Well, I wanted to thank everyone for reading and reviewing my story! I love that people are enjoying my work and I appreciate all the feedback I receive. I also apologize for not updating in a while; college is so crazy, it really keeps me busy! However, with school finally over, hopefully I can finish this up by the end of the summer. After all, I am sadly nearing the end, so it should take that long...
Anyhow, the first part of this (the second part of Interlude 4) was a lot of fun to write and I hope I did a good job with my characterizations. As for the second part, it was nice to finally return to writing Akito in all her crazy glory (it's been so long!). However, I'm afraid the presentation of the session might come off a bit problematic; therefore, I must note that despite an analogy made in this part, in no way is Akito supposed to be representative or symbolicof the Judeo-Christian-Islamic God. Akito, obviously, perverts everything, including religion, and as for Kazuki, his character is purposefully not a religious one, as he is so keen on practicality and reason, that he is a little bit more relaxed intermsusing religion for wordly analogies, if that makes sense. Well, I guess I don't want to spoil anything, but I'll just say I'm very sorry if I offend anyone!
Anyhow, thank you all again and enjoy!
For a day when classes were not in session, Kaiwa Academy was bustling with student activity. I watched with curiosity at the young people scurrying around and setting up stands on the lawn. As I had spent my teenage years studying in the west, I had unfortunately missed out on many of the experiences of the typical Japanese student, including school festivals. Viewing the bubbly, youthful commotion, though, made me for the first time actually feel some regret for having not gone to high school in Japan.
A fall breeze rippled past me, and I stuck my hands in my pocket, feeling foolish for haven forgotten to bring gloves after just recovering from being so sick. Still, despite this, I was grateful for my heavy tan coat and for the dark red turtleneck sweater I had decided to throw on. I glanced over at Ayame, who seemed unaffected by the cold and was beaming with giddiness. "Oh, to be young again!" he exclaimed joyfully.
"Yes," I agreed with a smile. "They appear to be having a lot of fun."
"Don't they? I absolutely love it!" Ayame then took my arm and began to pull me along. "Come on, now! Let's see who we can find."
As we walked, several students began to stare at us, for it must have been rather suspicious to them to see two adult men wandering across their school grounds. Yet, the awkwardness thankfully didn't last long; after a few minutes of walking, we were suddenly greeted by an unfamiliar girl standing a few feet beyond us and waving enthusiastically. "Hi!" she called to us.
Ayame immediately released me to run over to her. "Tohru, it's so good to see you! I'd hug you, but – well, you know all about that!"
"Yes, it's good to see you, too! Yuki didn't tell me you were coming today."
"He doesn't know! It's kind of a surprise."
"Oh…" the young girl trailed off a bit nervously before her eyes fell on me, for I had caught up to them. "Hello," she said sweetly.
"Why, how rude of me!" Ayame declared. "You two haven't been introduced have you? This is Tohru Honda. She lives with Shigure." My eyes widened at this new information; so, I was finally meeting the mysterious girl I had heard so much about from Yuki, Kyou, and the others. Yet, as I quickly studied her, I began to feel disappointed. She certainly didn't seem extraordinary in any way, nor could I imagine a girl of her age having some kind of remarkable insight into the world, as so many of my relatives had implied. If anything, she appeared to be very plain and simple, albeit perhaps a bit too polite and cheery, as she smiled at me widely. Still, despite this, I managed a courteous smile as Ayame continued with the introductions. "This, Tohru, is Kazuki, yet another member of our very large family, as well as the tortured Sohma psychiatrist. He's also quite a smart one, although not as nearly as boring as my little brother. Don't you worry, though - he's not cursed with the zodiac, which I have to say, is probably a good thing for everyone, because I doubt he could handle that sort of pressure!" Ayame laughed. "Sadly, he won't be with us much longer, for he's set to return to America in just a couple weeks."
"Well, it's very nice to meet you, Kazuki. I hope we can become good friends before you leave." She bowed respectfully.
"It's nice to meet you, too – "I began, but did not get to say much else.
"What are you doing here?" came the infuriated but controlled voice of Yuki from our left.
"Why, Yuki!" Ayame exclaimed, throwing his arms around his younger brother. "I've missed you so much – it's been so long, after all!"
"I just saw you three days ago," Yuki reminded him, pushing free of Ayame's embrace.
"Three days is too much, I say," Ayame insisted, but pouted a bit at Yuki's obvious annoyance. "Aren't you happy to see your big brother? Tohru is!"
