I didn't specifically add Dec. 29th because there wasn't much to it so I just summarized it in the first para. I had a rough day today trying to write this though...lol. I hope it's okay. And I hope you all like it, i'm not too find of it myself but my review isn't the one that counts. Well, enjoy! :) P.S. Crash and Burn by Savage Garden...it all comes full circle...lol
And to my reviews for last chapter, thank you so much. BEG I had to add that last part...lol. Jack's been kind of frisky lately so i had too! Other thanks to lemmopie and StraighEdgeQueen...:)
December 30th-
Yesterday was their lazy day. It was their first full day in Boston and all they wanted to do was relax and look around. Emilie had taken him to go see her old house and the place where Abigail worked after she left Detroit. Through out that day he realized how alike his mom and Abigail were. They had the same heart and the same outlook on like. They loved the same things and would give anything to help a child in need. He was surprised that Emilie was as calm as she was when they drove through her old neighborhood. He vaguely remembered moving all of her stuff out of that house and moving it back to his. And even though they didn't do much except drive, at the end of the day, they were tired.
But Emilie didn't sleep well. She knew that December 30th would be a day she hated for a long time.
This was the part of the trip Emilie dreaded. The part that she wished she could run far, far away from and never look back. It was the part where she had to face her fear and face reality. Today was the firs day of many tears. Today she was going to see Abigail for the first time in almost two years. Not once had she traveled from Detroit to see her. Not once did she think about it. It's not that she didn't want to see Abigail or that she didn't miss or love her, she did and that was why. Emilie was afraid to see the reality, once again, that Abigail was gone. Evelyn had offered to drive her up here to pay her respects on the one year anniversary of her death but all Emilie could do was cry in her room. She might have done it if Jack had been there but he wasn't.
"Well, I'm here now." Jack whispered. Emilie had been ranting about how she couldn't go see her and that she had gone this long without doing it, why not keep going. Then she mentioned how she would have done it last year if he was there and now here they were, sitting in the hotel room staring at one another.
"I don't want to." she whispered back. Jack took her tiny hands in his and kissed her knuckles.
"It's not about what you want to do, Emilie. You need to see her." he told her firmly. Emilie sighed and looked at him.
"I'll cry. I'll cry a lot and I'll probably bug the hell out of you." she told him. Jack smirked a little and nodded.
"Then that gives me a reason to hold you." he told her. She smiled and ran a hand through his hair.
"You don't need a reason to hold me." she whispered. He nodded and kissed her hand again.
"Then why are you so worried?" he asked. She sighed again and looked over at the clock. Almost noon. "If we're going to do this, we need to do it." Jack said, trying not to sound rude or pushy. Emilie took a deep breath before looking back at him and nodding.
"Alright." she whispered. Jack kissed her head and stood up, holding his hand out for her. She grabbed his hand and let him pull her off the bed and into his arms again. She buried her face into his chest and sighed deeply.
"It'll be okay." Jack whispered. Emilie nodded and moved from him to grab her coat. She slipped it on and looked over at tack standing by the door. He could still see the worry in her eyes and her hesitance as she walked over to him. That killed him. Not being able to make her feel better or make her smile, it was hard for him and part of him hated himself for making her do this. But she needed to. They both knew that.
All the way to the cemetery Emilie was quite. She sat straight up in her seat and looked out the window as Jack drove. She had both hands tightly clasped around one of Jack's and even thought it was tough to drive at times, he wouldn't dare take his hand away from hers. He wanted her to know he was not going anywhere, that he would always be there no matter what.
As Jack pulled into the cemetery Emilie's eye scanned the green pasture that was filled the patches of dirt and dull gray headstones. She hadn't been here in almost two years but she remembered being here like it was yesterday.
"I can't." she whispered. He kept his hand out and stared at her.
"Yes, you can. And you need to. Abigail needs a goodbye from you of all people. I'll be right next to you and Ma will be on the other side." he told her.
Emilie slowly grabbed Jack's hand and he wrapped his fingers around hers. He moved back to help her out the car. She stepped out and sighed when her feet touched the ground. Emilie looked at Jack and he nodded. She let his hand go and walked up to Evelyn. She grabbed her hand and we sat down. Jack did as he said, he sat one side while Evelyn sat on her other. Angel, Bobby and Jerry stood behind her. Everyone got in their places as the minister said his words. They were all a blur though. She wasn't paying attention to him. The only thing Emilie saw was the gleaming silver casket in front of her. The one that held her mother.
