Disclaimer: LOL I own Uncle Karl, yes! I don't own da pokemon though XoX. I love this story *cuddles self* rolf xD. I'm surprised people actually reads it though xD
(4 reasons why you don't give retards Pokemon.)
Chapter 4:
Uncle Karl Is Da Man!
"Are you mad at me, Krusty?"
"Growls."
"Why?"
"Growls."
Abbi and Kirsty had finished their long tiring journey to the end of the Viridian forest, they hadn't slept a wink while in the darken forest. They had decided to carry on to the end of the forest even though they were drained, hungry and starting to smell. Pewter city lay beneath their feet as they stopped on a hill, gazing deeply into Pewter city. The sun shone onto the small town giving it a godly sparkle. Abbi and Kirsty both sighed with relief. In this town laid their first gym badge! Their first tag-team battle with a trainer. The gym stood out a mile away, gleaming with all its gym ness beauty, beholding the famous rock-pokemon trainer; BROCK.
"Kirsty! Is mister I have no eyes going to battle us?"
"Growls."
"HEY! I thought you would be happier, didn't he travel with Ash whatshisface."
"My lovely Ash Ketchum," sighed Kirsty, dreamily.
"Kirsty," called a portly man, "over here Kirsty!"
Kirsty gazed over towards the voice to see her uncle Karl, also known as mighty Karlos the helper of the weak in the Viridian forest. Behind him his wife, Nicole and their four children beamed dazzling smiles to the duo.
"Holy shit," cried Abbi, "not your family! Anything but your family! O Jesus is that? It is isn't it?"
"Yup! It's Eli!" smiled Kirsty manically.
"GOD NO!" cried Abbi falling to her knees.
"It's all karma you know Abbi! You do bad things like get a pikachu that your best friend wants then you get glomped by things you dislike!" sang Kirsty.
Uncle Karl waved Kirsty and Abbi towards them. Kirsty grabbed a hold of Abbi's boney wrist and dragged her towards a devilish nine year old. Humpy growled in dislike as his owner was glomped by a nine-year old boy.
"Char!" growled Humpy, unheard by the god squad.
"Abbi," cried Eli, "I have missed you my darling wife! When will you next be sleeping in my bed? Maybe we can play legend of Zelda together!"
"Ahhh," cried Abbi toppling onto the ground, "get off me!"
"How was your journey so far, Kirsty?" politely asked Nicole.
"It's been ok! Me and Abbi were nearly done for but Uncle K-"
Uncle Karl coughed loudly giving Kirsty a stern look. Kirsty shook her head and gave him a sorry glance.
"What was that, dear?" asked Nicole.
"O nothing. I think I ate too many brownies or something…do you have any bacon at your house?" Kirsty's eyes gleamed.
"Of course!" interrupted Uncle Karl, "we always have some bacon on the pan just for you!"
"Help me," muttered Abbi weakly, "I'm dying a painful glomping death!"
"Charrrr!" Humpy once again growled at the nine-year old boy attached to his trainer, warning him to lay off her beloved body.
"Eli!" scolded Eva, his older sister, "leave Abbi alone."
Eli jump hastily from Abbi's neck with a sad frown on his face. He didn't wish to feel his sister's fist in his face once again.
"Bless you!" uttered Abbi as Humpy held onto her leg sticking his tongue out to Eli with a smug smirk.
"She would rather me hang off her!" giggled Eva jumping onto Abbi's fragile neck.
"DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL! GOD SQUAD," cried Abbi, "I say damn you once again!"
Eli took this as an invite to swing onto Abbi's waist. Abbi was buried in children as Humpy began to panic swishing his tail around in defeat like a white flag.
"Do you think Abbi is ok?" asked Nicole, her brow wrinkled in worry.
"She will be fine!" smiled Kirsty, "so about this bacon?"
"It's mighty fine bacon! Come to our home!" cried Karl walking down the grass hill, towards a small cottage on the outskirts of the Viridian city.
"Did you get a new roof?" asked Kirsty looking at the shiny black roof.
"Yes," sighed Nicole, "Eli set fire to the straw roof."
