Chapter Ten

The hospital was swarming with people when Chad arrived, but Taylor was nowhere to be seen. Edging around a particularly large crowd of people, all cooing over a tiny bundle wrapped in a blanket, he approached the front desk. The receptionist appeared to be inundated with medical paperwork and didn't respond when began to speak. Raising his voice to catch her attention, he repeated himself,

"Hi, I'm looking for Taylor Danforth, she said – "

" – Ah, you must be her husband."

Chad spun round and faced a grave faced doctor, holding a clipboard of patient notes. Obviously accustomed to dealing with anxious family members, the doctor took Chad aside and spoke in a low tone,

"Your wife is a remarkable woman; she seems to be coping extremely well, despite the circumstances. It was most likely caused by high blood pressure, brought on by stress."

Even more confused than before, Chad's distress was clearly written across his face and the doctor's tone became more soothing as he continued.

"She's in the third room to the right at the moment. I checked her over myself and she appears to be in perfect health, but I'm afraid...."

A nurse interrupted, demanding that a recently arrived patient was seen immediately, and the doctor hurried off, directing a perplexed Chad down a nearby corridor. The crowd thinned as Chad pushed his way through, abandoning his manners as he forced people aside. His thoughts became increasingly incoherent as he tried to process the doctor's words, but only succeeded in confusing himself further.

Taylor was alright.........but she was in hospital..........an accident?........can't be too serious........blood pressure?........what's that got to do with it?..........she's fine.........but she's in hospital.......

Preoccupied with a series of worst case scenarios which kept springing to mind, Chad almost sped right passed the room. Suddenly uncertain, he paused and then knocked gently. Her voice rang out, strong and clear as always, and he stepped inside.

Standing with her back to him, Taylor appeared to be straightening her outfit and collecting her belongings. Chad shut the door behind him for privacy and approached her slowly, asking hesitantly,

"How.....how are you?"

She looked over her shoulder and replied distractedly as she searched for her handbag,

"Oh, I'm fine. There are no complications so I'm free to go."

Frustrated that he was still in the dark, Chad reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her round so she had no choice but to face him.

"Well, what was the problem? I rushed here, not knowing what state I'd find you in seeing as your note gave no indication as to what the emergency was, and everyone in this damn place seems determined to keep me out of the loop. So, I would appreciate it if – "

" – calm down, Chad. I've had a miscarriage which appeared to be more serious than it actually was."

Her interruption was spoken in the same calm, measured tone that she used when dictating the shopping list to him, but it rendered him completely speechless. He loosened the grip on her arm and felt strangely detached as the shock of her words began to gradually sink in. Retrieving her bag as Chad stood stock-still, she brushed passed him on her way out, adding,

"Come on, we've got time to go buy the groceries. Did you drive here?"

Physically shaking himself, Chad strode to the door and blocked her exit. His voice was low, barely above a whisper, when he spoke next.

"How can you be so unconcerned?"

"What, sorry?"

He raised his voice so she could hear,

"I said; how can you care so little about this? Does it not bother you at all?"

She met his gaze, her body language becoming defensive as she folded her arms.

"Of course it does; I failed. Obviously something went wrong in my calculations, but we can rectify that when we try again."

"Try again? Do you really think we're ready for a baby, now or at any time in the future?"

Taylor looked nonplussed as she replied,

"We're at the prime age for conception and our economic status is healthy enough to support the costs of pregnancy and a baby. I would say we're perfectly suited to become parents."

Chad's eyes widened in disbelief at her reasoning and he struggled for a moment to find a suitable response.

"How can you look at this situation so scientifically? This isn't a court case, or a chemical equation: this is reality, Taylor, not a textbook exercise. I can't believe you're not distressed, at least to some degree, at losing a child, I – "

" – Chad, it wasn't a child; it was nothing more than a ball of cells. Nothing died because it wasn't alive in the first place."

She softened her tone as she continued, suddenly aware that the miscarriage may have affected Chad far more than it had her.

"I'm sorry for losing it, I really am, but try to remember that when we try again I'll take far more precautions so our child will be as healthy as possible."