"I can't say that I'm – " Yuki stopped mid-sentence when he noticed me. "What are you – I mean, I didn't know you were here, too, Kazuki. Hello…." Uncomfortably, he lowered his head and his fair cheeks grew pink; it was apparent that he hadn't bargained on having to see me again for quite some time after our last session.
"Hello, Yuki." I gave him a reassuring smile in the hopes to ease some of his embarrassment, but it didn't seem to work.
However, it was soon my turn to feel embarrassed, for Momiji had spotted me from where he was working with Haru and Kyou, and in a matter of seconds, the three had made there way to where we were standing, all appearing quite surprised to see me at their school (interestingly, the presence of Ayame didn't seem to surprise them much at all). "Kazuki, why are you here?" Momiji questioned, "Ayame told me that you were sick today and couldn't see any patients."
"He certainly doesn't look sick," Haru noted nonchalantly.
"Well, I – " I stammered, looking for a response but was unable to come up with anything remotely reasonable.
"What can I say?" Ayame interjected with a grin. "I told a little lie. But it's not as if Kazuki doesn't deserve a day off."
"Why'd you have to bring him here, though?" Kyou spoke up, staring at his feet as he did; he obviously didn't like seeing me outside my office, either.
"We can go, of course," I hastily blurted out, feeling increasingly uncomfortable.
"No, it's not – you don't have to go…" Kyou sort of muttered, his tone a bit begrudging, but to who, I'm not sure.
"I'm glad you're here, Kazuki!" Tohru suddenly said. "I've heard only a little about you before today, but I'd really like to learn more, if you don't mind that is."
"There's really nothing to learn, I'm afraid," I told her, feeling ill at ease under the weight of her eager eyes.
"He's wrong about that," Ayame was quick to disagree, "There's tons to learn about Kazuki. He's been all around the world, after all."
Tohru grinned widely. "Really? How amazing. I haven't really been anywhere, but that's okay. I'm sure one day I'll get the chance to see some of the world, even if it is only one place. Still, to have seen the whole world – wow!"
"I haven't actually seen all of it…"
"What was your favorite place, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Oh, I know this one!" Ayame chimed in, "You told me before. It's Paris, isn't it?"
I lightly laughed. "No," I corrected him, "It's Athens, actually."
"Athens? Where's Athens?" Tohru asked.
"Beats me," Haru shrugged.
"Isn't it in Italy or something?" Kyou mumbled. Tohru and Momiji seemed to be pondering this suggestion, as I tried my best not to cringe at how uneducated they were all when it came to world geography.
"It's not in Italy, it's in Greece," Yuki said edgily, hostilely adding, "Everybody know that." However, by the looks of surprise on everyone else's faces by this revelation, it was apparent that not everyone did.
"What do I care, anyway?" Kyou hotly asked, crossing his arms and turning away. "I don't see why we have to talk about all this traveling stuff for. It's all just really stupid and a waste of time."
"For you, maybe," Yuki remarked coolly.
"For you, too!" Kyou snapped, clenching his hands into fists, while Yuki eyed him icily.
"Please don't fight," Tohru swiftly cut in, stepping between them in order to prevent them from making any sort of physical contact.
Both of my cousins eased up a bit with this plea, but the frustration remained in their eyes. "Fine, whatever. It doesn't matter to me. It's not like I'd want to visit a boring place like Athens, anyway. Let Kazuki go wherever he wants, for all I care. I'd rather stay here." Then, he marched off, disappearing behind the school building.
"Stupid cat," Yuki said softly under his breath before turning around and walking in the opposite direction of Kyou.
"Wait, Yuki, my darling little brother!" Ayame shouted, gleefully chasing after him. Following this, Momiji and Haru were quick to say their farewells to me and return to their work for the school festival. With them gone, I was left alone with Tohru.
"I'm sorry," she instantly apologized. "I didn't mean to upset everyone."
"It's not your fault," I assured her. "Really, it's not. My cousins are just upset, because, well, things are difficult for them…"
"I know! That's why I should have been more sensitive." Tohru frowned, eyes averting to the grass beneath her.
"Please, don't blame yourself. You have done plenty for this family, I promise you."
"Have I?"
"Yes, but unfortunately, I can't say more than that, because of patient confidentiality."
"Oh, I understand. I'm just glad that maybe I've been a little bit helpful. I'd like to think I have been, but sometimes I'm not sure."
