So I know this is early...lol. But some girls on the other site that I post this on were getting impatient cough Lauren and Elle cough LOL...And I already have chapter 8 half way done so I guess it's okay. I also want to thank BrownEyedGirl75 and OfLoveAndLust for rveiwing like you do! Thank you so very much! I'm so happy you like it!
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I stared at him and tried to catch my breath. I let out a breath of relief when Evelyn spoke first.
"Oh Jackie. That's great. But when do you leave?" she asked hugging the now aspiring rock star. He was so happy but I couldn't find it in my body to feel the same.
"A month. We have time to save up and find an apartment for when we get there." he told her happily. They hugged again and then he looked at me. I tried to smile but I couldn't even force one to appear.
"Emilie, you okay?" he asked. I looked at him and felt my eyes fill to the rim with tears. His smile faded as he scanned my face. "Em, what's wrong?" he whispered.
I shook my head and took off for the stairs. I closed my door and fell onto my bed. I knew he was behind me and it wasn't a surprise when I heard my door creak open. I heard it shut but kept my face turned away. I knew it was being selfish but damn it, this was too much.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
"Diddle." he whispered sitting on my bed. He went to touch my arm but I sat up before he could.
"What?" I asked a little to harshly. I watched as all the joy he had vanished. Now all I saw was hurt. Did I really do that?
"I'm sorry." I whispered trying to steady my voice. He shook his head and moved a little closer.
"Don't be. I know it's sudden." he told me softly. He went to touch me again but I moved away. "Em, please."
"No. You're leaving. Maybe we should gradually go our separate ways so when you leave it won't hurt as much." I told him swallowing my tears. Now I know I was being selfish.
"That's not the way to do it, Emilie." he frowned. I shook my head and agreed.
"Maybe not but it's a whole lot easier." I pressed. He stood up and walked to stand in front of me.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memories
"No, it won't. We need to do the complete opposite. We need to spend as much time together as possible." he told me. I shook my head once again and moved away from him. I turned back to him on the other side of the room.
"Why so I can feel worse when you do leave? Get me even more used to having you near me and then poof, you're gone. Nice idea, Jack." I snapped. His jaw dropped and he stared at me. "Do me a favor and don't waster your time on me. Just leave me alone. Even if it doesn't seem right to you, make it easy for me." I said more calmly. He glared this time.
"I'm not wasting my time. And no matter how we part, it'll be hard. All I wanna do is spend my last days with you. Only you." he told me.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
"I'm tired of spending people's last days with them! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of people I care for being ripped out of my life unexpectedly. I'm tired of getting you to someone, loving someone and then losing them. I'm tired of it, Jack!" I yelled. He tried to grab my arm but I pulled away.
"Emilie, you're not losing me. I'm going away for a while. You don't loose everyone, what makes you say that?" he asked. I laughed and threw my hands in the air.
"Look at my past! I lost my real parents, I lost Charlotte and Charlie, my brother, and Abigail. Angel left and now you're leaving." I cried.
"You really need to let go of the past." he said seriously. I glared at him.
"How can I do that when it won't let me go?" I yelled. "I knew I shouldn't have gotten close to you." I mumbled. Jack sighed and grabbed my arms roughly.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"Don't say that." I told me firmly. I tried to pull away but he held me tight. I finally gave in and fell into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. He let me cry until I felt like I couldn't cry anymore.
"I'm afraid." I whispered into his chest. He pushed me away just enough to look at me.
"Of what?" he asked softly.
"Of being without you. You've kept me same these past few months. I'm afraid of not having you here and me not being okay anymore." I confessed. He pulled me back again and kissed my head.
"I know. I'm sorry." he whispered. I took a deep breath and spoke again.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
"I'm afraid of you leaving and forgetting me. I'm scared that when you come back everything will be different. That we'll loose what we have and not be able to get it back." I ranted into his chest. I took a breath and looked up at him. "I'm afraid that when you come back you won't be my Jack anymore." I cried. He wiped my tears from under my eyes and kissed my lips softly. He pulled back just an inch and looked in my eyes.
"I will always be your Jack. I could never forget you and we will never lose what we have. Not even the unspoken feelings. They will never go away." he promised. I smiled a little and fell back into his chest. "If you want me to stay..." he trailed off. I pulled away from him and stared.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"Jack, I could never ask you that." I whispered. "Even though I don't want you to go, I would never ask you to do that. You've worked you're ass off to get here. Don't let it pass. I'll be fine." I told him. I wasn't sure if it was relief of sadness that crossed his face but I ignored it. He needed to do this. I knew he wanted this and he need to go.