Emilie's eyes watered remembering that day. She remembered feeling the complete sorrow of loosing yet another parent and the feeling of not knowing what life was going to throw at her next. Jack felt her hand tighten as he parked the car. She reluctantly let his hand go and they exited the car. She stood like a statue by the car and waited for Jack to come get her. To hold her as they walked to the last place she wanted to be. To comfort her like he had for some many long teary nights.
Emilie grabbed Jack's pillow and cried into. A few minutes later she felt and big hand on her back and looked up. She saw the sad eyes of Jack Mercer staring at me. He pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her. She clung to him for dear life as she cried into his shoulder.
"I don't know what to do anymore." she cried softly. He rubbed her back and leaned back onto the bed.
"It's okay." he whispered. "Just remember that you're not alone, okay?"
Emilie gave Jack's hand a light squeeze, silently telling him she needed to do this alone. Jack kissed her head before she finished the tiny path to Abigail's grave. He watched from a few feet away as she kneeled down to the gray stone and bowed her head.
She clasped her hands together, trying to find some kind of comfort. She didn't open her eyes to look at the name on the stone, fearing it would be too much. Instead she tried to remember the woman that she loved and missed dearly.
"Today's a big day, Em. You're getting your license. That's a step toward freedom." she smiled and hand my a cup of coffee. Emilie smiled and took it.
"That's if you won't get all emotional and turn around like last time." she teased. She gasped and put a hand to her chest in mock surprise.
"Me? All emotional? Never." she joked. "No, we're getting it this time. You're seventeen and you know how to drive, so there is no reason that you shouldn't get it." Abigail told her. Emilie smiled and picked at her eggs.
"Promise you won't make up some excuse and turn around?" she asked pointing her fork at Abigail. Abbi laughed and stole a piece of her bacon. Emilie slapped her hand and she laughed.
"I promise. And if I do I promise it will be better than last time." she smiled. Emilie choked on her coffee and remembered her excuse for last time. They were nearly there and out of the blue she pulls a u-turn and heads for the market. She said she had to do grocery shopping because today was the day the truck unloaded and it's better to shop when it's first unloaded.
"Yes, please. That was a bust and you know it." Emilie said wiping the coffee off her chin. She smiled softly and looked away. Emilie knew she was getting ready to cry and she put her hand over Abigail's.
"It's just that you're growing up so fast." she told her softly. Emilie rubbed her hand and moved her tray to the side.
"I was already grown when you got me, mom." she told her. Abigail laughed and looked at her.
"You thought you were grown. You were still very much in need of a mother figure." she smiled. Emilie scooted over to her and hugged her.
"And I got one. And you did a damn good job." she whispered. She laughed into Emilie's shoulder and pulled back. Emilie wiped a few tears away and smiled.
"I tried. But I'm so proud of you. You've gone from a hurt little girl to a very smart young woman. I'm just happy you let me in." she said holding her hands.
"I thought you were an angel. You had this light around you. It wasn't hard for me to trust you. I love you, mom." Emilie told her and smiled. She hugged her again and stood up.
"I love you too."
"That was supposed to be a great day." Emilie whispered to herself. The tears filled her closed eyes but refused to let them drop. Abigail wouldn't want her to cry. She'd want her to be happy but it was so hard. It was hard to smile or laugh when all you wanted to do was cry and scream at the world.
Emilie felt her heart start to break when the image of Abigail's smiling face from that morning slowly disappeared. Her tears became more insistent for a release as that night played in her head.
"It's just a box. I tried to miss it." Abigail said looking over at Emilie. "Go back to sleep, dear." she smiled. Emilie smiled and then looked forward to see a semi-truck crossing into out lane. Emilie saw the bright lights in their faces as she screamed.
"Mom!" she screamed as Abigail turned back to the road.
Her eyes squeezed shut as she remembered the bright lights of the semi and she let out a sob when Abigail's face appeared.
The only thing she heard was the faint sound of the trucks engine. She titled my head to the side and looked over at Abigail. The truck had hit on her side. Emilie saw her head facing her and blood dripping off her chin. She sobbed and frantically tried to move. She jerked the seatbelt out of the buckle and unwrapped it from her body. She pushed herself out of the window and fell to the ground. She got on my feet and looked around. She could still see the smoke from the brakes of the truck. She let out a frustrated scream and limped over to her mom's side of the car. There was about two feet between Abigail's car door and the trucks front. She squeezed in between them and felt Abigail's neck.