I smiled at this. "Yes, I certainly know that feeling."
"Hmm?"
"It's nothing – it's just, well, I can't say I've been too successful during my time as my family's therapist. In fact, sometimes I think I've just made things worse."
"Oh no!" Tohru looked me directly in the eye as she spoke, "You've been so important, I'm certain."
"Thank you for your kind words. But I'm afraid that's all they are. I think it'll be better for everyone once I'm gone from here. It's as if I don't belong – I never belonged."
"Don't say that," Tohru clasped onto my hands, almost begging. "That's terrible, to feel that way, as if you don't fit in."
"Oh, no, please," I let out an almost unnatural laugh for I instantly realized I was saying too much to a girl I hardly knew and was desperate to cover. Worse yet, I was burdening her with my problems and simply feeling sorry for myself, perhaps with the subconscious hope that she would feel sorry for me, too, and offer me some sympathy. Hastily, I went to correct my error; "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry, truly I am. I was just thinking out loud, I suppose, but it's nothing at all, especially nothing for you to concern yourself with. I hate bothering you with all this nonsense."
"But it's no bother at all - I want to help you if I can. After all, you've done so much for Yuki, Kyou, everyone."
"I haven't really."
"Yes, you have – "
"I haven't," I repeated, but with a sharpness that startled me. Feeling my face grow hot, I said, "I apologize for being so abrasive…."
"It's okay. But I want you to know that you have helped. I understand, though, that sometimes it's hard, because it doesn't always seem like you're helping. And maybe sometimes you're not at all. But that's when I believe it's most important that you keep trying, because, eventually, if you try hard enough, you really can help anyone. And even though it might take a really long time to get any evidence that you've been of any use at all, I think it's worse to just give up on someone, because that doesn't just hurt that person, but it hurts you, too. You see, every time you give up on someone, you give up on yourself - you hurt your heart by making it harder for it to love again. And believing in someone enough to help them is more help than some of us know. That's why you've got to keep trying, even during those hard times when you don't think you do anything to help at all."
I listened carefully to her words, absorbed them into me. They came from child-like innocence, from a young soul untouched by an old world. What she said was unrealistic, of course – you certainly cannot help everyone – but there was something moving to her idealized homily. I understood what she meant, for my inability to be strong enough to continue to help my family was detrimental to perhaps all parties involved; my family because it only proved what they were saying all along (that they were, indeed, "cursed") and myself, because it caused me to lose faith in them and hardened me in a way I didn't know I could be. It was as if, by trying to escape through the convenient arrival of Professor Jammerson, I had to push away any love or caring or attachment I had to the family I had been so desperately trying to help. I had to turn my back to them, change any warmth and affection I had into cold aloofness, in order to give up on them completely so as to not run away feeling guilty.
Tohru interrupted my thoughts with a smile and laughter; "But I'm sure you know this already! Kyou's always telling me how smart and kind you are."
This caught me off guard. I blinked, baffled at this revelation, and in disbelief, questioned, "He does?"
Tohru nodded, "Yes. He says that he likes you because you're smart and treat him better than everyone else."
"Does he really?"
"Well, not exactly like that, but I know that's what he means. I think he enjoys going to your sessions, too, although he doesn't talk about them much."
I looked at her skeptically. Was she just making up things to make me feel better or was she simply just assuming the best? Certainly, it appeared that way, for she had gone from being definite about the "nice things" Kyou said about me to implying that she was simply guessing that's what he meant. Yet, there seemed to be something more to it, something I couldn't understand. She did live with Kyou, and she did spend a lot of time with him; was it possible that she did have some greater insights into the family that not even I, after so many sessions, could have? In any event, I trusted her for an unknown reason. It was as if she demanded it from the earnest sincerity she presented herself with. I started, "Tohru, thank you – "
"Please, don't thank me - I should be thanking you for all your great work! I know everyone will miss you."
"Not all of them."
"Maybe not in the same way, but they will. I know Kyou will."
I frowned at this and hesitantly asked, "Tohru, is Kyou upset…about me leaving, I mean?"
"Oh, I – " the young girl grew flustered. "No! I mean, yes! I mean – well, he did say – but, no – yes – I don't know."
"What?"
Tohru bowed her head and clasped her hands together. "Please forgive me! I know you have a great opportunity in America, and I don't want to spoil it for you. I'm sure Kyou will be fine eventually. I am so sorry for making you feel guilty about going."
