(5 reasons why you don't give retards Pokemon.)
Chapter 5:
IMMA NINJA!
"Abbi, Kirsty," Nicole whispered, "It's time to wake up! Its morning, your pokemon are all awake, except…well…you know…your pikachu, Abbi."
"Sawyer, take me to your island," mumbled Kirsty, "yes, we can get lost in your island…"
Nicole placed her slender hand onto Kirsty's shoulder shaking it lightly. Kirsty's eyes awoke, sniffling and yawning she got out of bed.
"Back to bed…" groaned Kirsty, "please, I dreamt I was in lost…with Sawyer."
"That's nice," smiled Nicole, floating out of the room with a carefree smile, "it's your big gym battle today…"
"Abbi! Get up," groaned Kirsty, rolling over Abbi's fragile body like a steam roller. Abbi's response was punching Kirsty in the face, she was unaffected.
"Fuck off, you dick," Abbi sniffed, "you're squeezing my ovaries. I shall never produce eggs ever again."
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The sun blazed deep onto the skin of the duo. Dragging their bodies through Pewter city, walking passed friendly faces with a smile on their faces, flowers swaying in the gentle breeze.
"Why is everyone so happy," grumbled Abbi, "it's fucking eleven in the morning, I only register at one."
"Charrrr!" Humpy, clung to Abbi's leg.
"Yes, I know, it's abnormal!"
"I'm so glad to have you back," squeaked Kirsty kissing Ashie-poo's blue skull, the squirtle smiled happily back in its owners arms.
"Squirt," Ash placed his skull into Kirsty's bust, he smiled with joy.
"That is like beastality," commented Abbi.
"You can't feel the love between me and Ashie-poo," Kirsty shook her fist, "we share a deep trainer and pokemon bond, we're one like the lion king! Except human and pokemon."
"Charr," Humpy laughed along with Abbi at the two retards.
Both trainers came to a stop. A towering gym stood before them, the original gym seemed long gone as the new one in place was certainly different. The gym was a huge, dark, ghostly looking tower. Covered with smashed windows, splintered wood and cobwebs.
"I miss, Brocks gym," whispered Kirsty, "this gym gives me the creepies, not the good kind, the bad kind that makes me want to dig up graves."
"Stop being a baby," yawned Abbi, walking up the creaking stairs, "nothing to be afraid of! Just a big tower to make people like you shit their kegs!"
"Abbi! What if there are you know, Jahovist witness waiting their to convert me into their religion! Or people who don't respect Sawyers hotness in lost! Terrible, terrible people," Kirsty whispered eerily, "what if there are Hugh Jackman haters? What will you do then?"
"Pull out a machete? Humpy will take care of them," smiled Abbi, earning a quick thrust from the pleased and praised charmander.
"Squirt…" worried the squirtle, "squirtle." He did not like the look of the building either much like his trainer, clinging onto her famous AshxMisty top.
Both trainers entered the spooky gym, the walls were painted black like the night sky. The floor a solid marble black. Deserted room with just a pair of solid blue crystal glared back at the duo.
"Bloody hell! It's fucking Bradford in here!" said Abbi, "Hello! You! Mister floating eyes turn on the lights! I can't see a fucking thing! Yes, I am wearing glasses before you say something like, get some glasses then."
"Floating eyes?!?! That is freaky," shivered Kirsty.
"Squirrttt," the squirted shivered equally as much.
"Evening," spoke the floating eyes, "I shall turn on the lights if that is what you wish young trainers."
"Wow…what a hot voice," giggled Kirsty, smoothing down her wispy brown hair, "maybe he looks like Sawyer under all that black."
"Oh, Please!" replied Abbi, "it's obvious why he wears a mask!"
"Why?"
"He is fucktard, ugly!"
"Don't insult him! He might get mad," whimpered Kirsty, "kick our butts to tim buck two!"
"He couldn't kick your arse across the street," snorted Abbi, earning a laugh from the troublesome charmander.
The lights flickered on to reveal the ninja gym leader, sat cross legged on the floor, his body covered head to toe in black, only his eyes visible for these trainers.
"Is it true you eat rocks?" asked Abbi.
"No," laughed the gym leader, "Anymore questions, young one?"
"Do you like black?"
"Yes."
"Do you know the ninja dance?"
"The what?"
"You know the ninja dance," started Abbi, "were you dance with a ninja and go IMMA NINJA, YEAH, IMMA A NINJA."
"I don't think I do," he pondered, "nor have I tried it before."
"Do you believe in Jesus!" piped up Kirsty.
"Heavens, no."
