So this was a little overdue but I've been a tad bit busy. My two favortie children are in town, my 7 year old neice and 4 year old nephew! So I've been busy getting back into the aunt role again! But here it is!
BEG75- Looky, I got more reviews...lol! That's okay with the sorta late review. It made it in before this chapter so it's all good. Glad you like it this much! It makes my day to read your reviews! :) So Thanks!
Alli Copen- Lol...Thanks! Thr lady above you said the same thing about it needing more reviews. But again, it gets rave reviews on another site I post on! I'm glad you like it though. Every story needs some drama, and FB is a very dramatics movie. But I'm so happy you like it! :)
Lyris88- Well, welcome to the wonderful world of FB fics! I'm glad my story is your first, that makes my day! I'm glad you like it though!
MissIndependent101- Ahh who actually does like Lydia? rooms gets quiet Exactly...lol. I had to add the mean girl...lol.
I never really knew how if felt to loose someone and them still be alive. All my life every time I lost someone, they died. But for the first time I've lost someone and they are alive. I think that's worse then losing someone to death. When you loose someone to death, you cope with it. You now you'll never see them again but you deal with it. You know there's not a chance to say what you want to say. But when you loose someone to life, it's different. The pang of guilt eats at you. The fact that you could say those things to them and that you could see them again make is more difficult to not be with them. The fact that Jack was out there in LA somewhere liked to kill me. We said we didn't want to leave on bad terms and that's exactly what we did. Bobby and Paisley told me over and over again that it wasn't just me to blame. We both said everything except the things we needed to say. We said really bad and hurtful things and he just left. And I didn't stop him. We were both at fault and it took me sometime to realize that.
"Diddle!" Bobby yelled through my door. I walked over and opened it. I stared at the greasy haired man and let him in.
"You can't be yelling through my door Bobby. Other people live on this floor and I don't think they appreciate Bobby Mercer yelling in the hallways." I told him shutting the door.
It had been a little over half a year since Jack had left. I moved out about 4 months ago and got a place on my own. Paisley lived a floor down and we liked it. We were going to move in together but we wanted our freedom of our own place, so we opted for a place close together.
"Sorry, but Ma wants to know what you want for birthday dinner." he told me. I sighed and looked at the calendar.
"Bobby, it's March, my birthday's in July." I informed him. He bit his lip and sighed.
"Ok so maybe I had another reason to come over. But she asked me to ask you anyways. You know how she is." he told me. I nodded and sat down on the couch. He sat next to me and sighed again.
"Quit sighing and talk." I ordered. He smirked and looked over at me.
"Jack called." he said simply. I nodded and stared at him. After a few moments of silence I spoke.
"Okay. Good for him." I said sarcastically. Bobby glared at me and leaned back.
"He wants to call you but isn't sure if you'll talk to him." he told me. I nodded again and picked up my book.
"Tell him to find out for himself." I said cool.
"He just wants to see how you are." he told me. "He's tired of hearing it from us."
"Tell him to find out for himself." I repeated. He huffed and stood up.
"Emilie, stop being a bitch. He's the first to reach out. Give him some leverage. You keep holding this against him and you'll turn cold. Don't do this to yourself." he told me firmly and walked out.
I jumped when he slammed the door. I sat there looking at my hands and chewed my cheek. I had held this horrible cloud over me and Jack since he had been gone. I hadn't talked to him and he hadn't tried calling me. Evelyn and Bobby told me he asked about me and well, I asked about him too. But I went to Paisley for that. I only asked simple questions and she only answered them. I didn't ask about what he was doing or who he was seeing, or even if Lydia had stuck around. She knew those answers but I didn't want to.
I sighed and stood up when a tiny knock came from my door. I opened it to see the bright eyes Paisley smiling.
"Hey." she said walking past me. I closed the door and walked back over to the couch.
"What's up?" I asked. She sat down and looked over at me.
"I saw Bobby leave. He looked pissed." she said. I laughed and grabbed my soda.
"Pissed is an understatement." I told her. She bit her lip and nodded.
"I'm guessing Bobby asked you what Jack wanted him to?" she asked. I looked over at her.
"You knew?" I asked. She nodded and I sighed. "Yeah, he asked. I got bitchy as usual and he told me to stop holding the grudge before I turn into a cold bitch." I recanted the words from Bobby's mouth.