"You're not, Tohru," I lied. "But I should be going now. Let Ayame know that I left, please."
"Yes, of course!"
"Goodbye, then."
"Bye bye! It was nice meeting you. And please, have a safe trip back to America!" As I left, she waved as enthusiastically as when she greeted Ayame and I just a half hour before. But as I grew further and further away from her, her words to me grew louder in my mind: "You see, every time you give up on someone, you give up on yourself - you hurt your heart by making it harder for it to love again...That's why you've got to keep trying, even during those hard times when you don't think you do anything to help at all."
She was right – I knew she was right – but I didn't want to admit it. I had already made my decision, after all; I was accepting Professor Jammerson's offer and returning to Harvard to do research. Besides, I had done all I could for my family, and nothing seemed to be working. What else could I do? Yet despite my reasoning, Tohru Honda's words remained: "I understand, though, that sometimes it's hard, because it doesn't always seem like you're helping...But that's when I believe it's most important that you keep trying, because, eventually, if you try hard enough, you really can help anyone."
It then struck me; no matter how I tried to rationalize it, I really was just running away. I was giving up on my family just so I could give into my own selfish desires. And, admittedly, maybe some of them did deserve to be abandoned (Akito comes to mind), but many of them did not. How could I just go and let Ritsu think that he was doomed to forever be trapped by his own insecurities? Or let Haru just accept that he had no choice but to succumb to his "black" form? Could I just let Yuki continue to feel woefully inadequate because of Akito's cruelty to him or let Hatori go being plagued by guilt for something that wasn't entirely his fault? Would I really just leave to further fuel my family's notion that they were cursed, destined for nothing but misery their whole lives, forced to worship a false god in what could only be described as a cult-like setting? Was I willing to forget about my mother and all her hopes that I could somehow save the Sohma family?
And when my mind came to Kyou, I could barely swallow my guilt to keep from choking on it. If I were to leave - in essence, to heartlessly give up on helping him - I would never forgive myself. To think he had thought I could save him, and I thoughtlessly had let him down, let him down because I couldn't be bothered with it anymore. No wonder he felt so helpless, as if hope was slipping away, because I was his hope. How could I just leave, allow him to think that his situation was a lost cause, that he was destined to live in a prison his whole life simply because he was "the cat?" There was no way I could agree to Professor Jammerson's generous offer with such a burden on my shoulder. Looking back, my final decision was certainly not decided in the most pragmatic fashion and perhaps, in many ways, it was a mistake; it was, after all driven by raw emotionalism. Still, the conscious is a powerful entity, and any man worth anything has principles he must follow. Yet, as the realization that I would be rejecting Professor Jammerson's proposal sunk in, more words again rang in my head. This time, however, they weren't Tohru Honda's:
"See you later…" Akito had known what my decision would end up being all along.
Patient – Sohma Akito Sohma; Session #219
As soon as I returned back to my home at the Sohma estate, I sat down and prepared a letter for Professor Jammerson declining his offer. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I put in it; I had quickly jotted whatever came to my head without much thought, for I knew if I began thinking about it, I would surely begin second guessing myself. Once I finished it, I didn't bother rereading it, but hastily sealed the letter in an envelope and arranged to have it arrive at his hotel by the next morning. With that finished, I telephoned my mother to let her know the "good" news (to which she told me that she already knew that I wouldn't be leaving). Since I was sure that my mother would gleefully share this with everyone else in our family by night fall, I didn't bother to let any one else know. Instead, I stood in my arm chair and stared at the wall, the realization of what I did slowly and miserably sinking in. Eventually, I drifted to sleep, not waking until sometime the next morning with a very uncomfortable cramp in my neck and back.
I suppose I had expected more of a reaction from Professor Jammerson, whether it be some kind of disappointment or anger. A small part of me even impractically thought that he, despite what an accomplished man he was, would actually come see me at my home, begging for me to reconsider. However, a couple days later I received a simple postcard reeking of indifference. On it, he wrote, "Thank you for considering my offer. I understand you're decision and wish you well. If you ever return to Boston, please give me a call." And that was it. I admit, I don't really know what I expected him to do except respect my choice to stay in Japan. Perhaps I am just a bit bitter about the whole thing now that I look back on it.
