I walked down the long white hallway and held my arms to my body. It slowly started getting colder the further down we got. It was like we were taking our last walk. It was such a cliche to the morgue. I could see Evelyn taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. I knew she was hoping to see Abigail again but not under these terms. At least, I got to say how I felt before. At least we were left on good terms. I watched the man push open a set of doors and walk inside. We followed him and he stopped at one last door.
"You ready?" he asked softly. I looked over at Evelyn and we nodded to the man. He held the door open as we walked in.
I shivered as we walked in. It was freezing and all white. The only color was the silver of the drawers that held the bodies. Evelyn grabbed my arm and looked at me nervously. I covered her hand with mine and watched the man walk over to a table. He looked up at us and grabbed the top of the sheet. He looked away as he pulled the sheet from her face. I shook my head and looked away as her face appeared. Evelyn hugged me as I started to cry.
"Cover her back up." Evelyn whispered to the man. I sobbed into her shoulder as he pulled the sheet back over my mother's face. He guided us out the room and walked away. Evelyn rubbed circles in my back and whispered in my ear.
"It's okay, dear. She's better now. She's watching over you now. I'll take care of you, I promise." she whispered. I waited until my tears stopped to pull away from her.
"What do I do now?" I asked. She smiled sadly and grabbed my hands.
"You're coming home with me. We'll stay here tonight to pack your things. Abigail wanted to be buried in Boston and I will take care of the funeral." she told me. I nodded and wiped my face.
"I'm sorry if I'm an imposition. Mom told me you have four boys." I told her as we walked out the hospital and to her car.
"Oh you're not an imposition. Besides, my boys are grown now. Granted they still act like children and live with me, they are grown." she smiled. I laughed and buckled my seatbelt.
"I always told mom that I'd never leave. Said I'd make he take care of me forever." I whispered the last part as tears filled my eyes again. Evelyn reached over and patted my hand and smiled.
"It'll get better. I promise, it will get better." she said softly. I nodded and looked out the window. I watched the trees and houses blur by and found it oddly familiar. This is what my life felt like. Like one big blur. Someone would come in and love me unconditionally and then they would be taken away. After that everything seemed like a blur until someone else showed up. I sighed and laid my head on the glass. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until Evelyn woke me up.
"We're here, Emilie." she said shaking me softly. I stretched my arms and opened the door.
I stepped out and looked at my house. I felt a shiver crawl up my spine and took a deep breath. I walked up the steps and took my key out. I let the metal slide in the lock and opened the door. I walked in and took my coat off. I looked around and it felt different. It already felt empty. It already felt like it wasn't home anymore. I sniffed and turned to look at Evelyn who was staring at me.
"How far away do you live?" I asked softly.
"About 20 minutes." she replied. I looked up at her with pleading eyes.
"I can't stay here." I whispered. She walked over to me and hugged me.
"Let's get some clothes to last a few days. We'll come back for the rest when we have more help to move. Plus I need to clean out the extra bedroom." she told me. I nodded and pulled back.
"I'll be right down." I told her and walked upstairs.
I pushed the door open to my room and looked around. I sighed and grabbed a duffle bag from the top of my closet. I grabbed a handful shirts, pants and underwear and threw them into the bag. I took a few of my pictures from my wall and grabbed Mr. Chimpy. I walked into the bathroom and got my shower things and put them into the side pocket. I avoided anything that felt like home or reminded me of what happened. I grabbed the bag and took one last look before I headed back downstairs.
"I'm ready." I announced as I walked into the living room. Evelyn wiped her face and stood up. I set my bag down and walked over to hug her. "She was so excited to see you again." I whispered. She held onto me as she cried.
"I should have called sooner. We didn't live far away." she cried softly. I rubbed her back and tried my best to comfort me as she did me earlier. She pulled away and smiled.
"At least you called." I told her. She nodded and walked to the door.