"Okay." he whispered. I sighed and could only hope that he was telling the truth. I didn't want to loose him and I sure as hell didn't want to loose what we had. But people change, they grow apart and sometimes they just stop seeing one another. Time is a killer and so is distance.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
Here we are on yet another day we are all dreading. Jack leaves today. He's going to LA for god only knows how long and he'll be doing god only knows what. Okay so maybe that was a little harsh. He wouldn't do that stuff anymore. I trusted him and believed in him. I already knew that it was going to be hell when I woke up. The sky was a dark shade of grey and I could see the lightening in the background. Mother nature always had to make my bad days worse.
"Diddle?" Bobby called through my door.
"Come in." I mumbled into my pillow. He creaked the door open and walked over to my bed. "Yes?" I asked. He sighed and rubbed my back.
"Everyone's awake." he told me. I shrugged and kept my face in the pillow. "Ma made breakfast. She'd like you to come down." he finished. I sighed and rolled over to look at him.
"This sucks." I stated. He chuckled and nodded.
"I agree. I may fight with my brothers but it doesn't mean I don't love them." he told me softly. I sat up and sighed again.
"This just sucks." I repeated. He stood up and held out his hand.
"Well, you still got me and Jerry." he winked. I made a gagging noise as he drug me to the door.
"Like that's any compensation. Don't worry, you two shall find some reason to leave and then I'll be all alone." I over exaggerated. Now ti was his turn to make the gagging noise.
"You're such a drama queen." he laughed as we found our way into the kitchen. I looked around and saw Evelyn, Jack and Jerry at the table. Evelyn looked up and smiled.
"Oh good you're up. Pancakes?" she smiled. I nodded and sat next to Bobby. Jack and Jerry both gave me a weird look. Usually, I sat next to Jack but not today. I honestly didn't realize it until I looked around. Bobby gave me a sad smile and handed me a glass of juice.
"Thanks." I mumbled. We started o eat in silence until Bobby threw his fork down.
"Okay, so does anyone have anything to say?" he asked. He looked around and Jerry cleared his throat.
"So are you excited about going to LA?" Jerry asked slowly. Jack nodded a little.
"Yeah, pretty excited. James and Troy are excited too. It's much different than Detroit." he told us.
"Lots of hot girls too." Bobby joked.
"Lots of Lydia's to pass around." I mumbled. Jack and Jerry coughed and Bobby smirked. I saw a uneasy glance from Evelyn and sighed. Jerry saved me though.
"I uh, so where are you staying Jack?" he asked looking to his left. Jack wiped his mouth and gave me a quick glance.
"We have an apartment set up in downtown LA." he told us. I bit my lip and kept my next comment to myself not wanting to upset Evelyn.
"When do you start working on the album?" Jerry asked. Jack sighed and set his fork down.
"When we get there. There's nothing really to say so we can eat in peace. I understand." he said a little annoyed.
That's what we did. We all sat in the very tension filled room and ate in complete utter silence. I could feel him stare at me from the other side of the table but I kept my focus on my food. I wasn't sure what was wrong but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for him to leave and I just had a really bad feeling about this.
Breakfast was horrible. Emilie was fine these past few weeks and now all of a sudden she was distant. I could understand why but I really didn't want to leave on a bad note. I hoped maybe she would cheer up throughout the day.
"Jack, you got all the old music?" Troy asked walking out of our old practice room. We were packing up our equipment so we wouldn't have to do it later.
"Yeah I got it. I think that's it." I told him. He nodded and put the rest of the boxes in the van.
"So how's Em handling this?" he asked. I sighed and leaned against the van.
"At first she seemed okay. We had a long talk about it but now she seems a little distant." I told him. He stood next to me and nodded his head.
"Yeah well you were all she had for a while and now you're leaving. I mean sure she'll have Paisley but you and her were close." he told me. I rubbed my face and took a deep breath.
"I know and that's why it's so hard to leave. I wanna go but I don't." I confessed. He looked over and smiled.
"I know. As weird as it sounds I don't wanna leave either. Sure me and Pais fight and never get along but she's still my sister. I'm gonna miss her. But you and Em, you guys will be okay. Just stay in touch." he finished. I nodded and looked around.
"Well, be better get going." I told him. I closed the back door of the van and locked it.