Her unexpected attempt to understand him did nothing to alleviate Chad's anger as he allowed the undercurrents of malcontent, kept bottled up since their marriage, spill out into his speech,

"Stop talking about trying again, just stop. Why can't you understand that there isn't going to be another time, that our relationship has been nothing more than a failed attempt at normalcy which you have fooled yourself into believing? Whatever you say, that 'ball of cells' was a person to me and you know what? I'm glad that you had a miscarriage because it would have been unfair to bring up a child in a house where its parents don't understand each other."

For once Taylor had no answer, no scientific evidence or logical reasoning to argue her point. Seizing the opportunity, afraid that he would never have so good a chance again, Chad forced himself to confess,

"There's something.......something I need to tell you, I....."

Hating the way his voice wavered, he grit his teeth and continued,

"There's someone else, they – "

" – who is she? Do I know her? Where did you meet her? You better tell me everything, Charles Danforth, or, so help me God, I will get to the bottom of this myself."

Taylor's vehemency only served to make Chad's second confession even more difficult as she scanned his face quickly for any clues towards the 'woman's' identity. He avoided her eyes as he began to speak,

"It's not.....they're......"

"Spit it out."

Chad stared down at the hospital floor, murmuring the words, as if that would lessen their impact,

"It isn't a woman...."

Silence, strained and stifling, fell heavily between them. The deep creases of Taylor's furious glare were replaced with a expression of wide-eyed astonishment. There was nothing Chad could think of that would break the tension, no possible way to take his admission back. Recovering, or at least appearing to, Taylor murmured to herself, lips barely moving,

"Gay....my husband is gay and I didn't see......didn't realise....."

Chad strained to hear her words, but shook his head frantically and reached out to her. She flinched slightly and he dropped his arm.

"I'm not gay, Taylor. At least I don't think so.....I haven't really thought it through, but no.....I don't know......"

"Who is it?"

Her voice cut off his train of thought and when she spoke again, her tone was acidic,

"Tell me who, Chad. Now."

He choked the name out, an image of the narrow, pale face, smiling sincerely, causing far more pain than Taylor's anguish. She gasped audibly, shaking her head in disbelief.

"But you hated him at high school. I remember you bitching about those 'overmoussed showdogs' constantly."

"I know, I know, but that summer at Lava Springs and then running in to him here, it just – "

" – I don't want to hear it. No explanations, no apologies, just go."

She reached around him and opened the door, pushing him towards it. He stumbled backwards, reeling from the speed in which everything seemed to be happening. As usual, even in what must be a distressing situation, Taylor remained in control as she gave him instructions,

"Leave here, go home and pack a bag. When I get back later I expect you to have left. Don't even think you can come crawling back, it's over. This marriage," she twisted the ring off her finger, "was a sham, a façade, and look: I'm not even crying. I guess subconsciously I must have known what we had wasn't the real thing."

For once, Chad was thankful for her cool logic which spared him the difficulty of tears and begging. Taylor was already turning away from him and pointed at the open doorway. Taking one last look at his wife of two years, her dignity preventing her from breaking down, he made himself scarce.

****

The house, he couldn't think of it as his home anymore, looked no different from earlier that day, despite the recent events which had shaken everything it stood for to the core. Chad rushed passed the photos of their wedding day, hung in a precise formation on the neutral toned wallpaper, as he sped up the stairs. Heaving a suitcase from beneath the bed, their bed, he flipped the lid open and grabbed as many of his possessions as he could.

After the wardrobe and bathroom had been emptied of his belongings, the suitcase was barely half filled and he realised, as he looked around, that most things in the house had been chosen by Taylor in her attempt at making the perfect family home.

Shutting the front door and posting his house key through the letterbox, Chad closed his eyes and took a deep gulp of air. He had no plans, nowhere to stay, no one to direct him and the sudden feeling of liberation overwhelmed him for a moment. No longer tied to a relationship based on a high school friendship and a sense of duty, the freedom was almost intoxicating.

Without planning what he would say exactly, Chad pulled out his phone and dialed the Evans' home number. As expected, it wasn't Ryan's voice which answered, but the cool tones of his mother,

"Hello, this is – "

Chad interrupted,

"Is Ryan there?"

