A/N: A very huge thank you to losingntrnslatn for her help on this one. She rocks!
Disclaimer: Not Mine!
Being with you
Is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you
But I can't let you go
Oh yeah
"You asshole," Sara whispered, "We didn't have to end this way." She was curled in her bunk aboard the Sea Shepherd, a picture of Grissom and Hank clutched in one hand, a soggy wad of Kleenex in the other.
"Sara?" The soft voice of her bunkmate, Karen, had her sitting up and running a hand through her disheveled hair. "Are you in here?"
Karen Jackson was a thirty year old widow who had just obtained her PhD. She had listened to Sara cry herself to sleep for about a week before coming right out and asking why. For reasons she still couldn't fathom, Sara had let the whole story spill out. Karen had a knack for listening and for knowing just what to say and when to say it. Having her as a friend almost made up for the friends Sara left behind in Vegas. Almost.
"Yeah," she choked out. "I'm…uh…I'm here."
Karen took one look at her and dropped to the bunk beside Sara. "What's wrong? Did he write?"
Sara shook her head. "No. And that's the problem." Her smile was rueful.
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry." She wrapped an arm around Sara's shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "Anything I can do? Besides go to Vegas and cut off his…"
"No!" Sara yelped, a laugh tangling with the word. As quickly as it came the amusement fled. "I just, I miss him so much. Every day I see a thousand things I want to show to him, then I turn around and he's not there." Tears streamed down Sara's already raw cheeks, the salt burning her sensitive skin. "And my heart breaks all over again."
Karen slid a hand up and down Sara's arm. "I wish there was something I could do. But you have to work this out on your own. You have to grieve for him. Only you can know when you're ready to let him go."
GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR
"Hello from below the equator, in Puerto Ayora. We've been at sea for over a month now. Man, you wouldn't believe the crew - students, activists, scientists - the dinner conversations alone are mind blowing. And there's even this marine biologist that reminds me a little bit of you. I wish that we could talk in person but this is the best that I can do. I want to apologize for being out of touch. I've been thinking about us a lot, though, all the moments. I thought we could survive anything. This trip has given me a lot of clarity. That last year in Vegas, I could barely breathe, let alone think but now, for the first time in a really long time, I'm happy."
"Before I left, you said some things that I tried not to hear but now...I think you were right. If a relationship can't move forward, it withers. I've been waiting for you to decide but sometimes not making a decision is making a decision."
"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm good. I'm really good and honestly, I think it's better this way."
GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR
Grissom took a final look around. The refrigerator and freezer were open and empty. Sara's plants were at Catherine's. Hank was with Brass. The place was empty. Oh the furniture was still there; the pictures and throw pillows still scattered about. But the things that made it a home were gone. The laughter and warmth had been missing since he came home from work to find Sara gone – again.
Standing there, looking down into the living room, he remembered how happy Sara had been when they moved in. Her moans echoing through the empty space when he'd pinned her against the wall and kissed her until neither of them could think. He could hear the rattle of her key in the lock and the click of Hank's nails on the floor as he ran to greet her. He could see them cuddled on the couch as he kissed away her tears after that case with the showgirls. Her laughter. Her soft snores. Her sleepy mumbles when she snuggled against him just after the alarm went off.
Now there was only silence.
With a ghost of a smile playing around his mouth, he picked up his bag and left, locking the door behind him.
GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR
"So, I hope this is the Grissom I've heard so much about." Karen laughed when Sara jumped, and in the process pulled away from the bowlegged, sweat stained man she was kissing.
Shooting her friend a glare, Sara licked her lips. "Uh…yeah." Stepping back, she kept an arm around Grissom. "Gil, this is Karen. Karen, Gil."
"It's nice to meet you," Grissom said, smiling at the petite blonde.
"Yeah. I've heard a lot about you." Without taking her eyes off Grissom, Karen said, "Sara, why don't I take the camera?"
"Thanks. We need to uh…" Sara gestured vaguely in the direction of the research tent. She passed the camera to Karen and turned to lead Grissom around the structure and down a trail that led to the team's sleeping quarters.
"I don't think she likes me very much." Grissom followed Sara down the narrow path.
"Sorry about that. She's a little protective."
"It's okay." Grissom squeezed her hand. "I understand."
About twenty yards from the research tent, the path opened up on another clearing. Nestled along the tree line were the tents. Raised wooden platforms provided a level surface for sleeping, while the tents stretched over them provided protection from the elements. A single step led up from the ground to the platform.
Sara stopped and unzipped the net door on the front of the tent. "She just…she was my bunk mate when we were on the ship." Ducking through the doorway, she stepped up on the wooden platform. "You can put your things in here."
Grissom followed her inside. Dropping his pack, he stood in the center of the floor and watched her. He had no idea what he was going to say. He had composed a speech with all the things he wanted to say to her on the flight from Vegas. But he couldn't remember a single syllable. Once again, she rendered him speechless.
"So, you're here." Sara gave him a tight grin that failed to reach her eyes.
"Sara," he took a step forward, "I…"
Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around her waist. "It's great. Really. We can always use the help." She turned her head left and right. "Have they told you which tent is yours? Which number? Because there's room in here if you want." Running a hand through her hair, she added, "You don't have to. Sleep in here. I just thought…"
"Sara," Grissom gripped her shoulders, "Sara." When her words trailed off, he smiled. "I don't care where I sleep as long as you're nearby." His lips settled on hers then, in a kiss filled with the promise of forever.
When he finally pulled back, tears trembled in her eyes and her voice was husky with emotion. "What are you doing here, Gil?"
His eyes filled with everything his heart was feeling, Grissom murmured, "It's where you are."
"What about the lab?"
"I quit." He ran a hand down her cheek, brushing away an errant tear with his thumb. "I thought it was time I made some changes."
She gave him a watery smile. "Wow, when you make a change you really make a change." He chuckled and she sobered. "Are you sure?"
"I couldn't stay there. Not without you." He ran his hands down her back until they were resting just above the swell of her ass. "Before you, I never had anybody to share things with. And, I missed it. So much." He tightened his arms, hugging her close. "If this is what I have to do, this is what I'll do. You are the one thing that makes the rest of it worthwhile."
Sara's smile was luminous. "I'm so glad you figured that out. Because no matter how rewarding this is, no matter what I said in that video, my life sucks without you."
"I've said it before," Grissom answered her smile with one of his own; "we're a perfect pair."
This time, she was the one who kissed him.
'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life would suck without you