"Whaaa…" wailed Kirsty, "Jesus is my homeboy!"
"That's enough, questions! My name is Ryu-Onii I am the black ninja of the night! I have taken over the Pewter city gym from the legend of Brock! I have only been beaten once! Fear my power," laughed Ryu.
"O….k," whistled Abbi, "it's nice to meet you Ryu, don't you think you should reveal the true gym leader and get back to the nursing home?"
"You mock me, bimbo?" stated Ryu.
Humpy let out a trembling growl towards the ninja. Holding a pink tooth brush in his paws which he kept in Abbi's stripy socks. Humpy waved the toothbrush in a threatening manner.
"What a dumb, little Charmander," smirked Ryu.
"How dare you!" growled Abbi, "my Humpy has an IQ of 50!"
"Char!" agreed the Charmander.
"Abbi," sighed Kirsty, "that isn't a good IQ."
"Really?" asked Abbi surprised, "so why is mine 34?"
Kirsty slapped her forehead with her hand: face palm.
"Less of the insults," began Ryu, "lets begin the battle, it shall be a double battle, and you both use two pokemon each together!"
"Ok," nodded Abbi and Kirsty together; determination in their eyes.
"I choose you, Growlithe and Vulpix!" summoned the gym leader, he threw both poke-balls to the hardly noticeable drawn out area, two pokemon awoke from a slumber.
A small disciplined, Growlithe emerged from the streaking light, he stood perfectly still in an upright position. A black ban dander was tied across the neck with the words Ryu scrawled in white.
A smaller elegant Vulpix floated from the bright light to stand in a fighting stance. A black ban dander was tied across the right front paw of the female Vulpix.
"Make your choice," laughed Ryu, "make it snappy and wise."
"What the hell have they got on?!" yelled Abbi, "Are they in some form of gang?"
"The AshxMisty crew? We currently have two members! Me and Ashie-poo," squeaked Kirsty, tickling her Squirtles under belly.
"No, you foolish children! They are apart of the Ninja community that lurks in the shadows of this town."
"Well, isn't that obvious!" barked Abbi.
"Choose, your pokemon, await your fate."
Huddling together Abbi and Kirsty decided on their best options. With a signal from one another, Ashie-poo stepped up to the plate. An obvious choice being a water-type, an upper hand on both the fire-types. Abbi lazily threw Lemon's poke ball in, to reveal it snoozing loudly.
"Shall we begin?"
The duo nodded.
"Growlithe, tackle the Squirtle," commanded Ryu, "Vulpix quick attack that Pikachu!"
Both pokemon obeyed silently, the Growlithe racing towards Ashie-poo a gleaming look of vicious in its eyes, pounding its skull straight into the Squirtles shell.
"Ashie-poo!" cried Kirsty, "give that Growlithe a taste of its own medicine! Bubble!"
Ashie-poo jumped back from the straight-on tackle letting out streams of bubbles towards the Growlithe who gracefully dodged.
"Squirrtttlee!" squeaked the Squirtle, angrily, shaking it small paws.
"Ashie-poo, do it again, this time with more feeling! Give it more power! Like Ash Ketchum would!"
The Squirtle ran towards the Growlithe, streaming bubbles towards its form, watching it dodge every bubble, letting the bubbles burst on the gleaming black floor of the gym.
Ryu let out a mighty laugh.
"Your pokemon is too slow to ever catch my Growlithe," smirked Ryu, "it's just a little flea compared to my mighty Growlithe."
"Growl, growl," laughed the Growlithe.
"What a hot voice…" sighed Kirsty.
"SNAPP OUT OF ITT WOMAN, WE'RE BATTLING FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN HERE!" cried Abbi.
Abbi watched the Vulpix a number of times trying to lay a perfect quick attack on the lazy Pikachu. However, every time the Vulpix got close to the Pikachu it would just move slightly so the Vulpix would slide passed.
"Good work, lemon ball!" cheered Abbi, " Thunder shock that Vulpix, hard all the way to Africa!"
Lemon just tilted its head towards its blonde trainer, yawning and curling into a bright yellow ball in the middle of the arena.
"What the fuck…" an astonished Abbi blinked in amazement at the Pikachu, "you little brat! If you don't do something right now! God help me! I will make you into Pikachu meat and Humpy will eat you, WHOLE!"
"Charrr" smirked Humpy, pulling out a small knife and fork with a hand chief around its neck to show its eagerness to eat the Pikachu.
Ryu let out another booming laugh.