"I'm also taking guitar lessons as well, Kirsty! Do you wish to here my new song it's called Born to be sexy!"
"Sure!" giggled Kirsty as Nicole, Karl and Kirsty along with the two babies held in Nicole's arms walked towards the small cottage.
"Help!" croaked Abbi, "I hate kids."
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"I RUN THESE OLD SHOES DOWN TO JESUS AND HE SAYS KARL, YOU WAS BORN TO BE SEXY!" sang Uncle Karl, drumming his electric guitar.
"When will the pain stop!" cried Abbi, holding her ears.
Nicole smiled placing down bacon sandwiches in front of Kirsty. Kirsty dived into the sandwich shredding the dead pig in her mouth.
"Kirsty," stated Eli, "you keep on getting fatter, yet your boobs are really really small!"
Eva giggled.
"Thanks," growled Kirsty, scoffing down more dead pig with bun.
"SO I SAY JESUS! LET ME PRAY TO YOU FOR MY GOOD-LOOKS AND POKEMON TALENTTTTTT" cried Karl.
"Well done," Nicole clapped.
"Thank you, pork chop" as Karl gave his wife a peck on the cheek, "so you're both trainers! At last! I never thought I would see the day, I was nearly going to give your present to the homeless shelter, Kirsty."
"Present?"
"I know how much you like Oddish…"
"YOU GOT ME AN ODDISH?!?" shrieked Kirsty, "UNCLE KARL YOU ARE DA MAN!"
"Calm down," Karl replied, "this little oddish isn't the brightest of the bunch though…"
"Is it like mentally retarded?" laughed Abbi.
"I bet it's wonderful," glared Kirsty, "stupid Abbi getting a pikachu!"
"O Abbi! Have you caught a pikachu?" asked Nicole delightfully.
"Well, I didn't mean to catch it, it just fell into my poke ball!" cried Abbi.
"Can we see!" asked Eli, his little eyes lighting up.
"Daddy never caught a pikachu!" cheered Eva.
Abbi flung out her poke ball to reveal a sleeping Pikachu. His ears picked up towards the coos and awes of Kirsty's family.
"Pika?" it asked confused, turning its head to a quiet Humpy.
"Char…" sighed Humpy.
Eva and Eli quickly dived for the tired Pikachu cuddling it in both of their arms until the pokemon gave out a squeak.
"That reminds me," Kirsty glared towards the pikachu she wanted, "My poor little Ashie-poo got K.O. in battle, can you heal him with your machine please, Uncle Karl?"
"Certainly," smiled Uncle Karl, "for a fee."
"How much?"
"Fifty pounds."
"What?!?!"
"You still owe me for that projector," grumbled Karl, "I could buy a nice blue guitar with that!"
"Just let it go, hunni." Nicole cooed, taking Kirsty's poke-ball to another room to heal.
"You're going to need your strength for the new gym leader!" Eli laughed, "Eva couldn't beat him!"
"Shut up, Eli!" Eva gave Eli a swift punch to the shins.
"So that's why you're still here then, Eva?" asked Abbi.
Eva had reached ten six months ago and even received her starting pokemon: her fathers old Tangela.
"I can't seem to beat him, he is unstoppable," Eva stomped her foot, "he is also a ninja."
"What happened to no eyes?" asked Abbi.
"Just disappeared, I think he was too famous for this small town," mumbled Uncle Karl, "personally I reckon he is off to help Ash."
"Really," awed Kirsty, "He has gone to help Ash Ketchum? The man of the century! I so wanted Brock's autograph though…what's this new pokemon trainer like Eva?"
"He is a ninja and trains in Mt Moon for ages! I heard he eats rocks for breakfast and when I went up against him he told me to call him the mighty Ryu. His body was covered head to toe of black! Only his eye's stared out! It was freaky, poor Tangy wet herself, didn't you?"
Eva's Tangela: Tangy nodded in agreement.
"He isn't like a Muslim or something Eva?" Abbi asked, "did you try and de-mask him? I would of."
