After avoiding a costumed Trepie assault, Quistis and Selphie managed to make their way to their seats. Selphie, still fuming over the fan division, tried to remain in her seat like a well behaved fairy, but soon found that she just didn't have the patience to wait another twenty minutes or so for the joust to begin. She was furious about the lack of conflict, so she decided to stir things up a bit.
"Psst. Lady Q! I'm going to start some shit with some of Lord Almasy's fans...uh...I mean, go and grab some drinks. Yeah, drinks. I'll be back before you can yell Huzzah."
Quistis paid her no mind. She was far too busy searching the field below for a particular knight. There was Zell, impatiently pacing the length of the field, obviously ready to blow his horn so he could burn his jingly cap and pink tights. On the southern end of the field, Irvine was trying to help Squall onto the back of his enormous black charger, which looked rather difficult, considering that the heavy armor had to double the weight of the Black Knight. She knew that she shouldn't care, but she wanted to see what Seifer was doing to prepare for the joust. Finally spying him at the far end of the arena, she watched Raijin duck a flying apple as he did his last equipment check. Seifer sat atop his warhorse, ignoring the jeers and catcalls from hundreds of Leonhart fans.
Well darling, at least the imp got better seats than last time. I daresay we'll be able to taste the blood and sweat when they try to kill each other.
I don't care about that at all. I just need to see who wins the tournament so I know which of us wins that damned bet. I don't know why Selphie insisted on sitting so close to the field when we could see just fine from the stands.
Oh hush. These seats are nice. You should really tell her thanks. Where did she say she was going, anyway?
I'm not sure. I think she mentioned drinks and some food, but I...
Quistis and her inner self were interrupted by a gruff voice and a quick tap to the shoulder.
"SIT?"
Looking up, she met the intense red gaze of one silver-haired page. "Oh God, did Seifer send you?"
"NO."
"Was it Raijin?"
"NO."
Quistis rolled her eyes. "Fine. Have a seat, but Selphie will be back in a moment, so you'll have to leave when she gets back with our drinks."
"UNDERSTAND."
Fujin sat next to Quistis and rested her chin in her hands. Perhaps it was the single eye that allowed her to see so much, or maybe it was because she chose to limit her words so that she could better hear others, but whatever the reason, she was able to perceive far more than anyone suspected. And boy, was she ever doin' some perceivin'...
"ANGRY?" Well, the fact that Quistis was angry was obvious to anyone with two...er, one eye, but Fujin thought she'd be polite.
Quistis glared at her, but said nothing. Inner Quistis was searching through her mental bags for a baseball bat and a roll of duct tape, but she remained silent as well. After all, if she meant to knock Fujin unconscious and throw her off a bridge, then she needed to be stealthy, right?
Fujin watched Quistis tighten the ribbon around her hair and smooth a few wrinkles from her skirt. When Raijin told her that he met the instructor and her 'freakin' creepy friend' for coffee that morning, she had honestly been surprised to hear him mention that Trepe had taken her favor back from her knight. But when a troubled Seifer finally appeared and told them of his conversation with the fortune teller, she knew that there had been a bit of a mix-up. Did Trepe really believe that she would do that with Seifer?
Amused by the whole silly situation, Fujin grinned into her palm. Could Trepe not see that the knight was a bigger fool than Zell whenever she was around? Chuckling, she raised her single eye to Quistis and pointed to her eye patch, then at the instructor. "BLIND."
"I beg your pardon? Are you calling me blind?"
"OR STUPID." It was funny that Fujin's clipped words all sounded the same, yet every single one sounded different as well. This particular bark managed to sound accusatory even as it sounded a bit sad.
Did she just call you stupid, dear? I wouldn't stand for it, myself.
Me?!?! You're included in that as well!
I hardly think so. I happen to be a genius. My mental faculties are far beyond that of...hmm...
Quistis felt her id pause as she considered that she was arguing against herself while still arguing with the same woman that screwed the man that made her appear in the first place. Wait. What...?
Well, at any rate, we're not stupid, darling. A bit mad, perhaps, but far from stupid.
"Just who the hell are you calling stupid, Fujin?"
The page shrugged and fixed Quistis with a challenging stare. Fujin had years of practice dealing with Seifer's temper, so a bitch fit from Quistis wasn't about to scare her in the least. "YOU."
"What? Who do you think you are? I've not done a damned thing to you, but you come up here and insult me in addition to making me feel like a fool last night. Just get the fuck away from me, Fujin. Your knight needs his page or squire or whatever you are."