"I'm sorry, but he left yesterday. If you – "

Hitting the 'end call' button, Chad cut off Ms Evans' answer before she could finish.

A car pulled up on next door's driveway and, wanting to avoid any awkward questions, he returned the neighbour's friendly wave and got into his own car. Starting the engine and reversing onto the road, he sped away from the house, not even watching it disappear in the rear view mirror.

He turned the hospital conversation over in his head as he waited at a junction. It was quite remarkable, really, the way she had handled the discovery of his devastating secret, but on reflection, that was typical of Taylor. She would, no doubt, feel bitter at her unsuspecting trust in his fidelity, but be able to deal with it objectively, as if it were a tough court case. Chad, who in the past had despaired at her almost entirely emotionless point of view whenever they'd had a brief disagreement, was now thankful that she would recover and move on with her head held high.

Releasing the handbrake, he followed the steady flow of traffic and felt a slight twinge of regret that their 'perfect' marriage had been destroyed by his own lies. In reality, they were both unsuited to one another and on reflection, Taylor had probably realised that too, but pushed those uncomfortable thoughts aside.

Chad changed lanes and wound down the window, letting the refreshing gusts of wind blow through his hair and quieten his thoughts. Now, at last, he found he had a purpose, a plan and he pressed down on the gas, accelerating towards his destination.

****

The flight had been delayed two hours, but, squashed in an economy class seat, Chad felt only relief that there had been one spare ticket to take him out of New Mexico. Touching down on the runway, the plane came to a steady halt and its passengers filed out, yawning and stretching.

Chad collected his suitcase and strode confidently to the airport exit. Outside the glass doors, however, his previous resolve began to crumble as the reality of his situation began to sink in.

Pedestrians pushed passed him, jostling him as they fought to hail a yellow cab. Standing in a swirling mass of people, his clothes disheveled from the journey, Chad was dazzled by the hundreds of flashing lights and the cacophony of car horns.

Staring, wide eyed, he tried desperately to take everything in and decide on a course of action. A little way in front of him an elegantly dressed couple were embracing passionately and had become the focus of many over-the-shoulder glances as they said their goodbyes with no hint of embarrassment. The man's hat was knocked askew as the woman flung her arms around his neck and in an instant Chad had hurled himself into a waiting cab and directed the driver to the Julliard School of Performing Arts.

One midweek afternoon, as Ryan dressed himself and adjusted his hat in the mirror, Chad had asked him to describe his apartment in New York. Now, face pressed against the cab window, Chad searched his memory for the details and tried desperately to pick out any landmarks.

As Julliard's main building swam into view, Ryan's voice rang loud and clear in Chad's head. Paying the driver hastily, he let his feet be directed by the memory, hazy at first, but sharpening as Ryan's descriptions began to match his position. He turned the corner into a wide street, filled with towering apartment blocks.

"Thankfully, there's a Starbucks right across the street. I don't know how I'd be able to go to early morning rehearsals without it."

A familiar green sign caught Chad's eye, and with Ryan's words echoing in his head, he looked round at the building behind him. Mounting the steps, he felt his palms sweating and scanned the list of names next to the intercom. With a rush of panic he realised that 'Evans' was missing, but before he could despair completely, he noticed 'Nielsen' and a name he didn't recognise. Throwing all caution to the wind and without even attempting to decide on an opening sentence, Chad pressed Kelsi's bell and waited. After a slight crackling, a voice he hadn't heard since graduation spoke out above the hum of New York's rushing traffic.

"Yes, hello?"

"Er....Kelsi? It's Chad Danforth, from high school. Is – "

Instantly, her tone became icy and unlike any of the shy, eager-to-please memories Chad had of her.

"After all you've done, you have no right to interfere with Ryan's life anymore."

"I need to talk to him.....I have to sort this out. Please, Kelsi, let me speak to him."

"Well, you can't. He's gone out grocery shopping anyway, but don't you dare hang around and wait for him."

On the point of pleading with her, Chad jumped and spun round as something smashed behind him. A brown grocery bag, liquid seeping out from a shattered bottle, lay abandoned on the steps and with a sharp intake of breath, Chad realised that Ryan was standing less than a foot away. They stood for a moment, staring at each other in shock, before Ryan lowered his gaze and tried to slide passed Chad into the apartment building. Barring his way by outstretching his arm, Chad moved directly in front of him, pressing them together as they balanced on the top step. When Ryan spoke he sounded tired, defeated even,

"You shouldn't be here."