"No, he is a ninja and his pokemon are so strong," whined Eva, cuddling onto Abbi's pikachu, "I hope you beat him, Abbi!"
"Hey!" cried Kirsty, "what about me?"
"O, your just freaky, Kirsty."
"True, true," laughed Abbi, "she once stared at this woman's arse, I think she is turning lesbian."
"Lesbian!?!?" cried Karl, "in the house of god! I must make a song about this!"
"Noo!" blushed Kirsty, "It was only once! And everyone must have done it before, right?"
The room became silent and pikachu let out a soft yawn as it cuddled itself into Eva's arms, Eli stroked its small head. Humpy glared at the pikachu and wafted its tails around the room.
"Anyway," coughed Karl, picking up his guitar, "I'll show you, your new oddish! Any idea what you wish to call it? Maybe, Karlos? Or Mighty Karlos?"
"I was thinking Odd Bod," smiled Kirsty, "Or Jesus!"
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Uncle Karl led the plump teenager into his breeding room, it was full of youthful pokemon, prancing around and playing with one another. A few slept on top of some worn out pillows and others jumped on top of shelves, knocking down important breeding books.
"Still haven't got outside sorted?" asked Kirsty.
"Nope," sighed Karl, "I got so much work on. With completing this new game and my guitar lessons the little garden has been put just above getting Eva a new carpet."
"So which one is mine?" smiled Kirsty, looking at the five oddish's gathered in the corner.
"This one," pointed Uncle Karl, "the one doing aerobics!"
A small oddish stood on her own from the rest, bending her leaves to her toes letting out pants of "od", sweat glittered off the small pokemons body.
"You give me the one who likes to do exercise…the last time I ran was diving for a chocolate brownie when I was three. I nearly had to go to hospital because I got so tired."
Uncle Karl let out a booming laugh and motioned for the oddish to come over who obeyed and ran towards Karl. However, this oddish wasn't very coordinated. The oddish tumbled doing a flip in the air landing flat on it's face in front of Kirsty's flat duck feet.
The oddish let out a tremblous wail.
"ODDDDDISSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH," it cried.
"Odd, bod!" squeaked Kirsty picking up, her motherly ways kicking in as she picked up the plant like pokemon as she began to cradle it.
"Oddddd," wailed the oddish.
"She is a bit of a wailer," said Uncle Karl, "I think the other pokemon will be glad to get rid of her to be honest, they always glare at when she falls over and cries. She falls over never every minute as well, put me and Nicole right out of the mood, I tell you!"
"Thanks," shuddered Kirsty, "its ok, Odd Bod, I'll show the way of the Ketchum, I'll do your little leaves like Misty's hair!"
"Odd?"
"Yeah! I'll even dye them orange! The ultimate Misty, Oddish! We could enter competitions!"
"Ish!" Oddish wailed in protest, she liked her green leaves.
"Ok, fine," grumbled Kirsty, "I won't, but it's ok. Odd Bod, I'm your new trainer!" giggled Kirsty.
"Odd," the oddish's mouth turned into an ugly frown, this giant ape was going to be her trainer?
"What attacks does she know?" asked Kirsty.
"Absorb."
"And?"
"Well. There not really attacks, but she knows how to ask other pokemon for directions really well," smiled Uncle Karl, "she can stumble great and her crying attack is fab!"
"Damn!" Kirsty growled, "So you gave me the runt?"
"Of course," grinned Uncle Karl, "you still owe me fifty pounds! I wasn't pleased at the time when I chose out your present, you know!"
Kirsty grumbled, holding Odd Bod to her breast as it wailed into her chest for having an ape as a trainer.
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"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," sang Abbi, splashing around in the Gabbista's bath, "take it away Humpy!"
"Char, char, char!" sang Humpy, "char, char, char."
Humpy sat on the toilet waving around it's tail in rhythm watching his trainer apply shampoo to her dyed pixie blonde hair.
"LALALALALALALA," sang Abbi loudier, "First gym battle tomorrow, Humpy! You ready for it?"
"Char!" roared the Charmander, standing on the toilet holding a toothbrush in it's hand waving it around like a sword.