"It's okay mom. I'm getting you out."
Jack's eyes filled with tears and fought the temptation to go over there and hold her as she broke down. He hated not being able to hold her and console her. He hated that she was having to go through it all over again.
Emilie's fingers dug into the ground as she hunched over and cried. Her tears spilled down her cheeks and chin to the already moist ground below her. The feeling of complete pain and hurt washed over her once again as the images of the EMT's lights flashed through her mind. She covered her face and tried to shake the image of the EMT as he checked on Abigail.
"She's gone."
"Why? Why did you leave me alone?" she sobbed, letting her head fall into her hands on the ground. "Why?" she screamed and hit the ground with a fist. Jack couldn't take it anymore and rushed over to her as she hit the ground mercilessly.
"Baby, calm down." he whispered, trying to control his voice. He rubbed her back as she turned to him and sobbed into his chest. "Think about the good things." he whispered.
"We worked together in Boston forever. She was one of my closest friends. I trusted her with everything. I still do and we haven't talked in years. She adopted four boys of her own. They were bounced around like you and took them in." Abigail told Emilie.
"She sounds nice. I'd love to meet her." she smiled.
"She is. She's a saint."
Evelyn. Emilie held her breath and slowly opened her eyes and stared at the stone. Abigail never left her alone. She left her the best family she could have ever had after such an event. She let her breath out as Jack rubbed her back and kissed her head. When she calmed herself down, she closed her eyes again. She let out a tiny whimper when she was Abigail smiling at her.
"Thank you." Emile told her as they were leaving. Abigail looked over at her and smiled.
"For what?" she asked. Emilie stopped and grabbed her hand.
"For taking care of me. And for loving me when I didn't think it was possible." she smiled softly. Her eyes sparkled with tears as she hugged her daughter.
"No, thank you for letting me in. You have no idea how much you mean to me, Emilie. I love you like you are my own." she whispered. Emilie pulled back and smiled.
"I am yours."
"I am yours. I always was and always will be." she mumbled and opened her eyes again. Jack pushed her away from him a little and looked down at her.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"You okay?" Jack asked. Emilie laughed sarcastically and looked over at him.
"I'll be fine if everyone quits asking me that." she told him. He nodded and leaned on the tree.
"I'm not okay, Jack." She whispered after a few minutes.
Emilie stared at him and smiled a little. After two years, two long years of ups and downs, of love and loss, she felt she could be honest now. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and sighed.
"I'm okay." she told him. He gave her a sad smile and kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed when his soft lips touched her head. She was okay. She might not have Abigail or Evelyn but both knew that she had Jack. He took care of her and she took care of him. After the tears, this was what was meant to be. Her and Jack. That's what she had to live for and visa versa.
Later that night they were laying in the hotel room. Jack was leaning back onto a stack of pillows on the bed and Emilie was laying next to him, plucking the strings on the guitar that was on his lap. She was exhausted. She cried on the way back to the hotel and the whole time they had been there.
"Can I play you something?" Jack asked softly. Emilie looked up at him and nodded.
"Yeah." she whispered back and moved so he could fix his guitar.
"I've been working on it for along time. I started it after you first got here and I've been adding to it slowly." he told her as he tuned the guitar. He looked over at her and smiled before he started singing and strumming the guitar.
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash, then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash, then crash and burn
You're not alone
'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash, then crash and burn
You're not alone
Jack slowly laid the guitar to the side and looked over at his girlfriend. He almost expected her to cry but when he looked over at her, she was smiling.
Never had she felt so loved than at that moment. All day she had only thought about the pain that the past two years had given her but not once had she thought about the joy it had brought her. The good and bad times she and Jack had gone through. Their first kiss, their first time making love. The first time he told her that he loved her and the way his smile brightened when she said it back. And they way she felt when she realized that they both meant it with every being in their body.
Jack smiled when she grabbed his face and kissed him gently. She pulled back from him and looked deep into his eyes.
"I love you." he whispered. "And I mean that with everything that I am, Emilie. No lies, no cover up. I love you. The love I have for you it's pure and it's honest. And it will never go away." Emilie smiled and moved to sit in his lap. He held her close as she snuggled into him.