Akito was, unfortunately, the first patient I saw after my decision to stay. Throughout our session she remained exceptionally smug and extremely satisfied at what she assumed to be the control she had over me. Nevertheless, I tried my best to maintain my professionalism as our session progressed. "So, Akito," I was saying with about fifteen minutes left in our excruciatingly long two hour meeting, "throughout our many, many sessions together, we've discussed this impulse you have to exercise power over others around you, particularly those within this family. Do you feel that this need might be stemming from a lack of – "
Suddenly, Akito broke out into a hysterical fit of laughter. Her cackling rang sharply in my ears and caused me to feel unexplainably squeamish all over. Awkwardly, I shifted in my leather chair and asked, "Is something funny, Akito?"
She nodded as her laughter faded into a few coughs. Exhausted by her outburst, she lay limply on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. Slowly, she turned her head to face me, grinning wildly. There was something in her eyes, something that wasn't right; they were filled with an unnatural psychotic fervor. As she stared at me, I started to feel oddly claustrophobic in my considerably large office. She then sat up slightly and said in a rather peculiar voice, "Kazuki, let me analyze you."
Swallowing hard, I told her, "I don't think that would be a very good idea..."
"Why not? You get to judge us all the time," she remarked cheekily.
"I've already told you that I'm not judging anyone," I managed to say, before hastily changing the subject. "How about we end early, hmm?"
"No...I don't want to." She remained quiet for a moment. "You're afraid of me, aren't you?"
"I am not," I immediately blurted out.
"You are now..." Smirking with satisfaction, she sat up completely in order to study me. "I can tell. But we can't have any progress, Kazuki, if you continue to deny how you're truly feeling," she mocked.
"I already told you, I will not let you attempt to analyze me."
"Are you frightened that I might uncover something you don't want me to?"
"There's nothing to uncover..."
"Yes there is - fear. That's why you chose to stay, isn't it? You realized you could never betray your god...you knew what I would do to you..." Her smile became more twisted as her mind lingered on her last statement. Then, she said in a strangely happy whisper, "You're terrified of me. That's why you stood."
"No, that's not it," I told her, "Perhaps, I'm terrified for the rest of our family, but you, Akito, will never have that sort of hold over me."
"So you say," she remarked unconvinced. "But you're scared now, scared of me."
"I'm not...well..." I suddenly realized there was no use trying to deny her accusation; if I did, she would only go on thinking I was lying about my reason to stay, too. Hence, I confessed with hesitation, "It's just...you're eyes...they're making me feel uncomfortable, I suppose..."
With this, her hold body began to shake with laughter once again. "My eyes? My eyes? Is that all it takes? Just one glare from you god and you're frightened into submission! You are a loyal servant to me after all..."
"I am not your servant nor am I submitting to you," I replied through gritted teeth. Then, I questioned pointedly, "And what is it that you think your getting out of everyone's supposed fear of you, anyway? Why would such a thing make anyone happy?"
"Don't you understand, Kazuki? I'm a god. Gods are to be feared."
"You are not a – " I began to say, but the simple idea of me saying such a thing threw Akito into a rage.
"Yes, I am a god! I am your god! I am yours!" she exclaimed, rising to her feet to do so. She then fell back onto the couch and began, "I knew you wouldn't leave. You would never leave me."
"It didn't have anything to do with you," I insisted. "I want to help Ritsu and Yuki and - "
"The cat, right?" Akito snickered, although she uttered "cat" with a remarkable disdain.
"His name is Kyou," I corrected her, "And what is so funny now?"
"You're so pathetic, Kazuki," she laughed, "If only you knew how sad you truly were..."
I knew at this point I should have let her last comment go, for we had, after all, almost run out of time. Moreover, it would be improper of me to indulge her by giving her the opportunity to pick me apart; after all, any psychiatrist knows better than to allow his patient to get under his skin. Yet, I honestly couldn't help myself. I suppose she was getting to me, as much as I hate to admit it. And as much as I tried to control myself, I needed to know why she was laughing at me, why she thought I was, as she put it, "so pathetic." So I foolishly asked, "What do you exactly mean by that?"
"Why don't you figure it out? Isn't that your job?" She scoffed cruelly. Eyes narrowing sharply, she then stated, "You don't care any more about this family than I do."
"Now, that's simply absurd," I bluntly answered without much thought.
However, Akito just smirked. "I see you for what you truly are, Kazuki – I know."
"You don't know anything about me."
She chuckled, "I know that you think you can control us, control me. That's all you've ever really wanted, isn't it? You're afraid of what we really are, so you try to change us as if you ever could. It's so pitiful."
