifer would go running to settle her mind and relax.

As he sat thinking of what he was going to say to her he felt at a loss. Their relationship was progressing, although a bit slower than he wished. She just had a way of making him feel out of his element when he was around her. He shared things with her he had never told another soul. She had that kind of affect on him, yet he had trouble getting up the courage to find out where their relationship was heading.

He laid awake many a night kicking himself for not kissing her… yet making promises that he would seize the next opportunity. But then he would be there… in the moment with doubts rising. Afraid to take the risk of ruining this thing that had his stomach in knots and a smile on his face.

Looking back it may be best that he hadn't kissed her. Leaving was going to be hard enough. Now he could leave wondering what he was leaving behind, instead of knowing exactly what he was giving up.

Colonel Carter had been right and her words kept echoing through his mind. "When you accepted the offer to join Atlantis, you became a part of something. Like it or not, you have roots here now – people who care about you, who depend on you. Walking away may be a lot harder than you think."

That last part had taken up a mantra in his mind, "Walking away may be a lot harder than you think." He was about to find out. He could hear footsteps approaching and the dread was forcing the air from his lungs.

When Jennifer had reached the stairs down and not found Ronon there waiting for her, she told her mind she was glad; she needed the time to think. She wasn't ready yet for him to tell her he was leaving. He heart though had mourned his absence. It had counted on him being there and telling her that everything was going to be ok.

Now as Jennifer approached the end of her run she realized she had really only resolved one thing. She was in love with Ronon Dex.

Jennifer stopped running and with her hands on her knees made a conscience effort to breathe evenly and not think. After a minute she began to walk, knowing that she need to move to keep her legs warm. Not able to deny her thoughts a moment longer she acknowledged her revelation. She was in love with Ronon Dex. Jennifer closed her eyes for a moment letting the realization sink in, accepting it.

She had started down that path the moment he returned her kiss so many months ago. She had been lost in his embrace, counting Mississippi's forgotten.

She turned the last corner before the dreaded stairs back up to the level that would lead back to the crew barracks. As she looked ahead she spotted the very man of her turbulent thoughts, waiting on the stairs for her. She slowed her pace; stealing herself for what she was sure would end with her heart breaking.

Ronon felt his heart tighten in his chest as he watched Jennifer approach him cautiously. She sat on the stair next to him, but he noticed that she was careful not to touch him. This was indeed going to be harder than he thought.

After several moments of silence he heard Jennifer whisper, "So… it's true." It wasn't really a question.

"Yes." He didn't know what else to say. He realized now that he should've been figuring that out before she came.

"Why?"

His reasons for leaving made sense to him, in his own head. He just hoped he could find the words to explain it to her. He wasn't the best with words, but if anyone could understand him, it would be Jennifer.

He cleared his throat while looking at his hands. "From the moment the Wraith took me, I had two goals. Kill Wraith and find my people. I've been killing Wraith. Now… I've found some of my people. I belong with them."

Ronon looked at her hoping that he'd said the right things to make her understand. She was staring back at him with hurt in her eyes and he knew he wasn't capable of finding words to make that hurt go away. Maybe if he was Teyla or Dr. Weir, they had always been good at expressing themselves, but he was a man of action. Words always seem to escape him.

He watched Jennifer look away, he wanted to reach out and touch her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and absorb her sadness. But he knew he was causing the sorrow and he had no right to hold her anymore.

"Did you know that we were given a choice?" she asked without looking at him. "When we were told the Ancients were gone and the Replicators had been destroyed in Atlantis… we were given a choice. We could stay on Earth, continue in the jobs we had found, even go back to the lives we had before Atlantis. Or we could come back to Atlantis, the Daedalus was standing by, we would pull out in two days with the supplies."

Jennifer flicked her gaze at him briefly before looking away and continuing. "I could've stayed on Earth. It would've been a safer and a less stressful life for me. I could've visited my father and relatives from time to time. Restaurants, shopping, all night coffee houses – it's what I knew before coming to Atlantis. But when they asked that question, Earth or Atlantis, my heart leapt at the chance to go back to my home and my life. Atlantis had gotten into my blood and although I was not of the Pegasus Galaxy, it is who I had become. I'd changed; Atlantis and the people here changed me forever."

Jennifer looked at Ronon, "Maybe it's different for you. Atlantis wasn't really a choice for you; it was really the only option at the time. But I know Atlantis has gotten in your blood. I've see the pride on your face when training the new recruits. The joy on your face when visiting with your team while in the mess hall is evident. I've even heard you refer to your team and the members of the expedition as 'my people' when we've been off world."

Her eyes were now pleading with him, but her voice remained steady, "Why can't you be their friends and family while staying here on Atlantis? Wouldn't having Atlantis at your disposal make you an even better friend?" She turned her head and looked away, "What about the friends you have here?" she asked quietly.

Ronon reached for her hand, holding his breath, hoping she didn't pull it back. When her fingers threaded through his he began to speak. "I was lucky when Atlantis came along and freed me, gave me a home… became my friends and family. I needed Sheppard, the team and Atlantis…" his voice trailed off.

When Ronon started speaking again, his voice held conviction, "Now Tyre, Ara and Rakai need me. They are family… it's what I've been searching for since I was taken from Sateda." Ronon looked in Jenn's eyes, hoping for understanding, "I have to go, Jenn. It's time for me to be there for them… like Sheppard was for me."

Jennifer knew Ronon had made his decision, there seemed to be nothing else that needed to be said. She needed to be alone and it seemed the fastest way to get herself alone was to finish running back to her room.

"Laura is supposed to meet me, so I should get back." It wasn't a complete lie… but she wasn't meeting up with Laura until the next day. "Do you want to finish running with me?" she asked as she tried to disengage her hand and stand.

Ronon held on, "Jenn?" She was distancing herself, he was already beginning to feel a hole opening up in his heart, but he didn't know how to stop it.

"It's ok, Ronon," she assured him with a smile, "It's not like we won't see you again. I'm sure there will be missions and things."

He reluctantly stood and allowed her to pull free and begin to run. It was only minutes later that she said goodnight as her door came into view.