"Well, he's right. You and Jack have been stubborn long enough. Neither one of you wanted to reach out first and well, now he is. Give him that." she begged.
"Why?" I asked. She gaped at me and leaned over to me. She grabbed my hands and looked at me in my eyes.
"Because he misses you. He cares about you and he wants to talk to you." she told me softly. I shook my head.
"If he missed me, he would have called. If he cared, he would have told Lydia to kiss his ass and go away. And if he wants to talk to me, he can pick up the phone and call me." I snapped at her. She pulled back and glared at me.
"You've already turned cold. Get over yourself, Emilie."she spat and stood up. She walked over to the counter and took a sticky note and wrote something down.
"What is that?" I asked as she stuck it on the fridge. She turned to me and pointed to the pink note.
"Jack's cell number. Call him when you decide to come back to your senses and be civil." she told me. I bit my lip and she walked out. I stared at the pink sticky note and sighed. I walked back to my room and jumped into the shower. I had a date tonight and nothing was going to get me down before this. Not even Jack.
I knew she wouldn't listen. She was as stubborn as she was smart. I knew we left on really bad terms but damn, I was reaching out. Granted it took me nearly seven months but I was doing it. Better late than never, right? Apparently, not to Emilie. Bobby called me livid because she had shot him down and then Paisley called and she didn't have any better luck than my brother. If Paisley couldn't get through to her, no one could. Before I left I could have gotten through, even if it was about me. But now there was no way I could get her to talk to me, let alone understand.
"Earth to Jack-O!" James yelled from behind me. I looked at him and shrugged.
"Sorry, my bad." I mumbled. He gave me a weird look and set his drum sticks down. I took my guitar off my neck and sat on the amp. James pulled up a chair and stared at me.
"Spill." he told me. It was talk time now.
"I hate when you do this." I informed him. He smirked and handed me a cigarette.
"Well, if you didn't look like a freaking little boy who lost his puppy, I wouldn't have to do this." he retorted. I nodded and agreed.
"It's Emilie..." I started.
"When is it not Emilie?" he laughed. I glared at him and he held his hands up. "Sorry, keep going."
"I asked Bobby to ask her if I could call her. Well, he asked and she flipped out." I told him. He bit his lip and looked at me.
"Jack it's been like half a year. I'd be pissed too." he told me. I glared at him again but this time he didn't mock defense.
"She could have called me." I reminded him. He nodded.
"Yes, she could have. But you knew how she felt about Lydia yet you let her come with us." he told me.
"So you're blaming me?" I asked offended.
"No, I'm saying that Lydia coming along is what started it. You should have told her. Instead you were going to try to keep it from her." he told me. I wanted to say something, anything back but he got me there. I sighed and rubbed my face.
"I know but I just wanna talk to her." I mumbled.
"Well, maybe you should rethink that. What do you think she's going to say when you tell her you let Lydia stick around?" he asked. I groaned and looked at him.
"I'm going to guess that you won't let me keep that tiny fact to myself if I do talk to her?" I asked. He smirked and shook his head.
"Keeping things from her is what got you into this mess in the first place." he reminded me. I nodded and stood up.
"Yeah well, it's not like she'd go away if I asked her to." I told him. He laughed and started to pack up the drum set. I gathered my guitar and notes and we made out way back to the house.
It was a nice place. It had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It was on the outskirts of LA and was newly renovated. We had a nice sized backyard and a pool, great for parties and we had a lot of them. I mean, it's LA and we're in a band. We'd be crazy not to throw parties or go to them. Sure, I felt guilty sometimes but I was having fun. Before we had the fight, that's what Emilie told me to do. She just wanted me to have fun.
"Jackie!" Lydia squealed when I walked into the house. I rolled me eyes and set my guitar down.
"What?" I asked. She frowned and crossed her arms.
"What crawled up your ass and died?" she asked. I glared at her and walked to my bedroom.
"You, Lydia." I yelled to her. I heard James laugh and Lydia slap him before I shut my door. I plopped down on my bed and sighed. I laid there for a few minutes and then heard my door creak open.
"Go away, Lydia." I told her.
"James told me about that girl." she said casually. I sat up on my elbows and stared at her.
