(Peeks in sheepishly)

...Hey, guys...

PLEASE DON'T SHOOT!!!!!

I come in peace, I swear.

I know it's been forever, and I mean FOREVER since I updated, but there's been a lot of crap going on in my life. Don't worry, nothing bad, just that there was a flood in my basement, and the computer got wet, so I went like, two months without a computer, then my brothers crashed the new computer, and then the whole basement had to be gutted and redone because of water damage and then I went on a cruise! Which was awesome, and then the new semester started and my classes got harder, and then I had to read three books all at once on top of the two short stories I had to write plus that essay, which I still haven't done, and then there was some stuff with my mom, and then some stuff with my brother which lead to some stuff with my dad and so I kind of shut off the world by reading the ever amazing Abarat series (highly, highly recommend it), and then there was that epiphany I had about human nature, and I've started stressing hardcore about graduation, and then the new Beka Cooper book came out! And... none of those are any excuse.

I am aware that I should be boiled in hot oil for the heinous sin I have committed; the ignoring of my... twelve readers.

But then one glorious day, filled with rainbows and fairies, I received a review! A wonderful, magical review that filled me with new hope. And so I said to myself, I said, "Disgruntled female thou might be, but there are people in their homes that you know not of, that you disregard, who appreciate you." And so, good people of the fan fiction realm, I update, not speedily, not with the utmost care to the laws of grammar or spelling, but with a determined intent to amuse, and with love in my heart. Love for you all, but especially Miss Ashley. Thank you for renewing my will to write.

Right, well, on with the show.

This weeks episode will entail the topic of wannabe Twilight novels.

What is this? Honestly? I don't know if it's just the Twilight craze that has made me start to notice the abundance of vampires around, or if it's always been this way, but has anybody else seen the the ridiculous amount of bloodsucker books? I love them as much as the next girl, don't get me wrong, but when you go to the library and they have signs posted everywhere for the new vampire books they have in, or McNally has a whole section on their website dedicated to vamps, or you have to look hard at Chapters for a non-fanged novel instead of the other way around, things have gotten to drastic levels of crazy.

What happened to fairies, huh? And I sure bet Harry's getting lonely being the only wizard out there for miles. I know vampires are a la mode right now, but give me a break. If anybody ever feels like reading a book nowadays, it's all vampires, werewolves, or those cheesy lovey-dovey 'novels' that are supposed to be realistic, but you can totally tell that they're just modernized Disney movies. It's like nobody can come up with their own ideas anymore. Where's the originality, guys? It's obviously not being spent in the movie business. Have you heard about the G.I. Joe movie coming out? I just about cried, either from mirth or the fact that I lost all faith in the artistic abilities of humans.

It's as if some doctor snuck into everybody's houses at night, like a twisted, sadistic version of Santa Clause, and extracted all of the creative bones he could find; and we slept on, completely unaware and stupidly content with the literary and theatrical carnage going on before us. The fact that we allow these... these cannibals to jump on the carcasses of any idea not entirely stripped of meat disgusts me.

If you feel about this as strongly as I do, or you think I'm just letting out the little emo in me that hates any conformity, let me know.

And, on that note, I bid adieu.

Till next time,

disgruntled female

P.S. I am going to update my story... sometime... maybe...