"Jack!" a distant voice yelled. Troy and I looked around and saw a figure running to us.
"Who the hell..." I asked trying to focus on who it was. Troy was the first to curse the world when we saw her.
"What the fuck does she want?" Troy mumbled and turned away. Lydia ran up smiling and stopped in front of me. Very close in front of me.
"Lydia." I greeted taking a step back from her. She ran a hand through her hair and smiled.
"Hey Jack." she said sweetly. I waited for her to continue but she said nothing.
"What do you want?" I asked cooly. She frowned a little and then lit back up.
"I heard you're going to LA?" she asked. I nodded and looked over at Troy who was glaring at her.
"Yeah, what's it to you?" Troy snapped. She shot him a nasty look and grabbed my hand.
"Jackie, you know I've always wanted to go to LA. I was wondering if you have any room for me in the van?" she smiled innocently. Even a blind man could see through that.
"No." I said casually.
"He doesn't want you anymore." Troy smiled. She glared at us and crossed her arms.
"And I don't want him either." she said to Troy. "I just need a ride there. I'll give you money and all. I got a friend there so I won't bug you after that." she told me. I looked over at Troy. He waved me over and I walked away.
"I wonder how much she has?" he asked. I shrugged and looked back at her.
"How much?" I yelled to her. She grinned and pulled out a wad of money.
"I'll give you 2 grand." she smiled. My eyes widened. "I've been saving up. I really want to go to LA. Jack, you know this." she told me seriously.
"Only to LA and you leave us alone, right?" I asked.
"Yes, I promise I won't bug you guys." she smiled. "Unless you want me to stick around."
"Not a chance in hell." Troy glared at her.
"Fine but I want an answer." she demanded.I looked back and Troy and he walked over and grabbed the money.
"You bitch and you're out." he spat. "And we don't do refunds, honey." he finished sweetly. She rolled her eyes and kissed my cheek.
"I'll meet you later to leave. Bye!" she smiled and walked away. I sighed and looked at the sky.
"God, help me." I mumbled and climbed into the van.
I sat around the house with Bobby while Jack was gone packing up the band equipment. Jerry had said his final goodbye earlier because the girls had a recital.
"So you and Paisley seem to be good freinds." Bobby stated walking into the living room. I nodded and flipped through the channels.
"Yeah, I like her. WE get along, like the same things. Even though it doesn't look it." I told him. He nodded.
"So when do you start school?" Bobby asked sitting next to me on the couch. I crinkled my forehead and reached for my purse. "You don't even know." he teased. I stuck my tongue out and pulled put my paper.
"Eek!" I squealed. "I start Monday, Sept. 1. What's today?" I asked him. He looked at the newspaper and smirked.
"August 25. You gotta week. Do you need anything?" he asked. I shrugged and sat back.
"I guess the norm. Notebooks, paper and pens." I told him. He nodded and flipped the tv to a car show.
"Paisley starts with you too, right?" he asked. I nodded and leaned back into the couch.
"Yeah, she's taking photography classes." I said softly.
"Yeah and you wanna work with Detroit's youth. Good luck with that, by the way." he laughed. I punched his shoulder and we watched the show.
"I've been a bitch today, huh?" I asked suddenly.
"That was random." he mumbled then turned to me. "But yes, you have. Did you see the fairy's face when you didn't sit next to him? Talk about breaking the poor kid's heart." he told me seriously. It amazed me how he could do that.
"I just don't want him to go." I admitted.
"Ask him to stay." he said casually.
"He told me to ask him and I gracefully declined." I informed him. He gave me a surprised look and set the remote down.
"He asked you if you wanted him to stay?" he asked. I nodded. "And you said no?" he clarified. I nodded again. "Even though you want him to stay?" I sighed. "What in the hell did Mark slip you? You are messed up!" he exclaimed. I glared at him and moved away from him.
"I am not. I can't aks him to stay Bobby. He's always wanted this." I spat. He nodded and held his arm out. I scooted back over and leaned on his shoulder.
"Then go with him." he told me. I shook my head.
"I'm starting school. And I don't wanna live in LA." I sighed. He stayed quiet for then on. There was no other choice. Jack was leaving and I was staying here. That was the plain and simple lonely truth. We sat there until I heard the van pull up. I sighed and looked at Bobby.
"I guess it's now or never." I mumbled. He chuckled and pulled me off the couch. We walked outside and met Jack and Troy.
"Where's James?" I asked. My heart sank when Jack looked surprised. So maybe I was bitch today.