"Your pokemon obviously doesn't respect your leadership, novice trainer," Ryu looked down on both trainers, "it seems you caught yourself a rather strong Pikachu who won't listen to your commands unless you gain badges to show your worthiness."
"Who do you think you are? Huh? Jeremy Kyle? Do I look like someone who needs your help?" growled Abbi.
Ryu just smirked.
"Vulpix, Ember," smirked Ryu, "Growlithe, bite."
"Right, Ashie-poo, remember to dodge!"
"Squirt! Squirt!" the Squirtle nodded, the Growlithe charged across the arena floor once again, heading straight for Ashie-poo.
The Growlithe charged into the Squirtle who quickly leapt, matrix style, side ways. The Growlithe changed direction almost instantly catching the leaping Squirtle off guard. Growlithe clamped it's teeth onto the Squirtle's head.
"SQUIRTLEEEEEEEE," yelped the Squirtle running around the arena with a Growlithe clamped upon its skull.
"Ashie-poo," squeaked Kirsty, teary eyed, "baby, I'll get you out of this, use water gun straight above yourself like the fountain of youth!"
The squirtle complied, water streamed from its mouth, splashing the Growlithe who howled as the water splashed its fur.
Slight concern flashed upon Ryu's blue eyes.
"Growlith, unhook yourself from that Squirtle."
Growlithe instantly let go, slightly dazzled by amount of water that had covered its clean dog-like coat.
Ashie-poo rubbed its blue skull, feeling dints in its head.
"Squirtleee.." it blubbered.
"It's ok, Ashie-poo!" soothed Kirsty, "I'll always love you even if you have a dented head!"
"Squirtlee…" it blubbered once more.
"Plus it give you the sort of lone warrior look," winked Kirsty, "all the ladies love that look!"
"Squirtle!" piped the Squirtle with joy, it liked the ladies.
"No, they don't," whispered Abbi, "only you do and you like little kids as well…"
"Don't remind me of straw hat boy," a teary-eyed Kirsty reminisced, "he was so hot, but I think this Ryu might be…his voice makes me want to rawr on the kitchen on the floor…"
"Do you both know how to battle!" snapped Ryu, "Idiots! Pure idiots! Concentrate on the battle not on bloody Ashlee Simpson!"
It was obvious why Ryu had become stressy, annoyed and aggravated. His Vulpix couldn't land any flames on the quick Pikachu, who would yawn in the Vulpix's face when it came close to the Pikachu's form.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist," smiled Abbi, her face lighting up, "go eat a banana or something…"
"Get your Pikachu to stay fucking still!" growled Ryu, watching his Vulpix beginning to tired from multiple attacks of Ember.
"Lemon-pie!" growled Abbi.
The Pikachu cocked its head to the side, gazing at the panting Vulpix.
"Lemon-pie! I want you right now! I mean it! Or I will kick your arse! I want you to fucking thunder shock this little foxy bitch to hell!"
Lemon-pie yawned, looking at Ashie-poo who was now, running away from a Growlithe who was snapping at the Squirtle's heels.
"Run, fat boy, run," called Abbi, snickering along with Humpy, which earned a glare from Kirsty, "Lemon-pie! Fucking do what I say!"
Abbi produced the pink tooth brush from her odd socks, dodgily throwing it at her Pikachu, watching it rebound off its head.
The Pikachu's ear twitched in annoyance, glaring at the tooth brush. Instantly Lemon-pie let out an earth quaking thunder-shock onto the panting Vulpix, the Vulpix couldn't dodge the massive amounts of electricity pounding from the small mouse's body. The Vulpix dazed for a second after the attack fell down to the ground in defeat.
"Vulpix, return," growled Ryu, "first time for everything, I guess."
"Hell yeah, lemon-pie! You beast! You beaut! You amazing thing!" screeched Abbi as the pokemon went back to a soft sleep.
The small Squirtle was beginning to pant; the Growlithe was fast and was grazing the back of the Squirtle's shell with its sharp fangs.
"Take down, Growlithe!" Ryu-onii commanded.
Instantly, the Growlithe struck, Ashie-poo flattened against the black battle arena, yelping and panicking as the Growlithe began to clamp down on the Squirtle's shell.
"ASHIE-POO! Quick! Abbi, do something!"
"What do you want me to do? Jump in the arena myself?"
"Good idea!"
The larger girl grappled with the wriggling blonde, throwing the yelling pale skinned, youth into the arena, her body crashing into the attacking Growlithe.
Ryu-onii's eyes widened with shock. "What the fuck was that?"
"That's it, Abbi, use wrestle attack!"