"Let's go. We'll be back for the rest later." she said. I picked my bag up and walked out the door. I threw my bag in the back and sat down.
I watched my house fade into the darkness as we drove away. When it was out of my sight I laid my head back and closed my eyes.
I watched her fall asleep and smiled. She had been through so much I was surprised she was able to sleep. Jack wasn't able to sleep for weeks after I had gotten him and Angel had nightmares like no other. It was something new with each one but I took my time and slowly they came around. Emilie seemed like she had already taken to me but she didn't have the abusive past that my boys had. She was bounced around but it was death that followed her around. In her short 17 and a half years she had lost a total of three mothers and two fathers.
She had lost everyone she loved and had a brother out there somewhere. Abigail had told me about her looking for the right child. She was in Boston when she heard about Emilie. She drove all the way to Salem to meet her and wanted her the moment she laid eyes on her. She was beautiful. She didn't look like she had been through the system and back. Abbi told me she was in over ten homes and everyone of them gave her back. She said she came around well. Said Emilie took to her fairly quick and was a smart child. I didn't doubt it. She was sweet but I also knew there was a tough side in her.
"Home sweet, home." I said as I pulled up to my house. I saw Emilie still sound asleep and quietly got out the car. I walked up the steps and opened the door. I walked in and looked in the living room to find my oldest son, Bobby, watching tv.
"Where have you been?" he asked when he saw me. I heard foot steps behind me and saw Jack, my youngest boy.
"I'll explain in the morning but I need one of you to get someone out the car." I told them. They both gave me weird looks and walked to the door. I followed them outside as the peered into the car.
"It's a girl." Bobby stated. Jack laughed and I walked over to get her bag.
"Yes, it's a girl. Now someone get her and take her inside." I told them. I saw Bobby walk away ad Jack sighed. "Thank you, Jackie." I smiled. He nodded and opened the door. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the door.
"Who is she?" Jack whispered as we walked into the living room. I set her bag down and made Bobby move so Jack could set her down.
"Emilie." I told them. Bobby looked her over as Jack laid her on the couch.
"Why do you have to adopt the pretty ones?" Bobby asked. I smacked his arm and sat down.
"I'm not adopting her but she's only 17 so watch yourself. Remember Abigail?" I asked them. They nodded and kept looking at Emilie. "This is her daughter. I'll be taking care of her until she's 18." I told them. Bobby snapped his head up and Jack lowered his.
"What happened to Abbi?" Bobby asked. I sighed and looked at Emilie.
"She was killed last night. Her and Emilie were in a car accident." I told them softly. "I'll need help cleaning out the guest room. It will be here room from now on. We'll move her stuff in a few days."
"Alright, well I'm going to bed now. Night, ma. Night fairy." he said and walked out. Jack sighed and I smiled.
"I'm sorry about Abbi, ma." he whispered. I smiled and looked over at him.
"It's alright. Do you mind if she sleeps in your room tonight?" I asked him. He shook his head and looked over at her.
"I don't mind. You think she'll be okay?" he asked looking at her. I smiled and nodded.
"She'll be fine. She's hurting but she hasn't been through as much as you or your brothers." I told him. He looked over at me and frowned.
"What has she been through?" he asked. I smiled and nodded at Emilie.
"Ask her. I'm going to bed. Before you go put her in your room please." I said and kissed his head. He nodded and I walked upstairs.
I stared at her sleeping form on the couch and sighed. She was way too pretty to be put through the system. But I knew Abigail. She could change anyone and make them feel at home. She was like my mom. Sometimes I wondered if they were the same people. I stood up and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed the milk jug. I started to drink and nearly choked when I heard a voice behind me.
"Excuse me?" the voice asked. I spit the milk out on the counter and coughed. I turned to see Emilie standing at the door way. She walked over and patted my back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." she said softly. I coughed again and put the milk up.
"It's fine. I just left and you were sleeping." I laughed. She smiled and looked around. "You okay?" I asked. She smiled shyly.