Sighing, Fujin pointed to the field below. Raijin was involved in an animated argument with Seifer, no doubt trying to convince his boss that they needed to beat the hell out of the tomato-tossing Leonhart fans, while Seifer was casually waving off every one of Raijin's entreaties. Though he appeared calm, his stiff posture told her everything she needed to know; he was really pissed off, but he wasn't going to directly retaliate. Seifer had that look, the look that promised bloodshed, evisceration and lots of twitchy, detached limbs for any that dare oppose him. Smiling, Fujin turned to Quistis and decided to actually speak to her instead of, well...SPEAKING to her.
"Don't be an idiot, Trepe. I know you're smarter than you're acting right now. He told us that you believe we were...ugh, engaged in certain activities last night, but you're wrong. If he was interested in me, do you really think that he would be down there getting pelted with bottles and produce?"
Ye gods! The cyclops speaks! Careful, darling! I don't think she's a cannibal, but I wouldn't get too close, either. I don't trust a cyclops.
Don't be foolish. And that's rather mean-spirited, don't you think? I'm mad at her as well, but that's a bit much.
If you say so, darling. Just be ready to hitch up your skirt and run like the dogs of hell are after you if she gets too close.
God, drop it. Fujin is missing an eye. That hardly makes her a cyclops.
Alright then, but when she's picking her teeth with one of your ribs, you'll wish you had listened to me.
Oh, shut up. I'm trying to hear what she has to say so she'll go back to her precious white knight and leave me alone.
Hmm, yes, about that knight...she does make a good point, doesn't she? Look at him.
Quistis glanced down and saw Seifer being pummeled with fruit and vegetables. The black knight's fans were certainly enjoying the chance to whale away on the opposition before the joust began. She would have laughed, but it almost hurt her feelings to see her champion covered in enough food to feed a starving nation for at least a day or two.
I see him. Pompous, arrogant...
Yes, but that's not what I want you to see. I believe that was a cantaloupe that just hit his head. Maybe a honeydew. I don't know for sure; melons aren't my forte. YOU, on the other hand....
So help me, if you make a joke about my melons right now, I swear I'll kill you.
Right. Anyway, if this was any other time, I think he'd be climbing into the stands to lop off some heads, but he seems to be taking it rather well. Look! Now he got a bottle on the helmet and he didn't even flinch!
I'm sure he can't feel a thing through that heavy armor. Everything just bounces right off.
Well, yes, but I'm sure his pride is stinging a fair bit. Poor lad. He doesn't even have to joust anymore, since his lady frowns on him so, yet he's still waiting for his chance to prove himself. Poor, poor lad...
Fujin noticed that Quistis kept glancing down to Seifer, even though she obviously wanted to let it be known that she wasn't really looking, thank you very much. She snorted. Stupid prideful creatures. Seifer and Quistis were fucking made for each other. "He wants to win this tournament for you."
"No, he just wants to win the bet."
"The bet? Please. If all he wanted was to see you in that costume, then you've already lost that damn bet."
The bitch! I'll kill her!
No, I hate to admit it, but she's right. I'm fairly certain that I lost once we had that little make-out session.
Oh yeah...heh. Well, if that's losing, then we need to do it more often. It was fun, wasn't it? I certainly had a merry olde time. But we still can't let him think that he's won so easily, now can we?
"Umm, what are you doing?" Judging from the vacant eyes and blank expression on the instructor's face, it looked like she had been knocked on the head by an errant bit of heavy produce.
Suddenly aware that she was paying too much attention to her mental conversation, Quistis shook her head and replied, "Yes, Fujin. That's all he cares about. I've pissed him off, now he wants to win so he can gloat when ..."
Maybe it was the wind, but Fujin could have sworn that Quistis' voice had an echo. Weird.
"Do you really believe that he would do that?" She would have laughed, were it not for the crestfallen expression on the instructor's face. "Honestly. Mr. Knight in Shining Armor? You and I know this is just some bullshit faire, but he takes it to heart. He wants it to be real because this is the closest he'll ever get to being a knight for his lady, if you'd only let him."
"Don't call me that, Fujin. I'm no longer his lady."
"Bullshit, Trepe. You know better than that. He may be an arrogant jerk, but he's a loyal arrogant jerk."
"I thought so too, but after I saw..."
"If it happened to be anyone else, I'd say, 'Yeah, what you saw is exactly what you think', but we're talking about Seifer. Doing something like that would fuck with his vision of knighthood. What you saw was me trying to help that stubborn bastard after he crashed into a thicket of briars. His belly was so full of thorns that..." Fujin growled and ran her fingers through her hair. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. I have no way to prove anything, so you don't have to believe me, but if Seifer says something to be true, then you can trust him."
