Chapter 2

Thousand Miles

"BELLA!"

My stifled scream woke me from my vivid dream of that September day four years ago.

I felt the hot, sticky trails on my face from the tears that fell in my sleep. I sat up quickly and looked at myself through the mirror across the room.

I looked like hell.

My hair was disheveled, at least more than usual. My cheeks were flushed red and my eyes were bloodshot. My chest rose and fell quickly with my shallow breathing.

It was hard for me to breathe when I got choked up with the feelings from that day. I had been dreaming of Bella more and more these days, and I always lost sleep over it.

I lurched myself out of bed, angry with myself for this lapse. I was usually so good at avoiding these painful paths of thought.

I slipped on some dark jeans and a black t-shirt, and walked quietly out to my cousin's kitchen. I had been staying here in New York City the past week to visit my cousin Alice and my brother-in-law, Jasper. Luckily, the kitchen was empty, and Alice had already left for work about an hour ago. So if things were going my way, Jasper would be out too, and I wouldn't have to explain my wretched state of mind.

I poured the bran cereal into a clean bowl from the dishwasher and took my seat by the big glass window that looked out over the street below. Alice lived sixteen stories up, so all the people and cars looked like miniature models. I felt so far away from the hum of the city.

Just as I was finishing up my breakfast, I heard the front door click and Jasper coughing. I suppressed a groan. I was hoping I could just slip out and return back to California, back to my worthless job and my music gigs. I would've called Alice before I got on the plane.

Jasper sauntered in the living room, and plopped down on the couch across from the chair I was leaning against. Without looking at me from behind his article of New York Times he found on the coffee table, he spoke up.

"How'd ya sleep, Edward?" he drawled. He flipped the paper down to look at me and furrowed his brow. I just looked at him back, imagining what contorted expression he saw on my face.

"Bad dreams?" he asked knowingly.

How the hell would he know that?

I shrugged noncommittally and looked away.

"You can tell me, man. I know all about Bella."

I jerked my head up, to examine his expression. I expected smugness from him, but he looked back at me with a slight frown and pity in his eyes. I scowled nevertheless. What did he know about her?

"Hey, don't get mad. Alice told me about her." He said warily, as if he heard my silent question.

I sighed and muttered a string of obscenities under my breath. Jasper and I were friends, practically family, but I usually didn't feel comfortable talking about this with anyone.

Ah, what the hell.

I stirred my soggy cereal around in its bowl while collecting myself enough to answer the guy.

"Yeah…you're right actually. You could call it a bad dream. I dreamt about the last day I saw her. When she left."

He nodded slowly.

"What was it like for you?" He asked with quiet curiosity, but still sounded evidently concerned.

It was…agony." I began, after pausing to decide how to phrase my words. "Complete, excruciating agony. It's like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on, and you can't breathe...you don't want to eat...you can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and the worst part is, there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you know that it's yours for life."

He nodded again, considering my words. I waited patiently for it to sink in with him.

"Alice only told me how close you two were. How you grew up together. And how much you meant to each other. Alice said you met when you were both at least five, and were life-long best friends instantly. She called you soulmates who met too young…" he mused.

I suppose we were 'soul mates.' I mean, when I was growing up, my life seemed like it was practically about her, even before I realized my feelings for her. Even now, I'd define this era of my life as Post-Bella. How fucking pathetic.

Jasper continued, not acknowledging my silence.

"And I don't know if I can fully appreciate what you went through. I mean, God…" he shook his head again, at a loss for words.

I let out a humorless chuckle. Surprisingly, it felt okay to talk about it. I was so used to putting a lot of my energy into pretending my past didn't happen, and carrying the weight of the burden, silently. I was content to see it from Jasper's perspective for a moment, and distance myself from it.

"What was she like?" he asked with a small smile. I, too, smiled back.

"She…she was…incredible." I finished lamely.