"Where's your restroom?" she asked. I smiled and walked past her to the stairwell.
"Second door on the right." I told her. She smiled and walked up. I watched her until she was gone and smiled. She was very pretty. I shook my head and walked back into the living room. A few minutes later she came back down and walked into the living room. She stopped at the door and looked at me.
"I'm Emilie." she said softly. I smiled and scooted over on the couch. She walked over and sat down.
"I'm Jack You thirsty?" I asked. She nodded and stood up. I got up too and laid my hand on her shoulder. "I got it. Pepsi ok?" I asked. She nodded and sat back down. I walked in the kitchen and grabbed a glass and soda. I poured her drink and walked back into the living room.
"Thanks." she said and took it from me.
"For future reference, the cups are right next to the fridge." I told her. She smiled and set her glass down. "You feeling okay?" I asked pointing to her wrist.
"Yeah. I got meds in my purse. I'll take one before I go to sleep." she told me. I nodded and leaned back into the couch. We watched a little bit of tv before she spoke up again.
"How old are you?" she asked. I looked over and smiled.
"Turned 22 about a week ago.. You?" I asked even though I already knew.
"I'll be 18 in July." she said. I nodded and flipped the televison off.
"So you won't be here for too long, huh?" I asked. She looked down and sighed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, god, I'm an ass." I mumbled. I heard her laugh and looked over at her.
"It's ok. I shouldn't be here that long. But apparently she's addictive because you and your brothers still live here." she joked. I laughed and leaned back.
"She feeds us well. But she'll let you stay as long as you want." I told her. She nodded and looked away.
"Umm where am I sleeping tonight?" she asked. I stood up and held out my hand. She grabbed it and stood up.
"My room. Ma said we're cleaning out your room tomorrow." I told her as I walked upstairs.
"Where are you sleeping?" she asked. I looked down at her and smiled.
"Where you were sleeping about 30 minutes ago." I said. She frowned and stopped on the step.
"That's not fair. I can sleep down there, I'll be okay." she told me. I smiled and leaned against the wall.
"Let me be a gentleman. I'll have my room back tomorrow." I told her. She bit her lip and sighed.
"Fine. But only this once." she said. I nodded and walked into my room. I held the door open and scratched my head.
"So I'm a guy, my room is a mess." I told her. She laughed and walked in. She looked around and nodded.
"It's not so bad. I could deal without the clothes all over the place but you're a guy. I think I can forgive that." she smiled. I laughed and nodded my head. I walked over and grabbed a pillow from my bed and turned to face her.
"Ma is in the room next door. Bobby is across that hall. He's loud in the mornings so be warned. I'll be on the couch if you need anything." I told her. She nodded and crossed her arms.
"Alright." she whispered. I smiled and walked to the door. "Jack." she called softly. I looked back at her. "Thanks." she said softly.
"You're welcome. Night, Emilie." I said and closed the door.
I leaned against the door and shook my head. I walked downstairs and fell onto the couch. I laid there and thought about her for a while. She didn't look like someone who had been hurt too terribly bad but looks can be deceiving. She was definitely a lot more trusting and calm towards other people. I didn't even want to look at Evelyn when she got me. I had been through so much in so little time I never thought I'd trust again. But Evelyn changed that. She showed me what it was like to be loved and card for. She showed me what it was to be wanted. Evelyn saved me.
I groaned as I rolled over onto my wrist. I opened my eyes and looked around. I yawned and got out of bed. I walked over to the tiny mirror in Jack's room and fixed my make-up and hair to look tame. I opened the door and peeked out. I didn't see anyone so I stepped out.
"Whoa! Jackie's not a fairy!" a man exclaimed. I jumped and looked behind me to see a tall black man standing at the end bedroom smiling at me.
"Excuse me?" I asked confused. He smiled again and walked over to me.
"You Jackie's girl?" he asked. I realized what he meant and shook my head.