"It's more complicated – "
"You wish it was. But I know...this whole time it hasn't been about anyone but you. What a selfish, insubordinate fool you are. But don't worry - I will continue to make sure you suffer because of it. As your god, it is my job to punish you appropriately..."
"I think I've had enough," I said in as forcible a tone I could muster.
"Don't like what your hearing?"
"No, frankly, I don't," I began, growing indignant. "I won't sit here and listen to you insult my character. All this time I've worked extremely hard to help everyone in this family, including you. If you can't see that, then I feel very sorry for you."
"Feeling righteous, aren't we?" Akito sneered, standing up and approaching my desk. "You dare to pity me – your god?"
"Will you stop referring to yourself as that? You'll never overcome your superiority complex if you insist on thinking of yourself as a god."
"I am your god," she uttered in an eerily calm voice, her eyes staring directly into mine. We were both quiet. For a fleeting moment, with her glaring at me with such violent intensity, I felt very small and very powerless; it was as if she did, in fact, have some sort of unexplainable control over me. Despite this, I tried my best to shake the impractical, unhealthy feeling off, and collect my admittedly scattered thoughts. However, Akito, standing with a relaxed slouch just feet away from me, spoke before I could; "This has been fun, Kazuki. Now I understand why you enjoy what you do so much..." There was a sense of overwhelming dominance coming from her – it was in her voice, in her eyes, in everything about her demeanor.
"I think you've gotten the wrong impression," I tried to explain.
"No, I think I finally got the right one." She smirked knowingly. "You've been trying to overthrow me – this whole time – you've been obsessed with it. I've always been suspicious, but I see it all clearly now."
"Akito, please, it's not good for you to give into such paranoia. I'm not trying to harm you, you must believe that," I desperately said, but did little to convince her.
"You know, you remind me of a story I once heard...about an angel, an arrogant, irreverent one, who thought too highly of himself. He even thought he could conquer his god, that's how delusional and insolent he was. Do you happen to know, Kazuki, what happened to him?" Her eyes were disturbingly wide as she looked over to me for an answer.
My mouth was dry and I began with some difficulty, "I – I think you're taking things out of context."
"Don't look so frightened, Kazuki," she snickered once again, "You haven't fallen from grace yet. If you be a good, obedient angel, I can still save you..." She laughed some more as she ambulated toward the door to my office.
"Akito, I – " I weakly started but it was of little use, for Akito was no longer paying attention. Her thoughts were clearly elsewhere. As I watched her go, I felt a sinking sensation within me and immediately began regretting my decision to refuse Professor Jammerson. It was odd, but I suppose Akito had succeeded in scaring me in some bizarre way. Obviously, a psychiatrist shouldn't be afraid of his patients; he wouldn't be able to effectively assist them if he was. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't ignore her potentially dangerous threats, as she seemed quite bent on forcing me into submission. What was even more frustrating was it seemed that during our last few sessions, Akito was getting the upper hand – she was seeing through my professional façade and digging deep within me. She was, strangely, analyzing me, something that I surprisingly found, as hypocritical as it might be, very unsettling and uncomfortable.
But, was that all our sessions boiled down to? Did I actually care about helping Akito anymore or was I merely interested in asserting my own superiority over her? I had never really thought about it until she had brought it up, yet, once she had, it made me begin to painstakingly reevaluate my behavior during our most recent meetings. Perhaps I was just trying to knock her off her pedestal, but surely that was for her own good, wasn't it? She couldn't continue to go on living a healthy mental existence with such a superiority complex, nor was it helping those around her.
Despite my rationalizing, though, I knew that there was more to it than that. It had almost become a game – a sick, twisted game. As much as she was trying to get to me, I was trying to get to her. Of course, it wasn't the main reason why I didn't take Professor Jammerson's offer; my biggest concern was with the welfare of the rest of my cousins, particularly with Kyou, who undoubtedly face many trials in the upcoming months. However, maybe there was a small part of me that stayed because I didn't want to forfeit to Akito. Sure, she wouldn't have been pleased with me disregarding her orders forbidding me to leave, nor would she have liked losing her supposed control over me. Yet, once I was gone, I knew she would remain the unchallenged "god" of our family. Yes, it was there, in the back of my mind, as much as I wished it wasn't – this small obsession to defeat her and have her at last relinquish to me.
She had been right, in a perverted sense; I was becoming the Lucifer to her god.