Quistis wanted so badly to believe Fujin, but she knew what she saw. Didn't she? Come to think of it, Raijin's earlier behavior and now Fujin's declaration of loyalty were making her wonder just what she really did see in that tent. The hissed words exchanged between Seifer and Fujin did remind her of trying to put bandages on his knees when they were children.
The next words Fujin spoke mirrored her thoughts so closely that Quistis jumped. Just how much could she see with that single eye of hers? "You know, you may have grown up with him, but he's my brother. Take it however you want, but that's simply how it is."
And with that, Fujin turned and left. She was tired of talking to someone that didn't want to listen. Besides, she knew that there were two sins being committed on the field below. One, the Leonhart fans were insulting Seifer; and two, they were wasting perfectly good food. She had some serious ass to kick.
A bit bewildered and beginning to doubt her earlier assumptions, Quistis watched Fujin make her way from the stands to Seifer's side. He must have said something to her, but she just shook her head and ignored him. Raijin bent down and listened to something Fujin said, then stood and scanned the stands, no doubt searching for a flash of red fabric.
Oh dear, you believe her, don't you?
I have no idea. I'm so confused right now.
Oh, you and me both, sister. But look at it this way, once the fairy gets back with our drinks, we'll be so damned drunk that it won't matter. The joust will be over, one of us will be wearing this costume for the last time and then we can go back to our nice, tame, boring, celibate life. You know, sex-free nights grading papers and staring at the walls. It'll be you, me and whatever we can afford from one of Xu's catalogs. I hope you're prepared to spend your life savings in batteries, love.
God, don't remind me.
Hey sweetheart, I'm not exactly looking forward to it either. Those damn things are expensive....wait. Do you hear that?
Hear what?
Shh...
Quistis cocked her head and tried to ignore the screaming crowd. Just behind her, she thought she could hear wheezing and periodic thumps. Turning around, she saw that crazy old bitch from the woods staggering a few steps towards her, then dropping her bag to the bleachers and resting her hands on her knees. Whatever she was dragging looked heavy.
"Umm, ma'am? Do you need some help?"
"Come grab this bag before I drop it and it rolls down the stands!"
Between the two of them, they managed to drag the cumbersome bag back to her seat. Panting, the old woman took the seat recently vacated by Fujin and wiped her forehead on her sleeve. "Hell! I oughtta slap the blonde right off of ya! That damn thing is heavy!"
"What?" Quistis watched her untie the bag to reveal a scratched, cracked, and altogether shabby looking crystal ball. "What have I done to make you want to slap me?"
"Shh...don't fret about that now, just stare into the crystal ball..." Purple eyes rolling back into her head, the fortune teller performed a complicated series of hand motions over the fissured surface of the orb, then released a shaky breath. "Oh, spirits of time and space, hear this, the most humble cry of your servant! Pull forth from the shadows of ...shadows of...bloody hell."
The crystal ball flickered, then hummed, then went dark. The fortune teller kicked it and it flared back to glowing, although silent life. She grinned sheepishly at Quistis. "I dropped it some years back, so it doesn't work quite as well as it used to. The volume doesn't work anymore, but you won't need it."
Quistis, being a pragmatic sort that took very little notice of the arcane, raised an eyebrow. "Volume? I wasn't aware that the tools of the spiritually inclined had volume settings."
The old woman chuckled. "Oh yes. This thing used to have one hell of a subwoofer. Believe you me, when I rolled into the witches covens, they all knew it was my wagon that had the killer sound system. But now it just shows the past, present and future. Pity that my warranty ran out. Divination by crystal just isn't the same unless you can thump along with your visions."
"So, why did you drag that thing all the way up here?"
"Just watch."
Curious, Quistis watched the swirling mists inside the ball twist and spin, finally parting enough to show Fujin astride Seifer. Shocked that the old woman would be so cruel, Quistis snarled, "Are you psycho or just that unkind? Do you really think that I wanted to see...wait. Why are their clothes still on? And why does Fujin have a pair of pliers? And why the hell is he bleeding?"
Oh dear. Turns out everyone was telling you the truth, love. You know what this means, right?
I can finally screw him!
Well, umm yes, I suppose that's true, but I was going to say that Fujin was right about his knightly ambitions.
Oh. That too.
The old woman shrugged. "Don't know. These faires make people do funny things. Some folks dress like idiots and others drink themselves stupid. Then there are the folks, like your knight down there, that..."
Quistis smiled and hugged her before she could finish. "Do you realize what this means? He doesn't even have to do this joust anymore! I can go down there and we can finally..."
"Don't you dare!" Lightning flashed and Quistis felt her tongue freeze to the roof of her mouth. "You'll do no such thing. Do you think your knight wants you to go throwin' yourself at him like some two gil strumpet?"
