Chapter 3

Stay

She pulled me into the backseat of the taxi, and absentmindedly gave the driver an address. She turned to me then.

"I never thought I'd see you again in my life, Edward," she said dazed.

"And here we are…" I said with equal astonishment. "What on earth are you doing in New York, Bella?"

"What am I doing here?" she repeated loudly. "I live here! That's what I'm doing here! I was just leaving work…and then you are there, staring at me like you've seen a ghost," she snapped, as if she was defending herself.

"Oh," I said, backpedaling. "Yeah, I was just visiting my cousin…of course you remember Alice?" My voice came up, sounding like a question.

"Alice," she said warmly with remembrance. "How nice. How is she- wait a minute! How are you? I mean, god, Edward, it's been years." She counted four out on her fingers, as if she had lost track of the time.

I scratched my head. "I…uh…don't know if I can answer that in a few sentences…hey, are you free? I would really like to talk to you…you know, catch up." I tacked on the last part to sound nonchalant, which was the farthest from what I was feeling. I don't know what I'd do if she said no; I was still afraid of rejection from her, like I was still a defensive teenager.

"Yeah! I mean, yeah, I'm free." If I was still as good at reading her, I would bet that she is just as nervous as I was. "Look, we're headed back to my apartment now. But there is a quaint little café within walking distance. We could eat. You hungry?"

I shrugged. "I can eat."

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Bella's spoon clinked against the inside of the coffee mug as she stirred in her creamer and sugar. She stared down at her mug, as if she was highly concentrated on the task. I sighed, pushing my empty plate away.

"Bella." She looked up at me abruptly. "Talk to me." I smiled to soften the awkward mood between us, and I think it worked.

"Oh, Edward. Where do I even begin with you?" she smiled to herself as she looked deep in thought. "In some ways, you know everything there is to know about me. And in others, you're presence in my life fits the definition of a total stranger."

"If I were a stranger, I wouldn't have let you escape from me in that cab, regardless." I gave her a crooked smile, and just as I intended, color faintly touched her cheeks as she flushed the lightest of pinks.

I laughed proudly. "I don't think I'll ever stop getting a kick out of that, my dear." She always blushed whenever she was the slightest bit flattered or embarrassed.

She playfully narrowed her eyes at me and reluctantly joined my laughter. Bella's laugh sounded like bells to me, which was an appropriate comparison.

"Yeah, unfortunately that habit never went away," she said with a slight frown.

"So you were working?" I prompted.

"Yeah…I work for the Associated Press actually." I raised my eyebrows appreciatively. She rolled her eyes. "Well, it's not as great as anything you're thinking of, I'm sure. I'm no journalist, yet. I'm a secretary for one of the established columnists, I don't know if you'd recognize the name. But anyway, I figure that if I keep at it, I'll work my way up, you know? I don't think that I'd ever dreamed I'd be wearing heels and taking phone calls and fetching coffee," she spat the last part out bitterly, but then recovered, "but I'm working my way up though. That was my point." She looked slightly distressed for a second, and then smoothed her expression out to look up at me.

I was fascinated with the play of emotions across her face, and the with the way her melodic voice rose and fell. I didn't respond, so she continued for me.

"So I believe I asked you how you were, back in the cab, and you implied you had a lengthy story for me." She smirked.

My 'lengthy story' as she humorously called it, the past four years of my life, didn't hold a candle to any success she had, and was even striving for now. She's going to see how pathetic I am.

"Ah," I paused. "Oh, I don't know. I've been living in California for two years now…I just got out of school.

"I transferred to USC from the University of Washington as an undergraduate. My major was kind of vague, because I still don't really know what I want to do with my life, but I'm thinking I'll write…or become an editor of some sort. I don't know. I have a job to get me by right now, but it's temporary. Lately, I've been so wrapped up in this music project I've been doing.

"It's nothing big yet, I've just been playing in a few bars in LA, opening for openers of a really good band. It's kind of an outlet for improving my writing, you know? Sort of. You know that I've been strumming a guitar for years…I'm just taking myself more seriously now.