"She's so smart. And so beautiful. Excruciatingly. God, she doesn't even know it either. If I ever told her that, she wouldn't listen to me for a second.

"She's funny, too. She has the wryest, wittiest sense of humor." You could also call it cynicism. She always used to say that whenever everything else ran dry, she still had her humor.

"If you creep up behind her, she'll jump out of her skin. It's amusing to startle her. She's also the clumsiest person I know. If there was anything that could be broken in a mile radius, Bella would break it." Really, she was a walking accident.

"Um…she's honest. She calls them like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from her, even if it hurts.

"She's so stubborn. We fought constantly. There's not one thing in this world that she doesn't have an opinion on. She could be so frustrating sometimes. And…she was loyal to a fault. Very selfless, and a really, really good friend. We knew each other so well that we didn't even have to verbalize what we were thinking most of the time. The other person just got it, or picked up on it.

"And she always believed in me. I know it's hard to believe now…but I was a dreamer growing up, and I needed her in my life. But…it was more than that. She was more than my lifelong best friend. She was…everything. Everything I had…" my voice trailed off quietly.

Jasper paused, making sure I was finished. "From the way you describe her, it sounds like the sun rises and sets with this girl."

Before I could respond, Alice came barging in the doorway. We both looked up in surprise, and she trilled a laugh at our expressions.

"I wouldn't want Edward to leave without a proper goodbye!" she exclaimed to us.

I had to laugh at her enthusiasm as I got up to say farewell to the two of them.

******************************************************************************

After leaving Alice's apartment, I realized I still had a few hours to kill until I needed to be at the airport to fly back to L.A. At least there it would be a reasonable temperature. It was mid-December, so the temperature felt brisk and it woke me up a bit. I shoved my hands deep into my jacket pockets and rewrapped my scarf tightly around my neck.

Alice and Jasper lived fairly close to Central Park, but I didn't feel like getting lost in there. Instead, I took the subway to Greenwich Village, to see the famous Washington Square Park.

When I emerged out of the underground subway system, up to the city streets, I appreciated the historical architecture of the Village. The towering, multi-storied skyscrapers and filthy sidewalks were replaced with cobblestone walkways and brick buildings that were only a few stories tall. The streets winded and turned throughout the area, unlike the square city blocks in the other parts of Manhattan.

Seeing the Washington Arch, I knew I had arrived.

Passing through the park, there were many college students sitting on benches, and musicians strumming guitars for money. When I got there, I didn't really know what to do with myself, though. I sat down on an empty bench next to the Arch, set my duffle bag of stuff next to me, and slipped my ear buds in. I don't know how long I just sat there and people watched, letting my thoughts wander.

Mostly they centered on Bella. Now that Jasper and I had talked about her, it seemed all the walls that I built for myself in my head were torn down.

I remembered everything about her. The mahogany hue of her brown hair, and how she'd always let it fall in her face when she wanted to hide her emotions. How her clothes never seem to fit her right, being hammy downs from her older sister Mel, but in a way they suited her. She never seemed comfortable in her own skin. She was always so beautiful and intelligent and tragically unaware of all of this. I remembered her pretty ivory skin and her penetrating brown eyes. She always saw right through me…

I remember that before she left, she intended to go to New York University, which has a major campus here in Greenwich Village. Maybe she's nearby...somewhere...

Sometimes I would see a woman walk by who had a similar hair color as Bella, or a similar facial structure. I kept noticing these small things from women who walked by, unaware of my presence. I suppose a few of them may have been quite pretty, but I didn't really notice this in anyone, anymore. No one was really beautiful.

My thoughts weaved in and out of the present and past as I let them take me.

Abruptly, I jolted back to the present and glanced at my watch. It was around ten-thirty, and my flight left in two hours. I really needed to leave.

I got up, slung my duffel bag over my shoulder, and walked back the way I came to find a taxi.