Ten gil, actually.
Shut up.
Blushing, Quistis tucked her hair behind her ears. "But, how am I supposed to let him know that I believe him now?"
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sure he'll figure it out. He makes a pretty good knight, you know."
Task completed, the old woman tied her crystal ball up in her bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. Climbing back up the bleachers, she smiled to herself. She had a lot of work left to do before she headed back to her wagon.
"Wait! One more thing!"
Turning, she saw one very happy lady in a very bad costume waving at her. "What is it, lass?"
"Well, I just wondered...why did you bother showing that to me?"
Chuckling, the fortune teller adjusted her bag and winked. Quistis felt a stirring of something very familiar when gold flashed over the old woman's purple irises. "Let's just say that he needs the right sort of lady so he could have another shot at being a knight. I owe it to him."
Quistis opened her mouth to reply, but she was gone. Instead, Selphie was bounding down the stairs to her seat with a pair of peculiar sparkling green cocktails in her hands. "Hey Lady Q! Look what I found! The guy mixed these special for us since I was wearing the fairy costume! He called it Queen Mab's Revenge! Isn't it pretty?!?! All green and twinkly and fizzy!"
"Did you not see...? Oh, never mind." Quistis carefully sniffed the offered beverage before taking a cautious sip. She wasn't entirely certain that she wanted to drink anything that glowed brighter than the morning sun....well, if the morning sun happened to be green and kind of bubbly. "What the hell is in this drink, Selphie? It tastes like...well, it tastes like something."
"Oh, quit worrying so much and drink the damn thing. You might have a little bit of fun if you'd stop being such a bitch, Quisty."
"I'm not..."
Ahem! It's not her fault that you're mad at the entire world. You HAVE been a complete bitch since you arrived.
Oh fine. Let's everyone gang up on me at once, eh? Can't even count on myself, it seems.
Sighing, Quistis took a long pull from her mystery drink and looked across the tilt to Rinoa, who was acting like a perfect princess from a fairy tale. The crowd cheered and she waved, occasionally throwing cute little looks towards her knight as he ran through a series of practice moves. Ugh. They were just too damned perfect sometimes. "You know, you might be right, Selphie. I suppose I should try to enjoy myself since it is the final day."
Seeing Selphie's pleased expression was almost worth all of the hassles Quistis had faced since she decided to visit the faire. "Now you're talkin'! Come on, Lady Trepe! Your mighty warrior is preparing to do battle with his hated adversary and he needs the support of his lady fair! I wanna hear one hell of a huzzah from you!"
"Oh Selphie, can't I just clap my hands? I promise to clap loudly."
"What? NO! For shame, lady! For shame! Come, open thine throat and pour forth with such a beastly yell. Strike fear into the hearts of thine enemies with the hellish fury of thine..."
"You want me to do what now?"
Selphie rolled her eyes. "Come on now. You don't want Squall and Rinoa to win this thing, do you? I mean, they're my friends and all, but it gets kind of boring to see them win everything. Your knight might try a little harder if he knows that you're cheering for him. I've got a lot riding on this match, you know."
Quistis sipped her drink as she watched Zell approach the center of the field and raise his horn. The clear notes cut through the frantic buzzing noise of the crowd and she sighed, "You're not the only one, Selphie."
----------------------------------------------------
Taking an enormous breath after the lengthy fanfare, Zell lowered his belled cap and addressed the crowd. "GOOD MORROW LORDS AND LADIES! WELCOME TO THE FINAL EVENT, WHERE THE NOBLE BLACK KNIGHT SHALL LAY A HELL OF A SMITIN' ON THE COWARDLY WHITE KNIGHT AND REND HIS FLESH FROM HIS..."
"Oi! Get on with it!"
"Enough with yer bleedin' morrows!"
"Yeah! We want to see some blood!"
"And a dead white knight!"
Zell ground his teeth together. He had just about had enough of the fucking crowd and their rude behavior. Grumbling to himself, he kicked the clay under his feet and swore that he wasn't going to be the fool next year. Hell no.
----------------------------------------------------
"EEEE!!!! LOOK! They're starting! Huzzah motherfuckers! Huzzah!" Selphie squealed when she saw Zell announce the beginning of the final event, but she squealed even louder when she saw the White Knight approaching his lady, making all attendees cover their ears or risk going deaf.
"Ooh! Here he comes! It's just like a movie. Are you gonna play along and be a good little lady, or am I gonna have to cast a fairy spell on ya? I can totally do it you know. See, I was sittin' on a rock listenin' to this mermaid chick sing one night, and it was really awesome, but then this naked kid with a bow comes flying by and..."