"But anyway, I'd really like to start writing, in the long run. But I'm still getting there...Though, if I could have success with writing music, then I'd take it. I don't know if you've heard, but getting involved in the music business isn't exactly a walk in the park," I added matter-of-factly at the end. She rolled her eyes.

"But yeah," I continued, "I've been here in the city for about a week, visiting, and when I found you, I was on my way to the airport. In fact, I think my flight is leaving right about now…" I said, checking the clock on the wall across from me. She looked at me with concern, as if I still was worried about getting home. Silly Bella.

"But the thing about airplanes is that there will always be a later one."

BPOV

His words gave me hope that he would stay just a little longer. That he wanted to stay with me. I really needed him to. There were so many things I wanted to tell him about myself, and how I've changed so much since the last time he saw me. Though when I was around him, he could make me feel like the same sixteen-year-old girl I was a long time ago.

I looked up at him, and he was staring out the café window broodingly at the people bustling by on the streets. I admired how much he physically changed since the last time I saw him.

He was noticeably taller, as he probably had half a head on me now. His jaw line was more defined, and his perfect facial features looked more chiseled than when he was eighteen. Then, he still had a hint of baby fat in his cheeks, which were slightly fuller and softer. His bronze hair that was cut short when we were kids, was now grown out, and tousled in casual disarray. The hint of stubble on his chin, and the small circles beneath his eyes made him look tired. He seemed to dress better now, in neutral colors rather than the endearing sweaters Esme used to buy him. I stifled a giggle remembering how I was the only other one that knew how his mom practically dressed him, at the time.

He cocked his head at me curiously, and I shook my head, dismissing my chuckling. Instead I spoke up.

"I've missed you," I admitted straightly with a sad smile.

He smiled warmly and reached for my hand, which was wrapped around my coffee mug. He held it gently on the table, looking me in the eyes.

"I-" He stopped mid-sentence and glanced down at our hands. His brow furrowed in confusion as he lifted my hand towards his face as if to examine something. I was about to ask him what he was doing, when I felt the small ring on my wedding finger being spun around by Edward.

Oh, no.

Oh shit.

Edward just stared at the small ring. He tried to keep a straight, emotionless face, but I could see an echo of the emotions he was feeling.

They scrolled across his face. And then they were all there simultaneously.

Shock. Disbelief. Hurt. Sadness. Pain.

"You…you're…" he couldn't get out the words. I cleared my throat softly and finished for him.

"I'm engaged, Edward," I said, mechanically.

He met my eyes, and because of our connection, I felt his anguish as my own, just as I always had.

"But…you're so young." He whispered hoarsely.

I could have argued with him, telling him that my circumstances were likely far different than his. I would tell him that he couldn't understand, because we were in completely different places in our lives. I would tell him to grow up, like I did.

I caught myself from acting so defensively, as I had to with many of my peers who said the same. They judged me instantly, so I defending myself for the engagement was almost an automatic reaction now. But Edward wasn't passing judgment, or putting me down. He cared about me, and anything I said would make it worse.

So I didn't say anything.

And then, what shocked me was the wounded anger I saw on his face.

"You…why didn't you tell me?!" he demanded as he recoiled from my hand sullenly. I flinched back from the accusation in his voice, and I returned both my hands to my lap.

"I…I don't know Edward. I'm truly sorry. I was going to tell you, I just…it didn't seem like the right time." I attempted to be diplomatic.

"Bella, we both know that the right timing has nothing to do with this." His voice seeped with annoyance, but then he let it soften. "I just…I'm hurt that you didn't feel you could tell me. Because it is obviously important in your life."

Though he didn't say it, I knew he was questioning whether he was still important to me, even now. If only he knew.

"Edward," I reasoned. "You matter to me, now, as much as you always have. Don't ever think you don't. You were able to make me feel loved, make me feel wanted, when my father left and I had nothing else... Anyway, I just...I wanted to tell you, really. I wanted to be up-front and tell you immediately. Because I could never really be completely honest to you about everything way back when, about all of my insecurities. And you deserve honesty-"

Though he cut me off, his words were calm.

"Bella, I don't care what I deserve. I just am upset that you couldn't tell me." Edward leaned back in his booth and looked at the table wistfully.