"We're picking him up on our way out. He's spending time with his mom." he told me softly. I nodded and looked down at my feet. I heard Bobby sigh and pushed me to Jack.
"Go talk and quit pouting." he told us. I rolled my eyes and walked over toward the road. I turned to him and sighed.
"Sorry, for being a wench today." I mumbled. He smirked.
"It's okay. I understand. I was just afraid we would leave on a bad foot." he told me softly. I sighed and pouted a little.
"Agh, me either. I don't know what was with me. I'm sorry though." I apologized again. He smiled and pulled me to his chest for a hug.
"There we go!" Bobby and Troy laughed from behind us. I flicked them off and Bobby faked being hurt. I hugged Jack back and sighed.
"Ya gonna miss me?" he whispered. I nodded and tried to hold the tears back. He kissed my head and hugged me tighter. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Em." he told me. I heard his voice falter ever so slightly and looked up at him. He leaned his head down and I was leaning up to meet his lips when a familiar shrill voice broke the moment.
"Jackie!" Lydia called out. I pulled back and looked at the bouncy red head walking up to us. I glared at her smug face and Jack sighed.
"I thought you were going to leave me." she smiled at him.
WHAT?! Leave her? I pulled away farther from Jack and he tried to grab me.
"Let me explain." he said holding his hands out. I continued to glare at him as Bobby and Troy walked up.
"Leave her?" I asked trying to contain me screams. Jack was about to open his mouth when Lydia stepped in front of me.
"I'm going with them to LA. He didn't tell you?" she asked. I felt the lump of tears rise in my throat but the exploding anger was close behind as I looked to Jack.
"Jack.." I said in a strained voice. He glared at Lydia and gently placed his hands on my arms.
"She needs a way to get to LA. She's paying us to take her then that's it. I swear." he told me. I breathed in and out and stared at him. I was silent and well you know about the calm before the storm. Well my silence was the calm. Now for the storm...
"Why?! She needs a way, she can whore herself there. She's used to sucking a little here and there to get what she wants." I screamed. Lydia stepped to me and I snapped my head in her direction. "Say anything and I sweat to god you will regret ever walking in the pool hall, you understand me?" I yelled. "She put us through hell, she put you through hell. And you're going to sink back to her level?!" I yelled back at Jack. Troy, Lydia and Bobby had stepped away.
"I'm not sinking to no one's level. She just needs a ride. That's it." Jack yelled at me. If I wasn't so pissed I would have been shocked he yelled at me but not now.
"Yeah she needs a ride and you're willing and able to give her one, huh?" I smiled. He glared at me and pointed a finger in my face. I grabbed his sleeve and pulled it down.
"Listen, she's paying us. We need that money. We get t LA and she's gone. So get off your fucking high horse and get over it!" he screamed in my face. I glared at him and before I knew it, my palm came flat across his face. He rubbed his cheek and glared at me.
"Anything else?" he asked calmly. I looked at him an felt a surge of misery. Yes, I had a lot to say. A lot of bad things but a million good ones. Ones that said I don't want you to go, I want you to stay, I'm going to miss you and a few hundred that said I'm sorry. But none came out.
"Yeah, go to hell and take your slut with you." I growled. He nodded and moved my hand from his wrist.
"Fine." he mumbled. "Let's go." he ordered Troy and Lydia.
I watched as a solemn looking Troy walked to the passenger side and a smug Lydia crawled into the back. Bobby came over to hug me as they drove off. All the thing I wanted to say floated in my head. I felt the lump of tears finally emerge as I fell into Bobby's arms. He didn't try to say the right thing because there was nothing right to say. I had put my own selfishness before my dignity and let him leave. But he had put his dignity to the side and let that bitch go with him.
Secrets told in the pictures on your skin
Hours fade into days that never end
I see myself reflected in your eyes
And I hate the way I'm wearing all these lies
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breathSo you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
Is she everything you wanted her to be?
Yeah, I bet she never breaks your heart like me
So it's one more night I cover up with you
And I hate myself for what I didn't do
Should've known better, now
All I have left is a permanent stain
The only part of you I get to keep forever
To prove I lived this pain
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breath
So you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
Maybe I was never as smart as I thought
Maybe we can never be as good as we want
Maybe you just didn't need me enough
Maybe we're too clever to be falling in love like this
Like this
Secrets told in the silence of my sin
And I'm the one who loses in the end
I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan and What I Didn't Say by Saving Jane