Quistis looked at the collection of plastic cups scattered around the fairy's feet. One, two, six, nine...yep. Nine cups of Queen Mab's Revenge. The fairy was drunk off her bloody rocker. "Selphie? Are you sure you saw that? I believe the extraordinarily high ethanol content of your cocktails is starting to alter your perception of..."
"NO! I was there! So anyway, this kid shoots an arrow and he missed, right? So, it hits this flower and..."
"Wait. I really think that this was in a play, Selphie. Wasn't this the one with the fellow that had his head turned into that of a jackass while he..."
"As I was saying, Lady Impatience, this kid loosed his love-shaft..."
"Oh bloody hell..."
"No, Silly! Not that love shaft. Is that all you ever think about? God, Quisty, you really are a pervert."
Quistis, hearing her id chatter along in agreement with Selphie, dropped her head into her hands and prayed for death. Death, having a twisted sense of humor himself, snickered from his seat in the stands, then ignored her pleas. He had the day off, so he planned on enjoying the show.
"Anyway, so, he loosed his love shaft and it hit this flower. So, this flower turns from white to purple, right? So, I'm thinking that there is some serious lovey-dovey mojo magic power in that flower and I bet I can make one hell of a love potion from it."
"Selphie, you don't understand why I can't just..."
"Zip it, Lady Q. Keep pissing me off and I'll go pick yon flower, rub it in thine eyes, then you'll be so fucking in love with Seifer that you'll not be able to walk by the time he gets finished showing you how much he dotes on you and that..."
Seifer, now close enough to them to hear every intoxicated word, listened to this exchange in iron-clad amusement. The fairy was completely shit-faced, but Quistis still appeared to be sober. Pity. At least when she was tipsy, she was a little friendlier. Ah well.
Removing his helmet, he bowed low and greeted the drunken fairy and the furious lady. "Good day, Lady."
"Whoops! Never mind! I may not need that flower after all!" Selphie grabbed Quistis by the elbow and shoved her to the edge of the balcony. "Lookin' good today, Sir Almasy! I hope to see heads roll when you take your sword and..."
"Might I speak with the lady, dear wood sprite?"
"Oops! Of course!" Selphie decided to correct the knight later. After all, for those not initiated it was difficlut to tell the difference between fairies, sprites, brownies, and pixies. She just figured that he was so focused on Lady Q's jugs that he failed to notice that she was in fairy form, not sprite form. Selphie smiled. Poor silly, love-struck knight.
Well, that can't be good. He's just calling you lady now instead of milady. I daresay he's not quite as enchanted with you as he was yesterday. It might have something to do with ringing his bells with your boot last night...
Shut it. For just ten minutes, will you shut your damned trap? I think I may have to commit supernatural homicide when I kill Selphie and I have no qualms about taking Seifer's lance and shoving it up your...
And? That sounds rather kinky, darling...
Don't start. You know exactly what I meant.
Ooh! Fine, I'll be quiet, but he's waiting on an answer.
"Good day, Sir."
Good girl. Nice and civil. Keep talking to him.
"I trust that I find the lady in good health?"
Oh bloody hell. He's asking about your health instead of talking about your knockers.
"Aye. Umm..."
Oh, you idiot. Talk about the weather, the joust, his lance, anything. Bend over a bit so we can catch his interest again...
"Umm, 'tis a fine day for a joust."
"Aye, Lady. A fine day indeed."
Selphie elbowed Quistis and nodded her head towards Squall and Rinoa, who were engaged in an elaborate favor exchanging ceremony. Looping her ribbon over the end of his lance, Rinoa blew the Black Knight a kiss and waved him off to do battle, smiling when the crowd exploded in cheers. "Look. The crowd is going nuts over there, Lady Trepe. Give your man some motivation so I can have my brawl. I've got this last event to make some money and I need him to win."
Quistis ignored her pixie companion and waited for Seifer to speak again. The crowd could go and hang themselves by their tights and pantyhose for all she cared.
"I've come to discuss our wager, Lady."
"Oh?"
The harsh blast of Zell's trumpet intruded once more and the crowd hissed. They were losing patience with the white knight and his bloody procrastination. Seifer ignored them.
"Aye, Lady. I'll win this tournament, but I no longer have any desire to see you in that costume."
Quistis was crushed. "You...wait. What? Why are you doing this, Seifer? I thought you would be overjoyed to see me lose this bet. I thought you wanted to see me wearing..."
"No, 'twas a passing fancy."
"But..."
"I know the lady doth loathe her scarlet raiment, thus I shall seek no more to force the lady to wear such a bothersome garment."
"But..."