"That girl has a name." I snapped at her. She smirked and leaned on my dresser in front of my bed.
"Whatever. He told me that she basically blew you off." she smiled. "And not the good kinda blow." she finished.. I shook my head and laid back on the bed.
"So what?" I asked. She let out a tiny giggle and walked over to the edge of my bed. I leaned back up when she stood between my legs. She started unbuttoning her shirt and bit her lip.
"So I though you might need a way to release some tension." she said softly. She reached the last button and let the shirt slowly fall off her shoulders. She ran her hands up my thighs and to my jeans. I grabbed her hand before she could reach in my boxers.
"What's wrong?" she asked. I smirked and pushed her back off of me.
"You." I said redoing my jeans. She glared at me and grabbed her shirt.
"You're an ass." she spat as she buttoned up her shirt.
"It kills you doesn't it?" I asked her before she left. "That I want her and not you." I finished. She flipped me off and stormed out of the room. I looked up at the roof and sighed. She'll never be Emilie and I'll never want anyone else. So why do I constantly put myself and her through this hell.
I walked into the restaurant and scanned the room for the dark haired man that I had met in class. His name was Jake. We had a few academics together and started talking about a month ago. He finally asked me out last week and after two rain checks tonight we were finally meeting for dinner. I saw a hand go up in the air and I smiled. I walked to the back of the room and he stood up.
"Jake." I greeted. He smiled and hugged me.
"Thanks for not cancelling." he joked. I laughed and sat down.
"The first was your fault." I retorted. He nodded and smiled over at me.
"You look nice." he complimented.
"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself." I smiled. We talked for a few minutes and started eating. We were having a good time until my phone started ringing. I ignored it the first time but Jake laughed when it started ringing again.
"Just go outside and answer it. I'm going to the men's room." he told me. I nodded and walked outside. I didn't even look at the ID when I opened the phone.
"Hello." I asked breathlessly. There was silence but I could hear the faint sound of breathing. "Hello?" I asked again.
"Em." he said. I froze and looked at the number, it was a long distance number.
"Jack?" I asked softly. I heard his deep chuckle and it sent chills through my body.
"Who else do you know in California besides me?" he joked. I smiled a little and looked up at the sky.
"Troy and James." I answered. He laughed again and I heard him inhale on a cigarette.
"True. You got me there." he said. We were silent for a minute until he spoke again.
"Are you busy?" he asked. I looked into the restaurant and Jake was no where to be seen.
"Umm I was having dinner but not busy." I told him.
"You want me to call you later?" he asked. I sighed and remembered what Bobby and Paisley said. I needed to throw him bone, be nice.
"No, it's fine." I said softly.
"So how have you been?" he asked slowly. I bit my lip and held back my laugh.
"Pretty good. Just going to school." I told him.
"That's good." he said. Silence came over us again and he sighed,
"I miss you." I whispered. I felt tears in my eyes and I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"You sure have a nice way of showing it." I said cooly. I heard him groan and knew it was coming.
"Emilie, I'm throwing myself under a truck here. Give me something to work with." he told me firmly.
"You've had seven fucking months to work with and work yourself out from underneath that truck, Jack." I snapped.
"Emilie, I don't wanna. I wanna talk like civilized people." he told me. I felt the hot tears roll down my cold cheeks and sniffed.
"I waited months to talk to you. But now it's too late. I don't wanna talk. There's nothing more to say." I told him trying to control my voice.
"Emilie, please don't do this." I begged. I looked back and saw Jake staring at me.
"Listen, my date's back. I gotta go." I said quickly and hung up. I slid the phone in my pocket and smiled at Jake.
"You alright?" he asked. I nodded and grabbed his hand.
"Yeah." I said and looked around. "How about we go back to my place and relax?" I offered. He grinned and nodded. I smiled and waved a cab to go back to my place.
I stared at the phone after she hung up. I had to go and tell her I missed her. It was true, I did miss her. But I knew that was the wrong thing to say. Then she landed the big one on me. She was on a date. With who? Bobby and Paisley never said anything about a boyfriend. God, a boyfriend. That was supposed to be me.
"If you're waiting for it to talk to you, you'll be sitting there for a while." Troy joked walking into the kitchen. I stared at him blankly and he sat down.