Chad's throat had constricted on seeing Ryan, but hearing his feeble voice, he felt a desperate need to put right the wrongs he had caused.

"I just want the chance to explain; what I did went against everything I have ever believed about relationships, I feel disgusted at myself for it, but, Ry........it was you......I was helpless......"

"So, I'm to blame for your cheating?"

Realising too late the implications of his words, Chad frantically backtracked,

"No, that's not what I meant at all! I wasn't happy in marriage, it never felt right, but when I saw you at the airport something clicked. I'm not trying to make excuses, I just want you to understand."

Ryan attempted to slip passed him, muttering,

"Yeah, okay, whatever. It doesn't change the fact that you're a married man who should be home with his wife right now."

Chad flashed his left hand at Ryan, whose eyes flicked to it briefly and look away again.

"You purposefully took your ring off when you saw me, so what exactly are you trying to prove by that?"

Feeling his chance slipping through his fingers, Chad gripped Ryan's shoulders, preventing him from escaping.

"It's over, completely."

Ryan stopped struggling to push his way passed and Chad continued more softly,

"I told her everything about us and, well......she didn't understand exactly, but she made it quite clear that we're finished."

Ryan's head snapped up, the sharpness of his glare startling Chad.

"The baby, Chad. What about your child? Have you just abandoned it?"

His voice shook, whether from the effort of keeping his fury in check or trying not to sob, Chad couldn't say, but the trembling of Ryan's voice wrenched something inside him. Ever since Taylor's announcement of her pregnancy and the bombshell she had dropped at the hospital, he had been too caught up in tracking Ryan down to wrap his head around the reality. Now, though, it all became painfully clear and he was unable to prevent the sudden tears that welled up as he choked out,

"She......she had a.......had a......miscarriage......."

Instinctively, Ryan wrapped his arms around him, allowing the familiar curls to rest on his shoulder as Chad's whole body shuddered. All the hatred he knew he should feel towards Chad had evaporated completely on seeing him break down and it felt right, so perfectly, unquestionably right to be holding him again. Realising where he was, Chad lifted his head and mumbled incoherently,

"I didn't even want a child, but now I've lost one – "

" – I understand," Ryan found himself saying, though at Chad's confused expression he hastily corrected himself, "Well, not literally, of course, but I can imagine how much this must be hurting you. In fact, I – "

His words were abruptly cut off as Chad tilted his head and pressed their lips together gently. Ryan froze, but didn't automatically back away which Chad took as permission to continue and kissed him with the lightest of touches, barely moving his mouth and not daring to pry Ryan's mouth open with his tongue. He pulled away eventually and they gazed at one another for a long minute, before Chad moved, stumbling down the steps as he spoke,

"I'm sorry, Ry; I know I shouldn't have done that. I'll do what's probably the right thing and leave."

As he began to trudge away, Ryan had a split second to make up his mind. He flew down the steps and called his name, pausing some distance away as Chad looked over his shoulder.

"Chad, wait! Don't go, please.....I....."

Suddenly awkward, his cheeks colouring with embarrassment, Ryan struggled to find the words to express himself.

"It goes against everything I've been saying, and by Kelsi's standards it isn't the 'right thing' to do, but I can't let you go like that. After all you've done, I should be happy to see you go, but......"

His voice trailed off as Chad turned around fully, hanging onto Ryan's every word, making it harder for him to think rationally. When he did continue, Ryan's voice was calmer and more confident, a strength growing as he spoke again,

"I'm not saying I can forgive you, nor can things be as they were before I found out the truth, but I want you to stay. Over time, maybe we can work something out; I can't give you up for your stupid mistake."

Smiling weakly, Chad walked back towards him and together they mounted the apartment steps. As Ryan unlocked the door, Chad offered his hand tentatively and after a moment of hesitation, Ryan took it, allowing their fingers to lace together.

Fin

A/N: This is the last official chapter, but I will be posting an epilogue soon.