Abbi peeled herself off the fainted Growlithe, rubbing her back cursing her best friend's idiotic idea. The small Growlithe laid K.O., while the battered and bruised Squirtle ran towards his trainer with tears in his eyes. He was met with a bone crushing boob hug.
"Ashie-poo! You were so brave! You were all mighty like the samurai!"
"Squirt!"
"Yes, I love you too! Hugs and kisses for my favorite boy."
Ashie-poo began to be covered by kisses from the large trainer. Abbi glared towards her best friend, Humpy tottered over to his trainer, inspected she was not hurt badly then proceeded to hump her leg with glee. Singing a small song in Pokeyish, about how much he was she was alive and how worried he was.
"Charrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, CHARRRRRRRRRRRR, CHARRRRRRRR! Mander!" cried Humpy.
"It's ok, Humpy! I'm like rogue from x-men! Amazing!" smirked Abbi, rubbing the back of here back.
Ryu-onii astonished by the act of tom foolery, returned his faint Growlithe with a grumble.
"What the hell was that! That was fucking cheating! What type of tactic was that?"
"Don't ask me!" cried Abbi, "I was the innocence victim of a full on Mormon attack!"
"Well, you was hurting my Ashie-poo!" defened Kirsty, "Poor, Ashie-poo is a small baby, he needs love and care until he is big and strong and even more good-looking to be my husband!"
"SQURITLE!" agreed Ashie-poo.
"Bullshit, woman!" Ryu-onii began, "That was full on cheating, I refuse to give you, this BoulderBadge!"
"What!?!!"
"Char!" growled Humpy.
"Isn't the rules of a gym battle to knock out all the gym leaders pokemon?" asked Abbi.
"Well, yes."
"Then we just did it! Hand over the badge! This is a stick up!" growled Abbi. Kirsty nodded in unison.
Ryu-onii laughed. "You're going to fight me? When you know you blatantly don't deserve this Boulderbadge! Using humans in a pokemon battle is low!"
"Well…we will go as low as low to get that badge!" Kirsty cried.
"You might," retorted Abbi, "but I won't, Jesus!"
"Wait…so throwing humans in a pokemon battle is allowed? Just not heard of? Does it say it in the rule book?" asked Kirsty.
"Well…it's not against the rules," scowled Ryu-onii, "I have trying to enforce it for some time now! I read the rules book every night."
"What a sad little man…" sighed Abbi. Humpy nodded in agreement.
"So we deserve that badge!" Kirsty yelled, stomping towards the masked ninja.
"You have spunk, don't you, girl," smirked Ryu-onii under his mask, "I like spunky girls. Here." Ryu-onii flicked out two Boulderbadges, "Take them."
"You think I have spunk?" marveled Kirsty.
"Now…am I the only one who is thinking of the rude meaning?" laughed Abbi.
Both trainers took their badges from the ninja, who was still annoyed by their idiotic tactics.
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Outside of the gym, Ryu-onii said good-bye to the two retarded trainers, which he had offered to heal their pokemon with his machine. They gladly accepted. Dusk was beginning to settle into Pewter city. The houses were becoming emulated in light, the museum had long-ago closed and a journey still awaited these two 'special' trainers.
"Thank-you for my badge," gushed Kirsty, battering her eyelashes, "Is there anything I could give you?"
Ryu-onii thought this over for a few seconds, looked the plump girl up and down. Shivered at the AshxMisty top and the pokemon braces and gave large shake of the head.
"Can I demask you?" asked Abbi.
"No."
"Please."
"No."
"Why not."
"It makes me look a mysterious character."
"It makes you look like an idiot."
"I don't care what others think."
"Keep telling yourself that!"
Humpy laughed. Swishing, his tail towards the gym leader, his paws still attached to his trainers leg.
"Abbi," growled Kirsty, "leave Ryu-onii alone. Even though I think he will be hot without his mask on…your voice…it's so…sexy."
Abbi grabbed Kirsty's arm and tried to drag the love sick teenager away from the black ninja. Without even moving Kirsty an inch, Abbi retorted by setting Kirsty's pants on fire.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Kirsty.
Kirsty ran onto a nearby patch of grass and began to pat out her flaming butt. Abbi smiled in a job-well done. Charmander giggled and Squirtle went to drizzle water on his trainers butt.
"SAYONARA!" called Abbi.
"MY BUTT IS ON FIRE!" cried Kirsty.
These were the departing words of the two retards to their first gym battle. But is it the last they see of Ryu-onii?
"I hope so!"
"He was so hot," drooled Kirsty, "maybe, he will date me? He was so much hotter than straw hat boy!"