Thanks everyone, again! You guys rock!

Well, this session turned out differntly than I would have originally thought it would, considering it's a Kagura session and yet quite depressing. I suppose I could of made it more of a humorous fluff session, but in the end I'm glad I wrote it the way I did. It was nice to explore this side of Kagura, and I found the whole session to be rather meaningful, as well as insightful into the Sohma family mindset.

(RedCrow1120 - If it helps any, when I was initially planning to write the story, the pscyhiatrist was actually going to be a woman. However, by time I began writing it, I had changed the main character to be male, because Akito would never allow the Sohma men to see a female.)

Patient – Sohma Kagura; Session #72

Kagura sat on the couch in my office, her head lowered as she stared at her lap. It was rare for me to see her this way, as she was usually much more energetic and much less solemn. Troubled, she managed to say, "I'm very sorry, Kazuki. I don't mean to be so conflicted."

"It's quite okay, Kagura," I ensured her, "That's what I'm here for; to help you through your problems. And it's natural for you to feel conflicted at your age with what you must cope with."

"You're being too nice," she told me, "I know you must think terribly of me."

I was quiet for a moment. Truth be told, I did think terribly of some of the things she said, despite the fact that as a professional I shouldn't make such judgments. Nevertheless, smiling warmly, I reassured her, "I don't think terribly of you, Kagura, but I do want to help you to grow as a person so you may begin living a better life. After all, I'm not here to judge you."

"But how can you not? Everyone judges other people," she answered bitterly, her teary eyes meeting mine. Yet, she soon lowered her gaze back to her lap and said softly, "You must really care about him. About Kyou, I mean."

"I care about everyone," I replied.

"But you care especially about him," Kagura argued, "I can tell. So can Yuki."

I frowned; was such a thing so obvious? After all, I never tried to pick favorites, and I always thought of myself to be fair and objective when dealing with all of my patients. At the same time, I realized that perhaps my effort to bring reason to my family might have been misinterpreted by some as favoritism toward Kyou for the simple fact that the imprisonment of a teenage boy based on a prejudice was so inherently illogical, not to mention ethically wrong. Hence, I told Kagura, "Although you and Yuki might see it differently, I truly do care about everyone equally."

"It's okay," Kagura said, "I am grateful for it. I wish I could care as much."

"But you do care, Kagura, don't you?"

"Yes, but for the wrong reasons! You told me so yourself."

I grimaced and tried to explain; "When I said that – well, what I meant was that you shouldn't have looked down on Kyou as a way to boost your own self worth. Instead you need to grow to respect yourself, which will lead to you growing to respect all people. I never meant for you to take that out of context. I see that you love Kyou now."

"But that was for the wrong reasons, too…"

"You were only a child, Kagura. It's understandable that you were frightened when you discovered Kyou's true form, and you were too young to deal with it in a more reasonable way and, unfortunately, more mature influences seemed to be far and in between. While, of course, forcing yourself to love someone is not the best way to cope with a troubling situation, at the same time, the fact that you felt guilt for the way you behaved shows that you must have cared about Kyou in some way all along, even if you thought you were just using him. And, as we can see, you've grown up to actually care about him very much, although the violent way in which you express this is something we still need to work on." I smiled for her and gave a soft chuckle at this last point, in the hopes to lift her spirits, but it didn't seem to succeed.

"I don't really care about him, though. Not really. If I did, then I wouldn't accept what is going to happen to him…"

I tapped my finger on my desk, carefully pondering how to answer her. Slowly, I started, "Well, Kagura, do you want to accept it?"

"No!" she cried, "I don't want Kyou to be locked up - I love him!"

"Then, why do you accept it?"

"Because, Kazuki…he's the cat," she answered weakly. I gave her a somber nod as I glanced out the window feeling suddenly overwhelmingly depressed; no matter how much I tried, I couldn't make them understand, not a single one. I hadn't brought any of them any reason, any sense of morality – I hadn't helped at all. I suppose Kagura could sense my disappointment, for she said, "I'm sorry, Kazuki. I know it's hard for you, because you don't understand. You're not one of the jyuunishi. You're not cursed like we are. It's such a heavy burden…but the cat, he has it worse, see? Knowing that, well, it makes the burden a little bit less for us. It gives us some sort of comfort to know that although it might be bad for us, at least the cat has it worse."

I gritted my teeth. Despite all my efforts, my feelings were getting the best of me. Swallowing hard, I interrogated harshly, "And that will make you feel better, will it? Locking up Kyou? Watching him suffer?"

Kagura bit her lower lip nervously. Then, very quietly, she whispered, "Yes."

"I see. And what will his comfort be, hmm? What will make him feel better?"

"I don't – " Kagura began, stopped, and then answered feebly, "He's the cat, Kazuki…"

"He's not 'the cat;' his name is Kyou. All any of you do is dehumanize him by referring to him in that way, as if it somehow covers up what's really going on -as if it somehow makes it okay."

Tears were now streaming down Kagura's face, "I'm sorry, Kazuki, I'm sorry. I wish I didn't feel the way I do, because I love him so much. I knew you thought terribly of me."

My severity melted then as I realized I had lost myself. I looked over at the crying girl and I felt the sharp waves of guilt. I had been behaving unprofessionally; I was judging when I knew it was unfair to do so. Thus, sighing, I said, "Kagura, I – I'm sorry. Please, don't cry. I told you before, I don't think terribly of you." Kagura, however, didn't answer. "Kagura, I was wrong to say what I said. It was unfair for me to act in that way. You came here to discuss your feelings and to receive my help, and I took advantage of that. It was unprofessional and unethical. I am very, very sorry. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Kagura nodded her head, wiping away her tears, "I understand."

"Okay," I said gently, and I got up to hand her a few tissues. Returning to my desk, I waited for her to finish composing herself. Once she had done so and was looking at me again (although her eyes were still red and a bit puffy), I asked, "How about we then continue with our discussion on controlling your aggressive behavior, all right?"

"Sure," she replied as brightly as she could and we then continued with the session. The whole time, though, I couldn't concentrate; guilt was gnawing at my conscious, twisting up my stomach and tightening around my throat. I was torn within my mind; I knew it was wrong for me to either judge or preach to my patients (and I felt terrible for having made Kagura cry), but, at the same time, it was killing me to remain so silent when such an obvious injustice was happening right in front of me. Moreover, it was becoming increasingly apparent that I couldn't control my own feelings anymore, and that both Kagura and Yuki had noticed (not to mention, I was sure Hatori had as well). With this revelation, I knew I could no longer ignore my unethical behavior, and it was up to me to restore integrity to my practice once more. Yet, how could I ignore what was so plainly wrong, so plainly illogical, and live with myself once the injustice had been done?

Kagura said I could not understand for I am not cursed as the jyuunishi are; however, I am most certain that all men are cursed who bear the terrible weight of a conscious.