Chapter 7
The drive back was quiet. Glances darted back and forth across the dark SUV but neither could speak their thoughts and any time they tried to think of something else, they failed miserably. Something had changed. There was no comfortable banter and bickering, nothing to discuss on the case, just the deafening roar of an uncomfortable silence.
The playful and flirty tension that had always been there had been replaced by an oppressive tension. Each partner thinking that they were unworthy, unable to give in to their feelings. The mounting tension had become unbearable as they entered D.C. and there was an audible sigh of relief from both Booth and Brennan as he entered the parking ramp of the Jeffersonian. Booth walked to the back of the vehicle and helped her collect her things. He was relieved to see that all she had to carry was the package of bone fragments and her bag, that meant that he wouldn't need to enter the Jeffersonian tonight. He felt a little guilty, he usually carried stuff for her but he couldn't breathe. He just needed to get home and clear his head.
"So, you'll call me tomorrow as soon as you know something?" Booth asked quietly forcing himself not to look at her.
"Of course. I'll have Cam try and get some DNA right away in the morning. That should help us expedite this." Brennan was bad with people but even she could tell he was avoiding her gaze. She felt her stomach fall as she realized she must have gone too far, with the sleeping and then not stepping away from him. He must have been making sure she was steady and she had crossed the line by enjoying it too much, by not walking away fast enough.
"Did you want to go to the diner tonight as usual?" Booth asked so quietly that Brennan had to strain to hear him. He didn't know which was stronger, his desperation in wanting to hear yes, or his fear of hearing it. True to form, Brennan missed his internal battle and interpreted his stress as desperation to get away from her.
"I'm not really hungry. I just want to drop this stuff off and head home." Brennan fought the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. She had done what she feared most, made him pull away from her. What did you expect, Temperance? You are not the kind of person who gets to have a family. You don't even want a family! He wants a wife, not just another girlfriend. Liar! Her anger flashed! *You said you'd never let me fall, Booth, well I'm falling now! We'd always be together, another lie! Booth saw her stance change and looked up. He had never seen her this angry, indignant yes, but never angry like this. God, she was beautiful, but he couldn't let her down. He couldn't fail her. He'd already let so many bad things happen to her, he had to stay focused. She was so much more vulnerable that she knew, so much more fragile. He had to protect her, even from him. Her eyes raged at him and she stormed off.
She was angry at him. Of course she was, he'd let her down before and now he had been too forward with her after he had promised he wouldn't. He felt his chest tighten and a sharp pain started in its center. He thought for a moment he was really having a heart attack. No wonder they call it a broken heart, it feels like it! He hated himself, he wanted her to trust him, after all she'd been through, he had wanted to show her that people aren't like that. He'd handed her to Kenton. She and Hodgins had done more to save themselves from the Gravedigger than he had. She managed to save him though. The one measly bullet he had managed to step in front of was nothing compared to a few days later when Zach broke her heart. He should have taken better care of Zach for her, should have been watching out for her better. Her dad, Russ, she saved them too. What good was he? Booth drew only shallow breaths as he climbed into the SUV. He didn't remember seeing the road, or driving home, or getting into bed. He'd let her down.
Brennan walked quickly through the lab hoping to avoid contact with anyone. To her surprise and relief, Angela seemed to be wrapped up in something in her office and hadn't noticed Brennan. She documented and sealed the bone fragments and put them away for tomorrow. She felt weary, heavy and was fighting tears. She retreated to her car as the tears started to spill from her eyes. Angela and Cam were trying hard to avoid her hoping she would go to dinner with Booth instead. Neither of them noticed her distress.
Fitful sleep was all either of the partners could get. Each of them berating themselves, hurting because they refused to talk to other. Brennan comforted herself by resolving to show Booth just how little she needed him. Booth, in turn, vowed that he would show her he was a man of his word and that she could lean on him, and trust him.