"I was just…afraid that I was going to scare you away, before I even got a chance to talk to you. To know you again. I didn't intend to hurt you, or dismiss you. Because I really, need you to stay here with me, Edward. I don't want to live the next half of my life regretting all of the things I've left unsaid. I can't do that again." My fervent words hung in the air, giving them more emphasis.

Edward spoke up after a minute of thinking.

"I'm sorry," Edward sighed, defeated. "I reacted wrongly. When I'm around you now…I feel like I'm a teenager again. I feel like I can't get past all of my hang-ups and emotions, and I can't think correctly."

I shook my head, with a slight smile. "I know what you mean…" I mumbled. I still felt the same, potent surge of attraction to Edward, that I was always consciously aware of. What was surprising to me were the deeper feelings that were present, ones that I thought I had grown out of long ago.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick." He admitted quietly, lost in thought. And then his next words surprised me.

He squared his shoulders, and looked me evenly in the eye while his tone changed significantly. "Bella, you're engaged," he stated. "That is one of the most life-altering occurrences that will ever happen in your life. As a friend, I am happy for you, and proud of you." He sounded like the words were directed at himself, rather than me. Like he was convincing himself how to feel.

"Stop. Just, stop. I don't want to hear that," I demanded, irritated. "Let's please not disregard how painful this is for both of us to discuss." I pleaded.

Edward rubbed his eyes, with his head down. "It shouldn't be, Bella. We grew up. We let go. We gave up out future together. It shouldn't be this hard."

"But it is," I said softly in reassurance.

I tentatively reached my hand out, halfway across the table with my palm up. He glanced down at my hand, and then up at me, to read my eyes. While holding my gaze, he reached out the other half of the length of the table, and took my small hand in his.

And then everything shifted.

In that moment, when we held gazes, we forgave each other for everything. We forgave each other for everything that was our own faults, for the pain we inflicted on ourselves and the other. And most significantly, we forgave each other for everything that was beyond our control.

Everything that had torn us apart was beyond our control, back then and now.

Our timing was always fatefully awful, and we were destined to be that way. I was never one to naively acknowledge 'destiny' or 'fate,' but I felt the presence of each in that moment, I accepted both of them as the unyielding forces they were. Regardless of our ever-flawed timing, in that moment, we were completely in harmony with each other.

…Until the waitress decided she wanted her bill.

I don't think either of us heard her approach, but when she pointedly cleared her throat, our eyes jerked up to her. When she walked away, I looked back at Edward, to confirm that he had felt what I had.

And I knew he did. He began slowly rubbing small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, and smiling at me softly and knowingly.

I cleared my throat quietly. "Stay with me Edward. Stay here in New York."

"Wouldn't that be nice…" he said thoughtfully while staring at the ceiling, not taking me seriously.

We slowly rose from the booth, and Edward left a check that I didn't feel like arguing with him about. I planted my feet and looked at him squarely as he was about to lead us out the door.

"I mean it. Stay in New York for the holidays. I don't have anyone else to spend them with…I mean...Mark is in Florida, with his parents…"

"Ah," he replied, pensively. I had broken our unspoken agreement to not talk about my engagement, but only out of necessity. I didn't know what he would say if he thought I was inviting him to stay with both me and my fiancée so soon, just after Edward heard of his existence.

Then Edward smiled the widest smile I had seen on him in years.

"So, let me get this straight, Ms. Swan. You want me to stay here for a week, to just completely suspend reality, to abandon everything, all just to spend time with my best friend in the whole world?" he asked musingly as his eyes danced with pleasure.

I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to stay as much as I wanted him to. And he was going to do it. He was staying!

I didn't try to hide my thrill at this realization.

"Yes!!"

For the second time that day, I threw myself forward and hugged him tightly with enthusiasm that wasn't customary for me. He hugged me back tightly, so I was pressed up against his cold jacket.

"I didn't say yes, yet," he breathed teasingly into my ear. I shivered involuntarily.

"Don't kid yourself, Cullen. We both know you're going to," I murmured back, and even I could hear the smile in my voice.