"Hush, Lady. Say no more, but if speak thou must, then pray for my soul, for I go into battle with thine sweet name on my lips, though it matters to thee not if I fall or triumph." Replacing his helmet, Seifer saluted his lady once more and gave his mighty horse an affectionate pat on the neck. "If the fates are kind, then we will meet again ere the day is done. If not, then I bid milady a fond adieu."
Quistis chewed her lip and argued with herself while she considered his words. She eventually won the argument, though it wasn't as if she didn't put up one hell of a fight. And truth be told, she wasn't really sure which she actually won. Leaning over the railing, she yelled, "Wait."
Urging the horse to the edge of the balcony, Seifer sidled as close as he dared. "Yes, milady?"
"Did you mean what you said about the costume? That even if you win, I won't have to wear it?"
"I did."
Quistis gestured for her knight to come closer so she could loop her ribbon around his lance. "And did you mean that you would still fight for me, even though I've not believed you?"
Ooh! And the kick to the jewels, dear! Mustn't forget that!
Quiet! I'm trying to figure something out!
Seifer smiled under his helmet. "I did."
Selphie nudged Quistis in the arm. "Now, you see how much of a gentleman he is? Aren't you going to wish him luck so he can start a bloody riot...er, win the tournament?"
"No, Selphie. I don't think I will wish him luck." Quistis smiled at her knight and received a short, understanding nod in return.
"What?!?! Why the hell not? He's waiting on you to give him a bit of...well, never fucking mind now! There he goes! Too late now! Thanks a lot! It'll be the black knight for sure and nobody will want to get in a fight. Shit."
As Seifer spurred his horse back to the field, the anxious crowd fell into a disorderly series of cheers and chants, deep boos and vicious taunts. Amidst the clamor, a short fairy in homemade wings raised her voice to the heavens and prayed for a downpour of blood and booze, while her companion simply sat down and waited for her knight to prove his worth.
-------------------------------------------------
Zell felt his lips going numb. Seifer was such a jackass, making him blow that damn trumpet for ten minutes while he tried to get back on Quistis' good side. Fucking jerk. Weren't the white knights supposed to be the good guys? Stupid Seifer. What the hell was taking him so long?
Looking up at Squall, Zell jerked his head to the box seats and grinned. "Looks like he's still trying to climb up Quisty's costume, eh Squall?"
"Enough, fool. The white knight approacheth. Ready thy horn once more, for the battle begins."
"Oh cripes, not you too!"
Squall ignored him and moved to his starting point at the end of the tilt. His lady waved and cheered, but the black knight only had eyes for his rival.
"Tch! Whatever." Bringing the horn to his lips once again, Zell waited for the knights to take their positions.
Seifer rode to the center of the arena and saluted his opponent, then aimed a kick at Zell's head. Waving at the crowd, he lowered his voice so that only Zell could hear him. "Well Chicken-Wuss, if you're not too tired from blowing on your boyfriend's skin-flute all night, then maybe you wouldn't mind blowing that trumpet of yours so we can start this thing."
Zell took a step towards Seifer with his trumpet, fully prepared to shove it down his throat, but the crowd erupted. Some looked as if they might jump from the stands and strangle him if he prolonged their promised fight.
"Fine. I hope you said a prayer, Almasy. You're gonna need it."
Seifer grinned and spun his horse to the northern end of the arena, making certain that the heavy hooves of the beast showered the fool with clay.
Moving out of the way, Zell spit dirt out of his mouth and signaled the beginning of combat. The crowd fell silent for the first time as they waited.
Squall lifted his lance.
Seifer lifted his own.
A deep breath and...
-----------------------------------------------
"Are you alright?"
A golden light pierced the clouds blocking Seifer's vision and he groaned in perfect dramatic agony. Satisfied that his pupils were dilating the way any healthy knight's should, Quistis dropped the penlight back in ye olde first ayde kit and gently lifted his head so she could check the small cut on his forehead. "Seifer? Did you hear me? Are you..."
It must have been a battle to the death, for the white knight knew that his soul had been sent to the good side of the afterlife if his lady held him in her arms. Still dizzy, but very pleased, he sighed, "Ah, speak again, bright angel, for thou art..."
Fujin snorted. She was relieved to hear him speak, even if it was that annoying faire-speech, but it wouldn't do at all to let him know about it. "FINE."
Raijin finally opened his eyes once he heard his boss stir. Terrified to see his corpse, the page had refused to crack his eyelids, so he simply let Fujin guide him to the fallen knight, where he fell on the ground and whimpered next to Seifer's prone form. Like any page worth his salt, he fully intended on following his boss to that great jousting arena in the sky. "Boss? Sir! You're awake! Great! I thought ya were a goner, ya know!"