When I walked out of the park, I waited strategically on the edge of the sidewalk to try and flag down a taxi when I saw one. I saw a woman about ten feet away from me, trying to do the same. She was facing away from me, and I could see that a taxi driver would probably stop for her before he even saw me. I huffed impatiently, and continued to wait on the street corner. When a taxi came into view, it immediately swerved towards the woman.

I had cast my eyes back towards the street, when I saw the woman trip off the curb in my peripheral vision. She caught herself quickly by extending her hands to out to the car, and I could see the driver say something to her. Just then, I noticed her hair was oddest shade of chocolate brown when strands of it caught the sun that filtered from the sky. It contrasted nicely with her pallid complexion. Something about her seemed vaguely familiar, yet I just couldn't place her. My brain was working in slow motion.

Another taxi pulled up to me, though I had forgotten to keep waiving for one. I opened the back door but remained fixed in my spot. As I stared at her, I still couldn't get a good look at her face, which was frustrating for some reason. I wanted to pretend that it was her, if only for a brief second. If I didn't know any better, it could be her…

Before she got in the taxi, she paused to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, and the gesture was just too familiar. Something clicked in my head, before I could consciously realize what was happening.

Too quickly, she hopped in the taxi and it began to pull into the street. I then heard the impatient cab driver trying to address me.

"Sir? Sir? Do you want a ride or not?" his tone rang with annoyance.

I glanced back up at the taxi that had just pulled into the moving traffic, and I jumped in my taxi, slamming the door. I impulsively and desperately told the driver to follow the cab that just left with the woman. He looked in his mirror at me and shrugged, figuring I at least didn't look like a complete psycho. He would get more money anyway if he accidentally 'lost' the other cab and drove around, following another. I kept my eyes intently focused on the cab in front of us, just in case.

"Sir, I need you to pull up next to the other cab." I demanded. He obliged with a grunt, and cut in front of a car in the left lane. Honking resounded and echoed off the tall buildings, and we were already catching up.

I could see a stoplight on the corner ahead, and if only just for a second, I would be able to get a brief glimpse in that taxi. All of the cars began to stop, and ours crept forward to get even with the other taxi.

Just as we couldn't move forward anymore, I swung my head to look at the cab next to us.

And then I saw her.

My breath caught in my throat, and my eyes started stinging.

Sitting in the other cab, I saw Bella's profile through the tinted glass. It was really her.

She was looking down, probably reading or something, and had no inkling of my presence.

I had to make her see me.

I can't lose her now.

At first, I just stared at her intently, willing her to look at me. My fist rose and sharply struck the glass window.

I rasped out her name.

Bella. Notice me. Just look at me. I chanted in my head.

I don't know what caused her to look up. Maybe she saw movement in her peripheral vision. Maybe she felt my intent staring. Or maybe she just felt my presence.

But the cause didn't matter. Only the effect.

Slowly, Bella looked up and forward, and turned her head towards me. When her gaze began to drift to me, I swear I stopped breathing, and laid my hand flat against the window.

Her eyes locked with mine, and I sat there, transfixed by her gaze.

Bella initially looked shocked, as if she had just seen a ghost. I don't think either of us blinked in that moment; I was afraid she would disappear if I let my eyes stray away for a second. As I felt my cab slowly inching forward to accelerate, I saw her hand timidly lay on the window in a gesture to mimic mine.

I saw her mouth my name, and I yelled hers in response as she sped away.

Desperately I flicked my head around to look at the cab driver. He glanced back, feeling my urgent stare.

"Sheesh, kid, I get it. I won't let that taxi out of my sight. Now shut up and stop yelling."

As I followed her cab intently with my eyes, I felt a stirring familiarity in this present scenario.

It was almost like she was driving away from me again. Not quite, but maybe because of my poignant dreams last night, it seemed that way.

But there was a difference, here.

This was unlike the day we parted years ago, and thus distinctly different from last night, when I dreamed about that day.

Then, I could only rasp out her name, and pray that she would come back to me.

But this time, I was chasing after her.