"Dude, what's wrong?" he asked. I set the phone down and tapped the table. I stood up quick and grabbed my jacket.
"Wake James up. We're going back to the studio." I told them and walked to the door.
I heard Troy yell for James and we left a few minutes later. They kept asking me what was wrong but I stayed quiet. We got to the studio and we walked in. I walked over to the table in the room and grabbed the pen and paper.
"Jack, what are we doing here?" James asked. I looked up at him.
"I gotta song in my head and I need it out." I told him. Troy and James looked at each other.
"He was on the phone and then hung up like this." Troy told James quietly.
"I can hear you." I told them loudly. They shut up and a few minutes later I grabbed my guitar. I told them the basic notes and told them just to go along with me. I fixed my mic and tuned my guitar. "Ready?" I asked. They nodded and James started the count.
Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference isYou call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you
Here I go again
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
I could barely bring myself to turn around. The tension in the room told me they knew you I had talked to and that she was with someone else. I knew it was my fault. If I had only told Lydia no or at least told Emilie that she was coming instead of lying to her. And now I had an even bigger secret to tell her. Lydia had been hanging around since we had gotten there. I hadn't been with her but she didn't go away. And now I was afraid I'd never get he back because of what I had done. I knew I had to go back to fix things but that wouldn't be anytime soon.
I stayed up all night drinking coffee and smoking. Yes, I had picked up a bad habit since Jack had been gone. It soothed me though. I had a few beers with Jake and he left about 10 that night. There was no goodbye kiss or any kind of next date question. We went into to see what would come out of it and it simply was just dinner. He was a great guy and a cute one but nothing would come out if it. We'd stay friends but nothing more.
I heard a knock at the door and walked out of my room. I opened the door and saw the mail lady.
"Here's your mail." she said sweetly. I thanked her and flipped through my mail. I smiled and ran to sit down when I saw I got a letter from Angel. I ripped it open and started reading.
Diddle,
I know this is a little late but I've been busy. I got to do the city rounds a few days ago. You wouldn't believe the mess over here. How are you? How's school? Do good so you can teach Amelia and Danielle. That's all Jer went on about in his last letter. The girls teacher is an idiot and so on. Have you talked to Jack lately? Ma said she was worried about you two. Diddle, don't be stubborn. Do what you've always told me, go with what feels right. Well, I'm so sorry this is short but I gotta run. I hope you're okay and I'll talk to ya later. Love you, Diddle
Angel
I smiled and folded it back up. I made a mental note to write him later on. I heard a knock at my door and walked over again. I opened it to see Paisley standing there. I leaned on the frame and stared at her.
"So who was this guy you went out with?" she asked. I looked at her shocked and pulled her in.
"How did you know about my date with Jake?" I asked. She smirked and sat down on the couch.
"Troy called me yelling because Jack is pissed and moping. One minute he's hitting things, the next he's quiet and writing." she told me. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples.
"Jack called last night while I was having dinner with this guy from class. We started to fight and I told him I was on a date and hung up." I confessed. She hit my arm and I hit her back.
"Stupid." she told me and hit me again. I rubbed my arm and glared at her.
"It wasn't a real date at least not after the night. We're just going to be friends." I told her. She crossed her arms and stared at me.
"Well, you really upset Jack. So now you two are even. He pissed you off and now you pissed him off. Even, so call a truce." she told me. I laughed in her face and backed up when she held up her hand.
"He started it!" I yelled. She stood in front of me and glared.
"And you continued. Now you both need to finish it." she yelled back. I pouted and watched her walk out. I sat down on the couch and sank into the cushions. I thought about what she had told me. Jack was really upset? Well now he gets a taste of what I have been put through these past months. The crying, the anger and the pure hurt that he had caused was finally starting to go away and now he was feeling it. And I'll be damned if he drags me back down. I'm tired of hurting and tired of crying over him.
And that's what I repeated over and over again in my mind. But still in the back of my mind there was the tiny voice that told me to stop lying to myself and get over it all. You can't deny how you feel and I believed that. I cared about him and wanted him here but I was still mad at him and I wanted him to hurt. I was torn between two totally different feelings. And that was what hurt the most. I was conflicted and Angel's words ran through my head. Go with what feels right. But what happens when both feel right? What do I do then? Where do I go from there?
Lover After Me by Savage Garden