"No, no. I'm Emilie. I'm staying here for a while." I told him. He gave me a confused look and laid a soft hand on my shoulder.
"Apparently, I missed something. Everyone's downstairs. I'm Angel by the way." he said smiling. God, he had some white teeth. Mine aren't even that pretty. I smiled back at him and he walked me downstairs. "For a minute I thought Bobby was wrong about little Jackie." he announced walking into the kitchen. Everyone looked up and Evelyn frowned.
"Angel, be nice. Good morning, Emilie. Did you sleep well?" she asked me. I nodded and sat next to Angel at the table.
"Yeah. Do you know where my purse is? My wrist is killing me." I asked wincing as pain shot through my left hand.
"Oh yes, here you go dear. Are you hungry? I made bacon, eggs and pancakes." she smiled. I wasn't really hungry but I know I needed something.
"Sure. I'll make me something in a minute." I told her. She shook her head and walked into the kitchen.
"Nonsense, I'll make it. You sit and take your medicine." she told me. I smiled and shook one of the pills out and popped it in my mouth.
"So why is she staying here?" Angel piped up. "No offense." he directed to me. I shook my head saying none taking.
"Abigail was my mom." I told him before Evelyn could say anything. They all looked at me. I knew eventually I would have to tell it on my own.
"Was?" he asked softly. I nodded and put my pills up.
"We had an accident and she passed away two nights ago." I whispered. He set his fork down and looked at me.
"I'm sorry. Abigail was a sweet lady." he told me. I nodded and smiled at Evelyn when she set my plate in front of me.
"So Emilie, incase you haven't been introduced. This is my oldest son Bobby, that is Jack and of course Angel is next to you. I have another who lives with his wife and two children. His name is Jerry, he will be over later. Boys, Emilie will be staying with us for a while. I expect you to welcome her and not run her off, Bobby." she smiled and directed the last part to Bobby.
I smiled and started to eat. I actually got a better look at everyone today. Evelyn was a sweet looking woman. Short, with white hair. Angel was tall and strong. And I was thinking he was in the army by the necklace he was wearing. Bobby looked like a grease monkey. His dark hair all slicked back with gel and this mean facial expression. He just didn't look nice. Jack, well Jack was a different story. He didn't look nearly as tough as his brothers. He had this pseudo punk style. He even had the messy but tame hair style going on. I really didn't realize how good he looked until today. His skin and eyes shown bright as the warm morning sun hit his face. Evelyn raised some fine looking boys.
"So when do you need us to clean out the guest room?" Bobby asked over his coffee.
"Soon. I wanna move her stuff out of her old house sometime today. I figure someone could stay here and clean out that room. While someone goes with us to help us move." she told him. I finished my food and started to stand up.
"I got it." Jack said and reached for my plate. I smiled and sat back down.
"Thanks." I said softly.
"Me and Jerry will stay here and clean the room out. Let Fairy and Angel go with you and Emilie." he said. I saw Jack glare at him and walk out. I watched him leave and looked back at the table.
"Bobby, stop that." Evelyn scolded him. Bobby sighed and stood up to go after him. I looked over at Angel and saw him staring at me.
"What?" I asked. He laughed and took a bit of pancakes.
"You won't survive here." he said truthfully. I frowned and crossed my arms.
"Why's that?" I asked. He dropped his fork and smiled.
"You're a girl. A tiny girl at that. We are rough and rowdy. You won't survive." he told me. I smiled and shook my head.
"I think I can pull my own. And you might be rough, rowdy boys but you still jump when Evelyn says jump." I teased. He laughed and shook his head as I stood up. I walked by the living room and saw Bobby watching tv. I walked upstairs and knocked on Jack's door.
"Come in." he yelled. I pushed the door open and saw him on the bed with a guitar. He had a cigarette hanging from his lips as he messed with the strings. He looked up at me and waved me in. I walked in and shut the door. "Have a seat." he said and moved his legs. Another thing I didn't realize was how deep his voice was.