"The fiend thinks that he can unhorse me with such a cheap blow. I'll send his soul to feast in hell!" Seifer threw off Quistis' hands and tried to raise his rather heavy armored body from the ground. The ground? What the fuck? He looked around, noticed that he was no longer on his horse, then realized that his iron-clad ass had been knocked unconscious.
Quistis laughed. He looked so damn cute when he was bewildered. She made a mental note to remind him of it later. It would humiliate him to know that the fierce white knight had his adorable moments. "Well, he did unhorse you."
Oh! It was true! Leonhart had won and the tournament was lost! "WHAT?!?!? Oh spite! Defeated whilst milady bore witness to my shame."
"Oh, stop with the drama. You knocked him off too, so they called a break while they consult the rulebook. You were both unconscious and there was nearly a riot when they talked about calling a draw. If one of you doesn't win this thing, then there might be a full-scale war in the stands."
"A draw? Never! Then it must be back to battle ere I can rest, for I have the honor of milady to defend against..."
"Seifer, really. There's no need for you to..."
"I must defeat the scoundrel and win the day to prove my loyalty to milady!"
Quistis shoved Seifer to the ground and motioned for his squires to hold him down. "Stay still! You've got a gash on your head..."
"Bah! 'Tis a flesh wound!"
"Oh, 'tis a flesh wound alright, but I need to fix it before you go back out there."
"Though my lifeblood even now gushes forth from mine own brow, I shall once more charge into the fray, for I am a warrior that knows no fear and..."
Quistis jumped on Seifer and held his arms down with her knees. "Try it and I'll snap your lance in half with my bare hands, Seifer. I'm in no mood for heroics."
"You'll do what now?"
"You heard me." Turning her head, Seifer followed her gaze to a spot just a few feet away, where Squall was being pulled to his feet by his beautiful lady. "Now, stay still so I can stop this bleeding. I want you to win this tournament and you won't be able to with blood in your eyes."
"Truly? Hath this knight been forgiven by his lady?"
"You idiot. There's nothing to forgive. If you're this much trouble with so-called 'flesh wounds', then I can understand why Fujin had to pin you down just to pull a thorn from your gut."
"PAIN IN THE ASS."
Raijin laughed. "Yeah, the boss is kind of stubborn when it comes to his health. We gotta watch out for him, ya know. He'd get himself killed if he didn't have us."
Seifer struggled a bit more, but it was mainly for the benefit of the audience still screaming for his death. After all, he had an image to maintain. Still, having Quistis on top of him in that costume while bending over to tend to his (admittedly) shallow laceration was worth getting knocked off of his horse into the dirt. "And what...ow... made the lady...ow... change her mind?"
Quistis considered telling him about the fortune teller and the crystal ball, but decided against it. "Well, I simply realized that my knight would never do such a thing to his lady. He has far too much..."
Seifer laughed and gave her a quick kiss, then threw her to the ground so he could mount his horse. "Come Raijin! Assist your lord to his steed! I have a battle to win!"
Squall, impatiently brushing off the helping hands of his lady-love, looked over and saw Seifer's seemingly miraculous recovery. Running to his own horse, he hurriedly motioned for Irvine to help him. "Quickly now! Fetch another lance!"
"But..."
"Fetch!"
Irvine threw his hat down and stomped on it. "I ain't a dog, Squall! You're taking this thing a bit too seriously, don't you think? Besides, we're outta lances! Ya'll hit each other so hard that every damn one has been splintered!"
Indeed they had been. After the first tilt, both warriors saw their wooden lances shattered by the force of their blows. Again and again they charged, shrieking insults and curses, oblivious to the hearty cheers of the crowd.
Somewhere around the seventh or eighth pass, right when their shield arms were beginning to throb from the barrage of lance against steel, both had seemed to forget that holding onto the horses was a good idea.
Seifer aimed a blow for Squall's chest and Squall aimed a blow for Seifer's head, both seeking to end the joust and crown themselves the victor of the tournament. So intent were they on their targets that they leaned a bit too much and subsequently found themselves flat on their backs. Well, after they were brought back to the conscious world, they found themselves flat on their backs.
"Damn it, what good is a squire if he doesn't even..." Frustrated, Squall ran to the southern end of the arena and grabbed his sword. Launching himself at Seifer (no easy feat, considering the weight of his armor), he wrapped his arms around his waist and jerked him to the ground.
Quistis glanced at Rinoa, who seemed very, very, very put-out with her knight, before grabbing her arm and quickly exiting the arena. "Come on. They're going to kill each other anyway, so we may as well have a seat and watch it from the stands."
Rinoa growled. "Seifer had better kill him, because if he doesn't, I certainly will"
Surprised, Quistis looked at Rinoa and tilted her head. "I thought you were proud of your knight, Rinoa."