"You could be the next Zorro!"
"Char! Char!"
"Was that the look you was going for?"
"Mander!"
Abbi laughed, picking up a bar of soap into her hand and washing herself clean. The forest had made her sweaty, dirty and tired and she could feel her emerald eyes drifting off to sleep.
A loud kick of the door handle and the bathroom door shot open, making Abbi jump and making Humpy fall head first into the toilet with a splash.
"Well, hello there," growled Eli, Abbi's pikachu nestled onto his head.
"YOU FUCKING DEMON," cried Abbi throwing a bar of soap at his face, "get out! I sin you to hell! I sin you! I'll rip up your bible! And draw a penis on your Jesus!"
"What's going on!" Eva shouted running into the bathroom, "I heard blasphemy of Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"O, great," sighed Abbi, "have you both come to watch me bath? It is some type of weird Mormon tradition to watch friends of the family bath?"
"Well," started Eli.
"Well, nothing, you little monkey brat," shouted Abbi, "Out! Out! Out! And take my fucking charmander out of the bog!"
"If we get Humpy out of the toilet," started Eli, "can we come in the bath with you?"
"Yeah!" chanted Eva, picking up an unhappy Humpy, his eyes stung from toilet water.
"CHAR CHAR, MANDER!" growled the Charmander at the two children.
"No way! You're not coming into th-"
Both Eva and Eli had stripped down to their birthday suits and climbed into a protesting Abbi's bath tub. Pikachu climbed in as well placing a warm pink fannel on top of its head, soothing itself to sleep as it floated in the bath water.
"Isn't this fun," giggled Eva, "you're so much fun, Abbi! Isn't this a blast?"
"Brilliant, a blast," grumbled Abbi trying to cover her bits, "don't your parents tell you not to go into another people's baths?"
"We're encouraged! This way Dad gets to buy more games and stuff! Plus Mum and Dad bath together!"
"Please, if there is a god, I'm sorry for that time I pushed that granny over, made them girls cry and did all that mean stuff! I didn't know it was against the law to throw eggs at them old ladies!" pleaded Abbi, placing her bath wrinkled hands together in prayer, "Humpy, are you ok?"
"Char," grumbled Humpy, sulking in the corner.
"Don't worry," smiled Abbi, "we can put worms down Kirsty's pants before we go to sleep."
The charmander gave a wryly smile.
"Why are your boobs so small, Eva?" asked Eli.
"Shut up, Eli," growled Eva splashing him with bath water.
"If this is what Mormonism does too you…," wonder Abbi, "No wonder lots of them are in mental homes."
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"Night, Uncle Karl," waved Kirsty, walking into the spare bedroom clanged in borrowed PJs which said "I love Jesus" scrawled on the butt.
Kirsty stationed herself in front of the computer in the small room, clicking on the internet. She hadn't surfed the web for a day. She was getting withdrawal symptoms.
"Can you live without the computer?" asked Abbi who laid on the double bed, clanged in ten-year old Eva's pjs with giant pigs across them.
"No," giggled Kirsty, beginning to pick her nose while she browsed the student forums.
"You're not even a student."
"I am."
"What of?"
"POKEMON! Look at this thread! Should we give children fake plastic swords?" mumbled Kirsty.
"No," yawned Abbi, placing her head onto the pillow, "we should give them real ones and then set them on one another like monkey cage fighting."
"This sounds like me," faked wailed Kirsty, "My best friend said I can't get a boyfriend because my love handles are the size of melons…"
"That's not true," Humpy curled its body against Abbi's, while pikachu lay on top of Abbi's stomach, "they're the size of cats."
"Have you named your, Pikachu, yet Abbi?" asked Kirsty with venom in her voice.
"I was thinking of calling it, Fucktard," laughed Abbi, "then I realized that is cruel, so I have settled for Lemon."
"Why Lemon?"
"It's yellow," smiled Abbi, "like a lemon!"
"You idiot," grumbled Kirsty, "We will get laughed at! And we have a big gym battle tomorrow; I hope he isn't too scary! I only have one pair of knickers!"
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