"You play?" I asked and pointed to his guitar. He looked up and smiled.
"Yeah. Sing and write too." he said and put his cigarette out. I scooted against the wall and crossed my legs.
"You any good?" I asked. He looked up at me again and smiled.
"Some say I am, some say I'm not." he said casually. I smiled and tapped his foot.
"Well, let me hear whatcha got." I told him. He laughed and nodded.
"Alright." he said and pulled a few strings.
Open up the book you beat me with again.
Read it off one sentence at a time.
I'm tired of all the lines,
Convictions and your lies.
What right do you have to point at me?
Well, I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee.
And still crowdin' my space are the things you still hold against me.
You cannot save me.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to break up this love,
Keep it together now.
It's not the time to break.
Read it all, no need for separating here.
You see what you want and try to justify.
All your little lines,
Convictions and your lies.
What right do you have to point at me?
Well, I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee.
And still crowdin' my space are the things you still hold against me.
You cannot save me.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to break up this love,
Keep it together now.
It's not the time to break.
Open up the book you beat me with again.Read it off one sentence at a time.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to break up this love,
Keep it together now.
Well, it's not the time to break,
Breakdown.
I couldn't hide the smile as he sang. I clapped playfully as he finished. He laughed and put his guitar down.
"You're good. So you put that all together?" I asked. He nodded and lit another cigarette. "That's good." I told him.
"Thank you. You sing or play anything?" he asked. I dropped my head and he sat up quick. "Sorry. I'm sorry." he apologized. I sighed and shook my head.
"Ask me that later on down the road, ok?" I asked. He looked at me for a minute and nodded.
"I will." he said. He looked like he was about to say something when his cell rang. He held up a finger and answered it. A smile grew on his face as he talked. When he said baby and I love you, I figured it was his girlfriend. He hung up and looked over at me. "I gotta go. I'll be back when we go to move." he told me and left. I sighed and laid back on his bed. I laid there and played with my hair until I heard a knock at the door.
"Yeah?" I called. The door opened and I saw Bobby.
"Where's Jack?" he asked. I sat up and looked at him.
"I think his girlfriend called. He said he'd be back in time to move." I told him. He grunted and rolled his eyes.
"I wouldn't call her a girlfriend. She's worse than Sofi" he mumbled. I smiled.
"Who's Sofi?" I asked. He walked in and sat in a chair.
"Sofi is a girl Angel used to fuck around with. She's crazy. The girl Jack has been seeing is Lydia. She's a skank from hell. But Jackie is blind." he told me. I laughed and leaned back on the bed. Maybe Bobby wasn't that bad.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked. He laughed out loud.
"No, no offense but woman get on my nerves. Again no offense I'd rather go have a quickie than a relationship." he smiled. I laughed again and shook my head. "I'm not all mean, Emilie. Ma's told me a little about you. If you need anything come to me. I've been there too, trust me." he said softly. I nodded.
"Thanks, Bobby." I said softly. He nodded and got up to leave.
"No problem, kid." he said and walked out. I laid back down and stared at the ceiling.
Everything was changing again. I had a new home and a new life now. I was hoping I would never have to have one again but I guess no one listened. I felt tears fill my eyes again as I thought about life without Abigail. I'd never see her again. If only I hadn't asked her to go for dinner. We should have ordered in. But she was so excited to see me drive. I grabbed Jack's pillow and cried into. A few minutes later I felt and big hand on my back and looked up. I saw the sad eyes of Jack Mercer staring at me. He pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me. I clung to him for dear life as I cried into his shoulder.
"I don't know what to do anymore." I cried softly. He rubbed my back and leaned back onto the bed.
"It's ok." he whispered. "Just remember that you're not alone, ok?" he asked. I looked up at him and nodded. I laid my head back on his pillow and sniffed a few times. I hated this. The changing of life so fast that you can't get a grip. It was getting old and it was getting there fast.
Breakdown by Daughtry