"I was, but that was until he decided that nothing else mattered to him except for winning this damned joust." Rinoa smiled at Quistis. "He's nothing at all like your knight. I must confess, I'm a bit jealous of the way he keeps yelling your name right before he spurs his horse."
Ooh! Princess is jealous! Did you hear that love?
I know! It feels fantastic!
Yes, but you'd feel even better if you could convince your knight that he's going to be completely worn out if he keeps fighting like that. WE'RE supposed to be the ones to wear him down, remember?
Well, if you want to get in the middle of that fight, then be my guest. I'd much rather not lose a limb.
Finally finding a safe spot to watch the rest of the battle, Quistis looked down to the brawling knights. Between curses and punches, screams and kicks, they finally realized that hand-to-hand combat was useless as long as they wore such heavy armor. Seifer pushed Squall away and ran to Raijin, yelling for his sword.
Steel chimed against steel when their blades met; the crowd cheered when they thought that they might finally get to see an arm or a leg get hacked off.
Squall smiled when he heard the explosion. "What's wrong, Almasy? Upset that the audience is ready to see your head on a platter?"
Seifer blocked Squall's strike right before the blade would have lopped off his leg. "I care not for the rabble."
"Oh really? You sure enjoyed playing the crowd the other day."
Both were exhausted, covered in dirt, bleeding and sore, yet they continued to attack; both gaining ground and falling back, neither partner able to lead the dance of steel and strength.
Gasping for breath, Seifer tried to use his longer reach to gain an advantage, but where he was taller and stronger, Squall was quicker. "That was...until...I decided...to fight for...my lady..."
Squall wasn't much better. His arms felt like the armor had somehow melted onto his skin and the iron was now part of his body. "I thought...it was...a bet..."
"Yeah...it was." Holy hell. Seifer thought his legs were going to fall off. It was hard to dodge the skinny little bastard's attacks.
"I thought you were...just out for...glory..."
Seifer laughed, though it hurt his ribs to do so. "Glory? Why fight for glory when you can fight for a beautiful lady? Can you imagine...how her eyes...will look when...she sees that..."
Lady? Shit. Rinoa. Ashamed of himself for allowing Seifer to suddenly become the noble one, Squall glanced to the stands, hoping to catch a glimpse of his lady. It wasn't much, but it was long enough for the flat of Seifer's blade to make contact with his head.
Stunned, Squall fell to his knees and shook his head to clear it of stars.
Ow.
Did they have freight trucks in medieval times? No...maybe it was a siege tower that rolled over him. Whatever it was, the black knight wasn't sure if he could stand.
"Come sir. On your feet. Your lady is watching."
Surprised when he saw Seifer extend a hand to help him up, Squall grinned. Unsteadily rising to his feet, he gave the white knight a short bow. As much as it pained him, Seifer happened to be the better knight that day. "No. It was a good hit, Sir Almasy. I yield."
"Yield?!?!"
Squall smiled again and pointed to the stands. "Aye sir. Would that we were in a real battle, that blow would have parted my head from my shoulders. Besides, I have a lady in the audience that needs a kind word from her knight."
After seeing this, Quistis looked at Rinoa, who seemed very happy to see her knight fall. "Umm, why are you smiling like that?"
"He needed to lose. He was taking this competition thing way too seriously."
"So, you don't mind that Seifer won?"
Rinoa giggled. "No, I don't mind at all, because I'll finally get my Squallie-Poo back." Looking around at the enraged fans surrounding them, she pushed Quistis towards the stairs. "Now get out of here. I think that you might have to get Seifer out of here in a hurry because it doesn't look like they'll stop at throwing tomatoes this time."
Except for the mad cheers of one very drunk fairy, the faire was silent.
Then someone decided to start throwing dwarves.
The dwarves, having had enough of this, raided the booth where customers could pay to throw an axe at a target and came out swinging. Beards standing on end, they jumped into the stands and began hacking away at the supports for the bleachers.
Realizing that they were just a few chops away from falling to the earth in a heap, the furious Leonhart fans stormed the arena, hellbent on dragging Almasy to the torture chamber and hearing him scream.
Mouth hanging open, Zell watched chaos descend upon the Balamb Faire.
Squall didn't just lose, did he?
That part of the stands didn't just collapse, did it?
Seifer didn't just gallop past on that ugly ass horse, did he?
He didn't just throw Quistis on the back of his horse, did he?
Bloody hell.
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Note: Yeah, I'm still not happy with the joust, but I posted it anyway. I'll fix it later, when my brain isn't fried from overtime. On to the end...tally ho!